Help with getting *multiple* kids to help out

[SweetandSimple]

I feel like our house is messy almost all of the time. Part of the problem is that I’ve been trying hard to fit all of our schoolwork into each day, so we often leave messes in our wake as we move from one subject to the next. The worst messes, however, seem to get created when I am occupied with my oldest son’s lessons, or making dinner, or when I am feeding the baby, etc.

 

The baby is getting quite adept at making messes himself, but my 3-and-5-year old girls are absolute tornadoes. Dress-up clothes, art supplies, stuffed animals, library books… all over the place!

 

Many of the books that I’ve read on this subject emphasize how important it is to show the kids what to do and to be right there with them when they work. I understand that in theory, but when I try it, I’m so outnumbered!

 

It doesn’t seem unreasonable (to me) for me to say, “Okay, guys, we’re going to all pitch in and clean up the living room now!†but it just never works.

 

My 10-year-old son attempts to halfheartedly clean up, although he spends a majority of the time telling me (over and over) that his sisters aren’t helping. This drives me crazy because he seems to be insinuating that he shouldn’t have to work any harder than the three-year-old. All in all, though, he does do some work while he is complaining.

 

My 5-year-old DD whines and complains and only picks up one or two things. It is like she knows that if she doesn’t do anything, she’ll be in trouble, so she just does the minimum that she can while loudly whining, “I don’t want to clean up! I want to do school instead!!â€

 

My 3-year-old usually plops down right in the middle of the mess and just gets in the way. She usually won’t pick up anything. I’ve tried to physically force her to pick up things by grabbing a toy and handing it to her, and walking her to the bedroom to put it away, but she is stubborn and I really can’t win that battle.

 

I just don’t know what to do. Between the three of them, I feel like I lose my temper every time we have to do any cleaning! I just can’t get all of them to clean at the same time!

 

I know that they are capable of picking up, because they will all do it if they have sufficient reason (i.e. bribed with going to the park, etc.)

 

I can’t tell if this is a discipline issue or a management issue. Maybe the “everyone pitching in†method just won’t work around here. Should they each have assigned chores instead of just “picking up†when I say it’s time for that? Should I stop trying to get the 3-year-old to clean and just worry about the older two kids for now? Should I let two of them play while I work with one of them at a time?

 

Generally, these are good kids. I just don't understand why everything falls apart as soon as I try to get help picking up the living room. :huh:

 

Has anyone BTDT? Any advice would be very welcome!

[Hypatia.]

I'll tell them that I need 15 minutes to rescue the living room and I'll set a timer. DS1 (8) is usually fairly productive without needing constant direction. DD1 (6) needs a bit more and DD2 (4) basically needs to be told everything to pick up. Either specifically or a general category, such as "pick up all the dirty socks from the floor and put them in the laundry". My 2.5 year old will help out when he knows what to pick up, though I'm not sure if he puts things away in the toy bins upstairs or just chucks them into the room he shares with his brothers.

 

My biggest tool for getting things done efficiently? A laser pointer. :blush: Yup, like the kinds you use as a cat toy. DD2 especially can be a bit, ahhh, flighty when it comes to following directions. If I say "the green Duplos in front of the TV" she'll turn around in circles for a while first trying to find them. If I just point to the object with the laser pointer then it gets done much faster. They enjoy it, even DS1, and will ask if I'll use the laser pointer to point to the next item. Yes, I point my kids to objects like I'm distracting my cats. Handing in my AP mommy card now. :leaving: Hey, for now it makes it fun and helps them learn HOW to pick up a room.

[*Lulu*]

What helps here is everyone pitches in, but in an equal way. (Well, equal enough to keep the fair fighting to a minimum.)

 

If we are picking up before supper I set a timer and tell everyone when it goes off I am coming through with my basket. Anything that ends up in my basket has to be earned back by a chore and will be donated at the end of the month if not retrieved. The fighting is minimal now because they know if they care about it they need to put it away.

 

When we are cleaning a room, like the living room, everyone helps by doing 3 jobs. The jobs are assigned by me. Bug might pick up pillows and throw blankets, dust the coffee table, and straighten up the library books. Sister might be assigned to dust the other end tables, clean the wii games up, and dust the bookshelf. Punk would be asked to vacuum, readjust the rugs, and pick up stray toys and books from the room. Everyone knows they only have three jobs and that I rotate them so that Punk is not always vacuuming, etc. so the grumbling is less than it used to be. I am usually working right there beside them to help guide the cleaning.

[MicheleinMN]

I have a couple of ideas that might help/work. I would suggest working with one child at a time or per room. If I really wanted everyone to help in the same room, I would have them each pick up the number of items as each child is old. I think I would probably just assign each child a day of the week to help me pick up the living room with the other children each picking up somewhere else less important. (The three year old would be somewhere safe, probably picking up her own area in her room.)

 

One other idea would be to have everybody put stuff in a basket (we used a laundry basket), and they could be expected to pay/work to get their stuff back. (We usually just got everything picked up and into the basket without worrying about how/when to get them back, but I mostly wanted a clean floor, and wasn't very worried about making them earn back their toys/stuff.

 

HTH

[MicheleinMN]

double post

[*Lulu*]

Also, being very consistent about daily clean up helps keep the mess from getting to the point where we need more than 3 jobs a piece. I am still working on the "get it out, put it up" principle. My mom assures me they will figure it out by the time they turn 20. *sigh*

[angelmama1209]

it will take time to train them. i am still in the process. mine are 7, 5, 3, and 1. we've just started a new chore system and it seems to be working well so far. the biggest change is that they have to do their morning chores and afternoon chores BEFORE they eat. so here is our new schedule:

 

-wake up- basically whenever. since the time change they have been sleeping until 8:30 or 9:30.

-morning chores- get dressed, make bed, take care of jammies, brush hair and teeth

-eat breakfast- ONLY after morning chores are done

-table chores- one clears table, one wipes table, one sweeps under table. they have a chart that tells them who does what

-then we either leave for an outing or they are free to play

-if we're home, i call them in at noon to do their afternoon chores while i make lunch. they are each assigned a room to pick up and vacuum with the shark. one has the living room, one has the hearth/play room, one has the kitchen. since this consistency is new and i want them to learn to do things properly, completely, and in a timely manner, when they tell me they're done, i go behind them and check. if there's more to do, i tell them each thing.

-then we have lunch and do our "morning basket" reading. after lunch they do table chores again- rotating from breakfast.

-then we do school

- when school is over we all pitch in and pick up any mess made by the littles during school time

- then they are free to play again until dinner, which has been late since the time change.

- after dinner they take a bath and get ready for bed

- then they do their evening chores- clothes in hamper, pick up room, pick up the bathroom (WHY is that one of their FAVORITE places to play???)one wipes bathroom vanity, one wipes toilet, one wipes tub and baseboards

- then and only then do they get stories and go to bed. if they don't finish their chores appropriately in an adequate amount of time, they don't get stories.

 

for any big cleaning we've found the best way to guide them is one thing or category at a time. so if we're cleaning their room, i'll have the 7yo pick up all the books, the 5yo pick up all the clothes, and the 3yo pick up specific things, ie "pick up that and put it there"

 

they have chore charts that list the important things that get checked off as they do them. when everything is checked off, they get a sticker on a chart. when they get so many stickers, they get a play coin. they can choose to keep it or spend it in our "store"- a bin of little things from the $ store and such. we also have "money chores". these are written on index cards with the chore on one side and explicit instructions on the other. some are easy- get a dust wipe and wipe around the tv, some are more involved- clean out under couch cushions and vacuum crumbs. money chores can only be done when all other chores are completed (or mommy needs help getting ready for company :p) the wages range from $.10 to $1. their payment goes in a bucket and at the end of the week, they get their tithe and then they decide what to save (in their banks), what to give (they like to buy things for "poor kids" and we have a box we are collecting money in to buy an animal for a family in a third world country at the end of the year), and what to spend (keep in a little change purse).

 

we also do "kid of the day" and they have chores they "get" to do ;) on their day- feed the cats, water the garden, get the mail and newspaper...

 

whew! that's what has been working for us so far. we still get plenty of whining and tattling, but it's helping. they also have a separate chart for keeping their room clean- 2 weeks worth of stickers earns them a trip to chuck e cheese and 10 free tokens (they actually have lots of different charts on their website). it usually takes them closer to a month to earn it. O.o

 

you can also check out the blog aslobcomesclean. last summer she focused on training her children how to clean the bathrooms. just the bathrooms, but thoroughly, properly, and completely. this summer she will focus on a different room.

 

good luck. it's hard. it sucks. it takes lots of mom's time. there are lots of tears, whining, fighting, tattling, and more yelling than i like, but consistent training will yield consistent and automatic results. it also helps if they see YOU learning. i made myself a chore chart with daily chores i need to do- unload/reload dishwasher, run a load of laundry, make my bed, wipe down my bathroom, etc. they like seeing my progress. i also told them they can (gently and kindly) remind mommy and daddy if we don't put something away- like if we come in the house and just dump out stuff by the door and don't put it away when we're done unloading the car. they like "catching" us.

[Heidi]

I give assigned chores to each kid so that they don't complain about who is not doing their chores. They are to do their chores and not worry about what their siblings are or aren't doing. Their assigned chores are different each day, I have them posted, and they get paid for them.

 

My dd5 is in training. I have to encourage her a lot.

 

DD7 & dd8 are independent with their chores and do quite a lot.

 

I mostly ignore ds3 because I am focused on training dd5, but occasionally I will encourage him to help dd5 clean her assigned room.

 

I have a few times a day where we will do a quick tidy up of their assigned areas and then do a full cleaning after dinner.

 

I set a timer and if it isn't completed they don't get paid for the chore and they get an extra chore. For dd5 there is no timer yet, just constant encouragement and no fun activites until it is completed.

[Mandy in TN]

I wouldn't try to have all the children helping me in the same room. lol When my big boys were 10 and 12 and I had a toddler, it would have been overwhelming to me to have everyone trying to help in a single room.

 

Have your oldest straighten the living room. Have several baskets where he can sort items so he never leaves the room until it is straight. Have the 5yo help load and unload the dishwasher and set the table. Hand the 3yo a wet wash cloth to wipe baseboards, a duster to dust tables, a bottle of febreeze to spray a squirt in each room, etc. Try having a different thing each day of the week. These are basically just things to occupy the 3yo and keep her from making another mess while everyone s cleaning. Alternatively, if the 3yo and the 10yo can work together, let her help the 10yo by giving her a single, specific task like picking up the dress clothes and putting them in the dress clothes basket.

 

I don't care who brought it there or who it belongs to. This is "our" home and "we" must clean it up. If a child wants to play the I-only-take-care-of-me game, I am quick to point out that I don't only wash my clothes, that I don't buy food or prepare food for only me, that I don't only go places that I want to go, etc. Brother must pick up everyone's stuff in the living area and Sister must load and unload everyone's dishes.

 

HTH-

Mandy

[Clear Creek]

The main areas of the house (living room, dining room, and main hallway) have to be clean before any child can eat a meal. Food is a great motivator, and since they like to eat several times a day, the main areas are getting tidied consistently. This doesn't include vacuuming or dusting, just cleaning up the various items (legos, trains, dress-up clothes, etc.) that were brought out since the prior meal. It took a while, but my kids have been doing it for so long that it is a habit and they don't fuss about having to do it before eating. Plus, they know they can knock it out together in under five minutes.

 

As far as the three year old, yes, with every one of my children at that age I had to physically walk the child to the next toy and have them pick it up and then walk to the toy box/bin and drop the item in, then go to the next toy, have the child pick it up, walk to the toy box, etc. It is time consuming for a while, but it works.

[SweetandSimple]

My biggest tool for getting things done efficiently? A laser pointer. :blush: Yup, like the kinds you use as a cat toy. DD2 especially can be a bit, ahhh, flighty when it comes to following directions. If I say "the green Duplos in front of the TV" she'll turn around in circles for a while first trying to find them. If I just point to the object with the laser pointer then it gets done much faster. They enjoy it, even DS1, and will ask if I'll use the laser pointer to point to the next item. Yes, I point my kids to objects like I'm distracting my cats. Handing in my AP mommy card now. :leaving: Hey, for now it makes it fun and helps them learn HOW to pick up a room.

 

 

Thank you for the suggestions! I am definitely going to try the laser pointer. I think that my little ones would love it!

[SweetandSimple]

What helps here is everyone pitches in, but in an equal way. (Well, equal enough to keep the fair fighting to a minimum.)

 

If we are picking up before supper I set a timer and tell everyone when it goes off I am coming through with my basket. Anything that ends up in my basket has to be earned back by a chore and will be donated at the end of the month if not retrieved. The fighting is minimal now because they know if they care about it they need to put it away.

 

When we are cleaning a room, like the living room, everyone helps by doing 3 jobs. The jobs are assigned by me. Bug might pick up pillows and throw blankets, dust the coffee table, and straighten up the library books. Sister might be assigned to dust the other end tables, clean the wii games up, and dust the bookshelf. Punk would be asked to vacuum, readjust the rugs, and pick up stray toys and books from the room. Everyone knows they only have three jobs and that I rotate them so that Punk is not always vacuuming, etc. so the grumbling is less than it used to be. I am usually working right there beside them to help guide the cleaning.

I have a couple of ideas that might help/work. I would suggest working with one child at a time or per room. If I really wanted everyone to help in the same room, I would have them each pick up the number of items as each child is old. I think I would probably just assign each child a day of the week to help me pick up the living room with the other children each picking up somewhere else less important. (The three year old would be somewhere safe, probably picking up her own area in her room.)

 

One other idea would be to have everybody put stuff in a basket (we used a laundry basket), and they could be expected to pay/work to get their stuff back. (We usually just got everything picked up and into the basket without worrying about how/when to get them back, but I mostly wanted a clean floor, and wasn't very worried about making them earn back their toys/stuff.

 

HTH

 

Thank you for the helpful advice! I think that I will need to try the laundry basket idea. I've never done that before, and I can see how it might streamline the picking up process... right now it seems to be taking forever.

 

I was thinking, though, that there a lot of things that my kids might not care about earning back... I guess that means that they have too many toys. We probably need to simplify.

[SweetandSimple]

Angelmama, thank you so much for taking the time to type all of that out. You have given me a lot to think about, and a lot of hope! In fact, today I moved breakfast until after the morning chore time, and it really helped. I am going to work on some of your other ideas, too. :001_smile:

[SweetandSimple]

I give assigned chores to each kid so that they don't complain about who is not doing their chores. They are to do their chores and not worry about what their siblings are or aren't doing. Their assigned chores are different each day, I have them posted, and they get paid for them.

 

 

I wouldn't try to have all the children helping me in the same room. lol When my big boys were 10 and 12 and I had a toddler, it would have been overwhelming to me to have everyone trying to help in a single room.

 

Have your oldest straighten the living room. Have several baskets where he can sort items so he never leaves the room until it is straight. Have the 5yo help load and unload the dishwasher and set the table. Hand the 3yo a wet wash cloth to wipe baseboards, a duster to dust tables, a bottle of febreeze to spray a squirt in each room, etc. Try having a different thing each day of the week. These are basically just things to occupy the 3yo and keep her from making another mess while everyone s cleaning. Alternatively, if the 3yo and the 10yo can work together, let her help the 10yo by giving her a single, specific task like picking up the dress clothes and putting them in the dress clothes basket.

 

I don't care who brought it there or who it belongs to. This is "our" home and "we" must clean it up. If a child wants to play the I-only-take-care-of-me game, I am quick to point out that I don't only wash my clothes, that I don't buy food or prepare food for only me, that I don't only go places that I want to go, etc. Brother must pick up everyone's stuff in the living area and Sister must load and unload everyone's dishes.

 

HTH-

Mandy

 

Thank you! I really appreciate your thoughts. I think that I just read too many large family blogs that depicted everyone working happily together in the same area. Maybe when they're older... but not now!

 

Food is a great motivator, and since they like to eat several times a day, the main areas are getting tidied consistently. This doesn't include vacuuming or dusting, just cleaning up the various items (legos, trains, dress-up clothes, etc.) that were brought out since the prior meal. It took a while, but my kids have been doing it for so long that it is a habit and they don't fuss about having to do it before eating. Plus, they know they can knock it out together in under five minutes.

 

 

This is brilliant! I am definitely going to try this. If we could just keep it a little more tidy, we would all be happier.

[Entropymama]

I have five, ages 11, 9, 7, 4 and 2, and I hear you, sister. :laugh:

 

I second and third the laundry basket idea - we use that. Walmart has small white laundry baskets for $2 - we have lots.

 

I also agree with the idea that the kids should work separately. Give the ten year old a 'big person' job and send him off to do it, then you get on your hands and knees with the younger kids and make a game of cleaning up together. Put on some music, set a timer. Set aside a time every day that is clean up time. We do it right before Daddy comes home, because it feels like a race. (Hurry! Daddy will be home soon!) Not that he cares, but they think it's fun.

 

One thing that has worked well for us is to get bins that latch and can't be opened by little hands, or bins that go up high in closets that can't be reached. The littles get out one bin at a time, if they want a different type of toy, the first bin has to be picked up and put away. A few toys are left out where they are accessible, but not many.

 

Any time my kids ask for something, they do a chore. For example, "Mom, can I play my iTouch(go outside, have a snack, watch TV, etc)?" "Sure! Just as soon as you unload the dishwasher(make sure your room is clean, tidy the living room, sweep the kitchen, hang up the coats, etc)." They're usually happy to do it since the chores I give for that don't take more than five minutes or so, and they know that whatever they want is on the other side.

 

I also use choremonster.com to assign them daily chores. They like to get on the computer to see and check off their chores and I like to say, "Ok, everyone, choremonster!" and not have to order them around.

 

When we had a bigger house we also had a rule that toys stayed upstairs. If I saw a toy downstairs it was confiscated. That doesn't work for us now, but it was really great.

 

Last thing - consider whether your school load is too much. I know that's a whole different issue, but if school has taken over your life to the point that you feel stressed and frazzled about day to day stuff, maybe it's time to reevaluate. My husband likes to remind me of this when I have taken on too much - sometimes we get so focused on the 'school' part of homeschool that we neglect the 'home' part. It's supposed to be about doing life together!

 

You're doing a fantastic job. :) Keep it up!

[angelmama1209]

wow, i didn't realize my previous response was so long! reading over it i remembered something else my 3yo likes- i spy. i spy a red ball, i spy 4 barbie shoes, i spy 3 shoes, etc.

[weederberries]

I'm sure there are lots of golden nuggets of advice in the prior posts. I haven't read them yet.

 

Here's my caution to add to your situation, which is largely, just like mine:

 

I have 3 kids. They have 3 chores in 3 different areas of the house which I trained them to do because if they are in the same room, they get nothing done at all for all the bickering or playing. The trouble is, I can only get one kid to comply at a time. My 6yo picks up clutter in the rooms with wood floors (the entry and the hall). My 8 yo picks up clutter in the 2 tiled rooms. My 9yo picks up the carpeted room (which is often the messiest). "Ok kids, pick up the clutter, while I (wash the pots and pans, clean up after the dog, clean out the fridge, etc)." 2 minutes later none of them are in the right room. I have to stop my chore to get the 6 yo on task. The 8 and 9 yos are in the next room fighting over whether she put the sock on the tile for him to have to pick up. Get the 6yo working and go to settle the 8 yo. Now, 6 and 9yo are playing together, making a bigger mess. Arg! I am so angry that we can't complete the chores in tandem.

 

Sometimes we need to tackle one specific area and we all jump in together. 6yo picks up one item and twiddles it for 10 minutes. 8 yo does most of the work to get it over with and 9 yo pouts because it's not fair that 6yo isn't working.

 

They are capable of doing the chores when motivated, but utterly resistant when it matters most to me.

 

So, I feel your pain. I don't know that separating them is the answer, since then you've got too many unsupervised mess-makers in the background.

[weederberries]

I have five, ages 11, 9, 7, 4 and 2, and I hear you, sister. :laugh:

 

 

One thing that has worked well for us is to get bins that latch and can't be opened by little hands, or bins that go up high in closets that can't be reached. The littles get out one bin at a time, if they want a different type of toy, the first bin has to be picked up and put away. A few toys are left out where they are accessible, but not many.

 

 

 

 

This is how I survived 3 under 3 years old. Those locking boxes are amazing...until they learn to open them around age 5 or 6.

[angelmama1209]

I'm sure there are lots of golden nuggets of advice in the prior posts. I haven't read them yet.

 

Here's my caution to add to your situation, which is largely, just like mine:

 

I have 3 kids. They have 3 chores in 3 different areas of the house which I trained them to do because if they are in the same room, they get nothing done at all for all the bickering or playing. The trouble is, I can only get one kid to comply at a time. My 6yo picks up clutter in the rooms with wood floors (the entry and the hall). My 8 yo picks up clutter in the 2 tiled rooms. My 9yo picks up the carpeted room (which is often the messiest). "Ok kids, pick up the clutter, while I (wash the pots and pans, clean up after the dog, clean out the fridge, etc)." 2 minutes later none of them are in the right room. I have to stop my chore to get the 6 yo on task. The 8 and 9 yos are in the next room fighting over whether she put the sock on the tile for him to have to pick up. Get the 6yo working and go to settle the 8 yo. Now, 6 and 9yo are playing together, making a bigger mess. Arg! I am so angry that we can't complete the chores in tandem.

 

Sometimes we need to tackle one specific area and we all jump in together. 6yo picks up one item and twiddles it for 10 minutes. 8 yo does most of the work to get it over with and 9 yo pouts because it's not fair that 6yo isn't working.

 

They are capable of doing the chores when motivated, but utterly resistant when it matters most to me.

 

So, I feel your pain. I don't know that separating them is the answer, since then you've got too many unsupervised mess-makers in the background.

 

this sounds very familiar, except it's my 5yo that does nothing because she's complaining that the 3yo isn't helping. *sigh*

[Ellie]

I don't have the answer, because I had only two dc, and we lived in a small house, and were naturally on the tidy side. Don't judge me, lol.

 

But I can say that you might be thinking about it a little, well, off. You aren't getting the children to "help out." You are requiring them to pick up after themselves and participate in keeping their home clean and take care of their belongings.

 

Sometimes approaching something with a different mindset makes things, well, different. :-)

 

I would *totally* limit how many playthings the littles have, take time to put things away between "classes," and do a general pick-up break at least twice a day.

 

You might consider instituting a gobble box. That's where you give the dc a 5-minute warning and then go through the house picking up everything that wasn't put away. The children have to buy back the items in the box. And they *have* to buy back the items in the box. They cannot decide they don't want something. Debe Haller wrote a nifty (but out-of-print) book called "The Challenge of Raising Cain." Her method let children earn tickets during the day for a variety of things (some as simple as getting up in the morning, or giving Mom a hug); they could spend those tickets on "Goody Coupons" at the end of the week for things like staying up an hour late one night, or a trip to Chuckie Cheese's, but they could also spend them on buying back items out of the gobble box, or arguing with a sibling (arguing with a sibling or a parent could be as pricey as 5 tickets per minute). Their choice.

[SweetandSimple]

 

Last thing - consider whether your school load is too much. I know that's a whole different issue, but if school has taken over your life to the point that you feel stressed and frazzled about day to day stuff, maybe it's time to reevaluate. My husband likes to remind me of this when I have taken on too much - sometimes we get so focused on the 'school' part of homeschool that we neglect the 'home' part. It's supposed to be about doing life together!

 

You're doing a fantastic job. :) Keep it up!

 

Thanks for the nice words! And of course, you're right. I'm fond of telling my husband that I can homeschool OR clean and cook, but I can't manage to do it all! But somehow, I need to do a little more.

 

I do need to work on finding a better balance. I like your thought about "doing life together."

[SweetandSimple]

wow, i didn't realize my previous response was so long! reading over it i remembered something else my 3yo likes- i spy. i spy a red ball, i spy 4 barbie shoes, i spy 3 shoes, etc.

 

This is a great idea! I think that my 3-year-old would think it was a fun game and not even notice the cleaning up. I will definitely try this.

[SweetandSimple]

I'm sure there are lots of golden nuggets of advice in the prior posts. I haven't read them yet.

 

Here's my caution to add to your situation, which is largely, just like mine:

 

I have 3 kids. They have 3 chores in 3 different areas of the house which I trained them to do because if they are in the same room, they get nothing done at all for all the bickering or playing. The trouble is, I can only get one kid to comply at a time. My 6yo picks up clutter in the rooms with wood floors (the entry and the hall). My 8 yo picks up clutter in the 2 tiled rooms. My 9yo picks up the carpeted room (which is often the messiest). "Ok kids, pick up the clutter, while I (wash the pots and pans, clean up after the dog, clean out the fridge, etc)." 2 minutes later none of them are in the right room. I have to stop my chore to get the 6 yo on task. The 8 and 9 yos are in the next room fighting over whether she put the sock on the tile for him to have to pick up. Get the 6yo working and go to settle the 8 yo. Now, 6 and 9yo are playing together, making a bigger mess. Arg! I am so angry that we can't complete the chores in tandem.

 

Sometimes we need to tackle one specific area and we all jump in together. 6yo picks up one item and twiddles it for 10 minutes. 8 yo does most of the work to get it over with and 9 yo pouts because it's not fair that 6yo isn't working.

 

They are capable of doing the chores when motivated, but utterly resistant when it matters most to me.

 

So, I feel your pain. I don't know that separating them is the answer, since then you've got too many unsupervised mess-makers in the background.

 

 

Wow! You DO understand! :hurray: It is always nice to know that I'm not the only one. Thanks for the advice!

[SweetandSimple]

I don't have the answer, because I had only two dc, and we lived in a small house, and were naturally on the tidy side. Don't judge me, lol.

 

But I can say that you might be thinking about it a little, well, off. You aren't getting the children to "help out." You are requiring them to pick up after themselves and participate in keeping their home clean and take care of their belongings.

 

Sometimes approaching something with a different mindset makes things, well, different. :-)

 

I would *totally* limit how many playthings the littles have, take time to put things away between "classes," and do a general pick-up break at least twice a day.

 

You might consider instituting a gobble box. That's where you give the dc a 5-minute warning and then go through the house picking up everything that wasn't put away. The children have to buy back the items in the box. And they *have* to buy back the items in the box. They cannot decide they don't want something. Debe Haller wrote a nifty (but out-of-print) book called "The Challenge of Raising Cain." Her method let children earn tickets during the day for a variety of things (some as simple as getting up in the morning, or giving Mom a hug); they could spend those tickets on "Goody Coupons" at the end of the week for things like staying up an hour late one night, or a trip to Chuckie Cheese's, but they could also spend them on buying back items out of the gobble box, or arguing with a sibling (arguing with a sibling or a parent could be as pricey as 5 tickets per minute). Their choice.

 

Thanks, Ellie. I know that you are right... and I think that is why I end up getting angry. I know that I need to teach them to clean up after themselves and take care of our home. I feel like I've failed in that respect, and it is frustrating. (It would really be easier just to send them outside while I did the picking up. But of course, that is a terrible idea!)

 

I think that the gobble box sounds like a very helpful idea. And I'm off to look into that book...

[ZeeMommy]

For my 4 year old son and 6 year old daughter, I have them do a "ten item tidy" - in other words, go pick up 10 things, put them away, and then you're done. Simple and seems to work so far. But they are by no means neat; "put things away" gets translated into their minds as "get it off the floor and stuff it at random on the shelf". Had another mom friend tell me just the other day(her oldest is past college and youngest is 8) that it helps to keep in mind the child's attention span too when cleaning up. So now I think that when I give them tasks, that each job that won't last any longer than 10 minutes or break up the job into little tasks. Too much stuff seems to mean too much clean up too!

[SweetandSimple]

For my 4 year old son and 6 year old daughter, I have them do a "ten item tidy" - in other words, go pick up 10 things, put them away, and then you're done. Simple and seems to work so far. But they are by no means neat; "put things away" gets translated into their minds as "get it off the floor and stuff it at random on the shelf". Had another mom friend tell me just the other day(her oldest is past college and youngest is 8) that it helps to keep in mind the child's attention span too when cleaning up. So now I think that when I give them tasks, that each job that won't last any longer than 10 minutes or break up the job into little tasks. Too much stuff seems to mean too much clean up too!

 

Yes--- picking up just ten things is definitely something that they are willing to do! It would be even more effective if we didn't have so many items! I'm going to work on paring down their possessions. Thank you for the advice!