********* Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 I mentioned my bio mom found me on facebook. Long story short, I don't care for her personality. She's apparently the "everyone else is to blame but me" type. Not something I can abide. Sigh. Of course I wish it had gone better. I wish she had come to me with nothing but apologies and owning up to what she did. She should have come begging forgiveness. She should have a story about how the Lord changed her and how she's a different person now and how she's so sorry and that she has no expectations of me at all. Alas, that is not to be. I don't need advice. I am doing ok with all of it, really. Just wanted to update in case anyone was wondering. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caitilin Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 :grouphug:I'm sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Oh honey. I am so sorry to hear that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jrn Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujsky Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 :grouphug: That really stinks. I wish it had worked out differently for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flowing Brook Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 I am sorry you are going through this. Have you tried giving her the gospel? :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted March 20, 2013 Author Share Posted March 20, 2013 Puddles, she claims to be a Christian. i don't know her at all, so I have no idea of her fruit except what she tells me. She has told me that she lives with a man she is not married to, and has lived with him for ten years. She doesn't seem open to hearing anything from me except "Oh mom! I love You! I have been looking for you forever, I'm so glad to have found you, dad and stepmom are evil, you are great, etc. etc etc" Since I'm not giving her that, she accuses me of being hateful. So, yeah. I don't think she'd listen to the gospel from me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 She accuses you of being HATEFUL?! :svengo: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flowing Brook Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Puddles, she claims to be a Christian. i don't know her at all, so I have no idea of her fruit except what she tells me. She has told me that she lives with a man she is not married to, and has lived with him for ten years. She doesn't seem open to hearing anything from me except "Oh mom! I love You! I have been looking for you forever, I'm so glad to have found you, dad and stepmom are evil, you are great, etc. etc etc" Since I'm not giving her that, she accuses me of being hateful. So, yeah. I don't think she'd listen to the gospel from me. Bethany I am so sorry for what you are going through. I know first hand what it is like to deal with a toxic parent that treats you like you are less than human all while professing to be a christian. Praise God I have seen that toxic parent become a true christian and become someone that was a joy and blessing to be around. I will be praying for you and your mother. If you ever want to talk feel free to pm me. Blessings Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom in High Heels Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 I'm so sorry. I wish it had worked out better for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mumto2 Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 :grouphug: I am sorry it has turned out this way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted March 20, 2013 Author Share Posted March 20, 2013 She accuses you of being HATEFUL?! :svengo: Yes. She accuses me of wanting her to hurt because I want her to own her responsibility instead of constantly listening to how it was dad and stepmom's fault. I guess I just don't understand people who think like that. And they irritate me, to be honest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Yes. She accuses me of wanting her to hurt because I want her to own her responsibility instead of constantly listening to how it was dad and stepmom's fault. I guess I just don't understand people who think like that. And they irritate me, to be honest. It would irritate anyone. Adults are supposed to take responsibility for their actions, not blame everyone else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Wow, that's too bad. She sounds like an incredibly unhappy, unstable person. I'm sorry you had to go through this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celticmom Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Do you have to stay in touch with her? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 I'm sorry she isn't more motherly for you; I feel like you could really use someone there for you now, and I'd hope she would do what she needed to be that person. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Another Lynn Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 I'm so sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Walk away from her and don't look back, Bethany. Seriously. No emails, no texts, no phone calls, no Christmas cards. You've done just fine without her all these years, and you now know that you were better off without her. You gave it a try and she isn't what you hoped or what you need, so WALK AWAY. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 So sorry! :grouphug: Seems like a good opportunity to pass on having a Retroactively Bad Childhood. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 I mentioned my bio mom found me on facebook. Long story short, I don't care for her personality. She's apparently the "everyone else is to blame but me" type. Not something I can abide. Sigh. Of course I wish it had gone better. I wish she had come to me with nothing but apologies and owning up to what she did. She should have come begging forgiveness. She should have a story about how the Lord changed her and how she's a different person now and how she's so sorry and that she has no expectations of me at all. Alas, that is not to be. I don't need advice. I am doing ok with all of it, really. Just wanted to update in case anyone was wondering. I appreciate the update. I'm sorry it hasn't gone as hoped. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-bex Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 That's so disappointing. :( Hugs to you... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 I'm sorry it hasn't worked out for you, Bethany. People just are who they are, KWIM? Very few ever change. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UmMusa Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Sorry it's not what you had hoped for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlessedMom Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Some people never do own their own stuff. I'm sorry your mom is one of those people. My step dd's mom is like that too. She never owns any of the destructive things she has done to her kids, and she wants her kids to treat her with great sympathy. Which they do to continue a relationship with her, because that is the only way to have a relationship with her. I am glad you feel that you are doing all right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted March 20, 2013 Author Share Posted March 20, 2013 I'm sorry it hasn't worked out for you, Bethany. People just are who they are, KWIM? Very few ever change. :grouphug: But here's the thing. I do believe people can change. I know that I'm a completely different person now than I was before I was born again. I have friends who live radically different lives now than they did before coming to the Lord. And I know agnostics who live totally different lives now than they did ten years ago. I'm not in the 'people don't change' camp. It just stinks for ME that my mother *hasn't* changed, apparently. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 But here's the thing. I do believe people can change. I know that I'm a completely different person now than I was before I was born again. I have friends who live radically different lives now than they did before coming to the Lord. And I know agnostics who live totally different lives now than they did ten years ago. I'm not in the 'people don't change' camp. It just stinks for ME that my mother *hasn't* changed, apparently. Not for anything, but I think you're setting yourself up for a major disappointment if you keep wanting to believe that your mother will change. If you don't want to completely give up on her, tell her to give you a call in a few years, and you can see if she is any different at that point. But here's the thing -- people don't change unless they truly want to change and dedicate themselves to being better people. Your mom doesn't want to change. She wants to blame everyone else for her mistakes. She doesn't even know that she should be any different. I'm sorry to sound so discouraging, but you've got enough drama in your life right now without adding your mom to the mix. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaffodilDreams Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 So sorry, Bethany. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 She accuses you of being HATEFUL?! :svengo: :confused1: :confused1: :confused1: :cursing: :cursing: :cursing: :thumbdown: :grouphug: I know people can change. They normally do, though, when they stop blaming everyone else. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 I don't think people usually change. KWIM? Truer words were never spoken. Short of a genuine religious conversion, true change is rare, like win-the-lottery rare. Sorry that was the result, but at least now you know. Terri Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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