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Knowing thyself versus overthinking things?


I.Dup.
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This all started with an Asperger's quiz I asked dh to take online a few days ago. I took it after him and I scored way higher than he did. I was convinced HE was the one with Asperger's (lol) but it turns out I scored pretty high in the Asperger range.

 

Here is the quiz if you're interested. Feel free to take it and post your score, if you feel so inclined. I asked a few of my facebook friends and they scored WAY lower than I did. :leaving: :blushing:

 

http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php

 

I have been thinking about this a lot. I never would have thought I had Asperger's. I can talk to people, I can look people in the eye, I can stand being touched, etc. These things are difficult for me, among many other things, and I do have quite a bit of impediments that affect my daily life, but....Asperger's? This could explain so much for me. But I am having a hard time really accepting this. I guess I could go see a physician for an official diagnosis, but I can be very articulate and social when I want to be, so I really don't think anyone would suspect this, especially not a doctor just based on a quick evaluation.

 

My son was told by a doctor who specializes in Autism that he absolutely was not on the spectrum at all because he related to her really well, looked her in the eye, answered her questions just fine. I thought those were the marks of being on the spectrum, but I have always known something was "off" with him, and he scored around the same score I got for this quiz.

 

I am really thinking about this a lot and feeling quite a bit of...relief? that maybe my issues ARE all related to *something*, and I'm not just a freak. I don't know what I'm asking exactly. Should I pursue a professional evaluation? How would that help anything? And what would knowing that I do officially have Asperger's help? Is it something I just shouldn't worry about? Like I said, I can't help but feel relief after finding this out but maybe I'm just being too analytical?

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I just took the test. I scored 111 out of 200, and didn't really learn anything; the test showed that I have some definite physical quirks, sensory issues, and social awkwardness, but since the stuff I hyper-focus on includes manners and other job skills I am totally capable of working in groups and living a regular life. I just don't like regular life, but I can do it. I can navigate life as it is but in my mind I am always constructing my own retreat where I wouldn't have the interactions that vex me, or the sensory input that makes me want to scream...I know I don't belong in the setting I am in and it is a problem. It causes depression which I do have to fight. IRL I am the same as I am online: I usually am considered to be a little aloof and formal but not unfriendly or unkind, which is fair.

 

My youngest son would score very, very highly on the test. Because of homeschooling (and the way his weirdness fits into my own) his quirks have not been an issue yet, but I'm considering an evaluation just for in case something ever happens to me. There would need to be someone else in his life who understands him. Right now he doesn't have anybody like that, which concerns me. For myself, test or no test, I've known for 30 years that anytime I'm fitting in with everybody else it's because I learned enough tips and tricks to do so and not because I'm comfortable. I'm happy with my coping methods for the most part and don't want to analyze myself further. I don't mind being a freak. :) I tend to assume that everyone else is acting, as well, and often surprise myself by remembering that they're probably not acting. LOL

 

I share all that to say that I doubt such tests really tell us anything we don't already know. Maybe there are therapies for adults but I'd guess by the time you get to our age, if you can manage to do what you want in life through your own coping mechanisms, that's probably counted as success.

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I share all that to say that I doubt such tests really tell us anything we don't already know. Maybe there are therapies for adults but I'd guess by the time you get to our age, if you can manage to do what you want in life through your own coping mechanisms, that's probably counted as success.

 

I agree. It's still helpful to know in a way I can't really explain? I scored a 126. I have a lot of coping methods as well. I h ave always been very hard on myself, even now for my weaknesses. I guess this helps me feel that there may be an explanation to the things I've struggled with instead of me just being a bad, overly sensitive freak of a human. (yes, that is how I talk about myself, lol)

 

I scored a 34 on this one just now: http://psychcentral....zzes/autism.htm which they say means "autism likely." I don't agree.

 

I will take that one after lunch, do you disagree with autism or Asperger's?

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I score very high on these quizzes every single time. I think I am likely well onto the spectrum, I find that helpful to know as it can explain some current challenges, as well as help me understand why things were hard for me growing up. At the very least I would get yourself some books regarding women and Autism and see if it can be helpful in understanding yourself and forgiving not only yourself, but others for past hurts and mistakes.

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Very Sensitive people just feel more, we take in everything and tend to measure it against our version of self. My mom was always telling me to stop being so sensitive, as if I could just wake up and stop having big feelings, which made me self doubt even more. When you combine that with not really easily understanding social nuance, body language, and underlying motivations, it is a tough road to navigate.

 

Unless you are kicking puppies, spitting on babies, screaming nasty insults at random people, or other nasty things you can rest assured that you are NOT a bad person.

Look in the mirror everyday and say something nice to yourself, you deserve it, if you can't say nice things to yourself for yourself, do it so that your kiddos can see that their mom loves herself and take that lesson with them through life.

 

Every time I catch myself being mean to myself I try to follow it up with a compliment, even if it is something really dumb like "but at least you have great boobs" or "dogs really really like you". Every bit counts

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For myself, test or no test, I've known for 30 years that anytime I'm fitting in with everybody else it's because I learned enough tips and tricks to do so and not because I'm comfortable. I'm happy with my coping methods for the most part and don't want to analyze myself further.

 

Tibbie makes an important point here. Without a doubt, if I had taken those test as a teenager, I would have scored off the scale for both Aspergers and autism. But 30+ years later, I have excellent coping skills and don't register any higher than "quirky".

 

I try hard not to over-think these things.

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Very Sensitive people just feel more, we take in everything and tend to measure it against our version of self. My mom was always telling me to stop being so sensitive, as if I could just wake up and stop having big feelings, which made me self doubt even more. When you combine that with not really easily understanding social nuance, body language, and underlying motivations, it is a tough road to navigate.

 

Unless you are kicking puppies, spitting on babies, screaming nasty insults at random people, or other nasty things you can rest assured that you are NOT a bad person.

Look in the mirror everyday and say something nice to yourself, you deserve it, if you can't say nice things to yourself for yourself, do it so that your kiddos can see that their mom loves herself and take that lesson with them through life.

 

Every time I catch myself being mean to myself I try to follow it up with a compliment, even if it is something really dumb like "but at least you have great boobs" or "dogs really really like you". Every bit counts

 

LOL about the great boobs!! That is a plus. ;) Yes to everything you said, it was very hard for me growing up.

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My mom was always telling me to stop being so sensitive, as if I could just wake up and stop having big feelings, which made me self doubt even more.

 

And then being told now that I'm narcissistic for thinking about this, or insinuating that (a friend just told me that).

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My son is diagnosed high-functioning autistic. I suspect (as does DH) that he got it from me. I've not pursued diagnosis, but since he was diagnosed and we realized how much it fits me, it has put a LOT of things into perspective, for both of us. It's made it easier for him to accept some of my behaviors that he saw as uncaring or callous and made me more likely to take his opinion on those things seriously.

 

I scored a 126 on the first quiz and a 40 on the other one.

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I scored a 33 on the second quiz, which would put me solidly in the Asperger's realm.

 

 

 

I think you're a high functioning ADD. I think a Meyers Briggs test would help you a bit more to understand yourself and why you're always intent on self analysis. (I don't say that to be mean, I'm the same way).

 

Combine the Meyers Briggs with the traits as ADD/Asperger then I think you'll get a better feel.

 

There's nothing WRONG with you. There's nothing WRONG with you. Again, there's nothing wrong with you. You're spinning like a top. Rest, iDUP.

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There's nothing WRONG with you. There's nothing WRONG with you. Again, there's nothing wrong with you. You're spinning like a top. Rest, iDUP.

 

 

Why are my Catholic friends all so discouraging about this? It was another Catholic friend who said I was being narcissistic for thinking of these things!! :banghead: :p

 

I do have symptoms of ADD as well, that I have known for awhile (and my dh reminds me of it constantly as he likes to make fun). My mom has severe ADD, and clinical depression, and my Dad is bipolar (although I just learned that bipolar often goes along with autism/aspergers), so we're not exactly the most stable bunch. I can never remember what my Meyers Briggs score is.

 

I truly wasn't looking for this test, I was listening to an interesting interview on NPR that led me to it. I promise I wasn't looking for it!

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Why are my Catholic friends all so discouraging about this? It was another Catholic friend who said I was being narcissistic for thinking of these things!! :banghead: :p

 

I do have symptoms of ADD as well, that I have known for awhile (and my dh reminds me of it constantly as he likes to make fun). My mom has severe ADD, and clinical depression, and my Dad is bipolar (although I just learned that bipolar often goes along with autism/aspergers), so we're not exactly the most stable bunch. I can never remember what my Meyers Briggs score is.

 

I truly wasn't looking for this test, I was listening to an interesting interview on NPR that led me to it. I promise I wasn't looking for it!

 

Because even if you DO have a tinge of Aspie in you, knowing about it now, what action would you take? Knowing things, having a label for them makes us deal better, but sometimes we don't get to know.

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Because even if you DO have a tinge of Aspie in you, knowing about it now, what action would you take? Knowing things, having a label for them makes us deal better, but sometimes we don't get to know.

 

 

I think knowing DOES help because I have struggled in so many ways with so many issues from the time I was very young. I would look at other people who didn't struggle nearly as much as I did with basic things and wonder what was wrong with me. I have always felt that I had some major flaw but I never knew what it was. I NEVER expected it to be Asperger's because I had the same thoughts about ASD that most people have- they can't talk well, they can't make eye contact, they flap around and kick animals and drool and have fixations and whatever else. Sorry, I know that's crude and truly don't mean to offend anyone, but that's the definition of ASD that I have most often come across. Like I said above, the only real criteria the doctor went with when evaluating my son was whether or not he could make eye contact and speak normally. That's it. Since he can do both of those things, she just said he had "sensory issues" and sent us on our way. I knew that if I had ever been evaluated as a child I would have been diagnosed with the same mysterious "sensory issues" that he has, I just didn't know what that was.

 

But again, because of religion I am made to feel that we shouldn't ever think on these things. I have developed many coping mechanisms over the years just to get through life, lol. Many of those have to do with strengthening my spiritual side, and that has definitely helped. But that hasn't solved the mystery of why I seem to struggle so much.

 

I'm not sure how it will help going forward. But I do find it relieving to know there possibly could be an explanation. Not sure if that makes sense, and I certainly don't want to be narcissistic or self centered. :( Because I tend to be SO introspective (not just about myself- about my kids, the world, everything), I'm sure I can come across as very self centered. :(

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I think knowing DOES help because I have struggled in so many ways with so many issues from the time I was very young. I would look at other people who didn't struggle nearly as much as I did with basic things and wonder what was wrong with me. I have always felt that I had some major flaw but I never knew what it was. I NEVER expected it to be Asperger's because I had the same thoughts about ASD that most people have- they can't talk well, they can't make eye contact, they flap around and kick animals and drool and have fixations and whatever else. Sorry, I know that's crude and truly don't mean to offend anyone, but that's the definition of ASD that I have most often come across. Like I said above, the only real criteria the doctor went with when evaluating my son was whether or not he could make eye contact and speak normally. That's it. Since he can do both of those things, she just said he had "sensory issues" and sent us on our way. I knew that if I had ever been evaluated as a child I would have been diagnosed with the same mysterious "sensory issues" that he has, I just didn't know what that was.

 

But again, because of religion I am made to feel that we shouldn't ever think on these things. I have developed many coping mechanisms over the years just to get through life, lol. Many of those have to do with strengthening my spiritual side, and that has definitely helped. But that hasn't solved the mystery of why I seem to struggle so much.

 

I'm not sure how it will help going forward. But I do find it relieving to know there possibly could be an explanation. Not sure if that makes sense, and I certainly don't want to be narcissistic or self centered. :( Because I tend to be SO introspective (not just about myself- about my kids, the world, everything), I'm sure I can come across as very self centered. :(

 

 

Where are you getting this stuff that because of religion you can't have a certain diagnosis or think about having those problems? I've not found that within the RCC, at all.

 

What I'm trying to say (I had to take a kid to work, sorry I couldn't finish my thoughts) is that you are trying to fix yourself as if you are broken. You are searching for this key, and when you find it, you'll be able to fix yourself. You're not narcissistic or self centered, you're trying to find answers, which I understand, but, like I said, if you get a positive diagnosis, what would you do?

 

I am willing to bet a lot of $ that my middle son would have been diagnosed Aspie if I had taken him in for an eval at 4. Now, at 13, he's come a LONG way. But he's still my very quirky kid. And you know what? He's not broken. He is himself with all of his quirks, and it makes him amazing.

 

:grouphug:

 

Do Aspie's think of themselves as broken? Or are they just who they are?

 

ETA, you remind me of myself when I was in my 20s. Frighteningly so. Yep, deep introspection about everything. To the point where you can't say what you think because most people either won't care, or they'll think you're strange. It's OK. It's just who you are. Take that Meyers Briggs again.

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Oh my Here is my score on the first test

 

Your Aspie score: 139 of 200

Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 81 of 200

You are very likely an Aspie

 

here are the results on the second test

 

Results of your

Autism / Asperger's Screening Quiz

 

 

 

You scored a total of 31

 

S C O R E S If you scored...

Then... 34 & up

30 - 33

0 - 29 Autism likely

Possible autism

No autism

Based upon your responses to this autism screening measure, it appears that you may be suffering from an autism spectrum disorder, or Asperger's disorder. People who score similarly often qualify for a diagnosis of autism or Asperger's.

 

People with an autism spectrum disorder often suffer from severe and sustained impairment in social interaction and the development of restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, and activities. The disturbance must cause clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

 

You should not take this as a diagnosis of any sort, or a recommendation for treatment. However, it would be advisable and likely beneficial for you to seek further diagnosis from a trained mental health professional soon to rule out a possible anxiety disorder.

 

 

I'm not sure I agree... I saw someone mention the Myers Briggs and I tend toward very introverted-that I do agree with. I am also Gifted (as in tested gifted in school, but didn't know till I was in my 30's since Mom was advised to not place me in the gifted class by a family friend teacher at the school) and after reading up on that a lot, I see a lot of my quirks are typical of giftedness and not necessarily a symptom of being on the spectrum...

 

 

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Where are you getting this stuff that because of religion you can't have a certain diagnosis or think about having those problems? I've not found that within the RCC, at all.

 

 

No, I don't mean it's an official teaching in the Church, I have no idea what the Church teaches on introspection, lol! But in my opinion as religious, we are supposed to think about God and not ourselves and to do otherwise meets with the response listed in pp (narcissistic, freaking out, self centered, etc). I DO think focusing on God is the most important thing. It's just confusing.

 

I'm not sure if Aspies think of themselves as broken, that would be interesting to know. I'm going to order some books, lol.

 

ETA: I looked on a former thread and found my Myers-Briggs score is INFJ. But that's not exactly enlightening, kwim?

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I'll take the quiz later. I'm positive at one time I would have qualified as aspergers. Now, I'm not sure.

 

regular physicians don't make these evaluations - it requires a team including developmental and psychological who specialize in this area to get a thorough eval.

 

anyhow - my son was officially diagnosed by a multi-disciplinary team at our local medical school's child development unit. I've learned so much since then. there are *at least* three different genetic mutations, plus virus and bacterium which are linked to asd. One researcher in spain found a raised t-cell count that led to much higher levels of histamine. (he's had good luck with mega doses of antihistamines) what helps varies according to the cause.

 

If you want help, my suggestion (especially as an adult), is to see a naturopath who specializes in this area. a ND will take a good look at your vitamin/enzyme/neurotransmitter/aminoacid/etc levels. sometimes dietary changes can make a huge difference. (yeast overgrowth in the gut can cause alot of problems, and is treatable.) my son absolutely cannot have nitrates/nitrites. (I figured that out before I started taking him). again, what helps varies according to cause. two of my sons have been tested for one of the mutations, and treating the biochemical weaknesses it caused is bringing very positive results.

 

I've seen huge, huge, strides in my son since starting alternative treatment for him, (which really po'd my allopathic providers. the allopathic providers weren't doing squat to help.)

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I have been studying Kathryn's table of female Asperger traits, linked above. Over 90% describes me perfectly. I'm a little stunned, tbh. I've never seen it all spelled out so precisely. I mean, that's me, and this is called a disorder? What does that mean?

 

I'll tell you what it means. It means 40 is better than 30 because in the past I would have been devastated by that list but today I know it doesn't change a damn thing. I've lived a lifetime like this, and I mean I've really lived. I've learned, laughed, loved, survived catastrophes, managed a chronic illness, raised children, helped others, succeeded at jobs, stayed married for 18 years...I'm different but I'm not defective.

 

I Dup, you are a few years behind me but you will have the same testimony. You're writing it, right now. You are a real, whole person on a journey, like everyone else. And like everyone else, you have the right to like yourself! And to have the attitude that others are free to take you or leave you, as they choose, but you don't have to concern yourself with anyone's opinion of you because you are living the life you have chosen. You have a mission. You are the one writing your history.

 

I hope this helps somewhat. I will not discourage you from learning about autism and Asperger's if you approach the study as a way to understand yourself and not as a way to punish yourself for being weird or wrong, KWIM? After seeing that chart, I think I might want to know more, too! But I'm not going to change this oddity about myself that has been both a curse and a blessing. I'm confident God knew what He was doing when He made people so very different from one another.

 

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I have been studying Kathryn's table of female Asperger traits, linked above. Over 90% describes me perfectly. I'm a little stunned, tbh. I've never seen it all spelled out so precisely. I mean, that's me, and this is called a disorder? What does that mean?

 

I'll tell you what it means. It means 40 is better than 30 because in the past I would have been devastated by that list but today I know it doesn't change a damn thing. I've lived a lifetime like this, and I mean I've really lived. I've learned, laughed, loved, survived catastrophes, managed a chronic illness, raised children, helped others, succeeded at jobs, stayed married for 18 years...I'm different but I'm not defective.

 

I Dup, you are a few years behind me but you will have the same testimony. You're writing it, right now. You are a real, whole person on a journey, like everyone else. And like everyone else, you have the right to like yourself! And to have the attitude that others are free to take you or leave you, as they choose, but you don't have to concern yourself with anyone's opinion of you because you are living the life you have chosen. You have a mission. You are the one writing your history.

 

I hope this helps somewhat. I will not discourage you from learning about autism and Asperger's if you approach the study as a way to understand yourself and not as a way to punish yourself for being weird or wrong, KWIM? After seeing that chart, I think I might want to know more, too! But I'm not going to change this oddity about myself that has been both a curse and a blessing. I'm confident God knew what He was doing when He made people so very different from one another.

 

I totally agree with you! It is stunning! And no, I don't see this as a tool to further beat myself up at all, if anything, it takes some of the pressure off because I know there is something behind so many of these issues I have struggled with (if I am able to accept that I just may be on the spectrum, still it's hard for me to accept...) and that I'm NOT just a freak of nature.

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Tibbie makes an important point here. Without a doubt, if I had taken those test as a teenager, I would have scored off the scale for both Aspergers and autism. But 30+ years later, I have excellent coping skills and don't register any higher than "quirky".

 

I try hard not to over-think these things.

 

 

Same here. I got a 125, but on many of the questions, it's only because I've learned the right thing by trial and error by now. Gosh. I'm 42. I've figured some of this stuff out. :tongue_smilie:

 

Mostly, I'm just a very linear thinking left-brained person.

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I just can't believe that chart. It describes me to a T. I wouldn't have known that the writing in the air I always do with my fingers when I'm concentrating or nervous is "stimming". My family has made fun of me for that, we all laugh about it. Everything down to the gastrointestinal issues totally describes me. I wonder how true that chart is for most women?

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No, I don't mean it's an official teaching in the Church, I have no idea what the Church teaches on introspection, lol! But in my opinion as religious, we are supposed to think about God and not ourselves and to do otherwise meets with the response listed in pp (narcissistic, freaking out, self centered, etc). I DO think focusing on God is the most important thing. It's just confusing.

 

 

I don't think it is wrong to look at how to make ourselves better. If we don't know the areas where we are weak, how can we know what questions to ask for how we can make ourselves healthier and stronger/better servants of God? I also ascrib to the we should have our "eye single to God". I think it's a good thing. However, I also think taking care of myself - improving my health, (and my asperger traits definitely made some things more difficult) makes me more able to focus on God, and serving others. so, I think they are very compatible.

 

(it's when it's all about us 24/7/365, and never how can we be better servants to God, that it becomes self-centered, etc.)

 

One thing I've noticed about my aspie - he can be incredibly sweet and sensitive in ways I've not seen in NT children. (or even some adults) in that respect, he's not broken, but something to strive for.

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Your Aspie score: 116 of 200

Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 83 of 200

You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits\

 

I'm sure I would have scored higher as a teenager. I've learned to cope with my own quirks.

 

On the female Aspie traits chart - I have all except one of the Appearance/Personal Habits, all except one or two of the Intellectual, slightly more than half the Emotional, and all but two of the Social.

 

Huh. I never thought of myself as possibly being Aspie, just figured shy and awkward. My older brother is very strongly Aspergers, and my son seems light Aspie.

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No, I don't mean it's an official teaching in the Church, I have no idea what the Church teaches on introspection, lol! But in my opinion as religious, we are supposed to think about God and not ourselves and to do otherwise meets with the response listed in pp (narcissistic, freaking out, self centered, etc). I DO think focusing on God is the most important thing. It's just confusing.

 

I'm not sure if Aspies think of themselves as broken, that would be interesting to know. I'm going to order some books, lol.

 

ETA: I looked on a former thread and found my Myers-Briggs score is INFJ. But that's not exactly enlightening, kwim?

 

 

I'm an INFJ. Have you seen the breakdowns? I'll get them for you.

 

Here. Here's another. Read them, please.

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On one I get

Your Aspie score: 125 of 200

Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 102 of 200

You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits

 

on the other

 

You scored a total of 31

 

Based upon your responses to this autism screening measure, it appears that you may be suffering from an autism spectrum disorder, or Asperger's disorder. People who score similarly often qualify for a diagnosis of autism or Asperger's.

 

 

 

Can't say it surprises me, I know I am a mix of quirks particularly in social and physical areas and then more typical traits. I do find knowing these things useful in helping not to be so hard on myself and also helping to learn how to adapt to things as I know I've defnitely had to learn a lot of social and physical skills that I just don't understand or pick up automatically. We do also have a few things common in our family like dyspraxia and SPD but no one has been tested for aspergers/autism.

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okay - did the test. most likely an aspie. I'm 132 - some things that used to be hard for me, I've since learned to do/deal with. NT score was 66/200.

 

 

UPDATE: I did the other test, and scored 37. most likely an aspie.

 

and that's with overcoming quirks!

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Why are my Catholic friends all so discouraging about this?

 

 

 

Of course the answer will depend on your friends, but... as a former [very serious] Catholic myself, I would suggest perhaps there's a mistaken understanding of "willfulness" involved. If sin is understood as doing something that goes against God's plan, his will, the "right thing," or however you define it, then socially inappropriate behaviors do that. It should come as no surprise that what we think of as "God's will" is also what we think of as "good for society," and when we make choices that inadvertently create problems for ourselves or for others, we interpret that as "doing bad" if for no other reason than they are against the "good."

 

Coincidentally, because autism is a spectrum disorder that explains ineffective social and communication behaviors, it's easy to see someone on the spectrum as "sinning." A lot. Especially if she doesn't realize what she's doing is considered inappropriate to others. Perhaps you are seeing the body language of frustration or impatience displayed by others and are trying to use that as a guide to be "good." This requires you to analyze your behaviors to see what you did that was "bad," so you can, ideally, stop doing it. Your friend thinking all this introspection is narcissistic probably because she doesn't do this much herself. Because the difference in measure is going to seem like a lot to her, she'll use herself as the measure for "right" and interpret your behavior as "way off," or "narcissistic."

 

So... I would cut yourself some slack. Try and learn a bit about what it means to have autistic or aspie behaviors, learn to identify when you employ them and if/how they interfere with others. That interference is what is going to be considered "sinful," if at all. The more you know about human behavior, however, the more you can separate it from what others might interpret as "sin." There's nothing wrong with introspection, and the Church encourages that (as a matter of fact, iand if you've got a Breviary around your home, or you even go to Confession once a month, you'll know what I mean). It's actually what neurotypically developing people do, except much quicker and without awareness of this process most of the time.

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I scored 24 on the first quiz. I am the poster child for neurotypical. My "Aspie" traits were in the compulsive category, which is not surprising. Without those, I would be even more neurotypical. I think is a great for people to try to understand themselves (and others). It is not narcissistic.

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No, I don't mean it's an official teaching in the Church, I have no idea what the Church teaches on introspection, lol! But in my opinion as religious, we are supposed to think about God and not ourselves and to do otherwise meets with the response listed in pp (narcissistic, freaking out, self centered, etc). I DO think focusing on God is the most important thing. It's just confusing.

 

 

You are being WAY too hard on yourself! You don't have to focus on God 24/7. You really don't. There's a big difference between being religious and being obsessive, and you can be a great Catholic (or whatever) without being obsessed by it. I don't think anyone preaches that you should never focus on yourself -- you'd be abnormal if you didn't! And again, there's a huge difference between putting yourself first sometimes and trying to take good care of yourself and be happy, and being some sort of narcissistic lunatic who is totally self-absorbed and thinks the world revolves around you.

 

You are such a nice, kind person, and I hate to see you putting yourself down or feeling that there is something wrong with you. :grouphug:

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No, I don't mean it's an official teaching in the Church, I have no idea what the Church teaches on introspection, lol! But in my opinion as religious, we are supposed to think about God and not ourselves and to do otherwise meets with the response listed in pp (narcissistic, freaking out, self centered, etc). I DO think focusing on God is the most important thing. It's just confusing.

 

 

 

You should see the personality tests that the nuns I know have to take before they're accepted into the novitiate. Yes, there's prayer and asking God for direction, but there's also reason. They also take different ones, so that they learn about themselves better, and with that, they can discern their vocation.

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Of course the answer will depend on your friends, but... as a former [very serious] Catholic myself, I would suggest perhaps there's a mistaken understanding of "willfulness" involved. If sin is understood as doing something that goes against God's plan, his will, the "right thing," or however you define it, then socially inappropriate behaviors do that. It should come as no surprise that what we think of as "God's will" is also what we think of as "good for society," and when we make choices that inadvertently create problems for ourselves or for others, we interpret that as "doing bad" if for no other reason than they are against the "good."

 

Coincidentally, because autism is a spectrum disorder that explains ineffective social and communication behaviors, it's easy to see someone on the spectrum as "sinning." A lot. Especially if she doesn't realize what she's doing is considered inappropriate to others. Perhaps you are seeing the body language of frustration or impatience displayed by others and are trying to use that as a guide to be "good." This requires you to analyze your behaviors to see what you did that was "bad," so you can, ideally, stop doing it. Your friend thinking all this introspection is narcissistic probably because she doesn't do this much herself. Because the difference in measure is going to seem like a lot to her, she'll use herself as the measure for "right" and interpret your behavior as "way off," or "narcissistic."

 

So... I would cut yourself some slack. Try and learn a bit about what it means to have autistic or aspie behaviors, learn to identify when you employ them and if/how they interfere with others. That interference is what is going to be considered "sinful," if at all. The more you know about human behavior, however, the more you can separate it from what others might interpret as "sin." There's nothing wrong with introspection, and the Church encourages that (as a matter of fact, iand if you've got a Breviary around your home, or you even go to Confession once a month, you'll know what I mean). It's actually what neurotypically developing people do, except much quicker and without awareness of this process most of the time.

 

 

This was very helpful, thank you!!

 

Obviously since I am a mother, everything I do and who I am affects my children. That is one of the greatest burdens I have to deal with, especially regarding many of my "quirks." Although I guess since they are MY children, they can relate to many of my quirks. :hat:

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