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? about having children in both B&M school and at home


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This is our first year hsing. I think it has been a pretty successful year, but DD12 is miserable. She is very much a "grass is greener on the other side" kind of kid. School was horrible, now hsing is horrible. Quite frankly, she'll complain about wherever she is, so I might as well send her back and lighten the load on the rest of us. It's a good school and she has really great friends/support structure there, and the staff beyond 6th grade is great, so no worries on that front.

 

My issue is with DD10. She thrives at home. She is learning so much more than she ever did at school. She is most likely ADHD and I think she spent all of her school day trying to be good (which she did-always got A's and was rarely corrected for her behavior, although she has learned so much more since she's able to move about constantly). I definitely want to keep her home, but I know that there will be a huge battle when we tell them that DD12 is going back but not DD10.

 

DS5 is not an issue-he has no desire to go to school.

 

Has anyone dealt with this type of thing before and what did you do, what was the outcome, etc.?

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My oldest started public school for middle school almost two years ago. She really wanted to do it and we have the same situation with the schools and teachers being great after elementary school, so we sent her off. She's done great. Youngest was told she would have to stay home until middle school as well and then if she wants to go to ps, she can try it. So, she will start ps for middle school this fall and see how she likes it. She is anxious to try it out, but didn't argue with us since we explained it to her that way and she has seemed fine with it.

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I pulled my older son last year out of PS second grade to homeschool him and left my kidergardener in school. My now 1st grade son loves school and is quite successful there. While my older son misses his friends, he is in a much better environment at home. He is a very active child and being able to go outside and play for 15 minutes at a time throughout the day is great for him. I also can move at his pace for each subject without him feeling behind (he's dyslexic, which has greatly affected his reading level). I'd like to bring my younger son home next year, which he will not like at all. So, we might have another year with one at PS and one at home.

 

My opinion is you have to look at each child as an individual and do what's right for that child, even if it's not what you thought it would be.

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I agree - look at each kid individually. Homeschooling works great for my older daughter, but my younger one loves school. She thrives there. I couldn't provide all of the physical activity and crafts and fun that she gets there, so we do a little afterschooling and she gets the rest at school.

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I definitely want to keep her home, but I know that there will be a huge battle when we tell them that DD12 is going back but not DD10.

 

It sounds as though you know the answer already -- do what id best for each dc.

 

So, I am curious -- who is "them," and why do you "know" it will be a huge battle? I don't know your history, but is it possible you could be over-worrying this? On the other hand, if there will indeed be a battle, would it be worth it? Is the battle because you are putting one dd back in school, or because you are keeping the other one out? If it's personal, I'm not trying to pry -- just saying that perhaps you can think it through to see what the best solution would be.

 

I have hs & ps dc -- it is not problematic, but I do realize every situation is different.

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I don't have any results yet, but The Drama should be going to a charter school 3 days a week next year (we teach math/English, the school teaches history/science/art/music/etc) while The Sponge will be staying home (a large reason is her ADHD as well). She has zero desire to attend school (she has briefly in the past). They have very different needs and in theory should thrive in their respective learning environments.

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The biggest problem I see is being stuck on the school schedule while HSing. One reason why I left my Uni job was because it was just plain ANNOYING to have all this theoretical flexibility, but be unable to use it and have to take the same Fall/Winter/Spring breaks as most of the rest of the world. I know some of my friends who HS one and have one or more in school have hit the same problem-they'd really LOVE to take their DC to homeschool days at the Space center or whatever, but can't because the others are in school.

 

One of my friends also divides her son's HS work into "school work" and "homework" because his sister is in PS for special ed reasons, and has homework each night. By having something her son can do independently at the table next to his sister, it helps avoid some of the sibling hassles, even though DS's school day is MUCH shorter than DD's.

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I agree - look at each kid individually. Homeschooling works great for my older daughter, but my younger one loves school. She thrives there. I couldn't provide all of the physical activity and crafts and fun that she gets there, so we do a little afterschooling and she gets the rest at school.

 

Yep--same situation here.

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I have one in PS special ed while my other two are HS. The way I see it is that the benefits of PS have to outweigh the drawbacks for me to enroll my child. 'Tweens are going to whine about whatever educational option they find themselves in because they are hormonal pains at that developmental stage. So I would personally completely ignore that as a factor in the decision.

 

If sending your oldest back to school is going to cause resentment on the 2nd child's part, I would be inclined to keep them both home until your oldest enters 9th. That is a natural transition point and the social nastiness of middle school has typically dissipated by that age.

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It sounds as though you know the answer already -- do what id best for each dc.

 

So, I am curious -- who is "them," and why do you "know" it will be a huge battle? I don't know your history, but is it possible you could be over-worrying this? On the other hand, if there will indeed be a battle, would it be worth it? Is the battle because you are putting one dd back in school, or because you are keeping the other one out? If it's personal, I'm not trying to pry -- just saying that perhaps you can think it through to see what the best solution would be.

 

I have hs & ps dc -- it is not problematic, but I do realize every situation is different.

 

 

The "them" is DD12 and 10, and I "know" it will be an issue b/c DD10 has already expressed that it won't be fair if DD12 returns and she doesn't get to. The issue is that DD10 doesn't really like to apply herself. She could skate along in school, make A's just by picking up a few bits of knowledge here and there. She was around her friends and all that goes with school. Our problem at home was that she worked so hard to "be good" during the day, that when she came home she was a terror. It was like we unleashed a maniac every afternoon at 3. Now, I hold her more accountable and expect a lot more academically (which she has no problem doing-she just doesn't like to :tongue_smilie: ).

Is the battle worth it? Probably-just when I'm in the trenches, it's hard to think clearly.

The biggest problem I see is being stuck on the school schedule while HSing. One reason why I left my Uni job was because it was just plain ANNOYING to have all this theoretical flexibility, but be unable to use it and have to take the same Fall/Winter/Spring breaks as most of the rest of the world. I know some of my friends who HS one and have one or more in school have hit the same problem-they'd really LOVE to take their DC to homeschool days at the Space center or whatever, but can't because the others are in school.

 

One of my friends also divides her son's HS work into "school work" and "homework" because his sister is in PS for special ed reasons, and has homework each night. By having something her son can do independently at the table next to his sister, it helps avoid some of the sibling hassles, even though DS's school day is MUCH shorter than DD's.

 

 

Yes, I have definitely thought of the inconvenience of scheduling. That is another thing to consider.

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For almost 2 years I had one home and the other in a charter school. If the charter school hadn't of been such a disaster, I wouldn't have brought that older son home. The plan was to just bring him home for a year to bring him up to speed for high school.

 

We often think of the academic or religious benefits of homeschooling. My older child thrived on being allowed to accelerate a general diploma option and spending all his time working with men. I never would have planned what happened, but it ended out being just what he needed, so he didn't end out going to high school after all.

 

When I pulled the younger 2E son out of 5th grade, the plan was always for the younger son to be home, and the older son to stay in B&M.

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Last year, I had a 5th grader at home, a 10th grader in public high school, and a senior homeschooling herself while taking a couple of classes at the high school. This year, DD11 is still home and the older brother is still in public school (last years' senior is off thriving in college), but now DS17 is angling hard to homeschool for his senior year next year.

 

Downside: tied to the public school schedule. Even with our age gap, it's impossible to get DD11 to concentrate when big brother has the day off. Also, because I have a high schooler, we have tons of evening events and activities plus early start to the day, so I get tired!

 

Upside: everyone gets what they need. By the time DS gets home from school, DD is done for the day, so she is off doing her own thing while DS and I concentrate on homework. For next year, if DS ends up staying home, he will take his year lng Calculus BC class at the high school but intends to finish off all the rest of his school work early and get a job (saving for college)

 

Summary- mixing education options works fine here!

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My older son went back to school in 8th (his choice), while his brother has decided to stay home all the way through high school. It has worked out fine for us. The only issue I have is being restricted by the PS schedule for trips, etc.

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The "them" is DD12 and 10, and I "know" it will be an issue b/c DD10 has already expressed that it won't be fair if DD12 returns and she doesn't get to. The issue is that DD10 doesn't really like to apply herself. She could skate along in school, make A's just by picking up a few bits of knowledge here and there. She was around her friends and all that goes with school. Our problem at home was that she worked so hard to "be good" during the day, that when she came home she was a terror. It was like we unleashed a maniac every afternoon at 3. Now, I hold her more accountable and expect a lot more academically (which she has no problem doing-she just doesn't like to :tongue_smilie: ).

Is the battle worth it? Probably-just when I'm in the trenches, it's hard to think clearly.

 

 

Oh, that is super awkward. No advice, but :grouphug:

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Well, if the 12yo will gripe no matter what, how about phrasing it so that it's the 10yo who's making out on the decision:

 

10yo "GETS" to stay at home and school in the way she loves and focus on subjects of special interest. "Complainer" 12yo "HAS" to go back to school.

 

:tongue_smilie:

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Well, if the 12yo will gripe no matter what, how about phrasing it so that it's the 10yo who's making out on the decision:

 

10yo "GETS" to stay at home and school in the way she loves and focus on subjects of special interest. "Complainer" 12yo "HAS" to go back to school.

 

:tongue_smilie:

I like this idea! Especially when the 12yo has to rise from bed at 6:30 am to go to school when she currently doesn't get up until 10 am. :001_rolleyes: Thanks for the advice everyone. We've decided (I think :tongue_smilie: ) that DD12 will go back to B&M school in the fall, DD10 and DS5 will stay home. It will be phrased as once you are in 7th grade, you can have the option of going back. DH and I discussed the fact that 6th grade at our school is just horrible and it would be pointless to let DD10 return for 5th grade and come home in 6th. She'll just hs until 7th and with big sis off doing who knows what by that time, I don't think that B&M will look as enticing. Even if she chooses to return, I'll be ok with it, especially since I know all the teachers and I will make sure they understand what she's capable of. ;)
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