Needing encouragement.

[SorrelZG]

I am not bilingual. We recently moved to SE Asia and before that we had been working on Latin slowly and steadily for over a year, some Spanish for about six months, and a smattering of Khmer here and there. Latin has been easy for me to progress in (it helps that accent isn't essential) and even Spanish was going smoothly. Khmer was difficult and I couldn't get heavily into it, despite the pending move. I figured it would be easier once we were immersed in it. It hasn't quite worked out that way. DH hired a tutor to come (for the adults) five days per week, one hour per day and I didn't last a week. Firstly, pronunciation. It's difficult but for me it seemed more so. I couldn't keep up for that reason alone. Additionally, I found that I didn't have the time. DH is able to spend hours each day working on language off in his home office (ie. without constant distraction) and gets out more but I have a lot of domestic duties and little ones to care for on top of homeschooling.

 

I'm happy for the progress he is making but so discouraged for myself and a bit frustrated at times. Even though I don't *need* the language much, the lack still adds stress. I'm starting to wonder if I'm just too old (31) or not wired for such a foreign language.

 

I would appreciate any words of encouragement, even from those on my end of language acquisition who are battling on in spite of obstacles.

[Jean in Newcastle]

It is harder when you have distractions. My experience having grown up overseas is that often the wife was less fluent in the language for this very reason. Though she often was much more fluent in food words! I wonder if you could hire a local mother's helper who could teach you naturally some words/phrases as you go about your day?

[Incognito]

I have family that moved to a new country/totally new language in their mid-30's and they are quite fluent (although their spelling is pretty rough! ;)). In the family I am thinking of the husband was out working and learned that way, while the wife was home with the kids but learned through soap operas. Silly, right? But they had no money for tutors, and it was a big part of how she figured it out.

 

You'll learn. Maybe you could even just get a different tutor to go at your pace?

[Mabelen]

Don't give up on the tutor altogether. If it is partly due to lack of time, why won't you do two or three times a week just you and the tutor? You can do it, may be not as fast as your husband but you will still make progress.

[PollyOR]

Try not to be so hard on yourself. My dd lived in Germany for 8-9 months and had the same experience. She had three little ones and found it hard to get out and about to use her German. I think she finally gave up and was happy that many of her acquaintances spoke English. Of course, they knew their stay was going to be temporary.

[SorrelZG]

Thank-you, ladies. I am going to push myself to keep plugging away at it even if the progress is slow. I am encouraged to know that others have been in my place and overcome! I appreciate the suggestions. Part of my problem, I think, is that I do not learn well from simply hearing but I need to see and write and the message I got from almost everyone for a long time was, "Don't worry about reading or writing yet, just learn to speak." I let myself get thrown off from my intuitive inclination to read and write and have stalled a lot until recently when DH got to a point where he discovered that reading and writing actually helped him progress further. Then there is the completely new and huge alphabet and so many new sounds...

 

I've also fingered out that I can only do it a bit each day anyway, not hours like DH seems to. My brain can only take in so much before it just needs a break. I guess I've been putting unrealistic expectations on myself and not trusting my instincts on how I learn.

 

 

[Incognito]

You sound like you know this, but I also want to point out that you really shouldn't be comparing yourself and what you can do to your DH and what he can do. You have different mental and physical reserves (and amounts of time!), and you are just different people. I have seen one couple who did the new country thing and the one spouse was able to pick up on the language a lot faster and the other sort of quit because they felt like they were losing the race. It was sad to see. It isn't a competition, and little by little you will learn. Hugs on the new country and adventure with so much on your plate and so many little ones.

[8filltheheart]

Your experience is very similar to mine when we moved to Brazil. Dh was spending all his time around Brazilians at work and he picked up the language very quickly. I was home with our children, homeschooling and with really little ones, and my interactions out in the community were less frequent.

 

I became fluent in the language I needed.......grocery shopping, playing (neighborhood kids wanting to play with dc), medical issues (ear aches, sore throats, general little kid illnesses), etc. I could never hold an abstract conversation with an adult b/c my language skills were centered around the concrete.

 

One of the biggest hurdles I never overcame was wanting to literally translate from English. It wasn't until we were ready to move back that I finally started grasping that there isn't a way to always correlate directly from English. (one time I made a comment about "in the dog house" and got blank stares. Finally another woman said, "I think she means bird in a cage." I have no idea if they have even any related meaning!

 

Our 7 yos became completely fluent in a very short amt of time.....something like 3-4 months. He had no English speaking friends and literally got to the point where he thought in Portuguese far more than in English. As much as I hated it, I did have to rely on him many times to translate for me.

 

It was really hard when we first moved. But, now I look back on that time of my life with only fond memories and I am so glad we had the opportunity and experience. It definitely gets easier b/c you learn to cope and even when it isn't perfect (or sometimes even close to correct!!) you learn how to get people to understand you and the questions to ask so that you can understand them. ((((hugs))) It will get better.

 

 

[regentrude]

Part of my problem, I think, is that I do not learn well from simply hearing but I need to see and write and the message I got from almost everyone for a long time was, "Don't worry about reading or writing yet, just learn to speak." I let myself get thrown off from my intuitive inclination to read and write and have stalled a lot until recently when DH got to a point where he discovered that reading and writing actually helped him progress further. Then there is the completely new and huge alphabet and so many new sounds...

 

I've also fingered out that I can only do it a bit each day anyway, not hours like DH seems to. My brain can only take in so much before it just needs a break. I guess I've been putting unrealistic expectations on myself and not trusting my instincts on how I learn.

 

 

I completely understand- I am a visual learner, and I could never learn a language just from hearing. I must see, read, and write.

This sounds as if you need to look for a different language program.

Good luck.

[Penguin]

First of all, you are DEFINITELY not too old! I moved two Denmark almost two years ago as a monolingual American in her late 40s, and I have made great strides in Danish. Am I fluent? Not by a long shot. But I can pick up the telephone and make an appointment or a restaurant reservation. I can write simple emails, and I can read reasonably well. I have also put in many, many hours of study. Sometimes I do get discouraged - mostly with my inability to understand native speakers when they speak at normal speed. Danish is notoriously difficult to pronounce; spelling typically does not yield many clues to the pronunciation. But even so, I can't seem to internalize the word unless I have seen it written.

 

Khmer might be more difficult to learn then Danish. After all, you have that gorgeous alphabet to master. And I don't have littles, so I have likely had more time than you do. So your experience might be completely different than mine. But I hope that you persevere! The victories are oh-so-sweet when they happen.

 

I have had to temporarily stop going to classes, but I am determined not to let that obstacle stop my progress.

 

Is there is a regular route that you walk? If so, challenge yourself to learn every.single.word on every.single.sign from here to there. Learn another word or two every time you take that stroll.

 

Create a "language nest." Make the kitchen Khmer-only, for example.

 

 

This web site has some neat ideas to shake up your studies: Finding Comprehensible Input

 

Good luck!

[Giraffe]

You're not too old. I began learning Turkish at the ripe old age of 40. I'm far from fluent, but I'm functional now. DD was an infant when we first moved here and it was hard getting lessons, but we found a tutor that came to the house and taught me while DD napped. When that wouldn't work, we got a mother's helper to watch her. After a while (a year?) we stopped the tutor and I just began learning from the TV, housekeepers, shopkeepers, friends. Like others, my Turkish is functional, not abstract. I can shop, bank, travel, communicate with DD's school. I cannot discuss politics or the meaning of life. That's ok. Maybe one day I'll get there, maybe I won't.

 

All that to say don't give up, and find some help. You need to be able to communicate and the mother's helper is worth it to achieve that.

 

:grouphug: