aspergers and single interest

[robsiew]

Our 9 year old has mild aspergers. We've really been struggling with the single interest of video games. He's gone through several "interests" in the past, but video games have always been front and center.

 

He is allowed 1 hour a day to use computer/play xbox/watch video, etc. Then, he's allowed one more hour on the kinex as long as he's exercising.

 

The rest of the day he's just waiting until he can play. Or, if he's already played he seeks out any other form of entertainment he can... which usually results in him sitting and listening to Adventures in Odyssey or creating "movies" on his iPod. That isn't all bad, but he refuses to do anything else.

 

I don't know how much to push other things. He has many things available to him.... legos, nerf guns, books, outdoors, board games, craft supplies (he's not crafty though). I feel like this is a never ending battle. His attitude about anything work or school related is pretty bad. He got all his video time taken away last week and that was rough on everyone!

 

I struggle between giving him the thing that I know he is driven to do and not allowing him to become a video game only kind of kid. It's easier with my nt kids because they aren't "driven" in the same way my 9 y/o is.

 

Any advice or btdt moms with ideas? Thanks!

[MomatHWTK]

My child will sit bored rather than take on some activity that isn't in his interests. I try to find computer games that involve problem solving skills to challenge him. He is getting better at finding things to do. He and his siblings will play some imagination based things together. Sometimes I can get him sucked into an educational video if I start watching it. I stream The Great Courses lectures sometimes. Screen time is an escape from a very chaotic brain for him so I tend not to limit it. In the end, he self-limits as he gets bored with the games and videos himself.

 

Full disclosure- DS has more than one dx issue and we do use medication along with behavioral therapy.

[specialmama]

My boy has autism, and I know several intimately with aspergers. Their obsessions are typically come and go, but some become lifelong passions and will be a huge part of who they are as an adult. We just never know, as parents, which is which. :tongue_smilie: I would look for ways in which he can enjoy his screen time, and also learn something or create something. If he's going to be a computer programmer one day, or an animator, or a game maker, then why not introduce him to the hows and whys of it now? Buy a StopMotion Animation kit and let him play with that as long as he wants. Or an early robotics programming program like Terrapin Logo. Or maybe he wants to create 3D environments and games from scratch with Level Crafter and Challenge You. There are many software packages out there that could transform this into a highly creative and educational opportunity for him, one that you would not have to limit the time spent on. I'd seize his interest and milk it. He just needs you to direct that interest into something meaningful. I've seen what happens when we empower our kids to fly, to give them the tools they need to excel in their interests... you won't regret it. :hurray:

[robsiew]

Thanks! These are some great ideas. You've given me some good things to think about....

[saraha]

My 13yo aspie never played with toys, board games or did crafts. He lived, breathed, and TALKED about his obsessions constantly. What I figured out is that it doesn't matter what you do, you can't get him to try things he isn't interested in. BUT, you can set limits on the obsessions. For example, my son will talk your ear off about his interests. Because he is very rule oriented and likes schedules, I would say no x from 4:00 to 7:00. Any violation of this once the routine is established meant a loss of time for said interest. This was basically to save my sanity, and to force him to talk about something else or practice self control. And sure enough, as soon as the time limit was up, he would literally gush with all of the things he wanted to say but had been saving up.

Also what helped was tying his interest into whatever it is you want him to do. Need to practice handwriting? Write sentences about interest. Spelling? Write sentences about interest. Finish math page with no complaint? Add 10 minutes to interest time. If you learn to work within the range of his interests, you will be more sucessful in motivating him to do his school work. It feels counterintuitive, like we should be broadening their horizons, but it works. And once you start to figure out how to use his interests in your favor, it will become easier for both of you, and you will find ways to sneak new things in there.

 

Eta: As far as chores and work go, I think part of that is age related. I remember having some really hard times with my son about that age and I literally thought I was going to lose my mind. However, he did mature, and then I was able to talk to him very pragmatically and unemotionally about how his behavior was affecting me, his siblings, and his priveledge of homeschooling. He now understands that homeschooling is a priveldge and not a right, and (thankfully) hasn't called my bluff on it. But he has counsins that constantly tell him how much school stinks. One thing that helped was having a rigid homelife schedule. First this happens, then this, then this etc. Day in and day out. Once the routine was established, some of those behavior problems eased up.

 

Good luck!

[dsmith]

Ds cycled through various obsessions, but video games have taken over in recent years. If allowed, he would play all day. This happened before my mother died, when I was spending most of the day at the hospital. It was hard to get back to normal after that. When he is not playing video games, he is talking about them or watching videos about them on YouTube if he can. He creates new levels of games in his head, or new characters. He paces back and forth and acts out battles. At first I thought I would get him involved in programming or other creative outlets using technology, but now I just wish I could get rid of it all. My brother's friend has a son with Asperger's who was kicked out of college in his first year. He spent all day gaming on his computer instead of attending classes. He just couldn't stop himself. His father now has to drop him off and pick him up for all classes, or he won't bother going. I think aspies are at very high risk for video game addiction if that is where their obsession lies. I hear from more and more parents of aspies whose kids were obsessed with the usual Legos, trains, etc... and are now obsessed with video games. Many video games are designed to be addictive, and I believe our kids are especially susceptible, IMHO.

[robsiew]

Ds cycled through various obsessions, but video games have taken over in recent years. If allowed, he would play all day. This happened before my mother died, when I was spending most of the day at the hospital. It was hard to get back to normal after that. When he is not playing video games, he is talking about them or watching videos about them on YouTube if he can. He creates new levels of games in his head, or new characters. He paces back and forth and acts out battles. At first I thought I would get him involved in programming or other creative outlets using technology, but now I just wish I could get rid of it all. My brother's friend has a son with Asperger's who was kicked out of college in his first year. He spent all day gaming on his computer instead of attending classes. He just couldn't stop himself. His father now has to drop him off and pick him up for all classes, or he won't bother going. I think aspies are at very high risk for video game addiction if that is where their obsession lies. I hear from more and more parents of aspies whose kids were obsessed with the usual Legos, trains, etc... and are now obsessed with video games. Many video games are designed to be addictive, and I believe our kids are especially susceptible, IMHO.

 

I've had that feeling too of just wanting it all to go away. That won't happen in this house though.... my dh is a computer programmer by trade and probably an aspie himself.

 

It is as if he is compelled to play. He is obsessed. I think we'll just continue to limit at this time and maybe use small amounts of time for rewards. He did a great job on his attitude about math today and I gave him 10 extra min. of game time and he LOVED that. He quickly got his school and jobs done with no arguments. Probably like anything it's a moderation thing. Especially in a world where technology is not going away. My prayer is if we teach him now how to limit himself (ie. force him to limit himself) that he will at least have had that training when he's older. Whether he chooses to follow moderation I can only pray.... :-) Thanks for your input!

[dsmith]

It's not going away here either, as dh is also a programmer. :001_smile: Definitely not an aspie though. I think that comes from my side of the family. I wish I could teach him to limit himself, but I know without me he would be on the computer all day. He has no control whatsoever. I've tried setting alarms, visual timers, etc. If I'm not right there telling (and telling, and telling...) him to get off, he keeps on playing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I've had that feeling too of just wanting it all to go away. That won't happen in this house though.... my dh is a computer programmer by trade and probably an aspie himself.

 

It is as if he is compelled to play. He is obsessed. I think we'll just continue to limit at this time and maybe use small amounts of time for rewards. He did a great job on his attitude about math today and I gave him 10 extra min. of game time and he LOVED that. He quickly got his school and jobs done with no arguments. Probably like anything it's a moderation thing. Especially in a world where technology is not going away. My prayer is if we teach him now how to limit himself (ie. force him to limit himself) that he will at least have had that training when he's older. Whether he chooses to follow moderation I can only pray.... :-) Thanks for your input!

 

[thebacabunch]

I would use his computer gaming obsession to his advantage. How much of his curriculum is computer based? I agree with the ideas for getting him to do things like scratch, etc. I would also use his special interest to steer him to something that can financially sustain him. I would do computer camp, programming classes, robot and computer building, etc. Heck, have him read and study the computer superstars like Bill Gates. I would still limit his time and I would use the opportunity for more as a reward for doing other things you want him to do.

 

Girl, my dd8 is obsessed with unicorns. At the grocery store she was bawling uncontrollably and causing many to stare at the bad parent (me) who can't get their child under control because she forgot to bring a unicorn with her. Those obsessions are mighty powerful. They are a comfort to these kids who are square pegs in a world of round holes. Are you working with any behavior therapists? They can be tremendously helpful in getting the kids to branch out and try other things. Also, a week without computers for an aspie isn't the same for a week without for a nt. I would do anything in my power to help my kid earn her unicorn priviledges back as soon as possible and a week is just way too long. A day might be. To a neurotypical kid losing the computer tells them "I did something bad and won't get a priviledge" to an aspie it says "I did something that my parents don't like and I might not even understand why and now my comfort item is taken away." Just food for thought.

[Ecclecticmum]

Have you tried letting him play minecraft? There is even a Minecraft education site: http://minecraftedu.com/

 

Minecraft is a wonderful game. You can make skins (characters) for other people, it can involve science, history etc. Having them re-create a certain monument etc (the edu site can explain more than I can right now, my cold has made me all kinds of broken)

 

All I am saying is you could maybe use his interest in games to move some of his end "tests" to a more project-based learning using stuff like Minecraft to demonstrate his knowledge. Someone even created a replica of the world. The PC version is much easier to use, so it depends upon your computer specs.

 

My son loves Minecraft, and although his motor control isn't upto par to be able to use the mouse & keyboard, he loves to watch me build things or create skins. Later on down the road I will probably use it for him in the same way mentioned above.

 

HTH xxx

[cjbeach]

Our neuropsych highly recommended encouraging physical activity as most Aspies tend to be "soft." He recommended "repetitive physical activity" but my guy has dyspraxia, so finding something PHYSICAL he can do has been a challenge. Yes, he is completely obsessed with computers/videogames/etc. We just don't want that to be his obsession, because it is truly all-consuming for him. He swims. I don't think he swims well enough to be on a swim team but swim lessons with a coach who pushes him to do more and more have been awesome. On our way home from a lesson I feel like I have him *all* with me and we're not living/talking in his world. Then recently we added golf. We found a golf coach and he takes private lessons - same results. We're trying to push him to get more "into" the sport of golf by buying him books, putting the golf channel on, etc...

[Ecclecticmum]

My one's obsessed with sticks/bats and hitting-type objects.....I'm definitely not encouraging that. He's banned from having any sort of pole, tube, stick, handle in his hand, as it becomes a weapon of mass destruction.

 

I was actually looking at things like the nerf/water guns (the ones made from pool noodle things), and things like the water balloon launchers. The launchers have this pull back system that requires a fair amount of energy to pull. My son is obsessed with anything to do with his arm strength, we'll play "pushing" with our hands against each others & tug of war etc. I get him to move heavy objects by pushing them across the room (this works on his leg strength too) and we used his obsession with Mcqueen to get him a biker & helmet, so he's slowly getting better with pedalling and controlling the bike (on trainer wheels). He does like those no pedal bikes we have too (flinstone style movement) First Bikes? He's rather short, so he's only been able to use them for the past year, even though he's past the "Age" its recommended for.

 

I also got Wiggle Giggle book (Trish Kuffner/Pre-K Phys Ed) and plan to use that. I've been looking into indoor mini trampolines with the holding bars, and the exercise bikes (during Winter & middle of summer we don't get outside as regularly as its either really hot with lots of snakes or the ground is mushy and you can't see a foot in front of you due to the fog).

 

He also happily helps his dad out with the car using wrenches, and I set up supervised activities with tools for him like learning to saw, and hammering.

 

DS is slowly heading out of his enchantment with Mcqueen. He still loves Mcqueen, its just not the all-over obsession it was before, we had a brief journey into Planes, but I don't think thats sticking. Right now he loves anything Letter Factory/Word Factory (Leapfrog) and Magic School Bus, so I am trying to up his physical activities in accordance with that (after all with the cars he was zooming around the house, now, although he doesn't stay for the entire video, his much more still (which is a plus, I have noticed him listening more and staying still for longer too (although he still fidgets like mad, and will constantly clamber over me like a monkey (the bruises on my body prove this), he is more willing to listen to outside "sources" like the TV, mum and his siblings, and actually comprehend what is going on rather than zoning. I printed out Letter Factory flashcards, and he was saying the sounds of the letters as they were printing (which is a huge brakethrough). I'm hoping to do LOE foundations with him and his siblings (he'll listen more, stay longer, and interact if he's not the one singled out, so I plan to incorporate some of his speech therapy through the phonograms).

 

I really just try to work with his interests anyway I can, and if need be work with lesser "interests" (i.e. things he doesn't mind) in order to fix up areas he is lacking in. I found when not adapting curricula or "myself" to his interests, it falls on deaf ears, and he does everything he can to work against me (previous individual speech therapy, trying to get him to do all of Core Knowledge, rather than bits & pieces, and HWOT proved that.)

 

I also deleted everything off the IPAD that wasn't needed, put my stuff into a passworded folder, and just left the stuff that I wanted the kids to do (reading raven, reader rabbit, math stuff etc) so no more fluffy busywork, if they are on the ipad, I know they can only be doing something I've approved (which means when DS has had enough movement, and noise, will be excused and go play with the ipad for a break - but still be doing school.