Discovering a LD "late" in your dc? (Pity vent?)

[1pageatatime]

I apologize, my verbal recall isn't the greatest....

 

So I'm having my 16yo dd "evaluated" though I don't know what the *exact* evaluation means at this point. I should be getting a call by Tuesday which should provide further information about the specifics. (This is through a state university.)

 

What I'm wondering, is *if* my dd has a LD, how did we not notice before? What signs have been there that went undetected because I'm not a professional? Have I focused too much on her label of being "gifted?"

 

I feel so incredibly stupid that we are just now seeking answers, and didn't pursue this when she was much younger. I kept trying to find the *right* curriculum, the right approach, the right timing. Now, I feel so "out of my league."

 

Also, I have friends who are saying that some dc just have areas which they will not "get," so why put such an emphasis on my dd's struggling areas? I have no one to talk to that really understands.

 

That's all....

[wapiti]

Better late than never!!! So you have a 2e kiddo. They can be incredibly good at compensating for learning issues with their strengths. The weaknesses can remain hidden. This is not an uncommon situation. It's certainly not your fault!! Along with the neuropsych eval, consider ruling out vision issues if she has any symptoms (another commonly overlooked area).

 

Sometimes I wonder if there isn't a whole slew of 2e kids in PS who remain undiscovered because the strengths and weaknesses cancel each other out in a traditional classroom setting. It takes a very special teacher to recognize this combination. One of my kids has had two such teachers, while his twin brother's teachers have been totally inside-the-box and do. not. get. it. At all.

[PeterPan]

Well at least you can talk here, where people *do* get it. :)

 

Your feelings are pretty normal. My dd was 11 before we got some basic evals (vision, etc.) and 12 before we finally did the psych eval. This happens a lot. The homeschool environment sort of pushes us to be independent and solve our own problems, and some things really need outside help. We can't tell what is the kid, what is the curriculum, and what is US. Absolutely it's hard to sort through. It's why I stay here on the SN board and encourage evals, because it's HARD to teach without information. People are so AFRAID of evals, because they don't like the stigma of labels. One, the kid already knows they're different. Two, it's keeping YOU from getting the info you need to feel more confident and make better decisions in your teaching.

 

But yes, sometimes we're so good at accommodating and the kids are so bright that we really aren't certain and put things off. Many people don't even get diagnosed till adulthood, so your dd is still one step ahead of those people. She'll be so glad to have this info and the explanations and to have the chance, in your home environment, to learn how to deal with it and how to handle the future. You're still fine.

 

And yes, you want the info evals give. It's so much better than going into adulthood always wondering why things are xyz for you...

 

Don't talk with your friends about it. Seriously, you're going into a very personal stage that is private medical information for your dd. Don't go talking with every single friend about it. She needs her privacy and they don't understand anyway. It's none of their business. None.

 

Yeah, you're going to go through some sorrow with hindsite, realizing the things you should have caught, etc. It's ok, that's normal. Then you move on and use that energy to go forward. Life goes on. She's going to be FINE. You'll make some changes with the new info, and life will go on. Btw, there was a poster SusanC who posted here on SN and also on the hs board. I think her dd graduated this past year. She did VT her senior year. So there you go, someone who waited even longer than you. And yup, the kid is FINE. It will all turn out ok. :)

[wingedradical]

Depending on the school, teachers may not realize it, either. I've known this to happen many times. That article on 2E kids is enlightening.

[Tiramisu]

CAPD dx at 16. NP picked up other weaknesses at 17. I don't know what I would have done differently academically because, like you, we did try different curriculum, etc. If we had had a dx earlier, perhaps we would have all been a little more gentle and understanding.

 

I really have almost no one who really understands IRL. That's why I come here. If I would have taken friends' advice and not taken the processing weakensses seriously, dd would probably be stuck thinking she's just stupid and be overwhelmed by my pushing.

 

FWIW, one of my closest friends did not take my concerns for dd's medical issues seriously either. She'd still be really sick right now if I hadn't followed my gut.

[1pageatatime]

Better late than never!!! So you have a 2e kiddo. They can be incredibly good at compensating for learning issues with their strengths. The weaknesses can remain hidden. This is not an uncommon situation. It's certainly not your fault!! Along with the neuropsych eval, consider ruling out vision issues if she has any symptoms (another commonly overlooked area).

 

Sometimes I wonder if there isn't a whole slew of 2e kids in PS who remain undiscovered because the strengths and weaknesses cancel each other out in a traditional classroom setting. It takes a very special teacher to recognize this combination. One of my kids has had two such teachers, while his twin brother's teachers have been totally inside-the-box and do. not. get. it. At all.

 

Thank you so much for this. :grouphug:

 

This describes my dd (and ds) and without a doubt she's been compensating. She was in fact in the PS system for over a year and never once did a teacher suggest any LD-type of flag. Even though her classes were fairly small ( 25 ish for 7th graders) and her teachers were excellent, I can easily see how the above situation could happen.

 

About her vision-she has excellent vision-last tested about two years ago.

 

 

Well at least you can talk here, where people *do* get it. :) Yes, thank you!! :grouphug:

 

Your feelings are pretty normal. My dd was 11 before we got some basic evals (vision, etc.) and 12 before we finally did the psych eval. This happens a lot. The homeschool environment sort of pushes us to be independent and solve our own problems, and some things really need outside help. We can't tell what is the kid, what is the curriculum, and what is US. Absolutely it's hard to sort through. It's why I stay here on the SN board and encourage evals, because it's HARD to teach without information. People are so AFRAID of evals, because they don't like the stigma of labels. One, the kid already knows they're different. Two, it's keeping YOU from getting the info you need to feel more confident and make better decisions in your teaching.

 

But yes, sometimes we're so good at accommodating and the kids are so bright that we really aren't certain and put things off. Many people don't even get diagnosed till adulthood, so your dd is still one step ahead of those people. She'll be so glad to have this info and the explanations and to have the chance, in your home environment, to learn how to deal with it and how to handle the future. You're still fine.

 

And yes, you want the info evals give. It's so much better than going into adulthood always wondering why things are xyz for you...

 

Don't talk with your friends about it. Seriously, you're going into a very personal stage that is private medical information for your dd. Don't go talking with every single friend about it. She needs her privacy and they don't understand anyway. It's none of their business. None.

 

Yeah, you're going to go through some sorrow with hindsite, realizing the things you should have caught, etc. It's ok, that's normal. Then you move on and use that energy to go forward. Life goes on. She's going to be FINE. You'll make some changes with the new info, and life will go on. Btw, there was a poster SusanC who posted here on SN and also on the hs board. I think her dd graduated this past year. She did VT her senior year. So there you go, someone who waited even longer than you. And yup, the kid is FINE. It will all turn out ok. :)

 

Thank you so much for this. :grouphug: You've described our situation so well and I think the reality of my isolation is what leads me to feel so "out of my league" and.....helpless with a dash of guilt.

 

I would welcome an eval from a NP, but the nearest one is over an hour away and charges a few thousand $$ per session, none which is covered by our crappy insurance. Not even a dime is covered. :cursing: So instead, she's getting an evaluation for her "abilities and achievements" at our state university to the tune of a very reasonable $250. (This is also where she's receiving CBT)

 

 

CAPD dx at 16. NP picked up other weaknesses at 17. I don't know what I would have done differently academically because, like you, we did try different curriculum, etc. If we had had a dx earlier, perhaps we would have all been a little more gentle and understanding.

 

I really have almost no one who really understands IRL. That's why I come here. If I would have taken friends' advice and not taken the processing weakensses seriously, dd would probably be stuck thinking she's just stupid and be overwhelmed by my pushing. :grouphug: :grouphug: This is sadly where we're at.

 

FWIW, one of my closest friends did not take my concerns for dd's medical issues seriously either. She'd still be really sick right now if I hadn't followed my gut. :grouphug:

 

I feel so validated by each of you. (((Thank you)) so much!! :grouphug:

[Ameena]

My perspective is a little different - I was the 2e kid. Always knew I was different and didn't understand people, but thought it was just my quirky self. Wasn't diagnosed with Aspergers until I was in my 3rd year of college & taking an abnormal psych class with a clinical psychologist as professor.

 

Understand that on your dd's part, there may be incredible relief to finally understand WHY she isn't like everyone else, and struggles with things that come easily to others. I know for me it was that way. Since she is older, she will need to play a more active role in deciding any treatment, accommodations therapy, etc than a young child would. She may not want to do therapy or have accommodations - and that is her right to say no after an informed decision. I opted not to have any accommodations after I found out, because I was already doing well in college and didn't want my friends to know.

 

And it is incredibly common for gifted kids / 2e kids to not be diagnosed. I had a friend in college who was brilliant, but severely dyslexic and couldn't read above a second grade level, and even then only for a few minutes. His LD wasn't found until 6 weeks BEFORE he graduated from high school, and he was a straight A student all through school. He went on to do wonderfully in college, with the accommodation of getting his books on audio recording.

[1pageatatime]

My perspective is a little different - I was the 2e kid. Always knew I was different and didn't understand people, but thought it was just my quirky self. Wasn't diagnosed with Aspergers until I was in my 3rd year of college & taking an abnormal psych class with a clinical psychologist as professor.

 

Understand that on your dd's part, there may be incredible relief to finally understand WHY she isn't like everyone else, and struggles with things that come easily to others. I know for me it was that way. Since she is older, she will need to play a more active role in deciding any treatment, accommodations therapy, etc than a young child would. She may not want to do therapy or have accommodations - and that is her right to say no after an informed decision. I opted not to have any accommodations after I found out, because I was already doing well in college and didn't want my friends to know.

 

And it is incredibly common for gifted kids / 2e kids to not be diagnosed. I had a friend in college who was brilliant, but severely dyslexic and couldn't read above a second grade level, and even then only for a few minutes. His LD wasn't found until 6 weeks BEFORE he graduated from high school, and he was a straight A student all through school. He went on to do wonderfully in college, with the accommodation of getting his books on audio recording.

 

Wow, thanks for sharing this. :grouphug: Last week my dd expressed almost exactly how you felt re struggling. She is totally on board with therapy, evals, adjustments,etc...She realizes how much her entire life is being effected. (affected? :glare: ) I should be thankful she is so open to whatever, though at the same time I try not to make it too big a deal.

 

Thanks again.