Crimson Wife Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 Mondays are tough enough even on days when I'm not forced to utter the words: "Peanut butter is not for painting". :banghead: What's the most absurd phrase you've had to say to your kids today? :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Michelle* Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 "No, you may not let your brother out of the dog pen." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 "Stop squishing your sister with the couch." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbecueMom Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 "Take my bra off and put it back in the dirty laundry before you stretch out the straps!" This would be DS3. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juniper Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 This was yesterday, but, "No, you cannot take your cigarettes into the grocery store! Leave them in the van." Then upon returning, "Yes, you may finish your pack of cigarettes." All said to my 7yr old. :D ....his Grandmother had just given him candy cigarettes. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Um_2_4 Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 How about "No, the roly poly may not help you with math." or "Stop feeding carrots to the couch" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 "You may only interrupt this meeting if you have stabbed yourself in the eyeball with a pencil." I had to take all the kids to ds's IEP today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 This was yesterday, but, "No, you cannot take your cigarettes into the grocery store! Leave them in the van." Then upon returning, "Yes, you may finish your pack of cigarettes." All said to my 7yr old. :D ....his Grandmother had just given him candy cigarettes. ;) I can't believe they still make those things! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbmamaz Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 turkey wings are not the same thing as smoked turkey wings? ok, but that was to dh, who's been doing grocery since i had knee surgery honestly, the things i yell at the boys . . they dont stick any more Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyThreeSons Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 "No, thank you." -- said to my son when he offered to take me out to dinner. (I'm really not feeling well.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brilliant Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 "OK, now stop staring at my chest!" Said to my teenage ds as he tried to analyze something drawn on my t-shirt. Which is why maybe we shouldn't wear articles of clothing that have anything across the chest or rear that needs to be analyzed! :ohmy: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nukeswife Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 I've been saying this for weeks now. "Will you all please pick up your bullets" Apparently when I was out one day last week there was one heck of a nerf battle through out my house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 Jog-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-Saidi, hop, saidi, hop, ninja-2-ninja-4-prep, toss, catch, and tap tap tap tap hip, hip, hip, hip hip hip . . . . Repeat 20X My students get so used to my ridiculous verbal cues that it ruins song lyrics for them for life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juniper Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 There are a few choice phrases I say in riding lessons that a student just informed are rather x-rated in a different context. It is going to take awhile before I get my groove back. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twinmami01 Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 No, your not half dog and half man. You are a boy...a 12 year old boy at that. For goodness sake your not 2! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Koerarmoca Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 "unless your bleeding or on fire I don't need to know about it" (regarding my 4 year old niece and her constant tattle tailing) That is my standard statement for tattle tailing. Drives me up a wall!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-2-7 Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 Stop chewing on your toenails! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest inoubliable Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 I'm pretty sure that any of my, um, choice phrases would land me in some hot water here. I'll share some weirdo thing my kid said today, though. DS5 is sick and I convinced him to color instead of running around like a lunatic. He's drawing pictures of all of us. Cool. He does that sometimes. I get to be mountain climbing, or his older brothers get to be in a submarine. Sometimes dinosaurs are chasing us as a family across a field. This evening, though, he's drawing a picture of DH. In his work uniform. And there are these funny looking sticks coming out of the back pants pockets. So I ask him, "Why did you draw pens there? Dad has that little pocket on his shirt for his pens." And he tells me, "Those are hotdogs. Dad has hotdogs in his pants." At that, DH walks in and says, "WTF? Hotdogs in my pants??". He was seriously creeped out by the hotdogs-in-pants statement. I thought I was actually going to die from laughing. I mean, with this cough and wheezing and all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaleidoscope Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 Those are all great. I'm not sure I said anything funny absurd today. All my absurd comments were depressing it seems! I'm so glad ya'll shared your funny ones! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saraha Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 This is the second time I have told you, Don't shake that jar of butter over his head!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 "Ok, that's it. I've had enough of this. Go do some handstands for 12 minutes and then we can start again." When my son gets really squirmy, practicing handstands or yoga poses seems to help him calm down and refocus but without the background information, it's pretty random. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GSOchristie Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 Stop chewing on your toenails! All. The. Time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applethyme Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 What is our number one house rule? Repeat after Mommy "do not lick the cat." The cat can clean herself. No, you are not a cat! You are a human child, not a cat! Sadly this is an ongoing battle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butter Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 "Sorry, but you really do have to go to Ireland with the rest of us tomorrow." (said to my 6 year old who is terrified about our vacation and meeting his other grandmother for the first time ever) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ali in OR Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 Well, 10 yo dd got the best line today during math. me: "What are you going to use to solve this problem?" dd: "Divination" me: "I think you mean division." (too much Harry Potter?) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 "No, you can't put your rib bones( from dinner)outside for the bears." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 DD6: "Since you won't let me take that folder to school, I'm going to dream about zombies instead of happy things tonight." Me: "Don't worry, your dolly will save you from the zombies." DD6: "She can't do things like that." Me: "Don't you remember when you had your nosebleed, you hollered, "I WANT MY DOLLLLYYYY!" DD6: "And she was covered in blood, wasn't she?" Me: "That's right, so don't you worry. Zombie doll is here for you. Sweet dreams." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 For the hundredth time, keep your tongue to yourself! I don't like to be licked! (said to my almost 8 year old) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belacqua Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 "Your merengue is really coming along!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomtoCandJ Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 Cali, please don't lick Chip or Bob, they do enough of that on thier own! No, you can't put a stick in Chip's butt and pretend he's a hot dog!!!! (Chip is a dachshund and Bob is a cat) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 Make the dog stop chewing the cat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 "For crying out loud, quit shaking your butt at your sister!" Not as crazy sounding, but repeated more frequently today, "Wearing pants is non negotiable." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swimtaxi234 Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 After I said this to my 12-year-old son, I just shook my head and laughed to myself. "You need to thrust your hips like your sister!" Even though they were working out to Jillian Michaels's "30 Day Shred" it just sounded like something a Mom should never say to her children :laugh: :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 As ds was climbing from one stump to another- "He's braver than I'd be if I wasn't wearing pants." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hypatia. Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 "Don't dunk the chickens in the water, they don't need a bath." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snow Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 Stop licking the dishes. If you keep licking the [clean] dishes, you can't help me put them away anymore. I love these. This should be a recurring thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caroljenn Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 I love this thread! Cracks me up!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 Said yesterday, "If you're hungry, there's goulash in the bathroom." We're remodeling our kitchen and have a temporary kitchen set up in our bathroom for cooking (electric skillet) and washing dishes in a dish pan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 Stop griping and pull your underwear down and show the woman your junk. Yeah ds14 had to see the urologist today, the resident was a woman, he was not impressed and was furious when I offered to step out of the room. So there was me facing the wall saying that to him. 2nd comment of the day said to dd13 No you can not lock your brother in a general population cell...wait until max security(we were at an open house of the new prison). 3rd comment said to dd5 "you do know that you just got taped on 1400 cameras picking your nose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hen Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 to dd 11 - "hey dd11, do you want to be dd17's guinea pig?" (guinea pig violin student) to dd17 - "don't put your flies in the freezer, you might kill them, stick to the refrigerator." -she's doing a science experiment with blue bottle flies. And she didn't listen to me and killed a batch, maybe...not sure if it was the freezer or the horse-fly-repellent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
violamama Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 "Sure, you can have more shrimp with cockatiel sauce. And no, shrimp is not high in carbons." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaffodilDreams Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 No, I will not give you my fingernails the next time I clip them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giraffe Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 What is our number one house rule? Repeat after Mommy "do not lick the cat." The cat can clean herself. No, you are not a cat! You are a human child, not a cat! Sadly this is an ongoing battle. For the hundredth time, keep your tongue to yourself! I don't like to be licked! (said to my almost 8 year old) DD likes to pretend she is a cat and will try to give us or the cats baths too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 Yes the Katydid can help you with your spelling (to ds 9) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linders Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 "I don't care if you are a lop-eared rabbit. You can't do math hopping on the floor. Get to the table!" This is not t a toddler. This is to DS9, who can't think of anything but the bunny he's getting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 "I don't care if you are a lop-eared rabbit. You can't do math hopping on the floor. Get to the table!" This is not t a toddler. This is to DS9, who can't think of anything but the bunny he's getting. what is it with 9 year olds and animals? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissKNG Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 "Sit on the couch and watch TV NOW!!!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 I actually have had to say this twice a year since we moved here but it just happen to fall on today: "Don't forget to take your worm pill!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thewaka Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 "unless your bleeding or on fire I don't need to know about it" (regarding my 4 year old niece and her constant tattle tailing) That is my standard statement for tattle tailing. Drives me up a wall!! I use this all the time too and have since the first was old enough to understand it! They hear it more often for interrupting though, and I'm sure I said it yesterday. "Are you bleeding? On fire? Then you can wait." Sometimes, I like to throw in "Has an arm fallen off?" just to mix it up a little. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 This thread is hilarious. Thanks for the laughs! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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