How do I get my baby nursing to sleep in her crib?

[ExcitedMama]

DD is 7 mos old and thanks to wonderful advice here we transitioned her from nighttime co-sleeping a couple of weeks ago by putting her down asleep. She takes about 1-2 hrs to nurse and be asleep enough to hand off to DH for the crib transfer. At first she cried in his arms and he had to try putting her down and picking her up and rocking her a few times before she transferred well but now it's a pretty quick hand off and she's still asleep when he puts her down. She wakes up with a wet diaper usually around 2 now and comes back to sleep with me until 6 when she's up to go potty. She then needs about a thirty minute nap again between 6:30 and 7. Her morning nap somewhere around 9:30, then another nap around 12:00, then late afternoon nap around 3 and bedtime around 6. Her naps are all about 45 min and with me holding her in my arms and nursing her.

 

I need her to nap in her crib so I can spend quality time with DS. Unfortunately she is such a light sleeper that I can't be in the same room with DS because his playing wakes her up and if I try to read to him she wakes up. I nurse her to sleep in her room in the dark and we play in there too in hopes she will have good associations with her room. But if I put her down awake to play in her crib for a few minutes during the day while I try to put her laundry away she freaks out even though she can see me and I'm talking to her. She's ok if she's on the floor next to me.

 

When DS was this age he wasn't nursing himself to sleep anymore he was looking at me and the room so I could work on transitioning him to the crib awake and we Ferbered him. DD nurses to sleep and keeps nursing for awhile in her sleep. Tried to hand her off to DH this weekend for naps like we do at bedtime but she woke right up in his arms and when he put her down she cried and just started rolling around in her crib wide awake and was so tired looking from not napping.

 

How do I get her to nap in her crib? Ideally I'd love to put her down for her naps in her crib but hold her for her noon nap to cuddle her since DS is still napping at the same time but will that give her mixed messages and make it hard to get her to nap in her crib? Is it all or nothing?

 

Id also love to get her down faster at night so I don't miss dinner with DH and DS and all of DS bath time and bedtime routine but I don't know what to do since she is nursing? She is so different from DS as a baby so I don't know is there an age that would work better?

 

She absolutely will not nap in the car no matter how long she's been up and she's hit or miss with napping in her carrier so I can't make it work that way. Please give me you recommendations!

[Ellie]

Practice. :-) I have no qualms about putting a 7mo baby in her bed and walking away, even if baby wakes up and rolls around in the crib for awhile.

 

However, I'm not sure it's realistic to expect anyone to sleep in the same room where others are playing and talking and putting laundry away.

 

Maybe a different schedule? Why can't she sit in her high chair with some finger foods--tasty morsels of whatever the family is eating--at dinner time with everyone else? 6 is a very early bedtime. Then you could nurse afterwards and put her to bed, then bathe ds and put him to bed.

 

You get her up at 2 a.m. to change a diaper? Huh.

[Truscifi]

Yep, practice. Ds7mo falls asleep nursing and continues nursing in his sleep. When he's done I put him in his crib and shut the door. He wakes up and cries for a few minutes, but then falls back asleep. At first it took a while, but now he falls back asleep pretty quickly - less than 5 minutes. He even woke up and looked at me, then rolled over and went to sleep with no crying at all once. Hopefully there will be more of that, lol. The only problem with doing this is that I have to be the one to put him down. Dh can't stand to leave him crying. He's a softie. :tongue_smilie:

[fairfarmhand]

I'm thinking that changing bedtime to later might get you a full night's sleep or close to it.

 

Also, I tried to discourage my sleep-challenged babies from nursing themselves to sleep, if they woke when I put them in a crib. I'd talk to them, change positions, etc. to keep them awake until they were done feeding. Then I'd put them sleepily awake in the crib and walk away.

 

If they started screaming, I'd come back in 3 minutes, pat pat pat on the back (didn't pick them up) coo some sweet words. Then walk away. Yes, my 7 month old babies would get good and angry when they found that mommy was not going to hold them and nurse them back to sleep. But eventually, I oultlasted them. After 2-3 days, they got the idea that the crib was the sleeping place. and while they might cry for a few minutes, they quickly settled down to sleep when I laid them down sleepy.

[Ravin]

I never used cribs. How about taking the crib mattress, putting it on the floor, and nursing her to sleep there (lie down with her), then get up and go do whatever with the rest of the evening?

 

DS is away from me a good deal during the week, so I feel no need to rush him into night-weaning.

 

I cosleep with DS on a full sized bed in his room. Eventually he'll sleep through the night and I'll move back in with DH. DD's evening quality time is me reading aloud to her while nursing DS (she goes to bed before him, usually). DH has been in charge of her bedtime routine for several years now, before DS came along.

[kiwik]

Really you have to choose. Do you want the attached, sleep in arms, nurse/cuddle to sleep or do you want time with your other child and/or husband. Personally I would work on getting him to play on the floor by himself while I worked with the oldest and on the nursing to sleep which will get harder to break as he gets older.

[GSOchristie]

I have BTDT with my middle child, we tried to break the nursing to sleep habit around 9 months, I wish I would have done it sooner. It might take a few minutes of crying/comforting for a while to get your baby used to the idea that we don't need to be nursed to sleep. My three and a half year old JUST started sleeping through the night THIS month. Seriously, he gets a ninja turtle if he can make it till Sunday because that will be two weeks. I feel like his terrible sleeping habits were partly my fault because I made so, so, so many accommodations for him.

[Melissa in Australia]

Sometimes I use to climb into the cot and feed my child lying down in their cot, then climb out when they were asleep. ( at night)

none of my children had much of a daytime nap though.

[nd293]

I am not sure if this is helpful, but I let my babies nap on our double bed - I fed them to sleep lying on the bed, then left when they were asleep (or napped next to a sleeping baby if I was reslly lucky!) Mesh bed rails or pillows were use to ensure they didn't fall off. The same goes for falling asleep at night.

[ailysh]

I'm afraid you may have to choose between holding and putting down for naps and bedtime. It is so important to be consistent so that they can learn what to expect. If you just decide the way you want it (you are the mom and you know what is best. Children do not always know what is best...think candy...and tv...) and gently but consistently impose it, your DD will adjust. Their brains are so elastic at this age, they adjust better the younger they are. You tried Ferber with your older son, how about trying it with your DD? It's fine if she falls asleep while nursing, and also okay if she wakes up when you put her down. Just calmly pat her and tell her it's night night time (or whatever). Then leave and do the Ferber thing, where you come back at intervals. My DD always falls asleep during her last feed, and wakes up when we put her down. Sometimes she fusses a bit when we leave, but usually, she just rolls over and chats a little before falling asleep on her own. Also, it may not be strictly necessary to change her at 2 am. My six month old dd goes all night and we don't have issues with rashes. Just put extra diaper cream on her. Whatever you decided to do, do it consistently for all bedtimes. Good luck!

[Katy]

I'd stop nursing to sleep and put her into her crib and walk away. It might take two weeks but she will learn to self soothe. Also, I agree with the later bedtime - if you dial that back to something like 9pm she'll sleep through the night.

 

My sister would say if you need your attention elsewhere, put her in a moby with a cover on, let her nurse and sleep in the carrier, and do whatever you need to with her attached to you.

 

I feel like my way is more work when they're very little, and hers is more work over time. You have to decide which way you want it and stick to your decision though, being inconsistent is unfair to the child and teaches them fussing gets results.

[Ellie]

I'd stop nursing to sleep and put her into her crib and walk away. It might take two weeks but she will learn to self soothe. Also, I agree with the later bedtime - if you dial that back to something like 9pm she'll sleep through the night.

 

My sister would say if you need your attention elsewhere, put her in a moby with a cover on, let her nurse and sleep in the carrier, and do whatever you need to with her attached to you.

 

I feel like my way is more work when they're very little, and hers is more work over time. You have to decide which way you want it and stick to your decision though, being inconsistent is unfair to the child and teaches them fussing gets results.

 

 

ITA.

 

Although I'm not a big proponent of letting babies cry it out, I'm also not a proponent of always having to nurse the baby to sleep, and definitely not a proponent of always lying down with the baby to get her to sleep.

 

I co-slept with younger dd (I was less informed with first-born dd, poor thing!); for us, that meant I nursed her on demand day and night, but in the beginning, our evening plan was this: Around 9 p.m., I took a shower (Mr. Ellie was home and so he spent time both dc), got baby ready for bed (including double-diapering), and any time after that when she wanted to nurse, we went to bed. When she woke during the night, I rolled over with her and plugged her in the other side and we went back to sleep.

 

When she was about 3 mo, she quit taking a longer nap during the day (my babies take one 2-hr nap around noon, rather than several short naps during the day). I'd nurse her until her eyelids were slamming shut, and then stand up and put her to bed, which we'd been doing all along, but doggonit, she quit staying asleep, and she'd be up the whole rest of the day. o_0 So I started putting her in her bed and walk away. The first three days were not good; she never went back to sleep, and she'd whine and cry. Oh the agony!! But on the fourth day, she fell asleep when I nursed her around noon, and stayed asleep when I put her in her bed, and took a two-hour nap. Yippy skippy!

 

We continued our co-sleeping at night, with pretty much the same schedule, until she was about 10mo. One night when we sat down to nurse around 9 p.m., she fussed and nursed and fussed and fidgeted, so I just put her to bed. And she slept until midnight, at which time I took her back to bed with me for the duration and we slept.

 

When she was around 12mo, and eating some solids, I waited when she woke up at midnight to see what would happen. She rolled around in her bed for a few minutes and went back to sleep until around 2, at which time I took her back to bed with me and we slept.

 

A couple of months later, I nursed her a couple of times when she woke at 2 but put her back to bed. Then one night I waited to see what would happen at 2, and yup, she went back to sleep until around 7:30 a.m., and I took her back to bed with me to nurse. At some point I started putting her to bed at the same time as her sister (7:30-8). I don't remember when that was...dds are 36 and 39yo now, and that was a loooong time ago!

 

So by the time she was, oh, 14 or 15mo, she was taking a two-hour nap every day in her own bed, and sleeping from 9ish to 7 a.m.-ish every day. The morning cuddle and nursing was the last one she gave up, when she was 26 mo. It was pretty painless, no pressure on her or on me to stop nursing, and I was rested--this was important, lol.

 

Having the courage to just put her in her bed when I knew she was tired but well fed was an Important Thing. :-)

[ktgrok]

I'm going to be the voice of dissent. This is NOT meant to judge other choices, but to explain my experience. I find that these years are SO short, and the small amount of time it takes to deal with baby sleep needs during these few years are really no sacrifice. I mean, it's cuddling a snuggly baby, on what planet is that a hardship? It sometimes seems overwhelming in the moment, but like I said, such a short time in their life. Mostly, I find people choose crying it out /ferberizing over fear that the baby will never learn to fall asleep on their own other wise. Or that the habit of nursing to sleep will be harder to break later on. If that is your fear, please don't worry. I have 3 kids, one is a baby and still nurses to sleep. The other two are a teen, that certainly has no sleeping issues, and a 3 year old who now just gets laid down with her nightlight and music on and falls asleep on her own in minutes, without me in the room. This was accomplished, with both of them, with ZERO crying, ever. Nursing them to sleep as babies/toddlers did NOT make it hard to get them in their own beds later, or to fall asleep on their own. It just meant waiting until the time was right. When they were verbal, and secure, and older, around 2-3 years old, I would nurse and then while still awake put them in bed, making a big deal about the great toy/sticker/lollypop/bubbles/ whatever that they would get in the morning for falling asleep in their own bed. I'd turn on the music, and then sit beside the bed, or on the edge of the bed, and wait. And then after a night or two sit in the rocking chair on the other side of the room. and then after a few nights of that I could just lay them down, and say, "I'll be right back" and go put a load of laundry in or get a cup of tea, and come back and check on them,a nd they'd be asleep. No tears, no drama, nothing. No "impossible habit" to break.

 

Until then, I generally nursed them to sleep. Either in my bed, or their bed, or a chair in the living room, or the rocking chair in their room. When I could unlatch them and they stayed asleep I'd wait a few minutes, then put them down. The newest one does best if I put him down on his "sheepy". It's a lambskin thing, with real wool, that is soft and fuzzy and most importantly stays nice and warm. So instead of the cold sheets on his sleepy head he feels that. If I put him down on that carefully and slowly he stays asleep. If he starts to wake up as I set him down I pick him back up and kind of sway or bounce him back to sleep and then try again. Might take 3 tries some days. But it works.

 

My daughter was harder, she hated napping. For her what worked was to first train her body to sleep long stretches by letting her nap in my lap for an hour at a time. Then once that was kind of second nature I started laying her down once asleep.

 

So anyway, if you want to keep nursing and snuggling to sleep, fret not, it won't create a monster. You won't regret that time. If you don't, then try the No Cry Sleep Solution...I hear it is miraculous and a very nice way to transstion from nursing to sleep to putting them down sleepy. For me, all that work wasn't worth it. I see no reason, personally, to spend a few nights listening to a crying baby, or what not, when I can snuggle them to sleep instead, and then transition them without tears when they are older and capable of understanding what is going on.

[msjones]

I believe that moms have individual sleep needs, just like babies. Some moms can cope with years of disrupted sleep, others truly cannot. If a mom knows she must sleep in order to function as a loving, patient mom, then she should feel no guilt about teaching a baby to sleep.

 

That being said, I think the OP should try Ferber with her daughter. I don't think she'll regret it.

[ktgrok]

I believe that moms have individual sleep needs, just like babies. Some moms can cope with years of disrupted sleep, others truly cannot. If a mom knows she must sleep in order to function as a loving, patient mom, then she should feel no guilt about teaching a baby to sleep.

 

That being said, I think the OP should try Ferber with her daughter. I don't think she'll regret it.

 

I don't think I said anyone should feel guilty. And fyi, even Ferber no longer advises the same ferber technique.

[Embassy]

I'd follow your baby's lead right now. She if very young still. If she still needs more holding and your support while she sleeps then give it to her. I had a high need baby that couldn't be put down or go to sleep on his own for quite some time. It doesn't stay like that forever and those days are just a distant memory now. I might try playing around with the times she goes to sleep - she may need a later bedtime or less naps. I might also try putting your daughter to sleep with some background noise going on to help her adjust to sleeping through noise in the house.