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I am so grumpy today! :(


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Just need to vent. Dd8 is 2e. She is so bright, but everything takes a very long time. Some days I have more patience than others. And some days, she is slower than others. She also has a huge need for routine, and I can mostly give her that, but sometimes I screw it up.

 

I forgot to give her a spelling test this morning. I thought I could fit it in this afternoon, but as soon as I said, the moping started, and I realized that it wasn't worth it. I immediately started to back-pedal, at which point she erupted in hysterical tears. I decided to read to her since that is very calming for her. Afterward, ds5 looked at the temperature, and told me it was warm enough to go outside. I said they could go outside after dd8 did WWE (narration day). She started moping again. The narration took forever, and it was like pulling teeth. (This is not the normal experience for a narration day.)

 

I was soooo glad to be done and to be able to send them outside. She asked if she could go without a coat. I told her that at 63 degrees, she still needed a light coat. So she comes out with her winter jacket on. I told her she needed to change to a light coat, and the moping started again. Though she has been dying to lose the winter coat, she apparently doesn't like how any of her light coats feel. Ugh! Yes, I know she has some minor sensory issues. I try to be understanding, as I have my own sensory issues. But I just can't take the moping, anymore.

 

The worst part is that I know my kids need me to be more fun and cheerful. But fun and cheerful have never been strong points for me. It wears me out. It is not like this every day. But I guess as we get closer to the end of the school year, it seems to be happening more and more often.

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Aww, tough Monday! Couple random ideas. One, get your thyroid checked, might be behind the grumpies. Two, ditch the school work and go outside. Like for the rest of the month. School work is over-rated. Pick back up with work this summer using a tent or blanket outside, our preferred way to study. Three, hold YOURSELF to the structure you're trying to create for her. Structure tells her what's coming, yes, but it also tells you when you have to LET IT GO. If you can't get it done in the structure, it bumps to tomorrow. Let the structure protect you from yourself, if that makes sense.

 

She's little. Go play. A little teaching plus time to mature usually gets you where you need to go. Hard teaching doesn't necessarily get you farther. It's that combo of some teaching plus some time to grow. You don't have to do it perfectly, honest. :grouphug:

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One, get your thyroid checked, might be behind the grumpies.

 

Already done that. It is the reason I have kids in the first place! :blush:

 

 

Two, ditch the school work and go outside. Like for the rest of the month. School work is over-rated. Pick back up with work this summer using a tent or blanket outside, our preferred way to study.

 

I wish I could do that. But dh is a teacher, and we have to be on his schedule. Plus, I have already pared everything down to so little that if I ditched school, we would be bored out of our minds. I don't have very high expectations. We do math every day. We do WWE every day. We do spelling only on days we do not have to leave the house during the day. We read a lot of history, because dd8 always loves it, no matter what. That is it.

 

 

Three, hold YOURSELF to the structure you're trying to create for her. Structure tells her what's coming, yes, but it also tells you when you have to LET IT GO. If you can't get it done in the structure, it bumps to tomorrow. Let the structure protect you from yourself, if that makes sense.

 

I know, I know. I really don't have a problem getting this done now that I have pared everything down. But forgetting something that is in our routine can be a huge problem for us. I realized right away and tried to make it right, but I just couldn't.

 

She's little. Go play. A little teaching plus time to mature usually gets you where you need to go. Hard teaching doesn't necessarily get you farther. It's that combo of some teaching plus some time to grow. You don't have to do it perfectly, honest. :grouphug:

 

 

Thank you! I needed to hear that today. I did notice that things were much better this year than last. It is hard sometimes to be hopeful about the future when you are in the thick of it.

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If you've pared everything down, maybe it's time to add back in some things? Not necessarily academics, but that DOing stuff. Projects, crafts, going somewhere, a sport, playdates, whatever.

 

And you know, if your dh is a teacher and off for the summer, that's awesome. HE gets to teach school all summer. :lol:

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If you've pared everything down, maybe it's time to add back in some things? Not necessarily academics, but that DOing stuff. Projects, crafts, going somewhere, a sport, playdates, whatever.

 

Yes, <sigh>. I find it all overwhelming. Dd8 has ballet 3 hours per week. She is just starting a 2x/month activity at church. Ds5 just started t-ball. We have play group 2x/month. We meet friends when we go to the library each week.

 

Dd8 loves the projects and crafts. But I am completely incompetent in that area. We start something, and she always has her own ideas. That is fine, except that she needs a lot of help in the implementation, and I am always :huh: clueless. I make dh do a lot of that stuff with her. But he has been gone a lot the last few months working on a house we still own an hour away.

 

I wish I could send them outside more. We all have a lot of sensory issues around here. I sent them out just before I started the original message, and they were back before I was done. It was "raining." Barely sprinkling was more like it. But I can't complain, becaused I don't want to be out there, either.

 

And you know, if your dh is a teacher and off for the summer, that's awesome. HE gets to teach school all summer. :lol:

 

 

He is an awesome teacher, though the unschooly type, which is why I can't do anything formal during the summer. But there certainly is a lot of learning going on. But, of course, he is going to undo all our routines :scared:, which I will save for another post.

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Sorry it was a tough day!

 

I noticed you said you are having more and more of these days lately, and it made me think perhaps her sensory diet could use a change? I have found for ds we usually need to overhaul his every six months or so. Right now he loves the ball pit so much at OT, I had to find a way to add it at home. I actually got a inexpensive pup tent and filled it 3/4 full with balls. It is working out great, as he can be submerged and I can move it about from side to side to up the intensity. It still always surprises me how little things like that can make such a big difference for him.

 

 

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Sorry it was a tough day!

 

I noticed you said you are having more and more of these days lately, and it made me think perhaps her sensory diet could use a change? I have found for ds we usually need to overhaul his every six months or so. Right now he loves the ball pit so much at OT, I had to find a way to add it at home. I actually got a inexpensive pup tent and filled it 3/4 full with balls. It is working out great, as he can be submerged and I can move it about from side to side to up the intensity. It still always surprises me how little things like that can make such a big difference for him.

 

 

Also try this in a pup tent (preferably one with a ceiling higher than the top of the door flap): get one of those party helium tanks and your own latex balloons in jewel colors. Fill up balloons and stuff them (without strings, please) into the tent. Fill the tent about halfway. Then send your son inside to play! Crawl inside for yourself, too, at some point. It's really neat!

 

We "discovered" this when we were trying to corral some balloons left over after a party years ago. When we realized how much fun the kids found it we filled more balloons until we ran the tank dry. Our SI kid especially liked it!

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But, of course, he is going to undo all our routines :scared:, which I will save for another post.

 

I can do this to myself, if I'm not careful. BTDT and learning how to NOT destroy my own routines.

 

 

To preserve some routines over the summer (or any major break):

 

1. Decide which of your routines are ABSOLUTELY MANDATORY. These are the must-have's, the family cannot function without them, no matter what time of year. Schedule these for the appropriate time slots each day. WRITE THEM DOWN AND DISCUSS WITH DH. Emphasize WHY they are so critical.

 

2. Decide which routines are strongly desired, important for smooth functioning, but can be sacrificed if absolutely necessary. Schedule these, write them down. DISCUSS THEM with your dh, and make it understood that "absolutely necessary" does not mean "every week".

 

3. Look over how much of the day remains -- discuss with dh. Let him see how much time he gets to play with while still managing to accommodate the important routines.

 

4. Now decide which routines you can let slide during the summer, but MUST be back in place for your school year. Discuss the importance of these with dh. Discuss the fact that it takes a minimum of 3 weeks or a month (uninterrupted AT ALL) of sticking to such routines before the kids will be able to adhere to them without intervention on your part. Interruptions to this process mean you start the clock over -- there is no "pause". YOU MUST BE ALLOWED TO RE-ESTABLISH THESE ROUTINES A FULL MONTH BEFORE YOU ARE TO START YOUR NEW HOMESCHOOL YEAR. You will not be able to get much done until these routines are re-established.

 

 

Your dh enjoys a certain level of organization at his workplace that is part of the culture. He also gets to leave his workplace and come home to a different environment. You don't have this -- your workplace and your home are one and the same, there is no "away" for you. While there are certain advantages to this there are also certain issues to work through. Since YOU are the home school teacher YOU must be able to insist on the routines that your kids and you depend upon. YOU are the one who must decide the structure of the home school, and YOU are the one who has to deal with all of the consequences when something goes awry.

 

I was going to say that I don't mean for you to come across as a hard-a$$, but then I realized: Yes, I DO. Set the boundaries, and insist on having the reins when you are carrying the responsibility. You and dh are a team, but you are the member of the team on the front lines at home. Be the general.

 

 

I hope I haven't offended. I know all too well how loss of routines can affect even "not challenged" kids -- though I suspect more of us would have been diagnosed with something or other had we been born in a younger generation. Preserving your routines can demand a big effort, especially when all you want to do is let it all go for a while, but identifying the most critical will make them easier to maintain throughout the year. And by identifying when to start getting back into "school year" routines you clarify when these routines can be let go for a while, giving everyone not only a much-needed change of pace, but the opportunity to look forward to it, as well.

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Sorry it was a tough day!

 

I noticed you said you are having more and more of these days lately, and it made me think perhaps her sensory diet could use a change? I have found for ds we usually need to overhaul his every six months or so. Right now he loves the ball pit so much at OT, I had to find a way to add it at home. I actually got a inexpensive pup tent and filled it 3/4 full with balls. It is working out great, as he can be submerged and I can move it about from side to side to up the intensity. It still always surprises me how little things like that can make such a big difference for him.

 

 

Also try this in a pup tent (preferably one with a ceiling higher than the top of the door flap): get one of those party helium tanks and your own latex balloons in jewel colors. Fill up balloons and stuff them (without strings, please) into the tent. Fill the tent about halfway. Then send your son inside to play! Crawl inside for yourself, too, at some point. It's really neat!

 

We "discovered" this when we were trying to corral some balloons left over after a party years ago. When we realized how much fun the kids found it we filled more balloons until we ran the tank dry. Our SI kid especially liked it!

 

 

These sound like great ideas, but I am afraid we are all sensory avoiders. These things would be completely overwhelming for us.

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I can do this to myself, if I'm not careful. BTDT and learning how to NOT destroy my own routines.

 

 

To preserve some routines over the summer (or any major break):

 

1. Decide which of your routines are ABSOLUTELY MANDATORY. These are the must-have's, the family cannot function without them, no matter what time of year. Schedule these for the appropriate time slots each day. WRITE THEM DOWN AND DISCUSS WITH DH. Emphasize WHY they are so critical.

 

2. Decide which routines are strongly desired, important for smooth functioning, but can be sacrificed if absolutely necessary. Schedule these, write them down. DISCUSS THEM with your dh, and make it understood that "absolutely necessary" does not mean "every week".

 

3. Look over how much of the day remains -- discuss with dh. Let him see how much time he gets to play with while still managing to accommodate the important routines.

 

4. Now decide which routines you can let slide during the summer, but MUST be back in place for your school year. Discuss the importance of these with dh. Discuss the fact that it takes a minimum of 3 weeks or a month (uninterrupted AT ALL) of sticking to such routines before the kids will be able to adhere to them without intervention on your part. Interruptions to this process mean you start the clock over -- there is no "pause". YOU MUST BE ALLOWED TO RE-ESTABLISH THESE ROUTINES A FULL MONTH BEFORE YOU ARE TO START YOUR NEW HOMESCHOOL YEAR. You will not be able to get much done until these routines are re-established.

 

 

Your dh enjoys a certain level of organization at his workplace that is part of the culture. He also gets to leave his workplace and come home to a different environment. You don't have this -- your workplace and your home are one and the same, there is no "away" for you. While there are certain advantages to this there are also certain issues to work through. Since YOU are the home school teacher YOU must be able to insist on the routines that your kids and you depend upon. YOU are the one who must decide the structure of the home school, and YOU are the one who has to deal with all of the consequences when something goes awry.

 

I was going to say that I don't mean for you to come across as a hard-a$$, but then I realized: Yes, I DO. Set the boundaries, and insist on having the reins when you are carrying the responsibility. You and dh are a team, but you are the member of the team on the front lines at home. Be the general.

 

 

I hope I haven't offended. I know all too well how loss of routines can affect even "not challenged" kids -- though I suspect more of us would have been diagnosed with something or other had we been born in a younger generation. Preserving your routines can demand a big effort, especially when all you want to do is let it all go for a while, but identifying the most critical will make them easier to maintain throughout the year. And by identifying when to start getting back into "school year" routines you clarify when these routines can be let go for a while, giving everyone not only a much-needed change of pace, but the opportunity to look forward to it, as well.

 

 

No offense taken at all. I know that this is really important. We usually spend the entire first month of summer in tears (me and dd8) because we have no control and don't know what to expect. As we have seen the ramifications, I have been more insistant, and he has gotten better. But I am afraid that my dd8's 2e issues all came from her dad. Without any routines, they would both be happily buzzing about all day long, doing a lot . . . yet not getting anything done, IYKWIM. He tries to go along with our routines. For example, he will wait until chores are done so we can eat breakfast together. But then when we sit down to breakfast, everyone is dressed but him. (So far, my kids are too little to call him on it, but I expect it will happen some day.) And then he complains that we are "starting our day" so late. (I guess he can't do any work until after breakfast?)

 

Yes, we will have the yearly "we need our routines" talk. Hopefully, it will continue to get better.

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Sensory girls here, too. Who also are bright but take a long time to get things done. Just as an FYI. In my experience with three girls so far, something kicks in around age 8. I think it's the very first start of girlie hormones. Depending on the kid and their individual temperament, we can have moods, but more than that, we have slumps. Low energy days when nothing seems to go right. We've had a lot of bloodwork looking at thyroid, vitamin B levels, vitamin D levels, iron levels, and have never had a definitive answer.

 

Getting outside and getting exercise is good. I wouldn't worry about the coat at all. That's not just me talking, that was my pediatrician's advice. Go with whatever she'll put on or nothing at all (coat, I mean!). My youngest just survived the winter mostly wearing sandals. The skin on her feet is pretty rough right now, but she's been healthy except for a stomach bug.

 

Balanced with outdoor exercise, maybe your dd could use some low-stimulation quiet time. A therapist once recommended single-sensory rather than multi-sensory actvities when they need to re-group. Music only. A book only. An audio book. But nothing like computer games or TV or movies.

 

I think you're doing well with the pared down schedule. Prioritizing will be good practice for the future. :)

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Sensory girls here, too. Who also are bright but take a long time to get things done. Just as an FYI. In my experience with three girls so far, something kicks in around age 8. I think it's the very first start of girlie hormones. Depending on the kid and their individual temperament, we can have moods, but more than that, we have slumps. Low energy days when nothing seems to go right.

 

You know, this just occurred to me when I was laying in bed last night. (There a couple of other things going on that could point to hormones.) And I realized that if hormones are playing a part, then she has very little control or understanding of what is going on and what she is feeling. Ugh. I am not ready for that. I thought I had another year or two.

 

I think you're doing well with the pared down schedule. Prioritizing will be good practice for the future. :)

 

 

 

Thank you. I do think we are mostly doing okay. But we have had a lot of bad days recently, mostly because we have lots of surprises and changes crop up--a month of sickness in February, dh's spring break, dd's baptism, a surprise day off for dh due to power outage, etc.

 

With our pared down schedule, though, I feel a lot of pressure to get that done. After all, it is bare bones, and we should be able to get that done, right? But then I have to remind myself that dd is spelling 2 years ahead of grade level, so I can really ditch that anytime I need to. She is also a year ahead in math.

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Haha. I forgot about you having dh as a teacher who isn't into formal schooling. We have one, too!!! The school schedule really interferes with our plans as well.

 

I think we are taking a similar road. This is what we are doing with my 7 yo sensory girl everyday: math, also ahead; ETC 8; WWE; independent reading and read-alouds of pulp fiction at a high level since that what she likes. She has been known to throw good books before going off to mope. What we aren't doing everyday: SOTW, Bible stories, science books from the library. Through a coop, she gets interesting enrichments like geography and Latin, which we don't reinforce at home. She will write an occasional story or joke, a shopping list. Notice no handwriting program, and we're holding off on spelling into ETC is done. She takes a drama class and martial arts. It actually looks better here than it feels on a daily basis. ;)

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From your posts, I get the impression she has some trouble around transitions in her day. If that is the case, do you think giving her some ownership/control of the order of her day may help?

 

 

I do try to give her some control, but part of the her executive function difficulties is in making choices. She has been known to break down in tears over a choice. She doesn't even have a favorite color or favorite food, because she just can't choose one. I give her some control over her schedule, as in, "We won't have time to do this at our normal time. When do you think we should make up, this afternoon, or tomorrow?" It is such a fine line. Too much control = tears. Too little control = tears. And the happy medium seems to change from one day to the next.

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I do try to give her some control, but part of the her executive function difficulties is in making choices. She has been known to break down in tears over a choice. She doesn't even have a favorite color or favorite food, because she just can't choose one. I give her some control over her schedule, as in, "We won't have time to do this at our normal time. When do you think we should make up, this afternoon, or tomorrow?" It is such a fine line. Too much control = tears. Too little control = tears. And the happy medium seems to change from one day to the next.

 

 

 

Oh that is a fine line to walk. Wish I had something helpful to suggest. Hopefully, the return to a more predictable schedule will settle things down.

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