I'm having a hard time being strict enough with school assignments.

[mom31257]

I feel that I'm getting too lax on making dd do her assignments in a timely manner. Part of it is that she and I are opposites and definitely have times of not interacting well, so I hate to always be on her about it. Part of it is that I'm burned out on homeschooling her. She's been much more difficult to homeschool since she started high school. She doesn't like many of the subjects required to graduate high school, but knows she won't have any kind of life if she doesn't go to college. The things she truly enjoys are probably not going to be things she can do to earn a living (writing fiction and singing/acting). I really thought it was just the emotions of puberty and she'd get out of it, but I don't see it happening. She's happiest when she's not home. I want to enjoy homeschooling her, but she's whiny when something is difficult. When she is like that I just want to walk away and leave her to do it on her own. I really don't think she is reaching her potential. She definitely doesn't want to go to school, though.

 

Believe it or not, the hardest time I have with her is over writing assignments for literature, history, etc. She loves to write her own fiction or ideas, but she has grown to hate writing assignments for school. Part of it is that she is a perfectionist and is convinced she won't do a good job with it. She defeats herself in her mind before she even starts. She has two writing assignments right now that are more than a week overdue. I am not dealing well with mental defeat. I am a doer, so my mentality is buckle down and get it done. I don't know how to help her get past the emotional frustration of something being difficult.

 

We allowed her to try out for Sound of Music this spring, and she has a good role. I had hoped that being able to pursue something she really wanted to do would carry over to other areas, but it hasn't. She wants to try out for their summer youth production, but honestly, I don't want to let her unless she gets her act together about school work. The theater is a 30 minute drive away, so it's gas and time for us because she's not driving yet. She hasn't taken the initiative to study the manual I got her so she could even take her permit test.

 

She takes Spanish class out and she always has that work done, even if she procrastinates and does it all the day before. She volunteers at our library, and the ladies there love her because she does a great job. She does what we ask her to do at home, but she takes no initiative to help in any area.

 

Is this just normal teen emotional stuff? Let me add that she hates exercise and being outside. I am convinced that inactivity is contributing to her mindset. How do I get a backbone and make her be more timely as well as be active outdoors?

[regentrude]

Partly it is normal teen stuff, and it can easily turn into a power struggle. I would advise to carefully examine the issues and pick your battles.

 

I would start by looking at the assignments and thinking about whether they really all have a purpose. How many writing assignments does she have, how frequently? Does she need them? You say she likes to write fiction, so she is probably a good writer?

I have kids like this, too, my DD loves to write and is good at it and is also a perfectionist. Consequently I have reduced the academic writing assignments to a minimum. I aim for quality over quantity and only have her write a handful of papers each year.

I have also cut out any busy work from their curricula; they get enough practice to master the concepts in math and science, but we cut out all fluff. and do not use boxed curricula which tend to have an overabundance of busy work.

 

How much input does she have into her curriculum? I let my kids choose their own topics to write about, for literature and history. They can learn how to write on a topic that interests them. Can it be that she feels she has not enough say in her own education?

 

About inactivity: I do put my foot down and mandate regular outdoor exercise for health reasons. Even if it is just going for a walk. That is something that is not negotiable and a battle that I am willing to fight. Can she find an activity she enjoys? Are you active as a family? We hike, walk and bike, and even though the teens no longer want to come each time, having this as part of regular family activities makes it more likely and more enjoyable.

 

I personally would encourage her to try out for the summer musical, because it will be a productive activity that keeps her engaged. I understand about time and gas, but I find it very important to encourage a teen to follow her passion -even if that may not lead to a career, and is not what you would have planned for her. I would not tie permission to school, because I consider it an important learning opportunity.

[mom31257]

I wanted to let her be more involved with curriculum choices during high school, but she doesn't want to put the time involved to really evaluate choices. She has ended up letting me decide both years. Maybe I could swing an overnight stay in a hotel and take her to the convention in May. It would probably be a good time for us to be together and have some fun as well as look at different curricula out there.

 

You are right about the summer program. I want her to be involved with others, and the hours will count toward fine arts credit on her transcript. She seems to enjoy doing Just Dance on the Wii with a couple of friends she sees from time to time, so I just ordered it.

[Brenda in MA]

Hi Amy,

 

A lot of what you're describing in your dd's behavior sounds to me like an age/maturity issue, and it seems normal (albeit frustrating) to me. Both of my high schoolers required a good amount of pushing/oversight. My youngest is approaching 17yo, and I can finally see him starting to take the reins more himself. It seems like it took forever, but it's happening, and that's all that matters.

 

It sounds like she has a mix of at home coursework, a class out of the house, and outside activities. The only thing I can think to suggest about the writing is to look for an outside English course that will assign writing for her and grade papers. If someone else is looking for the papers by a certain date, hopefully, she'll have more incentive to get the work done. My older ds took a lit course from Potters School (19th Century Lit) several years ago that was well done, and had a decent, but not crazy amount of work. I'd also suggest not pushing writing assignments in too many subject areas (eg. both English & History). She just needs to learn to do some academic writing, she doesn't have to do it in every class as long as there is a good amount in the one or two classes with writing assignments. You could look for other ways to assess her in History, say -- have her make outlines of the reading, or make small posters/projects on what she's read, or have her take tests on the material.

 

I definitely hear you on the mental defeat thing. This time of year is always tough for us, too. It just seems like we are so ready for the school year to be over, and the weather is finally starting to get nice. Buckling down and finishing out the year is just plain difficult. I've found that when my motivation to oversee & check wains, so does the student's for actually doing the work. So, see if you can find a way to recharge yourself a little -- maybe a lunch or movie out with a friend, or a trip to a museum, park, etc.

 

Maybe try to set up some goals for the summer with the idea of making next year a bit smoother -- like scheduling time for her to get her driver's permit. She can at least get driving practice while you take her to the rehearsals. Regarding the summer production -- that seems tricky to me. On the one hand, you don't want to reward her lack of dedication to her schoolwork, but on the other, you don't want her to feel so thoroughly defeated/punished that she looses even more motivation. Maybe set up some goals associated with the summer program -- like the driver's permit, exercise, some school if it needs to be finished, etc., and then really plan to remind/guide her through it. I think you want to set things up (and give her enough help) that she can be successful, so at the end of the day, you can congratulate her on juggling things and accomplishing the goals. As she gains confidence that she can handle so many things, it will get easier for her to do them, and it will require less pushing/input from you.

 

Best wishes & I hope you find a good balance/approach that works for you (& her),

Brenda

[beachnut]

I would absolutely encourage her to be involved in the play, but I would dangle that as the carrot to fuel her motivation to get her schoolwork done. "If you do this, this, and this by this date, I will be happy to drive you to and from auditions, play practice, etc." That way, you are not rewarding her for slacking off, and you are showing her that you want her to pursue her passion and you will help her do it. But I think it needs to be a win-win for both of you.

[RootAnn]

Have you seen SWB's YouTube on

- watch the whole thing, but the section that I'm pointing out starts around 10 minutes in? (I would encourage you to outsource as much as you can (afford) for awhile until things get better for both of you. But, I haven't BTDT yet.)

[mom31257]

Have you seen SWB's YouTube on

- watch the whole thing, but the section that I'm pointing out starts around 10 minutes in? (I would encourage you to outsource as much as you can (afford) for awhile until things get better for both of you. But, I haven't BTDT yet.)

 

Thanks for that link! Outsourcing would be a good thing, but the problem is the money for classes as well as gas to get to there and/or theater stuff. There aren't classes nearby that I've found. I've not really started researching online. She will take Spanish 2 again next year from my friend. It's a bartering situation. I tutor her kids in high school math in exchange. She'll have Chemistry and Algebra 2 (two of my favorites!) next year, so I hate to outsource something that I can definitely teach. Her other main subjects will be American history as well as American literature and composition. I'll have to do some looking around and see what I can find.

[Teachin'Mine]

Procrastination and perfectionism can lead to a feeling of being overwhelmed when the volume of work overdue begins to pile up. You mentioned that she has two papers overdue. You might want to try giving her more bite sized assignments instead of just having the finished paper due on a specific date. You could break this down into completing the reading/researching, writing the thesis statement, a written outline, the first two paragraphs, a first draft, a revision/final paper. If it's the perfectionism that's holding her up from writing the papers, then I'd work on that aspect first. Maybe I'd give her a couple of writing assignments where the actual mechanics of the writing aren't graded. You could make it just that a page or two needs to be written, on a topic of her choosing, within a certain amount of time. Credit would be given just for completing the writing and there would be no pressure to worry if it would be "good enough". I also think that a course or two outsourced might be very helpful. Just some thoughts.

[at the beach]

A few thoughts for you:

 

Yes, it's typical behavior. Kids this age are often trying to pull away from parents, so when they are homeschooled, it makes it all the harder IMO. :grouphug: That's why I don't think it's helpful in this type of situation to try to exert authority over teens. It's better to work with them to come up with a plan for what they want their education to look like. And to try to accommodate them (within reason) even if it means lowering expectations.

 

I would be reassured by the fact that your daughter is doing well in the Spanish course and the library staff loves her.

 

I would not take away the theatre experience.

 

As for writing, I would find a way to outsource this and remove myself from the equation. Write at Home is an excellent resource. One of the best we've found.

 

You comment that you are concerned she is not reaching her potential. I don't think many of us do that across the board. It would be too stressful for me anyway. :tongue_smilie: It's okay to do some things in a less rigorous manner. You don't talk about your daughter's future goals, but I would be looking at that. I'd allow some classwork to be lighter in the areas she is less interested in.

[jhschool]

She could double major in Creative Writing and Musical Theatre.

She sounds like an enthusiastic person--I would let her keep doing

what she is doing.

Just outsource the classes that she won't do for you and make sure

she finishes 4 years of Math, 4 years of Science, 4 years of Social

Science, 4 years of English, and 2 years of Language. Other than that

I think she sounds pretty typical--and not problematic. If she didn't

want anything (like theatre) that might sound like a problem. She doesn't

sound unmotivated.

Anyway, sorry to be of no help but I don't think she sounds too bad.

Let her go to the theatre thing. And let her write what she wants. Outsource

the other classes like you already have with Spanish.

Good luck and God Bless!

[goldberry]

I wanted to let her be more involved with curriculum choices during high school, but she doesn't want to put the time involved to really evaluate choices. She has ended up letting me decide both years. Maybe I could swing an overnight stay in a hotel and take her to the convention in May. It would probably be a good time for us to be together and have some fun as well as look at different curricula out there.

 

You are right about the summer program. I want her to be involved with others, and the hours will count toward fine arts credit on her transcript. She seems to enjoy doing Just Dance on the Wii with a couple of friends she sees from time to time, so I just ordered it.

 

We live in an absolutely gorgeous area with a ton of outside things to do, and I have a daughter who would rather do Just Dance for her PE :glare: .

 

My daughter is also similar to yours with motivation, effort, etc. It has taken me alot of time and introspection to try to accept who she is but still give her the encouragement she needs. :grouphug: I am also similar to you in that I have an exact opposite personality from her. The harder I pushed the more she would break down and the less we would get done.

 

Your idea about taking her with you on a special trip is a good one. Things have improved since I started focusing more on relationship. There is a good book that was recommended to me here, Strong Willed Child or Dreamer. It helped alot with my frustration.

 

http://www.amazon.co...d/dp/0785277005

 

ETA, please don't take away her theater experience. From what you are describing, it won't accomplish what you are hoping (motivation) but would more likely damage your relationship.

[Cinder]

Outsourcing would be a good thing, . . . I'll have to do some looking around and see what I can find.

 

 

Amy, check out GA Virtual School. I know a couple of families who have used it and liked it. We'll be trying it this fall for our first time. GA homeschoolers can take courses for free on a space-available basis. You'll need a headset; other supplies will be listed on the course page.