Just gave up

[suzziesnowflake]

Due to my dc's poor attitude and my burnout I have decided to place my children back into ps Monday morning. I have tried everything under the sun but nothing will stop the fighting and disrespect my dc's have done to me lately. My DH said that they have to go back and I am to rest for the next 8 weeks of school. I feel like such a failure and it will not be a happy birthday for me. Thanks to everyone who has offered advice over the years.

[kdownie]

I'm so sorry. Is there a chance you can bring them back home in fall, if you want?

[Hockey Mom]

:grouphug:

[Five More Minutes]

:grouphug:

[PachiSusan]

Not knowing the whole story, I have nothing to offer but warm hugs. :grouphug:

[5LittleMonkeys]

Sometimes a little distance is good for everyone. Work on just being a mommy for awhile...a relaxed, happy momma can tackle far more than a stressed, unhappy one. You never know what the future will bring.

 

:grouphug:

[tkdkidsmom]

:grouphug:

[Hen]

hugs. Spend some time being good to yourself.

[TGHEALTHYMOM]

WOW! I feel badly for you. I really had no clue you or anyone could even do that or I may have already done that myself with a few of our children. I mean, I feel single and cannot call anyone for help until after 6 at night. Dh has enough stress at work and huge responsibility. I am just going to re vamp and become GI JANE as well as do lessons all summer long. We are going to try the 4 weeks on 1 week off and then see if 5 on and 1 off will work.

I have been listening to Julie Bogart or I don't know what else would be keeping me going. I love her emails, podcasts and Face Book posts. It is apparent that she hears from a lot of struggling mothers. I pray you get perspective, and rest you need. If it were up to my dh we would have already done this long ago. I just never feel any peace about our PS due to the major drug and teen preg. rates.

[NASDAQ]

I hope this new season is an easier one for you and your family.

 

You have two boys, 11 and 14, yes? That seems to be an exceptionally difficult age and stage.

[speedmom4]

Don't feel guilty for doing what is best for you and your dc. Life is rarely ideal. Hopefully your relationship will improve.

 

(((Hugs)))

 

Elise in NC

[suzziesnowflake]

Yep, my boys are 11 & 14. I hope they want to come home in the fall. I feel like I am throwing them to the wolves but I figure the next eight weeks will give them a good idea of what they are missing out on. I am going to focus more on being their mom and taking care of myself. Tomarrow will be a tough day. My DH promised me 2 birthday cakes and a good bottle of wine.

[Matryoshka]

My dds went to school for the first time this year. With my older two, both 14, it was a well-thought-out decision made over the course of 8th grade, but the rough couple of years we had in middle school did factor in. ;) My younger, who was 11 in the fall, ended up going to, after about 3 weeks of homeschooling. She was pretty much refusing to do anything, and I think I was also really burnt out. I told her she could start doing what she was supposed to at home, or go to school. She went to school and lasted about 3 weeks in school before wanting to come back - but I've had her stay the year. I'm planning to bring her home again in the fall for at least the rest of middle school. I'm calling this year a sabbatical. I wish I could say my house had gotten a lot cleaner, but I have spent some good time working towards what I'm going to do post-kids - it's scary how few years are left!

 

Anyway, my first thought on reading your post was - why bother now at the end of the year? But then I thought, maybe that's brilliant. It might have done younger dd good to get an idea that school wasn't the greener grass at the end of the year rather than the beginning. And if your high school is halfway decent, it might not be a bad transitioning point for your older, and this would give you both the time to scope out what the school is like before next year.

 

See, it's a plan, not a reaction. :D

[Hunter]

Boys at 11 and 14 can be difficult! They get this idea that fighting against mom is manly :confused:

 

What saved my oldest was going out to work at place that was so horrible they could only bring in workers from overseas. He worked in borderline abusive conditions along side men from from Nepal and Thailand, and semi-functional drug addicts, sweating and in pain from the ages of 14-16. Those men mentored him and pushed him to take advantage of the opportunities being offered to him, and to stop disrespecting me. If he had stayed home with me, or gone to PS, I would have lost him. Those men saved my son.

 

That son used American School correspondence school. They are no nonsense, and just kept sending the tests back until he completed every question and got a passing score.

 

And we had morning worship for an hour every morning. He didn't need to BELIEVE, but he needed to ATTEND.

 

He's 26, married, and owns a nice home. It gets better!

 

:grouphug:

[PeterPan]

Do it and be in peace. My chaste bit of advice, for what it's worth, is that your identity isn't wrapped up in homeschooling. You'll find yourself, what you want to do, and move on. Start looking to that, and you'll be fine. :grouphug:

[Anne in CA]

Hunter, what on earth job did your son have, lol? I have to know, my curiosity is killing me.

[5LittleMonkeys]

Yep, my boys are 11 & 14. I hope they want to come home in the fall. I feel like I am throwing them to the wolves but I figure the next eight weeks will give them a good idea of what they are missing out on.

 

 

Think of it as sending them off to a 8 week boot camp. They will survive. ...and, I hesitate to say this because I don't know the school or your boys personally, but they may even thrive there. I think as homeschoolers we sometimes believe that nothing can be better than educating our own dc and often don't want to believe that they might do as well or better outside the home, but I believe some dc truly can thrive and do wonderfully in a ps setting. I hope that doesn't make you feel worse! I say it only to mention that it may end up being good for them and for you. They get some distance from mom and from each other, make some friends, become answerable to someone else and rise to that challenge, and you get to take care of yourself, your home, your husband, and re-charge your "mom" role. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Hunter]

Hunter, what on earth job did your son have, lol? I have to know, my curiosity is killing me.

 

 

:lol: He was a busboy at a seafood restaurant on the waterfront. They had the reputation of being the worst place to work in town. The owner was not American and didn't know the laws or care. That worked out well for my son because we were breaking every child labor law there was.

 

The only time my son wasn't running all day was when he was cleaning up vomit and excrement. It was just a tough tough place to work. Sticking it out there for two years is what got him his next job. Saying you worked there for two years was like saying you passed navy SEAL training. It earned you immediate respect or accusations that you were lying :lol:

 

I knew my son needed to WORK. Academics was not the place to PUSH him at THAT time, but he needed to be pushed at SOMETHING. I started praying for something to open up for him that would make him sweat and be in pain, and it did.

 

I remember picking him up from his third day of work. He smelled SO bad (fish and sweat) and he was crying. His ankles were swollen and he had blisters on both feet. Thankfully he had the next day off to recover. It was just what HE needed. His MD was a hippy physician's assistant that was on board for the whole thing. Maybe I was a bad mom for letting him do this, but...well, that's the way it was for him, and what he wanted. Once his body acclimated to the work, he really liked the rush and bustle and international co-workers who took him under their wings. I wanted him to stay home and study algebra, Greek and Latin, like his brother, but that just wasn't going to happen.

[Ruby Rose]

You do what you have to when you have to. Hopefully this will be a wake up call for the kids and they will begin to appreciate your efforts more. Enjoy some time for yourself and don't feel guilty. Hugs!

[Anne in CA]

Wow, Hunter, as someone who works in a hotel I get your story. It does sound rough. And as someone who works with lots of people from different countries I know how wonderful an international work place can be. It does sound like an experience that could straighten out a young person.

[Mom22ns]

Yep, my boys are 11 & 14. I hope they want to come home in the fall. I feel like I am throwing them to the wolves but I figure the next eight weeks will give them a good idea of what they are missing out on. I am going to focus more on being their mom and taking care of myself. Tomarrow will be a tough day. My DH promised me 2 birthday cakes and a good bottle of wine.

 

 

Thinking of you this morning. I hope that the next 8 weeks are enlightening and helpful for all of you. The boys may love or hate school, but either way it should clarify what you should do next year. If they hate it, they will be motivated to work with you. If they love it, then maybe you all can gain a new relationship with you just as mom, not teacher.

 

In spite of the potential good that can come of this, I'm sure this morning is HARD.

:grouphug:

[Lara in Colo]

Thinking of you this morning.

[momto2Cs]

:grouphug:

[suzziesnowflake]

Thanks for all the encouragement today. It was a tough day. My oldest just thought I was kidding until he had to get up at 6:30, then there was some begging and tears. My DH had to remind them of why we were doing this. My younger one was whinny but not like the oldest. I called the school and they asked if we could come in this morning and enroll them and they will start tomarrow . My oldest one and I ment with the counselor and he got registered for classes this year and next. I already do not care for the guidance counselor but I will keep my mouth shut for now. I am exhausted. I will keep you all informed. I hope tone back planning for next year soon. Thanks again for all the advice and letting me vent, and being accepting of my choice. Tomarrow I will call my best hs friend and tell her, boy she's going to be upset.

[Catwoman]

I hope everything goes well for your boys at school tomorrow. I hope you'll post an update when you can. :grouphug:

[Hunter]

Tomarrow I will call my best hs friend and tell her, boy she's going to be upset.

 

She might have the right to FEEL upset, but she doesn't have the right to push HER feelings onto you. Hang up, walk away or do whatever you need to do, to separate yourself from HER feelings. They belong to HER not you. You don't need to let them into YOUR world.

 

:grouphug:

[5LittleMonkeys]

Thinking of you today. :grouphug:

[Garga]

How is today going?

[Catwoman]

Bumping again in the hope that we'll get an update -- hopefully telling us that everything went well.

[Happy2BaMom]

I have heard over and over and over again from hs'ing moms of 11+ boys that it is a WHOLE different world (ds is 10....counting down.....) One hs mom (whom I admire endlessly) still swears to this day that sending her 12-year-old son to ps for a semester saved him, her, their relationship, and the family. (He is now 20 and attends GWU in D.C.). Made him realize that life at home was actually pretty swell.

 

Good for you. Stick to your guns. If it's right to bring them home to hs again, you'll know. :grouphug:

[Happy2BaMom]

I have heard over and over and over again from hs'ing moms of 11+ boys that it is a WHOLE different world (ds is 10....counting down.....) One hs mom (whom I admire endlessly) still swears to this day that sending her 12-year-old son to ps for a semester saved him, her, their relationship, and the family. (He is now 20 and attends GWU in D.C.). Made him realize that life at home was actually pretty swell.

 

Good for you. Stick to your guns. If it's right to bring them home to hs again, you'll know. :grouphug:

[suzziesnowflake]

Everything went well for my youngest, but my older ds had a bit of shock today. He's really behind in all subject except history. They are really tired but all in they are ok. My oldest is going to get his neck rung because he already has an assignment that he "forgot in his locker" . Thanks everyone for checking in.

[PachiSusan]

Just wondering if you have an update and how the day went!

[suzziesnowflake]

Well today is the last day of ps school for my kiddos. Through sending them to public school they have learned a few things and so have I. I'll start with my kiddos

 

DS (14)- Boy has this been a shocker for him!! He actually did ok with his studies, which is unbelievable to me. He struggled in math big time but everything else was fine. He got an IEP on time. They tested him and he is elementary level on all subjects. I wasn't surprised by this. My dh questioned how he could be doing so well with his studies but be so behind. The staff couldn't answer the question because they were giving him few accommodations at that point. My dh and I worry that they were just pushing him through. My ds said that I was MUCH harder on him and he felt that most classes were a joke. Not good from a parents point of view. As for socially he did ok. He did express to me that he didn't like the person he had to be at school. Everything was about sex and that his peers were really mean to one another. We noticed that in the last few weeks he had stopped eating (this kid usually starts at his feet to fill up several times a day!), had lost weight and stopped being part of the family. I questioned him about it and he confessed that he is absolutely miserable all the time. He hated school. He doesn't want to go back next year. My dh explained to him that he will have to do some changing over the summer for him to stay home. He has got to be willing to get out there and do somethings, stop giving me grief about doing things, and start enjoying his lessons a little more (ok at least not act like someone is pulling his fingernails out during the lesson). He has until Aug 15 to make up his mind and so does my dh. If he does I will enroll him in American school, adult ed for small engine repair, and his grandpa (they moved 8 miles away from us) will teach one day a week. I also have a friend whom my son likes that will take over math if I choose. So that is were I stand with the oldest.

 

DS(11)- MISERABLE is all I can say. He hated going to school everyday. Hated the homework and the drama his classmates always had. He found that the kids he used to hang with had moved on. He actually said that the kids at the co-op we used to go to weren't mean and he couldn't figure out why these kids were that mean. He was behind in math and spelling but ok with everything else. We will focus on Math and spelling next year. He is staying home and not looking back. He used to drive me crazy all the time complaining that he didn't get to see his ps friends and that the grass was greener on the other side. Lesson learned: No its not!

 

Myself: I learned that academics aren't everything. I focused too much on it and lost sight of who my kids were. It is nice to laugh with them again. It took a while. I did some sole searching and I am ashamed of myself. I missed them so much. I have to give them a break and myself. No wonder they gave me so much grief. I need to stay away from looking up every latest and greatest curriculum. During this time I have sold or gave away a huge amount of wasted curriculum. I thought it was the curriculum but it was me and my attitude that was the problem. My kids happiness is the most important thing to me (yes they still will have to do all the assigned problems and no I will not drop a subject!) but we need to enjoy things a little more. We will not go back to co-op but we will meet with our small group of hs friends. After seeing the wonderful job the school did with the little time they had my kids, I know that I am light years ahead of them. I AM doing a GREAT job with academics (ok not math). I also remembered that I HATE homework too!!

 

I hope this helps someone. Not everyone will have the same experience as we did. If you think for one minute that you are not doing a great job take a look in the mirror and know YOU ARE! You love them most but just don't lose sight of way you are hsing

[shanvan]

Well today is the last day of ps school for my kiddos. Through sending them to public school they have learned a few things and so have I. I'll start with my kiddos

 

DS (14)- Boy has this been a shocker for him!! He actually did ok with his studies, which is unbelievable to me. He struggled in math big time but everything else was fine. He got an IEP on time. They tested him and he is elementary level on all subjects. I wasn't surprised by this. My dh questioned how he could be doing so well with his studies but be so behind. The staff couldn't answer the question because they were giving him few accommodations at that point. My dh and I worry that they were just pushing him through. My ds said that I was MUCH harder on him and he felt that most classes were a joke. Not good from a parents point of view. As for socially he did ok. He did express to me that he didn't like the person he had to be at school. Everything was about sex and that his peers were really mean to one another. We noticed that in the last few weeks he had stopped eating (this kid usually starts at his feet to fill up several times a day!), had lost weight and stopped being part of the family. I questioned him about it and he confessed that he is absolutely miserable all the time. He hated school. He doesn't want to go back next year. My dh explained to him that he will have to do some changing over the summer for him to stay home. He has got to be willing to get out there and do somethings, stop giving me grief about doing things, and start enjoying his lessons a little more (ok at least not act like someone is pulling his fingernails out during the lesson). He has until Aug 15 to make up his mind and so does my dh. If he does I will enroll him in American school, adult ed for small engine repair, and his grandpa (they moved 8 miles away from us) will teach one day a week. I also have a friend whom my son likes that will take over math if I choose. So that is were I stand with the oldest.

 

DS(11)- MISERABLE is all I can say. He hated going to school everyday. Hated the homework and the drama his classmates always had. He found that the kids he used to hang with had moved on. He actually said that the kids at the co-op we used to go to weren't mean and he couldn't figure out why these kids were that mean. He was behind in math and spelling but ok with everything else. We will focus on Math and spelling next year. He is staying home and not looking back. He used to drive me crazy all the time complaining that he didn't get to see his ps friends and that the grass was greener on the other side. Lesson learned: No its not!

 

Myself: I learned that academics aren't everything. I focused too much on it and lost sight of who my kids were. It is nice to laugh with them again. It took a while. I did some sole searching and I am ashamed of myself. I missed them so much. I have to give them a break and myself. No wonder they gave me so much grief. I need to stay away from looking up every latest and greatest curriculum. During this time I have sold or gave away a huge amount of wasted curriculum. I thought it was the curriculum but it was me and my attitude that was the problem. My kids happiness is the most important thing to me (yes they still will have to do all the assigned problems and no I will not drop a subject!) but we need to enjoy things a little more. We will not go back to co-op but we will meet with our small group of hs friends. After seeing the wonderful job the school did with the little time they had my kids, I know that I am light years ahead of them. I AM doing a GREAT job with academics (ok not math). I also remembered that I HATE homework too!!

 

I hope this helps someone. Not everyone will have the same experience as we did. If you think for one minute that you are not doing a great job take a look in the mirror and know YOU ARE! You love them most but just don't lose sight of way you are hsing

 

I just have to say, your update is going to help a lot of people--if they read it and take away some truths from it. Thank you for sharing your experience. It is the encouragement I needed today.

[Walking-Iris]

Absolutely. The grass is not always greener on the other side. When I have issues with my children and I think "just send them to school already", I stop and remember that any issues we have are family issues, and school isn't going to necessarily help that.

[Lilaclady]

That is great news. Sometimes it takes seeing the other side to realize how much the grass is not greener. Hope things continue to work out for you and your kids.

[In the Rain]

Thanks for the update- I remember when you enrolled them. Your reminder to be a mom and have fun with the kids is great. That is what I envy most about people who send their kids away to school. They get to be just "Mom" and not "Teacher" too.

[Deee]

Thank you for this thread. I REALLY needed to read your update. Tomorrow I'll read it to DS12, and read the "mum" bits to myself again. You have no idea just how timely this is!

D

[Brooketopia]

Thank you for the update. It's always good to be reminded of those important "little" things that end up being the "big" things.

[justamouse]

 

Myself: I learned that academics aren't everything. I focused too much on it and lost sight of who my kids were. It is nice to laugh with them again. It took a while. I did some sole searching and I am ashamed of myself. I missed them so much. I have to give them a break and myself. No wonder they gave me so much grief. I need to stay away from looking up every latest and greatest curriculum. During this time I have sold or gave away a huge amount of wasted curriculum. I thought it was the curriculum but it was me and my attitude that was the problem. My kids happiness is the most important thing to me (yes they still will have to do all the assigned problems and no I will not drop a subject!) but we need to enjoy things a little more. We will not go back to co-op but we will meet with our small group of hs friends. After seeing the wonderful job the school did with the little time they had my kids, I know that I am light years ahead of them. I AM doing a GREAT job with academics (ok not math). I also remembered that I HATE homework too!!

 

I hope this helps someone. Not everyone will have the same experience as we did. If you think for one minute that you are not doing a great job take a look in the mirror and know YOU ARE! You love them most but just don't lose sight of way you are hsing

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

I did that in my first years, too.

[momto2Cs]

Thank you for sharing all this. I think you gave the Hive some really valuable insight into the whole homeschooling versus public schooling possibilities.

[SunnyDays]

Thanks for this. Like others, I was in need of some encouragement... I've been talking with PS moms at summer activities, hearing mostly the opportunities, and started wondering if we were doing ds a disservice by denying him those options. I know it's not all wine and roses on the other side, and the philosophical problems I have with PS still exist. This reminds me we brought him home for a reason.

 

Sounds like all of you learned a lot this year. I'm glad you and younger DS have decided to HS next year, sounds like older DS may decide the same. Appreciate you sharing with us. :)

 

[suzziesnowflake]

Thanks everyone! I really do hope that this helps someone! Today we are meeting with our small school group and we can' t wait! Thanks again!

[5LittleMonkeys]

Great update! Well, not so great that your kids were unhappy for awhile, but great that you have all gained some perspective. I hope this coming fall finds you all refreshed, inspired, and ready to have a new beginning in your homeschool journey. :)

[unsinkable]

Boys at 11 and 14 can be difficult! They get this idea that fighting against mom is manly :confused:

 

 

 

 

In your experience, your second sentence might be true but I have not found it to be so.

 

 

[Nicholas_mom]

Thank you for sharing your experience with us! It has been a wonderful reminder.

[Melissa in Australia]

thanks for sharing

[CyndiLJ]

So glad to hear that there were lessons learned all the way around. I SO appreciated your honesty about what YOU learned, and give you huge kuddos for keepin' it real.