When you have kids that need a lot of energy...

[fairfarmhand]

How do you keep them from sucking you dry?

 

I have a 15 yo dd who just is a very intense person, very dramatic, very negative. I am a mellow, cheerful, laid back, low energy, conflict avoiding person, so at the end of the day, I'm just worn out. She was out of the house for 4 days last week and I was shocked at how energetic I still was at the end of the day.

 

How do I keep her from wearing me down so badly?

 

Saturday, I went running in the rain just to get away from her. I love her to pieces but she just makes me tired.

 

Putting her in school would not be the answer. Any time she is away from us, she comes home and sort of vomits all her poor attitudes all over everyone here at home. I do think that school would make 95% of our interactions negative because we would have fewer hours together. \

 

Any ideas?

[WTMCassandra]

:bigear:

 

I'm in much the same boat.

[fairfarmhand]

Have you told her she does that? I'm pretty negative myself. My parents told me when I was a teen and I learned to dial it down. I haven't changed in terms of what goes through my mind, but I keep most of it to myself. My husband is the same way. We are perfect for each other. LOL

 

Although as I'm getting older I find I'm getting less negative.

yes. She says that not expressing these traits is hypocritical. :)

 

If it was someone else's kid, I would find that amusing because it is such a "teenagerish" thing to say. But to live with it, day in and day out.... :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

 

(When I told her that everyone else has negative emotions and grumpy times and they don't walk around constantly barraging others with negativity, she said that they are being hypocritical too!)

[Mommyfaithe]

 

yes. She says that not expressing these traits is hypocritical. :)

 

If it was someone else's kid, I would find that amusing because it is such a "teenagerish" thing to say. But to live with it, day in and day out.... :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

 

(When I told her that everyone else has negative emotions and grumpy times and they don't walk around constantly barraging others with negativity, she said that they are being hypocritical too!)

 

Honestly, I tell my drama queen to go express herself to someone who wants to be dragged down by her drama. I am not that someone. I refuse to allow anyone to drive me like that...not even one of my kids. If you are a negative person, chances are no one is going to want to be around you...so practice being alone...a lot, or change your attitude and come hang out with me.

 

I also get that kid out and running or to exercise classes as much as possible...somehow exhausting her knocks her negative right out.

 

Anyone....even my kid....who is a drain like that, would not be rewarded by wearing me out. I am just like that. I have become very selfish in my old age. My oldest did that to me too. It was a mistake for me not to nip it in the bud, but try to fix her and make her happy. I now make me happy, and surprisingly, my kids are MORE happy than before. Who knew????

[Chris in VA]

She is confusing hypocritical with selfish. Unselfish means you do not vomit your negativity all over everyone; you are socially astute enough to realize you are living in community, and that your actions have consequences, and you are mature enough to, in the name of kindness, keep some feelings to yourself. You are self-controlled enough and creative enough to find other outlets of expression that do not cause distress to others, but still honor the "way you are made."

 

You realize that being negative and critical, like all super powers, must be used for good, not for evil! LOL--we say this all the time at our house.

 

One thing having a difficult child, who was also an energy-vampire, taught me, was that I am in charge of my reactivity. I mentally saw myself zeroing in on him every time he walked in, and felt ramped up--what is going to happen now? What is he going to do/say/demand/need? All the focus on him. Being constantly in that hyper-aware state left me drained. Sort of the fight or flight reaction, I imagine. So, I began (still beginning) to learn to set more boundaries, and stop being in orbit around him.

[fairfarmhand]

Honestly, I tell my drama queen to go express herself to someone who wants to be dragged down by her drama. I am not that someone. I refuse to allow anyone to drive me like that...not even one of my kids. If you are a negative person, chances are no one is going to want to be around you...so practice being alone...a lot, or change your attitude and come hang out with me.

 

I also get that kid out and running or to exercise classes as much as possible...somehow exhausting her knocks her negative right out.

 

Anyone....even my kid....who is a drain like that, would not be rewarded by wearing me out. I am just like that. I have become very selfish in my old age. My oldest did that to me too. It was a mistake for me not to nip it in the bud, but try to fix her and make her happy. I now make me happy, and surprisingly, my kids are MORE happy than before. Who knew????

She is confusing hypocritical with selfish. Unselfish means you do not vomit your negativity all over everyone; you are socially astute enough to realize you are living in community, and that your actions have consequences, and you are mature enough to, in the name of kindness, keep some feelings to yourself. You are self-controlled enough and creative enough to find other outlets of expression that do not cause distress to others, but still honor the "way you are made."

 

You realize that being negative and critical, like all super powers, must be used for good, not for evil! LOL--we say this all the time at our house.

 

One thing having a difficult child, who was also an energy-vampire, taught me, was that I am in charge of my reactivity. I mentally saw myself zeroing in on him every time he walked in, and felt ramped up--what is going to happen now? What is he going to do/say/demand/need? All the focus on him. Being constantly in that hyper-aware state left me drained. Sort of the fight or flight reaction, I imagine. So, I began (still beginning) to learn to set more boundaries, and stop being in orbit around him.

 

these are both VERY helpful. Thanks!