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Just remembered a reason people care about which college, one nobody talks about...


Nan in Mass
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College is often where one meets one's future spouse.

 

My children all go (or intend to go) to schools with m/f ratios fairly drastically scewed against them. This is something I think about from time to time, especially when oldest and our extras, who have graduated, complain that they missed their chance.

 

A number of family members married college classmates.

 

People don't talk about it, but I suspect this might something that might be in the back of parents' minds? Maybe?

 

Nan

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It didn't enter our minds at all. No one in our extended families, including all our cousins, met a spouse at college-------unless you go back to my paternal grandparents (he was her English prof!).

 

Ds attends a university with slightly more women than men. Dd will either attend that same university or a college that is 2/3 women.

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It is in some people's mind, LOL. Did you see this? I do not think it has been discussed here.

http://thedailyprinc...-march-29-2013/

 

 

I teach at a school with a heavily skewed ration, three times as many males than females. I had students tell me about girls who attend this school admittedly for the sole reason to snag a husband with a good earning potential. I can't even wrap my mind around this attitude.

 

I happened to meet my DH in college; he was a class mate. Most of our friends met their spouses later in life.

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I saw the fallout of that Princeton letter (didn't read the actual letter, but read her defense of it, and a lotta criticism), and I thought it was too bad that the discussion got so uncivil and off track. It's a good question to ask, I think, and many parents and students do look at the ratio of male to female students.

 

The LGBTQ community most definitely thinks about this stuff, since it's important for someone who doesn't identify with traditional gender roles to find a safe and welcoming place.

 

Honestly, though, the reason that most of us don't want to talk about, the reason the school matters, is all about us, the parents. In my humble opinion. We, generally "we," not any particular "we," want to know we raised our children to be successful. It gives us some cred to be able to say "My child attends X muckety-muck university." When people see the sticker on my van, and ask if I'm an alum and I get to say, no, my son is there now, I love that. (Until the last year, though, when my silver streak suddenly appeared in my hair, the usual response was, "YOU... have a SON... in COLLEGE?!" That was even cooler. Natch.)

 

But I digress. College *is* where we make connections, often lifetime connections, and that is another reason, absolutely, that finding the right fit is important.

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While I did meet my husband in grad school, finding a spouse was the last thing on my mind in undergrad! Quite honestly, I can't say that I thought at all about the spousal thing for The Boy as we considered potential colleges.

 

Nicole wrote:

Honestly, though, the reason that most of us don't want to talk about, the reason the school matters, is all about us, the parents. In my humble opinion. We, generally "we," not any particular "we," want to know we raised our children to be successful. It gives us some cred to be able to say "My child attends X muckety-muck university."

 

I think this is particularly true for those of us who homeschool. We took a risk with our kids' education and we hope to find eventual validation for that choice.

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Back in my college days, we used to call that getting the M.R.S. degree. My husband and I went to different schools, so it didn't happen to me; however many of my friends did meet their spouses at our university.

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I met my hubby while in college, though I never thought about that prospect when selecting a college. We were in the same dorm.

 

Oldest met his fiancee in college. I wish him well.

 

Who knows for middle or youngest? It doesn't matter to me where they meet their spouse, but if at school, at least they'll have some shared memories. That's actually one thing hubby and I like about being from the same Alma mater.

 

The thought that they could very likely meet their spouse in college definitely crossed our minds since it happened to us, but we didn't pick or eliminate any schools based upon that possibility. I guess we figure if a school is #1 for our guys, it's "good enough" for their spouse too. ;)

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Oldest and extras didn't make the "missed our chance" comment until AFTER they had graduated. Who thinks of such remote plans while going to school lol? Not my family, certainly, at least not until after they become involved with someone, and then they just think about that one person, not "chances" in general.

 

Parents are a different story, I think? Especially if they or people close to them met in college.

 

Nan

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finding a spouse was the last thing on my mind in undergrad!

 

Same here. It never entered my mind.

 

Quite honestly, I can't say that I thought at all about the spousal thing for The Boy as we considered potential colleges.

 

Same here, too. My DD would think I had taken leave of my senses if I were to suggest this as a factor for college choice. She is going in order to get an education. Her main criterion is that the school must offer an excellent academic program in her chosen field.

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When people see the sticker on my van, and ask if I'm an alum and I get to say, no, my son is there now, I love that. (Until the last year, though, when my silver streak suddenly appeared in my hair, the usual response was, "YOU... have a SON... in COLLEGE?!" That was even cooler. Natch.)

 

See, even in case DD got into her top choice, neither DH nor I would put that "top selective uni name" sticker on our cars.

We would not, because a.) it is bragging and b.) it is worse because it is bragging about somebody else's achievement.

(But I guess that might be cultural; in my home country stuff like this would be considered tacky.)

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College is often where one meets one's future spouse.

 

My children all go (or intend to go) to schools with m/f ratios fairly drastically scewed against them. This is something I think about from time to time, especially when oldest and our extras, who have graduated, complain that they missed their chance.

 

A number of family members married college classmates.

 

People don't talk about it, but I suspect this might something that might be in the back of parents' minds? Maybe?

 

Nan

 

Very scary, but it does still occur. I had a friend in college who was sent to find a husband. Period. They didn't intend to give her any choice in going or not going to college, and they had ideas as to what she should study. They were QUITE affluent, and wanted a prestigious son-in-law.

 

My friend majored in psychology, against her parents wishes. She proved herself adept at some psychology right at the start -- she convinced them that studying psychology would NOT "scare away" the best potential husbands, and would introduce her to more male classmates who will go on to prestigious jobs. Every so often she would go on a date to tell her parents about, but for the most part hung around with our group.

 

I lost track of her when I had to leave school to work for a while, but I'm sure she managed to find her own way despite her parents.

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It didn't enter our minds at all. No one in our extended families, including all our cousins, met a spouse at college-------unless you go back to my paternal grandparents (he was her English prof!).

 

Ds attends a university with slightly more women than men. Dd will either attend that same university or a college that is 2/3 women.

 

I met my DH in college, though I wasn't looking. I had my hands full, carrying a full credit load (barely, but full nonetheless) and working 30 hours a week to make ends meet. He was part of a circle of friends I was invited into when I finally got back to school to finish my BA. We were just friends for 3 years before we ever started dating.

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See, even in case DD got into her top choice, neither DH nor I would put that "top selective uni name" sticker on our cars.

We would not, because a.) it is bragging and b.) it is worse because it is bragging about somebody else's achievement.

(But I guess that might be cultural; in my home country stuff like this would be considered tacky.)

 

Well, my son isn't at a top selective university, he's at a good-enough college. I work on a college campus, and lots of folks have stickers from other schools on their vehicle, from their own or their child's school. I think partly it's a way to express your connection with another geographical location as much as it is about the college itself. Washington is a young state, and hardly anyone I know is a native of this region. Almost no one here knows my son's school, but the ones who do are either alums or know someone who teaches there, so it's a fun way to connect with other folks.

 

ETA: I think you're right, though, about the bragging about someone else's achievement, and I hadn't thought of that. I slapped that window sticker on the van because the school sent it with my donation receipt, and I didn't think the plastic could be recycled, and I wasn't going to throw away plastic. HA! Anyway, another dynamic for those of us who are staff at a college is that many, many of us are overqualified for our positions and are there for the education benefits. Pay for staff positions on campus is low, typically lower than in the general market, precisely because of those education benefits. Low pay typically translates into ill respected. I'm guessing I'm not the only staff person who has been treated poorly by idiots because of my choice. So, yes, successfully launching a child to a fine school does mean something in that kind of environment.

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It is in some people's mind, LOL. Did you see this? I do not think it has been discussed here.

http://thedailyprinc...-march-29-2013/

 

 

I teach at a school with a heavily skewed ration, three times as many males than females. I had students tell me about girls who attend this school admittedly for the sole reason to snag a husband with a good earning potential. I can't even wrap my mind around this attitude.

 

I happened to meet my DH in college; he was a class mate. Most of our friends met their spouses later in life.

 

Well, for one thing you aren't limited to just 4 years of fellow students to choose from -- there are graduate students, too. Ms. Patton's viewpoint strikes me as very "privileged"; all that talk of men who "are worthy of you".

 

It took me 11 1/2 years from start of college to completion of my BA. I wasn't in college that whole time; 5 1/2 years were spent out of college entirely (working, trying to save money for school), and the majority of the other years were tightly packed with both classes AND work. I didn't have a lot of energy, much less time or inclination to be playing the dating game (which I never understood nor liked). I met my DH during my final stint in college before completing my BA. Our circle of friends were very understanding when I would fall asleep on the couch during our once a week get-togethers.

 

If you are primarily (supposedly) focused on studies, have no financial worries, and have plenty of time to socialize then by all means hunt around for your future spouse if you want. But know this -- life doesn't stop to wait for you to be ready. It can hit you with unexpected deaths in the family, loss of income, loss of home (some friends of mine lost their homes to a freak flood, another lost his to fire). Lots of things can come up to interrupt or eliminate your ability to continue your studies. Don't take it for granted.

 

Ms. Patton's remarks seem very pessimistic to me, as if once a student leaves college they will lose most of their opportunities to meet potential spouses. My reaction: Don't sweat it. Continue living your life. Go to church if you like, and/or get involved in a group that does something you enjoy/find fulfilling. Stop stressing over finding someone "worthy", and focus on being a worthwhile person to know. You will meet people. People who actually like YOU.

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See, even in case DD got into her top choice, neither DH nor I would put that "top selective uni name" sticker on our cars.

We would not, because a.) it is bragging and b.) it is worse because it is bragging about somebody else's achievement.

(But I guess that might be cultural; in my home country stuff like this would be considered tacky.)

 

Actually, we don't mark our vehicles with any such information because here it tends to make the vehicle (and at times the people in it) a bigger target for auto break-ins and carjacking.

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Ms. Patton's remarks seem very pessimistic to me, as if once a student leaves college they will lose most of their opportunities to meet potential spouses.

She is bitter, because she blames her recent divorce on not having married a Princeton man:

 

"He went to a school of almost no name recognition," she said, declining to name the institution. "Almost no name recognition. A school that nobody has respect for, including him, really."
.

 

http://nymag.com/the...-classmate.html

 

What a snob. I personally think the letter was a way to deal with her divorce.

 

Of her younger son, she says "the universe of women he can marry is limitless". I feel very sorry for the young man who has to live with this while in school - any the girls worth her salt will make fun of him . And who would want HER as her MIL?

 

Makes you wonder how the sons can be so great with an inferior, non-Princetonian father's genes...

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... lots of folks have stickers from other schools on their vehicle, from their own or their child's school. I think partly it's a way to express your connection with another geographical location as much as it is about the college itself. ... the ones who do are either alums or know someone who teaches there, so it's a fun way to connect with other folks.

 

 

 

This is why we have ours and our boys' on our car. It's common - not for bragging - but for a way to meet others. We've met others in plenty of places and it's always been fun. Once in a great while someone will ask us about a school (and we're happy to answer questions), but usually it's just to meet others with connections.

 

Definitely no regrets here.

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Anyway, another dynamic for those of us who are staff at a college is that many, many of us are overqualified for our positions and are there for the education benefits. Pay for staff positions on campus is low, typically lower than in the general market, precisely because of those education benefits. Low pay typically translates into ill respected. I'm guessing I'm not the only staff person who has been treated poorly by idiots because of my choice.

 

 

You tell it, girl!

 

My hiatus from college to try to get money for more college included a stint working for the university as staff. At the time the school started a University Club, where for a $10 membership fee university faculty, staff, and grad students could meet and socialize. I was full-time staff, so I joined.

 

Part of being staff was being allowed to take, for credit, 6 credit hours per school year free of tuition. I made use of those! As my shift of work (cafeteria) didn't start until 10 AM and my class was at 8 AM I started visiting the UC between class and work. That didn't last long -- people at first came to talk to me about my studies, but gave me a funny look and walked away (politely) when they found out I was an undergrad. The manager of the UC came to talk to me, and very soon inquired if I realized that as an undergrad I didn't qualify for membership. I was shocked and amazed, and said that I was given to understand that as FULL-TIME STAFF I DID qualify. He very quickly apologized and reassured me that I was correct, welcomed me to the UC, and walked away. But the damage was done -- no one would talk to me in the club after that. I found out later that I was the only staff member who actually joined. Everyone else was a member of the faculty or a grad student.

 

This isn't the only case of academic snobbery I have encountered over the years; it was just the one that struck me the hardest. I have been talked down to by younger students who had never had to work a day in their lives because I "couldn't hack it getting a 4-year degree in 4 years". All because my parents and I couldn't afford an uninterrupted run of college for me. (Because of this DH & I helped my sister out quite a bit when she was in school. Our assistance was the only thing that kept her from having to take out student loans at times. She now has a PhD with NO student loan debt, and has a certain snobbery of her own, since I, her elder sis who helped raise her, only ever got a BA.)

 

I've seen in the work place how the valued educated (Master's degrees at least) would look down on the less-educated (Bachelor's degrees or specialized certifications) support workers who made it possible for the upper echelons to function at all. What's interesting is that those folk got a rude awakening when our company "merged" with another -- those highly educated employees were now part of a surplus that would be culled, and we lowly support staff were indispensable, since we knew the computer systems and databases. And again, most of those higher degreed people had uninterrupted runs of school, while quite a lot of the less educated workers had to face hard realities early on, and had to quit school earlier than intended. Some were attending night school or distance learning to complete degrees while working full-time (and often caring for multiple generations of family).

 

Sorry for the rant. I just get so fed up with people who think they are better than others, just because they have been more fortunate.

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Oh, gosh, AMJ. Now I just wanna give you a big hug. Or a high five. It's a strange culture, academia, for sure. Personally, I find that the high-ranking administrators are more snobby than the faculty, who are typically pretty humble around here, if sometimes a little clueless.

 

Really, I don't think my sticker has anything to do with feeling insecure in my job, but I've noticed that faces shift, change, when it comes out that I homeschooled while working and that my son is at a respectable school. For me, it's more a midwest thing, a way to say "I'm connected with that bunch. These are my people." (And here I will swerve WILDLY off topic — forgive me, Nan! I can't remember if I told this story, maybe, but last June I streamed the graduation ceremony at my son's college to hear the choir sing, so I could see my boy. I didn't care about the rest of any of it, but I was captivated from the first moment, when the new president began the whole shebang with a thank you to the dining service workers and the grounds maintenance crew for working so hard to feed them and keep the campus beautiful. I about fell off my chair. I can't in a million years imagine that happening where I work. She ended the whole ceremony with a poem by Mary Oliver, about being useful. Again, falling-off-the-chair. I think of that whole dynamic as something that isn't exclusive to the midwest, but certainly fostered in that stalwart, practical culture.)

 

I think creekland's point about connecting is apt, and, I would venture to say that fostering those kinds of connections is exactly why colleges give those stickers to families. No regrets here, either.

 

At any rate, I feel silly to have derailed the conversation, since, actually, I almost never drive to campus! This week I hit 1,000 walking and biking miles — we have a nifty online commute-tracking tool. But when I have driven, I've had fun notes from other alums left on my windshield, fun conversations in the parking lot.

 

BUT. Back to the point, that Princeton article and the aftermath, bah! I thought it was too bad that the woman turned out to be such a bitter snob, since it would be nice to see some civil, informative, thoughtful public discourse about lifelong connections and college and all that. But, boy howdy, that whole Princeton thing just went to heck in a handbasket fast.

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One of the first things my oldest did after he opened his acceptance letter was to go out and put the sticker they'd sent on the car. He worked for a few years before deciding finally to go to college and that letter was a big deal to him. I think the college knew that. They included a certificate of acceptance (which went on the fridge) and the sticker, something they didn't do for youngest, who applied to a number of colleges rather than just the one. There is pride in one's accomplishment and there is snobbish pride.

 

And swerving madly with Nicole - I haven't visited that many schools, but amongst the ones we visited, I noticed differences in the attitude in the dining commons. At some schools, there was a feeling of cooperation, maybe? I'm not sure what to call it. At one, there were composting bins and a place to return the china mugs they were taking out of the dorms and you got the feeling that the students were happy to be using these things. At another, there were stacks of take-out cups and lids for students and the place where one returned one's tray was set up so the students scaped and sorted their dishes for the staff. At another, the professors ate with the students and there was a more family feel. And then at others, there was a feeding of the masses feeling and the students had to be supervised when returning their trays so they didn't do anything stupid. It was one way I myself judged the colleges, although I didn't say anything to my sons. I especially liked was the one with bungie around the trash cans to hold the bags in place lol. That struck me as caring. That one had an attendent who swiped id's who greeted each student by name, too, and smiled, and the students were answering.

 

Nan

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And to swerve some more ....

 

I remember giving one of the cafeteria workers at college (undergrad in the south) a flower on Mother's Day because she always smiled and chatted with me.

 

I went on to attend an Ivy League college for grad school. I recall attending an event that was marketed as free for students and being turned away because it was "free for undergrads, not graduate students". That was a sad eye-opener.

 

Regards,

Kareni

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While this used to be true, it is changing and rapidly. The average age at marriage in the US is now almost 27 for women (older for men). This is way past college age. Most young people today meet at work.

 

More:

http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/03/getting-married-later-is-great-for-college-educated-women/274040/

 

And this article implies that it is college debt that is driving this:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/28/study-college-debt-marriage-loans-rates-rising_n_1385548.html

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I met my hubby in college, and we know of 5 other couples within our college friends who are married, and we have another college friend who ended up marrying the older brother of another one of our classmates. I guess we were a compatible group of friends, no one I knew was openly marriage minded in college, they just fell in love and got married.

 

I'm in my early 30's and went to college at a public university in the Midwest.

 

My husband ended up getting a Masters in chemical engineering, he got his MS simply because he couldn't find a job when he graduated with his BS due to an economic downturn, and his graduate studies had free tuition and provided a stipend. His friends who went on to get PhDs in chemistry and pharmacy are quite snobby about the fact that he merely has a degree in engineering, so the academic snobbery also extends to different types of degree programs as well.

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I was an engineering undergrad when the student population was 15% girls. It is easy to find a date unless I am overly picky. My hostel was predominantly male medical students so easy to get a date if I wanted. Even those of us who met our spouse as an undergrad married at about 28.

 

My jobs after graduation also had plenty of eligible guys. I have two older cousins who were studying and working in environments that are prediminantly their own sex and they never dated. I have a few friends that still have a had time getting a date because of the m/f ratio at work.

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I think perhaps the average age of getting married is 27 not because that is when people meet their spouse, but because that is when women tend to do a bit of math then and think, "Hmmm... If I want to have children perhaps I had better start thinking about getting married now." The who part was taken care of a long time ago. At least, that is what I have seen happen sometimes where I live. I'm not saying that other things don't happen, or even happen most of the time. This is just a fairly common pattern I havae noticed in my area.

 

Nan

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Oh, gosh, AMJ. Now I just wanna give you a big hug. Or a high five. It's a strange culture, academia, for sure. Personally, I find that the high-ranking administrators are more snobby than the faculty, who are typically pretty humble around here, if sometimes a little clueless.

 

 

HIgh five. Definitely high five to all of us.

 

... last June I streamed the graduation ceremony at my son's college to hear the choir sing, so I could see my boy. I didn't care about the rest of any of it, but I was captivated from the first moment, when the new president began the whole shebang with a thank you to the dining service workers and the grounds maintenance crew for working so hard to feed them and keep the campus beautiful. I about fell off my chair. I can't in a million years imagine that happening where I work. She ended the whole ceremony with a poem by Mary Oliver, about being useful. Again, falling-off-the-chair.

 

 

And a big high five to that college president!

 

 

One of the first things my oldest did after he opened his acceptance letter was to go out and put the sticker they'd sent on the car. He worked for a few years before deciding finally to go to college and that letter was a big deal to him. I think the college knew that. They included a certificate of acceptance (which went on the fridge) and the sticker, something they didn't do for youngest, who applied to a number of colleges rather than just the one. There is pride in one's accomplishment and there is snobbish pride.

 

 

Your son well deserves his pride in his accomplishment, and I applaud him. When I was younger I would have done exactly the same. I'm not anti-sticker or anti-pride in and of itself. We have a very real problem here with carjackings, car break-ins, even people who watch "marked" individuals for nefarious purposes. I just now wrote a lengthy digression along this vein, and deleted it as it is not pertinent to the discussion at hand. Let's just leave it at "I have some first-hand experience that encourages me to not broadcast such information to the public".

 

But I am all for any who want to show their pride in their accomplishments, or the accomplishments of their kids (actual or by unofficial adoption).

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I went to a women's college, so it wasn't an expectation of mine. A lot of my classmates did seem to plan on getting married to their boyfriend when they graduated, but they tended to be the more religious girls who dated a lot (especially frat boys). Other girls, such as friends from HS, did not get married this young.

 

In any event, I did not marry a classmate or anyone associated with college. I got married 4 years after I graduated from my undergrad college.

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I think perhaps the average age of getting married is 27 not because that is when people meet their spouse, but because that is when women tend to do a bit of math then and think, "Hmmm... If I want to have children perhaps I had better start thinking about getting married now." The who part was taken care of a long time ago. At least, that is what I have seen happen sometimes where I live. I'm not saying that other things don't happen, or even happen most of the time. This is just a fairly common pattern I havae noticed in my area.

 

Nan

 

 

I agree it obviously takes some time from meet to marriage, but six years is a long time. I expect that meet is now occurring mostly after college.

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Wow. I just read Princeton Mom's letter. I feel sorry for her ex.

 

Reminds me of the odd classifieds I used to read in the U of Chicago magazine where individuals of *superior intelligence* were seeking to mate with others of *superior intelligence* so they could raise offspring of *superior intelligence.* Urg.

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...Your son well deserves his pride in his accomplishment, and I applaud him. When I was younger I would have done exactly the same. I'm not anti-sticker or anti-pride in and of itself. We have a very real problem here with carjackings, car break-ins, even people who watch "marked" individuals for nefarious purposes. I just now wrote a lengthy digression along this vein, and deleted it as it is not pertinent to the discussion at hand. Let's just leave it at "I have some first-hand experience that encourages me to not broadcast such information to the public".

 

But I am all for any who want to show their pride in their accomplishments, or the accomplishments of their kids (actual or by unofficial adoption).

 

Hugs, AMJ. Yikes! How dreadful! College stickers are reallyreally common here, or I am sure I would think twice about advertising, too. Even if there weren't safety reasons for leaving them, if stickers weren't so common, it would seem like boasting and in poor taste.

 

Nan

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College is often where one meets one's future spouse.

 

My children all go (or intend to go) to schools with m/f ratios fairly drastically scewed against them. This is something I think about from time to time, especially when oldest and our extras, who have graduated, complain that they missed their chance.

 

A number of family members married college classmates.

 

People don't talk about it, but I suspect this might something that might be in the back of parents' minds? Maybe?

 

Nan

 

 

:blushing: I've thought about it.

 

In fact, my dd's first boyfriend was home on break from college and stopped by to visit. When he left, it was all I could do to restrain myself from running after him and grabbing him around the knees in Homeric supplication-style. Always did like that boy. He is thriving in college and our conversation was incredibly upbeat compared to some of the ones I have with the guys that have stuck around town.

 

The guys that didn't go on to college, for the most part and I mean about 95%, work sporadically and attend the local CC sporadically as well. Many of them live at home with their parents or in a house with six other people where there is occasionally no water service. Like their fellow college students they often drink heavily in the off hours, but unlike their fellow college students, there does not seem to be much direction.

 

This is the potential spouse-pool for my dd who is 20 and who chose to attend cosmetology school instead of college. DD loves what she is doing, but is realizing that she may need to look outside her current world to meet someone with similar interests. She loves to read and to discuss "big ideas," politics, and social welfare and is finding it difficult to meld with a social environment where what everyone wants to talk about is the last party they attended or the restraining order filed on an ex or the latest network marketing scheme guaranteed to be easy money.

 

I am confident in her ability to earn a good living, but am less confident in the opportunities available to meet guys who have similar interests and who have the potential of being a soul-mate.

 

I meet my dh at a large state university - well, actually it was at the local restaurant where I worked to pay for school. He had worked there prior to spending a year in Japan for college and then was given his job back when he returned. We were the only two college students in the whole place. In thinking back, I was probably fortunate, because I knew a lot of guys that made great friends and that went on to make good spouses. I would wish the same experience for my dd and I do think college provides a lot more opportunity to meet like-minded mates.

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See, even in case DD got into her top choice, neither DH nor I would put that "top selective uni name" sticker on our cars.

We would not, because a.) it is bragging and b.) it is worse because it is bragging about somebody else's achievement.

(But I guess that might be cultural; in my home country stuff like this would be considered tacky.)

 

I think it's tacky as well, particularly when MIL did it with her car despite she and FIL refusing to pay a dime toward DH's education.

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:blushing: I've thought about it.

 

In fact, my dd's first boyfriend was home on break from college and stopped by to visit. When he left, it was all I could do to restrain myself from running after him and grabbing him around the knees in Homeric supplication-style. Always did like that boy. He is thriving in college and our conversation was incredibly upbeat compared to some of the ones I have with the guys that have stuck around town.

 

The guys that didn't go on to college, for the most part and I mean about 95%, work sporadically and attend the local CC sporadically as well. Many of them live at home with their parents or in a house with six other people where there is occasionally no water service. Like their fellow college students they often drink heavily in the off hours, but unlike their fellow college students, there does not seem to be much direction.

 

This is the potential spouse-pool for my dd who is 20 and who chose to attend cosmetology school instead of college. DD loves what she is doing, but is realizing that she may need to look outside her current world to meet someone with similar interests. She loves to read and to discuss "big ideas," politics, and social welfare and is finding it difficult to meld with a social environment where what everyone wants to talk about is the last party they attended or the restraining order filed on an ex or the latest network marketing scheme guaranteed to be easy money.

 

I am confident in her ability to earn a good living, but am less confident in the opportunities available to meet guys who have similar interests and who have the potential of being a soul-mate.

 

I meet my dh at a large state university - well, actually it was at the local restaurant where I worked to pay for school. He had worked there prior to spending a year in Japan for college and then was given his job back when he returned. We were the only two college students in the whole place. In thinking back, I was probably fortunate, because I knew a lot of guys that made great friends and that went on to make good spouses. I would wish the same experience for my dd and I do think college provides a lot more opportunity to meet like-minded mates.

 

Yup.

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My paternal grandparents, uncle & aunt, parents, and DH & I all met in either college or grad school, so yeah, it has crossed my mind. My brother was engaged to a girl he met while he was a college senior and she a first-year master's student at the same university, but they ended up calling off the wedding. He is now in law school and dating someone he met there.

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Regentrude - You might feel a little differently about the boasting about somebody else's accomplishments part when your turns into a car that you share with your daughter. I can totally understand the tacky part. Left to my own device, I wouldn't have put on a sticker, even though it seems to be done universally here. But I didn't put the stickers on GRIN. The people who share my car put the stickers on the family car. Except for the one that says "Mom". That one was mailed to me as a gift by my 24yo son, bought by him at the campus book store. I definately put that one on. : )

 

Not that any of that matters particularly... Just thought you might want a heads up... YOUR car may be about to become OUR car...

 

Nan

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I met my husband in college-at a summer early entry program for high school gifted students :). I'm reasonably confident meeting a future spouse wasn't on my radar at the time, and I'm pretty sure that my parents weren't even considering that possibility since I couldn't even legally drive yet!

 

 

My brother went to a formerly all-female college, that at the time he attended was still almost all women (as in, like 90% female). He STILL didn't manage to date there. However, he really struggles with reading social cues and social communication. ( I KNOW in high school that there were girls who were actively flirting with him and trying to get his attention, and it just didn't register. And that included #2 in the state Citizen bee at the time he was #1-I think they could have found something to talk about). He did eventually find someone, but it took going through the internet, where he could get to know her first in writing, then over the phone, before he was able to work up to actually meeting her and seeing her in person. As she said, it took her four years to get him to understand that she was asking him on a date!

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I met my DH at Oxford University when we were both doing a summer abroad there. My parents met at OSU. My older sister and her DH met at MSU. My DS is going to a mostly male college, so we'll see.

 

And my car has a college sticker on it because one of the drivers will be going to school there next year. He put it on. If that makes us boasting and tacky, so be it. He worked hard, got into one of the top programs for his major in the world, and he deserves a little brag. Said person also put the ---- High School Soccer magnet on the car.

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I met my DH at Oxford University when we were both doing a summer abroad there. My parents met at OSU. My older sister and her DH met at MSU. My DS is going to a mostly male college, so we'll see.

 

And my car has a college sticker on it because one of the drivers will be going to school there next year. He put it on. If that makes us boasting and tacky, so be it. He worked hard, got into one of the top programs for his major in the world, and he deserves a little brag. Said person also put the ---- High School Soccer magnet on the car.

 

I put the college sticker on my car not as a brag but for the sake of marketing. The kids who attend college here tend to go to the CC or the regional university--a few to UNC-CH or NCSU. Out of state colleges and LACs are just not in their consciousness. So my sticker is an attempt at consciousness raising that there are alternative paths.

 

Call me tacky.

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Ahhhhh.... I hadn't even thought about this stuff!

 

I've joked with my girls that I hung around the computer science department to meet smart guys, but in reality, I did it because I enjoyed my classes, and felt like I was "among my people" there.

 

My husband and I went to two different colleges, and met one night through some mutual friends, so the idea of where my kids might meet their future spouse hasn't really occurred to me. I guess I just don't think it's any of my business, really.

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We don't have stickers on our cars, but I do have a "Harvard Mom" sweatshirt that my ds bought me for Christmas when he was a freshman. I mostly wear it around the house because it feels like showing off, UNLESS we are going to be around people who look down on homeschoolers, like when our basketball team plays an elite private school. Then it's kind of fun!

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We don't have stickers on our cars, but I do have a "Harvard Mom" sweatshirt that my ds bought me for Christmas when he was a freshman. I mostly wear it around the house because it feels like showing off, UNLESS we are going to be around people who look down on homeschoolers, like when our basketball team plays an elite private school. Then it's kind of fun!

 

 

Oddly enough, we've come across more people who are Harvard or Yale alums who refuse to wear hats/sweatshirts or put stickers on their car as they say it brings unwanted attention. We've never heard of it from other colleges (even other Ivies) - but maybe our circle just isn't wide enough. It was a small factor in middle son's choosing not to apply to Yale. He told me he didn't want a school he'd be afraid (for lack of a better word) to be from...

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Stripe - Where on earth did you find that quote? -Nan

 

You mean the one about wanting to be as like men as possible? I was reading minstrel speeches. There was a thread in which I objected to old books with "dialect" talk for black characters, and It was asserted by some other members that such dialects were merely an accurate representation of black speech. I said no, that minstrel shows were designed to lampoon and entertain white audiences. One avenue for these was having black-face characters give political speeches that made zero sense. I loved the stump speech on women's rights.

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You mean the one about wanting to be as like men as possible? I was reading minstrel speeches. There was a thread in which I objected to old books with "dialect" talk for black characters, and It was asserted by some other members that such dialects were merely an accurate representation of black speech. I said no, that minstrel shows were designed to lampoon and entertain white audiences. One avenue for these was having black-face characters give political speeches that made zero sense. I loved the stump speech on women's rights.

 

Ah, now I see. Quite a set of nesting dolls! I got stuck puzzling over the Ethiopian part and missed the minstrel part. That word made zero sense to me in that context. I've always connected minstrel with white but I failed to connect Ethiopian with black. I'm so clueless sometimes.

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We don't have stickers on our cars, but I do have a "Harvard Mom" sweatshirt that my ds bought me for Christmas when he was a freshman. I mostly wear it around the house because it feels like showing off, UNLESS we are going to be around people who look down on homeschoolers, like when our basketball team plays an elite private school. Then it's kind of fun!

 

Hmm... I hadn't thought of that. If it were a Harvard sticker on my car (or my back lol), I seriously doubt I would want to put it on my car, either, because of the showing off factor. The stickers I have are for specialized colleges most people don't know. One result of having the stickers is that it has allowed me to discover which other families in our area have connections to them. You do see ivy stickers on cars here but they aren't Harvard, Yale, or Princeton stickers. I guess the others are common enough not to be a problem?

 

Nan

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