When looking for a new church.....

[naturally]

After 5 years at our church, DH and I feel it's time for us to leave. It's grown so big and has become something we aren't comfortable with/in anymore. There are just so many things but one of the big ones is that after 5 years there are only a handful (literally maybe 7 people) of people even know our names (the church is about 5k+ although not that many attend on Saturday nights which is the only service we can go to). We have 1 friend that we will keep in touch with even after we leave.

 

But my question is - *how* do you find a new church? I've been looking online and have picked a few to try. Most however are Sunday morning only services which doesn't work for us at this point with DH's schedule. But there are a couple with Sat or Sun evening services. I'm praying his schedule may change in the next few months which will allow us to attend Sunday mornings.

 

How many weeks do you go to know if you like it?

Would you look for a new church now if you thought your schedule might change soon and then you would move to yet another church? Does that even make sense?

 

I know what I want to find but it's hard. There are so many things to consider. I don't like church shopping but I'm tired of being in the stage of "any excuse not to go". :-(

 

Help.

[Susan C.]

Try looking at a church's statement of faith on their website and see if you agree with it. Also sermons are on church's websites as well. With internet its now possible to visit without actually going to get a short list.

[milovany]

Oh, goodness. It's so hard. And the hardest part for me, when we used to church-shop, was knowing that we might grow uncomfortable again in just a few years and then have to go through the process all over again. I'm sorry you're going through this. :grouphug: I will be praying for you.

 

Are you committed to a certain type of church? Evangelical? Protestant? Charismatic? Creedal or non-creedal? Age-integrated? Liturgical or non-liturgical? Are you open to historical churches like Orthodox or Catholic? Thinking through some of these issues might help you in your decision making process. We converted to the Eastern Orthodox church a few years ago, from 20+ years in the protestant church, and having become committed to it and its beliefs, we've now ruled out future church shopping, which is something of a relief. Once you and your husband can determine what the nature of the church is and ought to be, perhaps that will help you make a decision.

 

I find it interesting that the Bible doesn't teach us how to choose a church.

[Ellie]

For us:

 

1. Check out the church's doctrinal statement.

 

2. What kinds of activities/ministries are there for the children and for us? Bible studies? Sunday school classes? Choir? For Mr. Ellie and me, going to church once a week isn't enough; we must be involved, and there must be something for our children to participate in that isn't too frothy.

 

3. Sometimes we have known when we walked into a church that it was the right one. Sometimes we have needed several Sundays to know.

 

4. We know there's a chance it's the right one if the pastor preaches from the Bible and if he uses a single translation.

 

5. We are leery of music that is too contemporary and insipid. As children of the 60s we are not opposed to contemporary music, lol, but we want music that actually means something, with lyrics that have more than four syllables and that talks about God more than about us. In our experience, churches with music that is too contemporary and insipid tend to have shallow teaching and very little spiritual growth.

[skeeterbug]

I find it interesting that the Bible doesn't teach us how to choose a church.

 

 

I'm thinking our concept of church today is very different from what NT writers could have ever even fathomed. ;)

[milovany]

I'm thinking our concept of church today is very different from what NT writers could have ever even fathomed. ;)

 

 

Yep, yep. When the words were written and the church fathers included them in Scripture, there was but one church. You didn't have to church shop, you just went to church. {Longing sigh}

[Ottakee]

This is hard. After 27 years at one church(since I was a mid teen) dh and I are at that place. We found a few that have doctrinal statements that we can agree with and started there.

 

The youth group is a big issue for us. We want the kids to have fun but also be challenged spirtually by leaders who live what they teach.

 

I agree with the music thing. Some updated music is fine but when it turns into a concert vs. a worship service or the songs are all the 7-11 type (7 words sang 11 times) it is a big turn off for us.

 

We would like to stay as close to our home as possible as it makes becoming involved much easier---both for ministries for our family as well as outreach.

 

Right now we are sorta between 2 churches.

 

#1 is a bit closer to home, much larger than we are used too (2 services of about 350 each), has good ministries, a bit more contemporary that idea for us. Very friendly church and we know a few people that go there

 

#2 is a bit farther away, a smaller congreation of about 75-100, has a large number of kids our kids ages (and they know most of them already), very traditional church, good ministries but not as many due to size. We know over 1/2 of the church members already

 

Right now we are just visiting one and then the other, about every other week or so.

 

We did try a few others but either the music, or teaching, or youth group just wasn't a good fit for us. There is one church we would likely love but right now it is about a 40 minute drive as it is right across the river from us but the nearest bridge over said river is 15 miles away. That might change soon as they are building a bridge over the river just 1/2 mile behind our house which might make the time to church 10-15 minutes once it is done.

[DawnM]

Honestly, the best advice I can give is to pray. We moved to NC almost 8 years ago now. We just naturally went to the church that was the same denomination we had come from.

 

It was NOT a good fit. I could go on and on with the issues that church had. After about 9 months we knew it was not the church for us and we needed to leave.

 

We tried several churches and my husband kept saying he wanted to try the Baptist church up a ways from us. I kept saying, "But it is BAPTIST!" I wouldn't even consider it.

 

Well, here we are 6 years later, still going to that Baptist church. I don't have time at the moment to go into how it all transpired, but it has been a good fit overall for us. The church did do a planned church plant closer to us and we thought it would be great to be closer to home, so we went with them for a while, but we ended up going back to the original church again.

 

Dawn

 

PS: And I was NOT asked to sign a doctrinal statement of any kind. At the "get to know us" membership class we were given a presentation on what they believed and why and then it was presented as, "And if YOU are ok with US, you are welcome to join us." That sold me right there!

[Chris in VA]

If I were choosing, I'd pick a denomination, which would narrow the search, and then set some location parameters. Then I would go to websites and look at SoF or sermons, or call and speak with a clergy member.

 

I would look for a place w music I either liked or could learn to like; healthy and safe practices (two adults at youth things, pastor isn't considered godlike and takes good care of himself; financial wisdom and accountability; etc.); and where people go to be encouraged in their walks and share the gospel. I prefer a friendly church where people can form deep relationships with one another, and with God.

 

Doctrine is really important to me, but I try to remember not everyone who attends the church may believe exactly what the church says it teaches, but I certainly expect the clergy to teach whatever the denomination thinks and has stated as orthodox.

[Whereneverever]

If I were choosing, I'd pick a denomination, which would narrow the search, and then set some location parameters. Then I would go to websites and look at SoF or sermons, or call and speak with a clergy member.

 

I would look for a place w music I either liked or could learn to like; healthy and safe practices (two adults at youth things, pastor isn't considered godlike and takes good care of himself; financial wisdom and accountability; etc.); and where people go to be encouraged in their walks and share the gospel. I prefer a friendly church where people can form deep relationships with one another, and with God.

 

Doctrine is really important to me, but I try to remember not everyone who attends the church may believe exactly what the church says it teaches, but I certainly expect the clergy to teach whatever the denomination thinks and has stated as orthodox.

 

:yeahthat:

[MedicMom]

I just want to say that you are incredibly fortunate to have choices. DH and I work opposite Sundays so going to church as a family will never be an option. All the Sunday evening services around here are poorly attended prayer meetings and a Saturday evening service is unhward of. We don't have job options, either, so we are just stuck. It makes me sad.

[kiwik]

I think churches are a bit different over there. If I were shopping for churches in my area I probably wouldn't choose the one I attend. It is too literal in its interpretation of the bible for me and the new music format irritates me. BUT it is the church I came to believe in God at, the people are genuinely nice and I like the minister and his wife. And the kids are happy there.

 

I would check websites and go mainly on word of mouth. I would expect the majority of church services to be on Sunday and as a single parent don't see one parent working on Sunday to be of any importance (unless you can't drive or have 3 under 3 or something). In the second case I would find someone willing to help and go to their church.

[Tina]

Dh and I attended our church for many more years before making some friends there. We would basically go to the service each week and leave, without really making an effort to get to know folks. Especially for me, an introvert, it took a while. I had to volunteer and get to know people one on one or in a small group before I could claim any friends. It has grown over 20+ years to be the perfect home for us. We believe in the Bible base, and there has been 'food' for all of us over the years, tho my boys attended a youth group with other hs friends during high school for some deeper Bible study. I guess for me, it was making the effort to make the contact with others that made the difference. Just a thought. Ignore me if I'm off base. :)