chepyl Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 Stop chewing on your toenails! I have to say this to DD a lot!! She has made herself bleed! When I ask why she chew her nails (finger or toe), she says "I was hungry." Get an Apple!!!! I did have to request that my child stop folding laundry and eat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 "Get out from under the desk" (to my 16 yo, during biology lab) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 "unless your bleeding or on fire I don't need to know about it" (regarding my 4 year old niece and her constant tattle tailing) That is my standard statement for tattle tailing. Drives me up a wall!! I include vomit in my list . . . Blood, fire, vomit . . . If it doesn't include one of those things, I don't want to hear about it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostSurprise Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 "The car is not tipping over; you're sleep-halucinating." We all woke up 10 minutes before the older ones had to leave for school. They dressed and ran out the door hyperventilating. I dressed and picked them up down the block. The doors on the car were frozen so they piled onto one seat together. It cheered the younger one up that they were tilting the car to one side with their combined weight. I'm pretty sure they weren't, but then again we were probably all sleep-halucinating, the full depth of reality was not there yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 I use this all the time too and have since the first was old enough to understand it! They hear it more often for interrupting though, and I'm sure I said it yesterday. "Are you bleeding? On fire? Then you can wait." Sometimes, I like to throw in "Has an arm fallen off?" just to mix it up a little. Here, too! Dd is famous for interrupting while I'm talking. Or banging on the bathroom door while I'm in the shower. Is she bleeding or on fire? No, she wants to know if she can watch a video. :glare: I once knew a woman who was an air traffic controller at a military base. She (single mom) said her kids called her at work all the time for little things which interfered with her work. She told them not to, but finally had to be very specific. She said, "Do not call unless the house is on fire or a bone is showing." I'm not sure how long they went without calling but the next time she got a call the dc said, "Mom? A bone is showing." :scared: Now that was a real emergency. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
history_junkie Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 Love this thread! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belacqua Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 I include vomit in my list . . . Blood, fire, vomit . . . If it doesn't include one of those things, I don't want to hear about it! My mother's rule when I was a kid: no calls unless you see Red (blood), White (bone), or Blue (lots of water; enough to cover the floor). Apparently, vomit didn't make the cut. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linders Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 what is it with 9 year olds and animals? Not sure, but before the lop-eared rabbit it was a puppy...a kitten...a platypus. Oh, and platypuses "are not at all interested in regular school." Lovely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXMomof4 Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 Stop chewing on your toenails! Yep- "Get your feet out of your mouth and do your math!" To ds who is SIX!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Critterfixer Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 This am to ds as he got out of the car to stay with Grandma today: "Here's your vertebra. Don't forget your bone bucket." The child is practically a puppy dog when it comes to finding bones and bringing them home of late. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 If you don't stop singing Christmas songs, I'm going to ban music from this house!! It's almost Easter for goodness sake! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 No you cannot go outside again, you just came in, and stop talking back to me. ---- this was said to the DOG who is on limited yard time (he keeps jumping the fence) and yes, he talks back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 No you cannot go outside again, you just came in, and stop talking back to me. ---- this was said to the DOG who is on limited yard time (he keeps jumping the fence) and yes, he talks back. My cats are the ones that talk back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 You can take the cobra, but it can't bite anyone-not even non-envenomed bites. DD8 is doing a countries co-op this semester and is researching something related to the country every week. For her, that usually means snakes. This week's country was India-so along with her print out of her write-up and photos to show, she loaded her recorder, a basket, and a toy cobra in the car this morning. FWIW, apparently the cobra behaved itself pretty well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-2-7 Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 I really thought my 6 year old was the only one who chewed her toenails. I feel so much better now! This is a very funny thread! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theYoungerMrsWarde Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 "I know we haven't had cake yet, but I need to give you your birthday present NOW." Ds4(!) was grumpy this morning and didn't want to open any presents until this evening after cake because apparently that's how you're suppose to do birthdays. Only he's getting a LOT of Playmobil sets for presents and I had to assemble them (so not wrapped) and I wanted to give them to him over the course of the day, one at a time, let him play with one for a while before giving him the next one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 This was yesterday, but, "No, you cannot take your cigarettes into the grocery store! Leave them in the van." Then upon returning, "Yes, you may finish your pack of cigarettes." All said to my 7yr old. :D ....his Grandmother had just given him candy cigarettes. ;) I love those things!! "No, Sylvia, the blow dryer is not too heavy to carry." :confused1: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pippen Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 "Did that pencil lead break off in an existing wound?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mabeline Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 "Did that pencil lead break off in an existing wound?" I have a pencil lead dot tattoo on my hand thanks to my sister. She ran around a corner with a newly sharpened pencil when we were kids. I don't think the tip broke off in the wound, but there was enough lead dust on it to leave a really nice dark spot for years. Over time it has faded to a light bluish grey spot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cin Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 I include vomit in my list . . . Blood, fire, vomit . . . If it doesn't include one of those things, I don't want to hear about it! Ours is the 4Bs. Bleeding, Barfing, Blue or Broken. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athena1277 Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 "Don't dip the pepperoni in your yogurt!" :ack2: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excelsior! Academy Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Said this afternoon..."You may NOT take the pogo stick up the fort." Apparently the prospect of pogo-ing off the two story fort sounded fun. Ack! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucy Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 "Hey! Do NOT lick you sister's butt!" The youngster was pretending to be Clifford the big red dog - and giving "Clifford kisses." Thank goodeness sister just got out of the bathtub... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gentlemommy Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 "You MUST wear underpants outside!" we don't have a fence and the neighbors can see us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 I have a pencil lead dot tattoo on my hand thanks to my sister. She ran around a corner with a newly sharpened pencil when we were kids. I don't think the tip broke off in the wound, but there was enough lead dust on it to leave a really nice dark spot for years. Over time it has faded to a light bluish grey spot. Ha! I have one of those in my knee, self-inflicted when I was nine. I didn't tell my parents because I did not want anyone cutting into my knee. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeindeed Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Great thread! "Now you have to go with me to the drugstore since it's dark outside and I'm scared." I said this to ds9 after he, dd12, and hubby spent our entire dinner discussing the impending zombie apocalypse and how to survive it. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 My very picky DS7, eating his first Hot Pocket "Blech. It tastes like it is pretending to be pizza." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 This was yesterday & my husband said it: "The War of 1812 is not the right answer to this geometry problem." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belacqua Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 My very picky DS7, eating his first Hot Pocket "Blech. It tastes like it is pretending to be pizza." Heh! Can't say he's wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chelle in MO Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 To ds16: "No, you may not cut a hole in the livingroom floor for your golf ball to roll into when you practice putting." :001_rolleyes: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazyforlatin Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 "No, it's not a Candida Lynx. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RemsMom Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 nm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwik Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 No we can't activate all four child locks and leave your little brother in the car when we get home. I was sorely tempted for a moment though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gentlemommy Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 "Sweetie, daddy won't like you cutting up his diving magazine. Use the Guns and Ammo one instead." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greenmama2 Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 "Sit on the couch and watch TV NOW!!!" I said something similar this evening. Not today but last week DH posted on facebook that he'd overheard me saying; "Well, you'll need to move the Cambrian ocean to a box with a lid then.". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXBeth Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 I said, "Well, Baby Jesus wants her laser, so please just let her have it." The kids had been cutting "lasers" from red and yellow paper and then switched to acting out the Nativity. DD3 agreed to be Baby Jesus, so DD7 was trying to take away her laser. DD3 proceeded to scream and cry. I came out to tell DD7 to give DD3 back her laser. DD7 said "but she's supposed to be Baby Jesus!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Go get dressed or I'll have to beat you with my string. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 I KNOW the dog peed on his foot, now get him off of my bed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbecueMom Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 "Get the egg beater away from the cat's butt." Granted, said cat was rolling all over the Monopoly Jr. board... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saraha Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 No! You cannot sit in the bad kids corner at the eye doctor, I don't care how fun it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hwin Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 "Yes, that's the correct police department to call. Have a nice day!" Some wackadoo accusing us of stealing his information. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Can I just thank you all because this thread has kept me smiling for days :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Today's "No you can not cook the pasta, we are going to McDonald's!" Also "Make sure you bring your curls so we can buy the right dye for your hair" (we have to dye dd13's hair back to blond-it is currently green- but it needs to match her curly bun for dance festival) Yesterday not said to my kids "go buy a vibrator" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 ME: Leave the cat alone, your history does not require a cat DD: Unless we are making a cat mummy Me: Yes, then we would need a cat. but not today--- put the cat down Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 ME: Leave the cat alone, your history does not require a cat DD: Unless we are making a cat mummy Me: Yes, then we would need a cat. but not today--- put the cat down Quickly! One of our pet cats died when we were doing Ancients a couple of years ago, and DD was very upset that we didn't mummify her. I'd thought she'd forgotten-until after she got her snake and commented "And when Wadjet dies, we can at least make HER a mummy, right?". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 ds14: "Mom ds9 wants to be jewish, can we switch" dd13: "Okay let's get you circumsized" ds14: "we are never being jewish" dd13: "ahhh you mean we can't get you circumsized now?" it was at that point I came in and said "stop plotting ways to have your brother's junk amputated" and all she said was "awwww!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Um_2_4 Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 DS said this : "Grapes, they are like nature's jelly beans." But what made it sooooo funny was the serious expression on his face and thoughtfullness in his tone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Today's oddities were: "Would you just go ride in the street." (Dead end with almost zero traffic, still it sound odd when you say it.) "Quit loving your brother so much!" (I rounded the corner to find one boy trying to squish the other into the ground. When I asked what they were doing the one on top told me he was "loving on his brother." ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammi K Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 "unless your bleeding or on fire I don't need to know about it" (regarding my 4 year old niece and her constant tattle tailing) That is my standard statement for tattle tailing. Drives me up a wall!! Wow, you're tough! We must be softies because we allow 'broken bones' into the mix of acceptable tattling. (Unless you're bleeding, burning, or there's a broken bone, I don't want to hear it!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Wow, you're tough! We must be softies because we allow 'broken bones' into the mix of acceptable tattling. (Unless you're bleeding, burning, or there's a broken bone, I don't want to hear it!) with me it's : unless there is blood coming out of both eyeballs........ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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