If you are an optimist, how do you maintain your optimism in the face of bad news?

[Shawn On the Border]

We've had a couple of bad years, with lots of bad news. My mom just passed away after a long illness. My step- father has turned his back on us (long sad story). My dad is going for testing to see if he has cancer (sigh). I am just so tired of bad news.

 

My dad was always a great optimist. If the weather was terrible, he would say how great the rain smelled. I could always count on him to be up-beat. Now he is quite down. He worries about my 18 year old half-sister. She has had troubles with school, drugs, etc. I think he worries that he won't be able to take care of her.

 

How do you keep your spirits up? How do you see the good in life through the bad? I don't think I am an optimist or a pessimist- somewhere in the middle. I'd really like to work to be more optimistic. Any ideas?

[MBM]

Meditating daily -- compassion meditation and focused meditation -- has helped me a lot. Everyone in our family meditates for 10 to 20" per day. It doesn't take the place of religion. It's just something we do to keep our brains in a healthy state. I've found that I don't stay upset very long and have a different way of interpreting other people's frustrations in life. Many times now I want to try to help them, if I can.

 

Richard Davidson, who is the neuroscientist who studies the brain scans of Buddhist monks -- is giving two talks at my son's high school tomorrow. Both are about mindfulness and the physical affect it is has on mind and body. One of the talks also includes venture capital and mindfulness which should be interesting. Davidson rarely agrees to public lectures, so I'm looking forward to hearing him. YouTube has some videos of him on YouTube that you might find helpful if you want to try it. (Davidson is probably one of the best neuroscientists in the world.)

[AnIslandGirl]

I'm an optimist, to a fault. It's not something I even consciously have to think about, but I've been likened to Pollyanna. I just find the good in every situation. Maybe that could be a starting point for you? Find one good thing about a situation (even the mundane daily tasks all have a bright side to them), and make sure you voice your thought. Sharing your delight and optimism helps others get through life as well.

[Shawn On the Border]

MBM,

 

I may try meditation. I do slow down my breathing when I am stressed.

 

Anislandgirl,

 

I really do try to see the good in things, but I often don't speak about it to others. I was raised in a very negative house, so positive ideas were often squashed. I do try to be more positive with my kids.

 

I think mundane tasks can often be helpful (everything is terrible, but the kitchen is clean!).

[lollie010]

I focus on the things I can control, like my attitude, and let go of things not in my control, like sickness, death, and other's actions. I wonder sometimes if I get on other people's nerves by genuinely trying to smile through some of life's most difficult moments.

[Tess in the Burbs]

optimism is a choice just like pessimism. I can chose to see the good in any situation. I can chose to focus on the negatives. Which one I focus on will affect my attitude/actions/emotions. I don't like how I feel when focused on the bad...so I chose to find something positive. There is always someone out there suffering more than I am. You can always find something to be thankful for.

[edelweiss]

I can't help with the optimism issue at all because I am a pessimist and have learned to appreciate the fact that I am one. However, I did want to offer my condolences about your situation. I hope you find the peace that you are seeking.

[Mommyof4ks]

It takes time in the face of scary news like cancer or when facing something like death of a parent, so dealing with both in a year... When my ds was diagnosed with cancer we cried and cried for several weeks. It was hard to be optimistic at the time, but within a month we were joking about life again and planning designs to draw on his head when he lost his hair. Take time to grief the bad news, and then make yourself find something positive. It is contagious too, and once one person finds positives, then others will join and the situation can turn around. We also realized that no matter the outcome we wanted our memories to be happy and upbeat as they always had been. Hugs to your family.

[Lady Florida.]

I'm an optimist, to a fault. It's not something I even consciously have to think about, but I've been likened to Pollyanna.

 

 

That would be me too, even down to having been accused of being a Pollyanna. I don't know how to tell you to be optimistic, because I just am. I agree that trying to focus on the positive helps. I don't mean necessarily the positive things in the bad situation, but other positive things in your life. The things you mentioned that have happened are awful. :grouphug: Don't try to make them positive, they're not. Surely there are good things in your life to focus on? I think that's what I do as an optimist - look at the overall big picture, find the good stuff, and focus on that.

[Carol in Cal.]

Don't watch the news. There is no real reason to put all that harrowing 'if it bleeds it leads' stuff into your brain and heart when you're already overloaded. You can stay on top of current events with Time magazine or some other high level weekly summary.

 

For me, as a Christian, I consciously try to focus on what Christ has done for me, and for the world He loves, and it helps me transcend things. It's like knowing that a sad book has a happy ending. I pray and ask Him to give me rest. I sing or remember or listen to appropriate hymns or sacred music. And I go to church, which usually resets my worrying to a large extent. This does not mean that I don't worry or that I am always happy, but it puts a superceding positiveness on it.

 

Also, I talk things out with supportive friends sometimes, trying not to overdo this. Also I try to plan something to look forward to into every month, for distraction--wild nature, family outings, maybe a play or a movie. And lastly, I try to plan for the worst case to the extent that I can do so. That way I'm somewhat prepared to deal with things more effectively.

 

I don't expect life to be easy all the time, and I think that those who do are generally far more extreme in their reactions to things.

[Parrothead]

I'm too cynical to be optimistic. After I typed out what works for me, it seemed kind of harsh.

 

 

I'm sorry for your recent loss.

[milovany]

As a Christian, this prayer helps me trust in the face of what feels like bad news (to me):

 

O Lord, grant me to greet the coming day in peace, help me in all things to rely upon your holy will. In every hour of the day reveal your will to me. Bless my dealings with all who surround me. Teach me to treat all that comes to throughout the day with peace of soul and with firm conviction that your will governs all. In all my deeds and words, guide my thoughts and feelings. In unforeseen events, let me not forget that all are sent by you. Teach me to act firmly and wisely, without embittering and embarrassing others. Give me strength to bear the fatigue of the coming day with all that it shall bring. Direct my will, teach me to pray. And you, yourself, pray in me. Amen.

[AK_Mom4]

I am sorry for your loss.

 

I am a cynical optimist, myself. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst and you will rarely be disappointed.

 

I compell myself to look for the positives in the situation (very tough) and match up each negative thought with a positive one. It's painful sometimes and makes me sound a bit like a Polyanna as well, but it works.

[laundrycrisis]

This is how I look at it - with any unchangeable circumstance, I do not have a choice about the circumstance. My degree of freedom exists in how I choose to respond to the circumstance. I have a choice about this. My choice will carry an energy, and will have a ripple effect - it will affect me, and those around me. I've developed a preference for the effects of a positive-energy choice over those of a negative-energy choice. Doing my best to keep myself on the positive side of response is a conscious choice I make. It has nothing to do with my feelings about the circumstance. It's a choice I make because I know it's best for me and those around me.

[I.Dup.]

Doing my best to keep myself on the positive side of response is a conscious choice I make. It has nothing to do with my feelings about the circumstance. It's a choice I make because I know it's best for me and those around me.

 

But HOW do you keep yourself on the positive side if one is prone to depression, worry, anxiety, etc? Does one just put on a smile and act okay? How do you change your mindset so you don't struggle with that anxiety, depression, etc?

[laundrycrisis]

 

But HOW do you keep yourself on the positive side if one is prone to depression, worry, anxiety, etc? Does one just put on a smile and act okay? How do you change your mindset so you don't struggle with that anxiety, depression, etc?

 

 

I choose to walk my mind out of my own mental ruts of anxiety and sorrow. I'm not saying it is easy. It can be very hard. It was helpful for me to learn to observe my own mind (monkey-mind) from an outside perspective. Once I could see what it was doing, and recognize those ruts, and see that I was mentally stepping down into them again and again, I was able to have more control. This is a technique that can be learned by reading books about beginning Buddhism, or any other book with a focus on meditation. Another book that may be helpful is Loving What Is by Byron Katie. Again, it has nothing to do with choosing to like the circumstance, or tricking yourself in thinking everything is okay. And it's definitely not just smiling and pretending, because that won't help. Sometimes, things are not okay. It is what it is. When we can't change it, we can care for ourselves, and others, by doing the sometimes very hard work of acceptance, and it can make a difference in our live and the lives of others.

 

And, depression - that beast. It can sometimes bring us gifts, but we ultimately have to learn to fight it and win. I recommend experimenting with what works for you. What works best for me, is sunshine when available, lavender essential oil in the air, lots of B vitamins, cod liver oil, amino acids (I use Kirkman Amino Support), caffeine, chocolate, and eating a lot of greens. In a pinch, Red Bull can quickly deliver B vitamins, taurine and caffeine, but as a habit, it's better to get these from another source. But I admit to occasionally having some "sunshine in a can" when I can't get to the supplements. Sleeping enough, and finding little things that are beautiful and losing myself in them for a moment also really helps.

[I.Dup.]

 

I choose to walk my mind out of my own mental ruts of anxiety and sorrow. I'm not saying it is easy. It can be very hard. It was helpful for me to learn to observe my own mind (monkey-mind) from an outside perspective. Once I could see what it was doing, and recognize those ruts, and see that I was mentally stepping down into them again and again, I was able to have more control. This is a technique that can be learned by reading books about beginning Buddhism, or any other book with a focus on meditation. Another book that may be helpful is Loving What Is by Byron Katie. Again, it has nothing to do with choosing to like the circumstance, or tricking yourself in thinking everything is okay. And it's definitely not just smiling and pretending, because that won't help. Sometimes, things are not okay. It is what it is. When we can't change it, we can care for ourselves, and others, by doing the sometimes very hard work of acceptance, and it can make a difference in our live and the lives of others.

 

And, depression - that beast. It can sometimes bring us gifts, but we ultimately have to learn to fight it and win. I recommend experimenting with what works for you. What works best for me, is sunshine when available, lavender essential oil in the air, lots of B vitamins, cod liver oil, amino acids (I use Kirkman Amino Support), caffeine, chocolate, and eating a lot of greens. In a pinch, Red Bull can quickly deliver B vitamins, taurine and caffeine, but as a habit, it's better to get these from another source. But I admit to occasionally having some "sunshine in a can" when I can't get to the supplements. Sleeping enough, and finding little things that are beautiful and losing myself in them for a moment also really helps.

 

Thank you! I just started reading Buddha's Brain (on a recommendation from here on WTM- love the forums for that!) and I think I'm really going to enjoy it.

[MooCow]

Prayer. It keeps me going. My faith is a strong comfort to me, and God gives me hope daily;

reading the bible, a devotional, talking w/my bff who is my prayer warrior. Some days are harder than

others, but I trust in God and I know He will never forsake me. It's taken me a lot to get that.

 

I am very sorry you are having a tough time.

[milovany]

 

But HOW do you keep yourself on the positive side if one is prone to depression, worry, anxiety, etc? Does one just put on a smile and act okay? How do you change your mindset so you don't struggle with that anxiety, depression, etc?

 

Actually getting out of bed, going to my prayer/icon corner, and saying the prayers out loud -- and going to church a lot -- helps change my mindset, which affects my outlook/approach. I can rest even if hell seems to be raging all around me.

[Shawn On the Border]

Thank you so much for all your ideas. I do pray daily, and that brings some comfort. I'm going to research meditation as well.

 

I know this is just going to be a hard time no matter what. I tend to deal with things well during a crisis, but feel stressed afterwards. I guess I'm feeling the after-effects of all that's happened. I am a person that hates drama, and there was so much drama around my mother's last years. We were not close, but her friend would call me and tell me how badly my mom was doing, and what terrrible things my step-father did (not caring for her properly, etc.). My mother and I had different ways of living. That is why we weren't close. But, this friend dragged me into all of it. She is a wonderful person, but she has added a big burden to my life. She and my mother were therapists. They believe in dwelling on all the bad things in life. I don't (unless, of course, there is real trauma or abuse). I like to enjoy the small things on life, and not dwell on bad things. It may be naive, but life is short. You need to enjoy it. Somehow I have to get back to doing that.

 

 

[MBM]

The book I like the most that explains how your brain physically changes with meditation is Davidson's The Emotional Life of Your Brain: How Its Unique Patterns Affect the Way You Think, Feel, and Live -- and How You Can Change Them (Amazon link). If you want to get started right away, chapter 11 is the how-to part.

 

Good luck.