fairfarmhand Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 My dd is going to a 4H event in the big city near our home. She will be staying in the downtown area in a hotel for 4 days. Monday night, the plan is for the kids to be on their own for dinner. They are supposed to stay in groups and leave the hotel to go to dinner. Hubby and I aren't crazy about the idea of our 15 yo being unchaperoned in this city (in which he works) even if she is with a group of other teens. So we are going to drive in with the family and take her to dinner at a very nice restaurant. Dd is annoyed with this. She has been in similar situations in the smaller college towns in which 4H events are held (and we were okay with that), but those towns are NOT this big city. She just doesn't get it. I know that the 4H organizers are big on safety and I am not aggravated with their plan. But this is MY daughter. Even if statistically, it is very unlikely that anything would happen to her, we just want to make SURE that she's okay. I don't baby this kid. I trust her in a field full of cows, riding a horse on our acreage and hiking in the woods. However, she's not prepared for the city. There;s a certain mindset, a particular watchfulness that you have to maintain in the city and she is not prepared for that. So I guess this is just a rant. She just does not get it. And that's okay. We're still going to pick her up for dinner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 How about a compromise of ordering IN pizza? That way she wouldn't be so singled out (at least in her mind) but she would be staying in the hotel instead of on the streets. A few of her friends might agree that getting pizza delivered sounds like fun. I know my kids LOVE it as we are more rural and NO ONE delivers out to us so it is a nice treat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 Maybe the hotel has a restaurant, so she could eat "in" with other teens. Or, could you get in touch with the people planning it and find out what rules they'll have in place? For example, maybe they plan to tell the kids that they must stay within a two-block radius and be back before dark, or something like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 I agree, maybe order in or just walk with the teens and sit away from them wherever they want to eat? My dd would be mad to miss out on part of an experience that she and her friends would be talking about all summer. My dd is not street smart either when it comes to cities, because she has grown up in a smaller town rather than a larger city (I grew up in both, so I am well aware of the dangers of cities), so I do get where you are coming from. I would just try to help make her vision of this trip come true rather than whisking her away completely. It is a perfect opportunity for her to gain some street smarts in a city under your supervision, so if someday she moves to a city she will be prepared. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeslieAnneLevine Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 Maybe this could be an opportunity for her to begin to pick up some street smarts. You could sit down with her and make a plan so she is better prepared. Find out what restaurants aren't far from the hotel. She could also call you when at the restaurant and then when she's back at the hotel. Of course you don't want her out wandering the city for hours, but maybe there is something between that and going there to take her out to dinner yourselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXBeth Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 I know that the 4H organizers are big on safety and I am not aggravated with their plan. But this is MY daughter. Even if statistically, it is very unlikely that anything would happen to her, we just want to make SURE that she's okay. I don't baby this kid. I trust her in a field full of cows, riding a horse on our acreage and hiking in the woods. However, she's not prepared for the city. There;s a certain mindset, a particular watchfulness that you have to maintain in the city and she is not prepared for that. So I guess this is just a rant. She just does not get it. And that's okay. We're still going to pick her up for dinner. But what a great way to begin to develop those "city smarts," by going in a group to a public place for a short time! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 I agree with this being a good opportunity. You could get on Yelp or google maps and figure out what restaurants are walking distance and in cost range of teens. I might suggest to the organizers that the dinner groups be set before the trip, so no one is left out of group in last minute dinner plans. If you go through taking her out to dinner, don't take her somewhere expensive. She won't appreciate it. She will be focused on missing part of her experience. That could lead to you being resentful of doing something nice (expensive dinner) and feeling like her response is bratty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 I get it. My dds rode all over the place on their horses, hiked and the whole bit. They are experiencing a whole new deal with one of them living in a big town with my sister and the other in an apartment at college. Right now I'm stressing because the older one is planning to live in another country next summer for some studies. Freaks me out, but she's an adult. 8( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 It's of course your prerogative to decide what's best for your family, and I fully support your right to do so. I do think it would be good to at least consider using this opportunity to help DD develop the skills you believe she lacks by making a plan with her, going over safety tips, and mapping out the area. She won't gain any street smarts by going out to eat with you, KWIM? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 I would do the same. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted March 22, 2013 Author Share Posted March 22, 2013 That seems odd to me--our 4-Hers always go to dinner as an entire group! I would not be happy with being told that they can split up. They didn't in Denver and ds definitely didn't in London and Paris! (not 4-H, but a college class). Why can't they all go as one group? they are supposed to go with a group but there won't necessarily be an adult with each group to enforce that policy. I am talking with the guy from our county today who will be there (each county has to send an adult volunteer) to see if he has made any plans. During the day, I am not as concerned, but she will likely be returning to the hotel at dusk or shortly after dark. Which is my concern. I think she will be okay with it after she gets used to the idea. She doesn't want me to even come on Sunday to check her in and meet the volunteers and see what she will be doing for the next few days. We are at the "I am an autonomous adult whose parents do not exist...except to pay the bills" stage of development with this one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 You talk about the "big city" with fear. Your daughter doesn't have to develop the same fears. Going out for dinner in a group of 4H teens sounds like a great opportunity to experience the "big bad city." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 I went on my own in a very large city in college and was way too naive at that time to be doing so even then. Kids are supposed to stay in groups but they don't always (I didn't). When I was in high school and went on trips it was always very easy to slip away and explore the town or city instead. Not a great plan in hindsight. :glare: Wandering around looking for a restaurant is a bad plan. It is easy to get lost when you are out at night in a new location. At the very least, I would ask dd where she wants to eat and then map out the locations of those restaurants. Maybe get a list of options near the hotel. If she already knows who she wants to eat with, I might offer to ferry them to the location and ferry them back- you can pick up your meal elsewhere or cool your heels while they eat. I've lived in little towns and lived in a very big bad city. There are dangerous folks who walk the streets and the bigger the city, the more folks walking. Bad stuff does happen and I am going to live in wisdom. Someone else wants to call that fear, go for it. I don't have to make You might call the local police precint for the area the girls are going to be staying and ask what they think of a group of teens unfamiliar with the area out looking for dinner. My wake up call came from a retired police officer of the big bad city who set me straight about where I was living and how smart I needed to get very quickly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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