DD10 told me yesterday that she hangs out by herself at recess...

[lisabees]

She said she doesn't even understand what the other kids are talking about. I was like, huh?

 

After emailing the teacher and reading her response, it all makes sense. She said that while dd is very mature and smart and has background knowledge most kids don't have, she is quite innocent (read: age appropriate) and happy - "a save the earth and wildlife kind of girl". The teacher said most kids are talking about tv shows, ipods, twitter, snap chat etc.

 

What? No one is discussing Brian Cox and physics or her favorite Doctor Who?! Isn't that pop culture? :lol:

 

DD did say that one time when she was on the swing, a boy sat next to her. They discussed their favorite planets and wildlife. "I really liked that recess."

 

Sigh. One more non-conformist in the family to worry about. Thank goodness for her ballet friends with whom she spends hours and hours a week. She also has two close friends in the neighborhood. But it still broke my heart when she told me, imagining her roaming around by herself.

 

Just thought I'd share here, because I can't anywhere else. I know I'm not alone.

[kiwik]

I always played by myself and didn't mind but I see your concern. My son plays by himself a lot too but since the play usually involves a ball he often gets someone joining in.

 

How old is she?

[Joker]

My oldest dd's entire first year of ps was a lot like that. She didn't really hang with anyone because she just didn't understand them. This year, though, she has found a good group that shares her interests. It just took her some time to find them.

[lisabees]

I always played by myself and didn't mind but I see your concern. My son plays by himself a lot too but since the play usually involves a ball he often gets someone joining in.

 

How old is she?

 

 

She is ten. She is actually a very confident girl who is happy being different! She was just reflecting on the matter - not really upset. I was the one who was sad, thinking of her alone.

 

My oldest dd's entire first year of ps was a lot like that. She didn't really hang with anyone because she just didn't understand them. This year, though, she has found a good group that shares her interests. It just took her some time to find them.

 

 

Thanks. I know she will find them. For my oldest, he didn't find them until senior year. :huh:

[Chrysalis Academy]

She sounds just exactly like my 10 yo. I wish they could know each other!

 

My dd has always marched to her own beat. She had lots of friends in ps, but they and she were beginning to notice that she was - different. Always climbing trees, or thinking about nature, science, etc., not at all interested in pop culture. We pulled her from ps in the beginning of 4th (for academic, not social reasons), before it became much of an issue. Now when she sees "those" girls at birthday parties or something they are mostly kind of affectionate in a dismissive way, rather than being mean, because she isn't with them every day, so they don't feel the need to pressure her into conformity. I'm grateful for that. I'm also grateful that through her interests - theater and horseback riding - she has made some friends that are the same way. One of her best friends is 12, in 6th grade in ps, and is struggling with this a lot at school. I'm glad that she and my dd found each other.

[slackermom]

But it still broke my heart when she told me, imagining her roaming around by herself.

 

Just thought I'd share here, because I can't anywhere else. I know I'm not alone.

 

 

My DD8 sounds like yours, spending a lot of recess time on her own because she isn't interested in what the other kids are doing. I was a little alarmed when she first told me, but it doesn't seem to be a problem for her.

 

She says she often imagines herself on secret missions, finding clues around the school yard, or she just explores, or thinks up poems to write down when she gets home. She says most of the girls in her grade want to talk about fashion, or puppies, or pretend to be puppies in a fashion show (?). She gets along with most of them, but gets bored with that really quickly.

 

She says recess is the only time of the school day she has the freedom to tune out the boring stuff and focus on her own interests. That's actually a bigger concern for me right now - the fact that she spends 90% of her school day feeling bored.

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

In elementary school everyone knew me as "The Girl Who Read at Recess." I was the only kid who voluntarily sat on the time-out bench because it had the best shade. The librarian saw me every morning and every afternoon. I completely understand your concern. Please don't try to change her (not that I think you would.) I have no advice other than "she'll survive" and have her make friends with the librarian.

[AMJ]

School librarians are great! At my first high school our librarian let me cull through the withdrawn books before she got rid of them after she found me rescuing one from the trash. It was falling apart, but it was a book, and an old book at that. I couldn't walk past.

[MinivanMom]

In elementary school everyone knew me as "The Girl Who Read at Recess." I was the only kid who voluntarily sat on the time-out bench because it had the best shade. The librarian saw me every morning and every afternoon. I completely understand your concern. Please don't try to change her (not that I think you would.) I have no advice other than "she'll survive" and have her make friends with the librarian.

 

 

I agree.

 

I was that child at various points. It probably didn't help that I attended 3 different elementary schools, so there were a lot of rough transitions there. I think being sporty can help bright kids fit in within that recess setting, because it gives you a way to connect with other children outside of conversation. I was definitely a ballet girl, though, so I always carried a book with me. Eventually I would find a few friends that I connected with, but I really think that it takes time unless your child is attending some sort of gifted magnet. I started at my 3rd elementary school in 4th grade and that transition was the hardest. My 4th grade teacher was a very vivacious, extroverted woman who I think was really pained to see me reading alone (I was fine; I think she was projecting a teensy bit). She arranged with one of the kindergarten teachers to have me come in and act as a teacher's aide during the lunch hour everyday. Then she pulled me aside and told me that the kindergarten teacher desperately needed help and would I mind assisting in the kindergarten during the lunch hour. It was a brilliant move on her part. I had always hated being forced to tutor peers, but I loved working with the kindergartners. After about six months I had found my niche and asked the kindergarten teacher if it was okay for me go to recess with my friends. Her face was priceless.

 

I think there are a lot of ways to address the situation if it is bothering your daughter. I think there are also ways to address it so that your daughter doesn't feel like a "project". The real question is whether it is bothering her or whether it is bothering you. If she's not upset then there probably isn't a problem to solve. I think the fact that she has friends at ballet and in the neighborhood is huge. It's not that she isn't fitting in at all; it's that she isn't fitting in when it comes to this one particular setting. I don't blame her. When I imagine h*ll, I picture being stuck in an endless recess where everyone is playing tetherball. I hate tetherball.

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

School librarians are great! At my first high school our librarian let me cull through the withdrawn books before she got rid of them after she found me rescuing one from the trash. It was falling apart, but it was a book, and an old book at that. I couldn't walk past.

 

 

I made friends with the high school librarians, too. I ended up with a lot of the "throw away" books. That's how I got my 1957 Encycolpida set (in almost-new condition!) :thumbup:

[nutella08]

Sounds like me growing up. My parents actually quite worried quite a bit, especially in high school. I had a couple friends but no one really close. Fortunately, I never experienced bullying either, or perhaps I was simply oblivious. Finally in college, I found people I could relate too. However, I would consider myself fairly well-adjusted now. Although I'm still no social butterfly, I have all the non-conformist friends I need.

[Laura Corin]

Hobbes made a lot of 'friends' when he first went to school, because they all used to kick a ball around together. He's fairly able to meet people on different levels, appreciating that this child likes to climb trees and that child likes to read books. He's only actually close to one or two boys.

 

Calvin is having a hard time making male friends at school. He has a few, but no one close. He finds the casual sexism and homophobia of teenage boys difficult to get past. He has two or three friends-who-are-girls.

 

Laura

[Dmmetler]

I was that way as well as a kid.

 

I've tried to keep DD at least somewhat informed on pop culture and tried to guide her to find common ground; she liked Lang Fairy books more than Disney, but simply knowing what color each of the Disney princesses wore made play possible. Spending a little time watching clips from classic movie monsters online made the current "Monster High" fascination that practically every girl her age seems to have a little more viable as well.

 

It frustrates her at times that she has no one to talk to about HER stuff, which is why I've tried to get small groups together for topics she's interested in. It's a lot easier to find people who want to talk about habitat destruction and animal conservation issues when you're on a nature hike vs on the playground. If you set up a physics day to do hands-on projects, usually at least a couple of people will want to come. And sometimes, those turn into kids who you can talk with on the playground.

[Tracy]

Oh, that was me! But I never would have told anyone, because I thought there was something wrong with me. I would try to like pop culture--listen to the music, wear the clothes, watch the shows--but it was so much work. I often fantasize about what life might have been like if could have been homeschooled.

[Mommy22alyns]

I usually had one good friend at a time. It didn't bother me. I liked it that way. I'm still like that.

 

 

Yep, I had a few close friends and didn't care about everyone else. I was pretty independent. It's good that your DD has dance friends - honestly, that's probably better than just random kids at school. If she's doing it for hours a week, she's got more in common with them. Rebecca is obviously not public schooled, but pretty much all of her friends are through gymnastics.

[kiwik]

Oh, that was me! But I never would have told anyone, because I thought there was something wrong with me. I would try to like pop culture--listen to the music, wear the clothes, watch the shows--but it was so much work. I often fantasize about what life might have been like if could have been homeschooled.

 

 

Me too. And of course every time I express any concern about ds6 I get accused of projecting. But I would say his IQ outstrips mine by 20 to 30 points.

[IrishMum]

My oldest played with the ants in the playground, when he was in school, while the other boys played football. He said the ants were better company;)