Great essay in WSJ - "To all the Colleges that Rejected me"

[Jen in NY]

I agree with this:

High school students can get stars in their eyes about going to a school with worldwide name recognition, like the school is the equivalent of making it big in Hollywood. This is where someone with maturity needs to step in and say, "yes, but would the school work for you?"

 

 

Additionally, the ivies and other competitive schools are thrilled when so many high achievers just press "send" to all of them. The school collects the $75 application fee ($75*40000 applicants = $3 million buckaroos), and reaps the benefits of having low acceptance rate. I can't see a downside for the schools. On the student's side though, IMO hitting send for 12-15 schools (and maybe writing an additional essay. :) )is not the same thing as thoroughly researching a dept. of interest at a particular school, finding something you really like, and applying to those one or two places that will genuinely be a good fit for you. I am skeptical that all of the kids submitting 12-15 applications have done a lot of digging about each and every one, and yet someone is digging deep to spend the $750-$1000 in fees to apply to 10 or more schools.

 

ETA: College board is probably pretty happy to process all of those score reports, too... big moolah.

[cathmom]

Re: state of residence. My oldest was accepted at a far northern flagship state school, and one of the reasons was probably that we live in a southern state. You could count on one hand the number of applicants they had from our state in the several years prior to his application. It was his dream school and sometimes I still wish he had gone there. He didn't because he got offered a full scholarship at an instate school.

[swimmermom3]

For skills alone, Suzy is a MUCH more talented writer than Caity. ;)

 

The rest (content, pros & cons, etc) we've already discussed.

 

 

I will second the writing assessment. :D

 

I have been thinking about the idea of "being yourself," and I don't think it is easily dismissed.

 

Back in the Dark Ages when I was in high school, I think we had the luxury of being ourselves. I graduated 8th in a class of roughly 100, was a member of National and Spanish Honor Societies, had SAT scores that were neither embarrassing nor the mark of a rocket scientist, a 3.7 GPA, and worked on the school newspaper. For my junior and senior years, I worked 8 hours a week at a local diner and had regular babysitting stints. We showed horses and I had started a 4-H club and served in various leadership capacities. I took an AP English course and picked up a few credits. There still seemed to be time to hang out with friends and have fun.

 

The idea of doing any of the things I did in high school with an eye on marketing myself for colleges would never have crossed my mind. I was a good student who loved reading and English class because I saw school as a refuge from my unhappiness at home. If you think you want to be a journalist, of course you are going to work on the school newspaper which just happened to have an awesome mentor. I babysat because all girls in that era babysat after the age of 12. You never lacked for money because the people you babysat always referred you on to someone else. I worked at the diner because I grew up going there instead of McDonald's and the owner asked if I was interested. It was a blast. Starting a 4-H club with a handful of friends that I met at the barn where we took lessons seemed like a natural thing to do.

 

Now when my older kids have friends over and they talk about school, there seems to be a lot less joy. Many of them are involved in activities that they would rather not do, because they need it for their applications. The sad irony is that a couple of them that are following their inner directions seem to be happier and more relaxed. Appealing, purposeful direction gives teens an extra vitality. Isn't this really the goal of "being yourself." I thoroughly enjoy having in my home the kids that have a passion. There have been impromptu serenades that have brought tears to my eyes and major messes in my kitchen with kids who have discovered the joy of cooking in foods class.

 

 

 

I actually found this meaner than the original essay.

 

I don't think there are many students who are owed a spot at a particular college. But I also think we've created a rather odd system where backstory or hook matter more than actual accomplishments. The system has been decades in the making. And I don't see it fading anytime soon.

 

 

More and more I feel as though what we are looking at is a smokescreen of marketing and testing and not genuine education.

 

ETA: I am so glad I worked on the high school paper and went to J-School before the Internet and Twitter. I can't imagine being a young writer trying out my wings in this environment. I give Suzy high marks for putting herself up for crucifixion. It takes a very strong person at seventeen to put your fledgling art out into a world that delights in destruction.

[AMJ]

I always say that half the challenge when parenting teens is making them WANT to grow up enough to actually do it. (I think the other half is just plain keeping them alive.) In my opinion, aking them want to do it enough to do it before they are 14 years old, the time at which everything they do starts "counting" for college admissions, is practically impossible even when their own lives are near-idyllic. The near-idyllic-ness becomes a problem in itself. As my son put it (echoing the way I felt at his age), "Why on earth would I want to leave here? Why on earth would I want to be grown-up?" If they have the intelligence and sensitiveness to be aware of and distressed by the plight of many of the non-family adults around them, to say nothing of the people in the rest of the world, they are going to spend a good bit of their teens upset and seeking escape. If you are lucky, they will discover that they can find a bit of comfort in helping someone else occasionally or trying to improve the world, but it takes a good bit of maturity to walk a whole beach of dieing starfish and focus on saving the one you can grab without being overwhelmed by the hopeless plight of the rest and without feeling hopelessly selfish for walking away after saving a few and going back to your own pleasant life.

 

 

 

 

Well spoken. This summed up this challenge nicely for me, who still has it ahead of her to face. My eldest is 11, going on 12, and tells everyone who asks her age, "next year I'll be 13". She has difficulties she has had to work hard to get around, which necessitates a certain degree of self-centered mindset. It will be interesting to see how she grows to accommodate more awareness of others' situations -- when she IS aware she so badly wants to fix it all for them. My youngest (8 going on 9) has a very soft heart who will have a hard time walking away from anyone in difficulty.

[AMJ]

Some may enjoy this response: http://gawker.com/59...140/��Attention Students: 'Just Being Yourself' Isn't a Skill That Should Earn You a Place in College

 

 

Suzy's writing gave me a giggle and points to ponder. This Caite person just comes across as a fuss-budget who is looking for someone (anyone) to attack. After all, attacking someone else's piece causes controversy, and controversy draws readers.

 

Many of the posts in the comments (at bottom) were similarly underwhelming, but there were a few gems in there. I'd say given the quality of expression exhibited there is hope for our younger generations yet. They aren't all irretrievably broken by society and government.

[AMJ]

Also, -- Dd's #1 school - really competitive 100%EFC meeting school. Dd's #2 school - not as competitive, not 100%EFC meeting school. Financial Aid/ Merit Offers: almost identical.

 

I almost wish my dd had not applied ED to her #1 so I could have compared offers from those two schools to which they both applied. Maybe that would have quieted my cynicism – if dd had gotten an offer even a tiny bit better than dn from either one of those schools. But I’ll never know….. once you are accepted ED you have to withdraw your applications from everywhere else.

 

Your thoughts?

 

Disclaimer: It seems like every time I post on this board I offend someone. Truly, truly it is not my intent. I am just trying to think through all of this stuff. :)

 

 

Jen, would you please explain to me (who has a few years before I face this) what "EFC" and "ED" mean (as you have used them)? One thing I realized is it would behoove me to start now to understand what-all we will be needing to do and consider as the college years approach. It seems one of the ways I can help my kids enjoy their adolescence is to gain a timely understanding of these things so I can help them navigate them when the time comes.

 

Oh, and I like your disclaimer!

[Jen in NY]

LOL .... yes, can't hurt to get a grip on the lingo. : )

 

ED = Early Decision --- student applies early in senior year to their #1 college. If they are accepted and the finances work out they are "bound" to go there and must withdraw their applications from other schools. Upside: bump in the chance of admission.... downside: you don't know if you might have won a full ride/better deal somewhere else.

 

EA = Early Action --- student applies early in senior year and hears back from the school in question early. This is a non-binding action.

 

RD = Regular Decision

 

EFC = The "expected family contribution" as determined by completing and submitting the FAFSA (financial aid) forms. (I'll let you in on a secret.... they almost always think you can afford a lot more than you think you can afford!)

[SarahW]

I came across another rebuttal yesterday: http://www.racialicious.com/2013/04/10/to-all-the-white-girls-who-didnt-get-into-the-college-of-their-dreams/

 

Her main issue is with Suzy's comment about race and diversity

 

Plus, in singling out diversity as your issue you’re eliminating half the college applying population from your debate. By your logic if a white girl with your background doesn’t get into an Ivy League college it’s because there weren’t enough spots for white students that year. But if a non-white girl with an identical profile is rejected who do they blame? No one. They don’t have the excuse; they simply weren’t good enough. We don’t get to make ourselves feel better by engaging in a smear campaign against the fictional Cherokee girl that took our Ivy League slot.

 

 

Agree or not, it was refreshing to read how one young student let a rejection teach her some maturity.

[Jane in NC]

I came across another rebuttal yesterday: http://www.racialici...f-their-dreams/

 

Her main issue is with Suzy's comment about race and diversity

 

Agree or not, it was refreshing to read how one young student let a rejection teach her some maturity.

 

 

Thank you for linking this. I thought the essay was excellent.

 

Look at my flagship university not through the lens of race but that of state geography. UNC-CH must accept students from throughout the state. Its mission is to educate North Carolinians. There are many podunk valedictorians who cannot even begin to compete with applicants from some of the best high schools in the state in terms of straight statistics. Kids from certain metropolitan/suburban schools know that need Plan B.

 

Unfair? Maybe. But rural students do not always have the high school opportunities of their peers at Cary High. Does this mean that these rural students will not succeed in college? Heck no.

 

Similarly, the Ivies are going to accept students from small towns in Idaho and Mississippi who lack the APs or perfect SATs of the kids who are in exclusive Northeastern prep schools. I will claim that it is the diversity of the student population (and I am not just talking race) that makes a greater whole. This includes geographic diversity, income diversity, particular talents (kids who play bassoon or bagpipes).

 

Those of you who want students judged purely on the numbers may not be pleased with the whole. I hire teens for a summer program. The range of maturity and communication skills is all over the map. Further, some teens have moved beyond self confidence to cockiness. They deserve. Really? Not from me. I hire individuals but I also hire a group with diverse skill sets. I need a strong whole.

[creekland]

I came across another rebuttal yesterday: http://www.racialici...f-their-dreams/

 

 

 

One can tell she has a few more years under her belt and has learned from those years.

 

However, she lost me here:

 

A child of color often has to live under a completely different set of rules than their white counterparts. We work twice as hard to go half as far and still have to deal with a persistent academic achievement gap. The helicopter-parent approach isn’t used to produce 60 Minutes-worthy results; it’s just what’s necessary to survive public school (and life) in America as a child of color.

 

She is using the same "race as an excuse" deal that she laments when someone else does it. FTR, while we live rural, we have a reasonably diversity at our school. I do NOT see where any one race works harder than another. I see some students who work harder than others, but "who" they are is not definable by race (or gender). However, race will be a hook, for some, when they apply to colleges. Right now, that's just the way life is. I'm happy for those who have the hook. I feel for those who don't. In my ideal world, I want ALL the students who have a certain work ethic to succeed in their chosen path regardless of aspects of life they can't change.

 

Princeton received 26,000 applications last year and accepted just 7% of those. That’s around 1820 students. This is a good time for everyone to sit back for a minute and remember that college admissions are, in essence, a competition, and rejection is part of that process. I’m not saying it’s always a fair competition (that’s another post entirely)–even for you white girls–but that doesn’t make this any less true. The majority of applicants to Ivy League schools have GPAs of 4.0 or higher, a veritable scroll of extracurriculars, and stellar SAT scores. Admissions officers expect that. It’s what a student can put on top of that that makes them stand out from the pile.

 

 

This part I agree with 100% and this is the part that is so hard to comprehend at 17 when one has been at or near the top where they are. Kendra even admits that happened to her in her first paragraph. A few more years of experience helps one truly see what stats mean (sometimes - esp if they are on the rejection side of things). Chances are, Kendra had some of the same interviewing "issues" that also made Suzy not gain acceptance (although Suzy's odds were always slim). Like Kendra, I fully expect Suzy (and the millions of others out there) to learn from their experience. They may not all learn. Some may remain bitter for life. Learning is better.

 

FWIW, I like diversity of all sorts in college classes. Admissions may have to use multiple factors to get that diversity. That doesn't mean I don't feel for those where the competition is far stiffer.

[readwithem]

I came across another rebuttal yesterday: http://www.racialici...f-their-dreams/

 

Her main issue is with Suzy's comment about race and diversity

 

 

 

Agree or not, it was refreshing to read how one young student let a rejection teach her some maturity.

 

 

Love it - thanks for posting it. The inner city tutor in me loved this part

 

 

The helicopter-parent approach isn’t used to produce60 Minutes-worthy results; it’s just what’s necessary to survive public school (and life) in America as a child of color.

 

 

I love how she signs it

 

–Kendra James (My Third Choice College, ’10)

[creekland]

Rural is getting interesting. I'm rural, but we have a lot of relatively wealthy parents who have figured out that their best shot at getting their kid in somewhere selective is top 1% of a rural school rather than top 10% of the wealthy district with lots of opportunities. What they do is build a house in this district and live here during the high school years, commuting to the big city place of work if they don't retire first. Now their child who was 15th chair in the grade level orchestra where everyone has private lessons is 1st chair in a schoolwide ensemble where only 1% take private lessons. They will make the cut for the varsity if they choose their sport correctly, where in the old district they wouldn't make the frosh team. etc. They continue their private instruction in mathematics, which they needed in the past to keep up with their honors teacher, but now need to make up for the deficiencies in their instructors plus the gaps induced by the one-size-fits-all teaching plus prep for the SAT. It doesnt matter what color you are here; if you don't have a helicopter parent who can keep you on grade level or better, you don't have a chance.

 

We get a little bit of that here... though I'm not sure most parents have college acceptances on their mind (I know of a couple of families who might). Most just want to get their kids away from the high stress environment. One (or both) of the parents often has a commute of an hour or more (one way).

 

It probably does help with admissions - IF they can overcome the lower foundation the school provides by outside education.

[MomsintheGarden]

This conversation reminds me of what I told a parent who lives in Fairfax County, VA, well-known for its very competitive schools. The parent was complaining how hard it would be to get her child in a good college. I told her to move to a very rural county, and that one without a WalMart would be the most rural. There are plenty of places like that in Virginia. She and her husband own an internet-based business, so why not? She was very surprised at the idea. :)

[Rebel Yell]

For anyone who is super-curious: http://discoverpps.org/school.php?id=301

 

I used to live directly across the street from this school. My parking lot was full of booze bottles and cigarette butts... but that was 25 years ago.

I have no opinion on the girl's letter.

[mommymilkies]

The writer sounds whiny. Also, we are rural and not well off, financially. There is no way my kids will be able to have ll those extracurriculars on their transcripts. But I fully expect them to go to a state college and/or cc and not a "top" university straight off. My middle brother is at UofI C-U for...a psychology degree! And no, he doesn't want to be a psychologist. He doesn't know, but he's thinking PA. So he's wildly in debt just to have the prestige of the university. I don't get it.

 

The race card is stupid. Dh teaches college and it's never been an issue. His issue is more with the underachieving and underperforming jocks who get full rides but can barely read a sentence at a 4th grade reading level. No offense against jocks (my brother is one at Uni), but the whole system is kinda screwed up. Pick a state college or the Midwest. We have room for you, and you will get a fine education...if that's what you're there for! (And not just prestige or drinking yourself to death)

[Jenny in Florida]

Hey, guys?

 

It's satire.

 

It's meant to be a ruefully funny admission of her own failings and to provoke discussion about the system as a whole.

 

I thought it was funny, as did my son, who insisted I read it to him when he heard me laughing.

[mommymilkies]

Hey, guys?

 

It's satire.

 

It's meant to be a ruefully funny admission of her own failings and to provoke discussion about the system as a whole.

 

I thought it was funny, as did my son, who insisted I read it to him when he heard me laughing.

 

 

Maybe this one is, but I hear this attitude from kids a LOT. Dh teaches college and so many have entitlement issues.

[Jenny in Florida]

 

 

It's satire for the target audience, other people who have wealthy daddys that will put them in an executive position after they finish their four years at whatever school they can get in to. They've undoubtedly read all the papers analyzing the distribution of religion, races, sat by race, geniuses, etc successfully vying for the hooked and unhooked openings and are chuckling as they see what money can buy.

 

Well, I got the joke(s), and I can assure you that neither I nor any of my family members fit into that neat, little set of stereotypes you listed.

 

The only way I managed college was by starting at community college and transferring to the state university. Even that required financial aid and a ton of loans I still haven't managed to pay off a couple of decades later.

 

My first job out of college was part-time, temporary retail, where I worked my tail off to prove my worth until I was offered a more or less full-time job as an assistant manager in a bookstore. Over the course of several years, I stepped from one crappy job into the next slightly less crappy one until I was finally making a living wage.

 

My husband didn't go to college at all.

 

We do, of course, want better for our children. So, I've put a lot of energy into giving them educational opportunities we didn't get. And we've sacrificed a lot of things other people take for granted to support them educationally, financially and emotionally and to allow them to pursue their passions in meaningful ways. And, yes, I've read quite a bit about college admissions and spent a LOT of time thinking about how best to position each of them to get into a college and program that is right for them.

 

Consequently, yep, I thought it was funny, because, beneath the hyperbole and satire, the truths rang through.

[creekland]

Also, we are rural and not well off, financially.

 

...

 

Pick a state college or the Midwest. We have room for you, and you will get a fine education...if that's what you're there for! (And not just prestige or drinking yourself to death)

 

Just noting for anyone who is not in the mid to upper tiers in income... OFTEN your best financial choices for colleges can be those tippy top schools AND some below them that offer fantastic need-based aid. If your student can be one who gets in, you'll likely pay the same as a state school or less.

 

For those of us who live rural... at many schools, rural is a hook. ;)

 

We're paying less for both oldest and middle sons' schools than we would have if they had chosen an in state public. Neither school is tippy top (U Roc is in the Top 30, Covenant isn't generally top anything except among Christian schools - and sometimes Forbes. though below 100), but both are known for good need-based aid.

 

No one can guarantee anything financially, but don't discount the higher academic schools just because the income isn't there. You will get a fine education and many don't go there to drink. Choose your friends accordingly.

 

ps At our poor rural high school many use drugs and drink. That isn't just a rich kids thing. At our state schools and community colleges many use drugs and drink. No matter where you are in life, you need to pick your friends. This has gone on since the beginning of time.

[Gwen in VA]

We're paying less for both oldest and middle sons' schools than we would have if they had chosen an in state public.

 

:iagree: One of the "secrets" of the college admissions process is that some colleges are amazingly generous with merit aid.

 

:iagree: Another "secret" of the college admissions process is that state colleges may NOT be the least expensive option, due to the mix of more generous financial aid packages and merit scholarships that well-endowed private colleges can offer.

 

My older two went to a USNWR top-20 LAC, one on a full-tuition scholarship and one on a full-ride scholarship. They both had at least one other offer of a full-tuition scholarship. My third went to a top tier school that is tuition-free. (Yes, there are such places!)

 

For my kids, attending the public LAC down the road AND LIVING AT HOME would have been among my kids' MOST expensive options!!!!!

[at the beach]

Update on Suzy: http://www.annarbor.com/news/high-schooler-who-wrote-op-ed-about-college-rejection-pays-enrollment-deposit-to-the-university-of-m/