I am paperwork adverse.

[violamama]

I would have thought I would be totally used to and maybe even good at doing ridiculous paperwork, having survived multiple colleges. Turns out, it triggers in me a kind of glazed-eyed annoyance and ill-tempered bad attitude that is deeply unattractive. So I thought I'd share it with you here, of course! You're welcome.

 

1. Go to passport office during your husband's work day between 11-3pm on the second tuesday of months that have an "r" in them with your application carefully typed via the gov't website. Learn you should not have printed it duplex and scribble out a new back page faster than you have ever scribbled.

2. Learn that you should have brought copies of your driver's license and that they will take the ONLY certified real copy you have of your husband's birth certificate and put it in the MAIL to somebody who works in an office full of opportunities to get lost.

3. Get over all that with mounting crankiness thinly veiled by herculean efforts until they let you know they take cash only and that you need a cashier's check plus cash for the post office fee. Leave and throw a fit for which you later apologize to your entire family. Consider buying the PO lady some flowers or a puppy for being "that customer" of the day.

4. Try again at a different post office a week later. Discover this PO is not even a passport acceptance site and that you are failing at adoption paperwork 101. Drive to city hall, promising Legos to anyone in the car with you. Listen to Adele's "Skyfall" 11,000 times to keep the troupes happy, feel your ears start to bleed just a little.

5. Get reminded about that cashier's check thing (Hey, let's walk to Safeway and back! Yay, boys! More errands!!!) for which they will take- you guessed it, CASH ONLY!, return and also pay an extra $15 to REtake the ugly (now with more ugly!) photos because your other professionally taken pics were "too dark".

5 1/2. Target. Legos. (Bought with their own $$- cash only hahahahahaha.)

6. Come home and flop on the couch to write about it on FB.

7. Wait.... for a passport... better than waiting in an orphanage, I suppose, but I'm still pretty good at finding ways to complain about it.