Helping my ds find a church.

[lynn]

We went to church regularly for years but various reasons and issues we have not gone back. Occasionally we do go. DS was invited by his girlfriend to go to her church he got dressed nice and brought his bible with him. He came back very disappointed or amazed or something that 1. no one wore a tie or attempted to dress up. Even the pastor was in jeans. 2. NO ONE had their bible (His girlfriend asked why he brought his bible??) 3. Music was ridiculously loud. 4.Message was good but Easter was not even mentioned.

 

 

I tried my best to talk with him about the changes that have taken place in churches in very recent years but there are still some churches that offer traditional, non rockband, music and explain that he needs to seek out God in his own way, try different churches, ask questions until he finds the church his feels right in. How can I help him seek out his own path to God. I believe he would be open to reading theology books, any recommendations. Should I encourage him to take at least one theology class in college?

[ballardlm]

Maybe not a Theology class, but a Religions class. I took a Religions class in college that taught all the different religions/denominations and it was very helpful to me because at the time I was quite lost in finding a church I could call home. For what it's worth I am now Episcopalian. We dress up, we have liturgical services, BUT I feel like it is a very open minded and loving church. We had a bishop visit on Easter and he said something that I think sums up what this church believes. "The Episcopal church is only an instrument in great orchestra that serves God. It is not any better than any other instrument, but it is a beautiful piece of the music." Also, most priests I know are quite educated in the different types of denominations and if you tell them what you are looking for they will help you find somewhere you can feel at home, even if it is not their church.

[Ottakee]

He might be happier trying a traditional Baptist church----mostly ones with the name Baptist still in their name.

[justamouse]

The more traditional churches are going to be the ones where dressing up is still (somewhat) customary.

 

Chesterton's Orthodoxy is always a good start for reading. :D

[Laurie4b]

We went to church regularly for years but various reasons and issues we have not gone back. Occasionally we do go. DS was invited by his girlfriend to go to her church he got dressed nice and brought his bible with him. He came back very disappointed or amazed or something that 1. no one wore a tie or attempted to dress up. Even the pastor was in jeans. 2. NO ONE had their bible (His girlfriend asked why he brought his bible??) 3. Music was ridiculously loud. 4.Message was good but Easter was not even mentioned.

 

 

I tried my best to talk with him about the changes that have taken place in churches in very recent years but there are still some churches that offer traditional, non rockband, music and explain that he needs to seek out God in his own way, try different churches, ask questions until he finds the church his feels right in. How can I help him seek out his own path to God. I believe he would be open to reading theology books, any recommendations. Should I encourage him to take at least one theology class in college?

 

Church websites are a good source of figuring out what a particular church's style is as well as their theology. (Most churches have doctrinal statements on their websites and it's usually pretty clear from their websites what their style is.) I would encourage him to ask questions of his girlfriend about why they do things the way they do. For instance, some people see dressing up as a way to show honor to God; other people see a culture of dressing up as promoting showing-off among congregants, and still others believe that what you wear, dress up or jeans, doesn't make any difference at all. Some churches make a huge issue of bringing Bibles; others offer them in the pews and still others project the Scripture on the screen. Some churches follow a church-year calendar and preach of the birth of Jesus at Christmas and the resurrection on Easter; others ignore that and preach through a certain sequence of lessons. He said that the message was good, for instance, so I assume that it met his criteria, though it didn't relate to the holiday. Music styles vary.

 

I would not encourage a theology class in college as a way to seek one's own path. They are usually classes with a point of view, not for the purpose of helping people sort out their personal paths. That's better done on one's own time, I think.

[Ellie]

We went to church regularly for years but various reasons and issues we have not gone back. Occasionally we do go. DS was invited by his girlfriend to go to her church he got dressed nice and brought his bible with him. He came back very disappointed or amazed or something that 1. no one wore a tie or attempted to dress up. Even the pastor was in jeans. 2. NO ONE had their bible (His girlfriend asked why he brought his bible??) 3. Music was ridiculously loud. 4.Message was good but Easter was not even mentioned.

 

:blink:

 

I'm so sorry he had that experience. I'm glad that he was confounded by it. Well done. :-)

 

 

I tried my best to talk with him about the changes that have taken place in churches in very recent years but there are still some churches that offer traditional, non rockband, music and explain that he needs to seek out God in his own way, try different churches, ask questions until he finds the church his feels right in. How can I help him seek out his own path to God. I believe he would be open to reading theology books, any recommendations. Should I encourage him to take at least one theology class in college?

 

Under no circumstances would I recommend a theology class in college as a way to find God. In fact, I can think of no better way to learn to be cynical and mistrustful of all organized religion. If he wants to know about God, the best place is...in church. Notice I didn't say "find his own path." His own path could be, well, the wrong one. I second the suggestion to check out local church web sites; personally, I tend to avoid those which are reluctant to use "church" or other indentifiers in their titles which don't clearly indicate that they are even churches at all ("The River," for example), but that's just me. :-) Of course, some of us would strongly encourage him to check out the Catholic or Orthodox church, because you can't get more traditional than that. :D

[J-rap]

Instead of taking a theology class, perhaps he can start by listening to some good sermons online.

 

 

Two sites we have liked for sermons are Truth for Life (Allistair Begg)

 

http://www.truthforlife.org/broadcasts/podcast/

 

 

and Redeemer Church (Timothy Keller)

 

http://sermons2.redeemer.com/

[Remudamom]

I think it depends on the area if people dress up or not. The Presbyterian church in a small town 20 miles from here dresses casually. Our church in Overland Park is more formal. The Baptist church here in podunk has people show up in jeans and overalls. The more formal churches in the South still go whole hog, hose, heels, sometimes hats for the ladies.

 

Also the more formal the liturgy the more formal the dressing. And more respect imo. I hate going into a church where the people sit in the sanctuary before the services begin and visit loudly, arrange their water bottles and gossip. That time should be prep for worship.

[milovany]

Don't suggest an Orthodox church. It's too hard and takes over your whole. entire. life. Then again, he would find the reverence there, and the Scriptures there, although they're sung through pretty much the whole service, not studied from the text, so he wouldn't need to bring is own copy. The music is not loud and when it comes to Easter, boy-howdy, he'd see that properly commemorated to be sure (and it's not too late for that; our Easter is May 5th). I was serious about the first sentence, though. As one of the Orthodox gals here put it recently, Orthodoxy is hard-core. It's not for everyone, but anyone looking for a rigorous faith would certainly find it in an Orthodox church.

 

I'm only speaking from my experience with the church history we have in our family. I know there are other experiences and I'm not comparing Orthodoxy to them; just stating our experience.

 

I think it's pretty cool that your son is asking these questions. Young adulthood is a tough time to navigate a desire for church life, as I well recall. I floundered around for many, many years trying to find a fit.

[Ottakee]

The Baptist church here in podunk has people show up in jeans and overalls.

 

I just had to comment and I REALLY do live in PODUNK. It is in our township history that this is the village of PODUNK............and yes it is still Robinsontucky here.

 

Sorry to hijack the thread.

[Parrothead]

Well, if you have no objections to the Catholic church, he would be welcomed. We run the gamut from dressy dress to jeans and overalls. We don't normally carry our Bibles. That is because misselettes are provided in the pews.

 

Mass is a beautiful thing. It is liturgical, not a lot of spontaneity. We sing traditional hymns. The order of the mass is:

 

Opening hymn

Introductory prayers

Penitential rite - we confess that we are sinners

The Glory is sung

Prayer

A reading from the OT

A reading from the NT

A reading from the Gospels

The priest's homily (message)

The profession of faith (generally the Nicene Creed)

The universal prayer (the prayer of the faithful)

The Offertory (another hymn is sung)

The Liturgy of the Eucharist

The Our Father

The Sign of Peace

Holy Communion

The dismissal

 

That is just regular Sunday mass. At other times of the year, especially Easter and Christmas, there is a lot more to it. This Easter vigil we were there for 2 hours. It is not unheard of for it to go closer to 3.

 

But as Milovany said, it tends to take over one's life. But, IMO, that is as Christianity should be. We should want to be Christian through and through. We should want to live our lives as prayerful Christians. We should be devoted to Jesus. We should be continually examining our consciences, being penitent, and offering our sufferings up. We should be making time for the sacred in sacred spaces within our hearts and our homes.

 

As Rumudamom says we should make time for the quiet. We should listen for the voice of God.

 

 

 

 

Okay, off my soap box now. At times I'm such a Dominican. I hope, lynn, that your ds finds a church he is comfortable and happy in.