Forget-Me-Not Posted April 4, 2013 Share Posted April 4, 2013 I would wrap up the pancake pan, recipe, and golden syrup, along with a nicely written up story of the pan and the tradition, ending with a hug and a welcome to the family. If I was your FDIL I would LOVE that. Honestly, I'd be a blubbering mess. I would put the mixer in their new house on the kitchen counter for them to find when they get back from the honeymoon (assuming you can manage to get in while they're gone). Have it sitting there with a big fat bow on it and a note that you thought she'd like it. Holy wow. Yeah, that's creepy! Can you ask DS for permission to come drop off a few groceries and muffins the night before they arrive? So they'll have fresh juice and milk... Then put the mixer where obviously you haven't dug through anything! These! Perfect! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Marple Posted April 4, 2013 Share Posted April 4, 2013 When my son got married last June, I decided not to get them anything off their registry. Instead I gave her an antique dessert set - plates with cups and saucers. It was in pristine condition. I collect antique china and this was one of the sets I had collected years ago. She had plenty of gifts (and I had given them lots of hand me downs including a Kitchen Aid stand mixer that was still in great shape but I had just purchased a larger red one). The more personal nature of the gift was appreciated...sort of like an heirloom gift. I like the idea of doing the pancake pan with all the 'fixins' That is much more personal than something off her registry. If you feel like it, I'm sure she would appreciate the mixer as well but you could do that later privately. My dil isn't into the latest fashion and she truly appreciated the personal nature of the gift. If your daughter in law to be is a down to earth, non-fussy type, I think she would treasure the personal touch of the pancake pan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plink Posted April 4, 2013 Share Posted April 4, 2013 Give her the pan. It is a very sweet and personal gift. My MIL gave me a pan and rolling pin, along with some favorite recipes. She said she had ulterior motives for giving me those gifts though - she thought that her son might need to be whacked upside the head if he ever forgot what a great girl he was getting, and that I could use both of those items for that purpose if necessary. It was HILARIOUS! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted April 4, 2013 Share Posted April 4, 2013 Another vote for the pancake stuff. Family traditions are wonderful. I also like giving the mixer as a wedding or housewarming gift. Just do it privately. If you are worried about being in their apartment when they are not there, then just bring it over another time. Your dh's instincts on this one are incorrect. Your gifts will be lovely--I would personally find such gifts particularly meaningful over the generic registry stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 If you have the box, I'd give the mixer. You mentioned that she didn't register for a mixer and someone might notice and buy her one anyway. It wouldn't be the perfect one that you have to give her. I can't imagine that it looks used based on what you've said. eta: even if you don't have the box you could make it all cute with a bow or get/make a cover for it The pancake tradition is an awesome idea but I would give the pancake stuff to ds and dil at one of the Saturday pancake breakfasts. To me this is very private and doesn't belong at the shower. I'd be afraid of it getting lost in the shuffle of the shower or making a presentation at the shower coming off wrong. (showers here are big affairs, maybe a more intimate shower would be different) FWIW, my late mom gave me lots of our everyday stuff...flatware, knives, pots and pans...I think of her everyday as I cook for my family and remember how she always took such good care of me. So for me, needed registry items from the mom are great! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caroline Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 I love the idea of the pancake pan and recipe. The only caution I would make is that your other children might expect that, too, when they get married. Will you be able to find more pans on eBay or wherever? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 Another vote for #1 at the shower and the mixer as a surprise in the kitchen after you clear it with DS. These are wonderful, thoughtful gifts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 I would wrap up the pancake pan, recipe, and golden syrup, along with a nicely written up story of the pan and the tradition, ending with a hug and a welcome to the family. If I was your FDIL I would LOVE that. Honestly, I'd be a blubbering mess. I would put the mixer in their new house on the kitchen counter for them to find when they get back from the honeymoon (assuming you can manage to get in while they're gone). Have it sitting there with a big fat bow on it and a note that you thought she'd like it. This!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 the pancake pan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 I'm chiming in for the pancake pan and recipes. Maybe add a nice potholder if the handle would be one to get warm, and a super nice pancake turner...possibly a batter bowl so it is kind of a "everything you need to make pancakes" gift. Since she has been a part of the tradition, she'll understand the meaning and be thrilled. Put the mixer on the counter of their house/apartment for her to find after the shower. And, you do know we love you Julie, so please take this in the spirit in which it is intended, tell DH to stuff it. His decision making skills are not of the exemplary kind and therefore, his opinion is not to be trusted. Enjoy your new daughter-in-law. June 1st, and we acquire a new son. He's a keeper and I'm sure your ds's young lady is too! Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sukale Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 I love the pancake pan idea. I would maybe add an apron, a glass mixing bowl, a whisk and a spatula, and a recipe box with a bunch of blank cards and the pancake recipe on the first card. I would include any other special family recipes and include a little note or story on the back of the card. On the top of the recipe box you could have a card with the recipe to a happy marriage. http://www.southerncharmcateringco.com/uploads/Southern_Charm_Menu_Recipe.pdf A photo album with some baby and childhood pictures of your son would be nice. You could also add some old pictures of grandparents and other family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted April 5, 2013 Author Share Posted April 5, 2013 And, you do know we love you Julie, so please take this in the spirit in which it is intended, tell DH to stuff it. His decision making skills are not of the exemplary kind and therefore, his opinion is not to be trusted. I love it that people whom I've never even met IRL are taking care of me & looking out for me. I'm not at all worried about what dh thinks about the gift, and actually it's a sign of progress that we could discuss a rather mundane detail of life without having the hard stuff intrude. I'm going to go ahead and do a basket with the pan, syrup, batter bowl, etc. I am going to ask dil if she'd mind very much if I tiptoed into their apartment to leave a surprise in her kitchen while they're gone. I just won't tell her what it is, so she can be surprised when she arrives home. I think that would be the best thing. Gives her the opportunity to say that she'd rather not have me in there while they're gone, but still lets me surprise her a little (or a lot!) if she's comfortable with the idea. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 My MIL gave us a nearly-new KitchenAid mixer twenty-something odd years ago as a wedding gift. Absolutely lovely and I am still using it. Pancakes for the shower, mixer as a wedding or "just because" gift. Sounds fabulous! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 I love the idea of the pancake pan and recipe. The only caution I would make is that your other children might expect that, too, when they get married. Will you be able to find more pans on eBay or wherever? Oh! Good point... that is seriously something to consider! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted April 5, 2013 Author Share Posted April 5, 2013 Oh! Good point... that is seriously something to consider! Yes, I've collected four of the pans, searching often and snapping them up whenever I can find them at a price I can afford. They're not really that special, just tradition, you know? The last kid might have to end up with mine, if I don't end up with one more. That'd be ok too. :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 I'd give both and possibly all 3 if I could afford it. I don't think any or all of it is odd at all. I think it's quite lovely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 Yes, I've collected four of the pans, searching often and snapping them up whenever I can find them at a price I can afford. They're not really that special, just tradition, you know? The last kid might have to end up with mine, if I don't end up with one more. That'd be ok too. :-) Great! Then the idea is back to being perfect! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caroline Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 Yes, I've collected four of the pans, searching often and snapping them up whenever I can find them at a price I can afford. They're not really that special, just tradition, you know? The last kid might have to end up with mine, if I don't end up with one more. That'd be ok too. :-) Then it is the perfect idea! You are going to be an awesome mother-in-law. (I also love the idea of leaving the mixer in the apartment while they are on their honeymoon.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 I'm going to go ahead and do a basket with the pan, syrup, batter bowl, etc. I am going to ask dil if she'd mind very much if I tiptoed into their apartment to leave a surprise in her kitchen while they're gone. I just won't tell her what it is, so she can be surprised when she arrives home. I think that would be the best thing. Gives her the opportunity to say that she'd rather not have me in there while they're gone, but still lets me surprise her a little (or a lot!) if she's comfortable with the idea. :) I think that sounds like a great plan. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 I'd do the pancake mix, pan, etc. I have seen some MIls give their DIL a cookbook with "Family recipes" and funny stories, pictures, etc. and I have to say I kind of wish my MIL had done something like that. Something that says "we welcome you into our family" I've gotten some over the years. And my husband does like me making things he grew up with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 Does the pancake tradition come from your side of your family, or your husband's? Are you sure this is something your son would want to continue? If a tradition might be associated with the family issues that you've been going through, your son and his wife might want to create their own traditions. I think that passing family traditions as a gift is an imposition, especially under those kind of circumstances. I feel it is really inappropriate to enter their house while they are away. I'm surprised how many people say that this is welcoming or cute. Seriously? Unless you ask them whether it is okay for you to enter and leave a surprise gift (and then the actual gift is the surprise, not entering the house) I think that entering their house without their knowledge is grossly inappropriate. The mixer is a great gift, but maybe not to be given at the shower? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 I'd do the pancake mix, pan, etc. I have seen some MIls give their DIL a cookbook with "Family recipes" and funny stories, pictures, etc. and I have to say I kind of wish my MIL had done something like that. Something that says "we welcome you into our family" I've gotten some over the years. And my husband does like me making things he grew up with. ETA: as far as I can recall, our in-laws got us nothing for shower or wedding. It wasn't a big deal then or now to me (other than I wish she'd done the recipe cookbook!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 I would wrap up the pancake pan, recipe, and golden syrup, along with a nicely written up story of the pan and the tradition, ending with a hug and a welcome to the family. If I was your FDIL I would LOVE that. Honestly, I'd be a blubbering mess. I would put the mixer in their new house on the kitchen counter for them to find when they get back from the honeymoon (assuming you can manage to get in while they're gone). Have it sitting there with a big fat bow on it and a note that you thought she'd like it. This. Also, one of the best things my MIL gave me was a family recipe book. It wasn't a wedding gift, but she made it not long after dh and I got married, after I called to get the recipe for dh's favorite pie to make for his birthday. All her kids were out on their own by then, so she made one for each of them and their SOs. We all still have them and use them regularly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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