how to tell people to go away without being rude

[happycc]

With testing coming up I am very time constrained.

I keep having some kind of interruptions. Neighbors, friends, doctors appts, dentist appts, extra curricular stuff, the 3 month old, the preschooler...everything seems to stop the flow of things and gets everyone off track and takes me forever to get them back to work and focused.

One is very easy...don't answer the phone for awhile.

The other is a bit more complicated.

We have a very nice older couple who lives in our neighborhood and they come over a bit.

Their truck was recently stolen and I let them borrow my van. And because of that now I am forming a Neighborhood Watch in the area even though I am not a home owner here. Just a month to month renter and may have to move soon. BUt since their truck was stolen in front of my house I feel I should get this started for everyone;s benefit including ours.

 

And of course they come over and tell me when they take it or they come over for other reasons and sometimes they come over to talk. I really don;t want to talk a whole lot when I am doing school..weekends are ok but I NEED to be teaching, grading or cleaning house during the week. If they want to hold the baby and play with the preschooler while I teach that would be great but that doesn't seem like that is what They want to do.

The husband even made a sign for us Saying Homeschoolers please don;t interrupt but he never follows it himself. He says he doesn;t do phone as I was hoping he could call before coming over.

 

Now this older couple does help us A LOT. They have bought us gifts, helped make our kids go cart, comes over once a week to do science, run to the post office, fixed things around the house. In many ways they are like the grandparents --as we don;t really have any. At least none close by and doing anything grandparentsy.

 

I really don;t mind them coming over except around this time due to testing and I am stressed to no end as we lost some months once the baby was born and when I was on bedrest. Luckily we schooled during the summer.

 

So we have been waking up at 5am to start to let the little ones sleep but now the little ones are getting a clue and starting to wake up with us. ARGH!

 

 

I will call all the doctors and dentists and reschedule everything to after the school year ends.

 

Any ideas or another point of view perhaps? I have one child that struggles and struggles with learning and I want her feel somewhat confident during the stupid test which she is not. They have been taking benchmarks throughout the year and they are not exactly where they should be this year.

[Ruby Rose]

Just tell your neighbors that it's testing time and you are unavailable for visits from x-y during the week. It's only a big deal if you make it one.

[fairfarmhand]

"Hi! I am so glad to see you and I'd love to chat, but we are doing some intense school stuff over the next few weeks due to testing. Could we get together later on today say from 4-5 pm? Thanks so much, I knew you would be so understanding!"

[HS Mom in NC]

We have a very nice older couple who lives in our neighborhood and they come over a bit.

 

Answer the door and say, "Great to see you guys. I'm really swamped during school hours. Come back after 4:00"...or Saturday.... or some time that works for you." Thanks." And then close the door. Don't invite them in. Don't open the door enough for them to interpret it as an invitation to come in.

 

BUt since their truck was stolen in front of my house I feel I should get this started for everyone;s benefit including ours.

 

No, you shouldn't. It's not your job to do this. You're not in the stage of life that allows for this. This is an empty nester job. It sounds like the older couple has plenty of time on their hands. They can do it. Some other childless or older children in the home couple can do it. There are plenty of neighborhoods in America that have a car occasionally stolen who do not have neighborhood watches and the crime rate isn't skyrocketing in spite of it.

 

And of course they come over and tell me when they take it

 

Are they taking it at times that they have asked for and you have determined are convenient for you or have you given them free reign?

 

or they come over for other reasons and sometimes they come over to talk. I really don;t want to talk a whole lot when I am doing school..weekends are ok but I NEED to be teaching, grading or cleaning house during the week.

 

Then tell them that. Telling people the truth is not being rude.

 

If they want to hold the baby and play with the preschooler while I teach that would be great but that doesn't seem like that is what They want to do.

 

Then don't invite them in. See above.

 

The husband even made a sign for us Saying Homeschoolers please don;t interrupt but he never follows it himself.

 

School time is school time. It applies to everyone. He can only come into your house if you invite him in. See above.

 

He says he doesn;t do phone as I was hoping he could call before coming over.

 

If he can't call and get permission to come when it's a good time for you, then he can't come. If he can call and it's a bad time then he can't come over. It's not rude to tell someone, "Now's night a good time, I'll let you know when it is."

 

Now this older couple does help us A LOT. They have bought us gifts, helped make our kids go cart, comes over once a week to do science, run to the post office, fixed things around the house. In many ways they are like the grandparents --as we don;t really have any. At least none close by and doing anything grandparentsy.

 

Then they can do it at a time that suits you. Check your schedule and let them know when it's good for you. That's not being rude.

 

I really don;t mind them coming over except around this time due to testing and I am stressed to no end as we lost some months once the baby was born and when I was on bedrest. Luckily we schooled during the summer.

 

Tell them just the way you told us.

 

So we have been waking up at 5am to start to let the little ones sleep but now the little ones are getting a clue and starting to wake up with us. ARGH!

 

That's ridiculous. Your household should not be run according to the unannounced and unwanted visits from others. I think it's really important that you start showing boundaries to your children by enforcing them in your own life. This is extreme behavior on your part and you need to stop doing it.

 

 

I will call all the doctors and dentists and reschedule everything to after the school year ends.

 

Daddy time doesn't always have to be entertainment or play oriented. Of his schedule allows, he can do all kinds of things to help you:

 

*take kids to appointments

 

*play with little ones out of the house while you work with older kids

 

*train and supervise children to do chores

 

*teach a subject, do an activity with the kids or read aloud while mom grades papers at Starbucks drinking her favorite drink

 

Any ideas or another point of view perhaps?

 

What are the age ranges of your children? How much independent study can your children do? Are all your school aged children helping with chores on a regular basis? Is your husband's schedule flexible? What kinds of hours is he working?

 

I have one child that struggles and struggles with learning and I want her feel somewhat confident during the stupid test which she is not. They have been taking benchmarks throughout the year and they are not exactly where they should be this year.

 

All the more reason to stop fearing setting boundaries. Your children need you to do this so they can have their needs met without mom wiped out from lack or sleep and interruptions all day.

 

[Tita Gidge]

Tell them you have {insert contagious disease here} LOL. You won't have to sequester yourself, they'll stay away on their own!

 

The idea of a "Testing, No Interruptions. This means YOU!" sign is a good one. If the gentleman ignores his own sign, perhaps a sign that YOU have made will register more clearly in his mind that you mean him as well. A suggestion upthread was to give them a specific time to return; I think that's brilliant. Some people need that kind of clear direction. Like me. For no good reason whatsoever I'm always just figuring I'm exempt from people's restrictions :coolgleamA: so I definitely relate to the guy. We're just born clueless, is all; we mean no ill or harm!

 

Maybe you can tell him it's testing week ... let him know in advance, and come up with a plan so he can still let you know he's taking the van or whatever (leave a notepad on the patio, by the door?) but testing is something most people can relate to as being important. Hopefully he'll get it if you explain what you're doing. Maybe even give him a task to do to keep him otherwise occupied. Setting up a neighborhood watch is a big undertaking, and it can be win-win for you to delegate some of that to him during your test week.

[Dahliarw]

I bet they are lonely. Any chance they would want to help with the schooling? Seriously, when they walk in the door "hi, it's nice to see you. Are you well? Great. Heay, here is xxx's history book. Could you read chapter 3 to her? Thanks so much!"

[elizabeth rose]

What would happen if you didn't answer the door? Would they go away or keep knocking? If I am in the middle of homeschooling, and I heard my door knock, I probably would not answer it. In advance You could let them know that you really have to buckle down now due to testing or whatever, and you won't be able to visit with them unfortunately. Then, just don't answer the door, I think they would get the hint.

[Garga]

First, I would initiate a conversation. Call or visit them and maybe have a schedule of your children's work on a sheet of paper. Say, "this is a tough time of year for us. We have to get thru this (point to paper) before X date. We're going to be very unavailable from a-b:00 every day. I'll be unplugging the phone and won't answer the door before b:00 each day. I wanted to let you guys know, if you try to call or stop by at that time. That way you won't worry when we don't answer. We do this every year, and I wanted you guys to be the first to know. After X date, how about we all go out to dinner to celebrate that we're done testing for the year?"

 

 

[hollyh]

I really like the wording on the last response. :)