Do your kids have friends?

[mommymilkies]

Just curious. :)

 

Edited to fix multiple choice! Apparently my ipad went funny on that part!

[Greenmama2]

Is it possible to edit the third part? My kids made friends through all of those things except sport.

[weederberries]

I'm unable to vote because it requires me to answer the second question. I also need more than one option available for the last question. :-)

[mommymilkies]

Hopefully the poll is fixed!

[Walking-Iris]

Well it won't let me vote either. (ETA; fixed it.) But if I could I would say acquaintances One family has been a tad closer than others ;) but I still am not sure that there's a real connection between the kids. Other kids my children know are in public school and I find that those families are busier than others. I've asked this question before of PS families I know and they say their kids don't do much outside of school, family, and outside activities.

 

They're friends with their cousins, but that's family and to be expected. We see them usually during family get togethers for holidays, birthdays and the occasional just because times.

 

I haven't found that my children have become on first name basis with any child at co-op. It's a bit of a closed group.

 

I live in a neighborhood of elderly or families with high school kids, so no connection there.

 

ETA: My kids do have adult friends.

[swellmomma]

My kids do not have friends out here. Most don't allow their kids to be friends with my other kids due to oldest son. They have "friends" at church, dance, cadets but no close friends, or people to hang out with inbetween lessons. The same was true back when the kids were in ps in early elementary school so where they learn hasn't made a difference. They each had 1-2 good friends back in teh city but none since moving to this town 3 years ago.

[LMD]

Yes my kids have quite a few friends. In fact we've had so many birthday parties this past month that I'm thoroughly birthday-partied out! Their closest friends are (of various ages) cousins - we see almost weekly, friends of the family - ie my friend's children - also seen almost weekly, and homeschool group/church friends - their closest friends from these they see multiple times a week. They have also made acquaintances through music lessons.

 

I did have a panic a couple of years ago about my kids having no friends - it was very premature.

[Nscribe]

Dd is just an outgoing person. If she goes out anywhere, she reaches out to others. Some become situational associates, some acquaintances and some develop into enduring relationships. One category you did not list for the last option that would be true is that she makes even more friends via friends she has already. It really is an exponential thing.

[Sarah CB]

My eldest had a very small but close circle of friends until she started attending high school.

 

The boys all have lots of friends. These friendships have developed over the years - none of them really happened right away. We've just finished our third year in co-op and all of the boys have close friendships with kids there. They keep in contact with their friends over the week through email, texting and facetime. They arrange social events themselves.

 

One of my youngest boy's friends from co-op lives within walking distance so they play quite often.

 

All of the boys also have friends through music. We spend one day a week at the music school and they're in orchestra with a big group of kids. We've been going there for four years. They keep in contact with some of their music friends outside of class through technology. It's hard to do a lot socially because all of those kids live an hour away from us. By coincidence, they're also all homeschooled. We do camp with them once a year when all the kids do music camp. They get a lot of social time at the music school - they play outside together or play Minecraft together inside.

 

I'm really happy with the long-term friendships that have developed and with the new friends that are becoming part of the group. I think it's been really important to the boys and I wish that my daughter had had the same opportunities. She has great friends now, but she had some lonely years and I don't think it was very healthy for her.

[shinyhappypeople]

Older DD has 5 or 6 good friends. These are her close friends (though within that circle she's closer to some girls than others). She sees these girls every week. Younger DD has one BFF, a good "neighborhood" friend, and lots of wonderful casual friends. Both girls also have many acquaintances. Most of their friends were met through homeschool activities, extracurriculars and AWANA/church (or a combination)

 

It has not always been this way. I'd say in the last 1-1/2 years things have gelled for them friendship-wise. Our first couple of years homeschooling were very lonely :( It makes my heart smile to see each of my DDs have the amount and types of friendships that they need. :)

 

What I've learned is that I have to be extremely proactive, go to as many get-togethers as I can manage and be patient.

[sassenach]

Dd15 private school extravert, lots of friends.

 

Ds10 hs introvert, many acquaintances, a few good friends.

 

Dd8 hs extravert, lots of friends.

 

I would like a few more friends for my ds, but I think the # has more to do with his nature than homeschool. He has plenty of buddies in every activity he's in (he's a sports guy).

 

I literally checked every box except the last in the bottom section.

[sassenach]

This is kind of funny because a new lady at church gave us an invite to her son's bday today, "because with your son being homeschooled, he probably doesn't get to go to many birthday parties." Sigh.

[LucyStoner]

My older son (age 9) has HFA and has made one good friend from his homeschool center thingy. He also has a couple of good friends who he has known forever. Besides those few and his cousins, he is pretty content to be on his own.

 

My younger son is pretty friendly but not yet at the making friends stage (he is 4). His best playmates are the little siblings of his brother's friends and his cousins. He has a cousin who is 3 weeks younger than him and they are especially close.

[bobbeym]

Dd is just an outgoing person. If she goes out anywhere, she reaches out to others. Some become situational associates, some acquaintances and some develop into enduring relationships. One category you did not list for the last option that would be true is that she makes even more friends via friends she has already. It really is an exponential thing.

 

 

DS is like this too. His closest friends come from either church or our HS group. Most of his ps friends broke off contact with him once he started HSing. It was really hard for a while until he made new friends.

[linders]

I answered "a few friends." To elaborate, we live in a very small neighborhood with almost no kids. Our church is likewise somewhat small, acquaintances there rather than real friends. The boys' friends have ended up being kids whom they see regularly year-round in scouts and swim team. The "friendships" in other sports were limited by the defined seasons. We had a loose homeschool group, but the friendships there went a bit by the wayside when some returned to school, others drifted into almost non-schooling. (Not unschooling. These are 6th-8th graders who do so little school that they are available to go to the park at 11 am, which doesn't work for us.)

[Dmmetler]

DDhas one really good lifelong friend, one girl in our co-op group who is becoming pretty close, and two girls at dance who she's been with since age 4 who she enjoys and considers friends. She also has a decent number of "birthday party friends"-that is, people she's in classes and activities with that imvite her for parties or play dates, and are willing to come to hers.

[LMV]

Hmmm….

 

-Our 17 YO daughter has a plethora of friends, a central core of BFFs (which includes one of her same age and same gender cousins who lives in our community), and seems to be a friendly acquaintance of almost everyone. She is beautiful, personable, and outgoing. She is also fair and incredibly kind so she is the kind of girl that everyone wants to get closer too and she seems to make friends everywhere she goes. Some of her closest friends are on her ODP soccer team or in the state youth orchestra she plays in but she is very close with two girls who attend our church and her current boyfriend was a close friend who she met while she and her dad were volunteering for Habitat for Humanity five years ago.

-Our 13 YO STBA-daughter is a bit more reserved. Some of this is innate and some of this is probably a result of spending the first nine plus years of her life with her abusive biological parents. She now has a core group of close friends (most of whom don't know each other well ironically). One is a girl she knew from before she came to live with us and then reconnected with when that child's older brother ended up in the same state orchestra our oldest plays in. Another is a girl she met through the public charter we use for dual enrollment. They have been friends since shortly after she started there and this girl is probably her best friend. The other girl she is close to is a girl from her gymnastics team. She is also close teammates with her teammates in gymnastics but most of the other L10 gymnasts are three or more years older than she is they aren't really close friends.

-Our 8 YO foster daughter has been with us full time (and prior to that for medical respite) since November 2012. She has two best friends from the school she attended in her prior foster home. She had both of them sleep over on Friday and that went well. She has also been getting closer to a few of the kids in the public language immersion program she is attending two mornings a week and has been playing with one of our neighbor's daughter who is the same age.

-Our 4 YO foster daughter has been with us since February 2013. Friends are a bit outside of her orbit at the moment and she is still pretty mired in grief and depression as a result of leaving her previous foster parents (also the only parents she knew).

-Our 3 YO daughter seems to have a personality similar to our oldest daughter. I hesitate to say she really has friends because the concept is a bit nebulous at this age but she plays well with other children when she has the opportunity and has had a few of the kids from her swimming class over to our house for short play dates or gone to theirs or both. She also plays with a few kids in our neighborhood and the sons of my husband's son and foster son who are a few years older than she is (and technically her nephews).

-Our youngest daughter is five months old and is enjoying navigating and exploring the extrauterine world.

[mommymilkies]

This is kind of funny because a new lady at church gave us an invite to her son's bday today, "because with your son being homeschooled, he probably doesn't get to go to many birthday parties." Sigh.

 

I guess for us, it's true. We go to maybe 3 birthday parties a year total. 2 of those are family, sometimes all the parties are only family. Not that we don't "get out there", we're in co-op, group music lessons, sports, classes, etc. But we live in a rural and very closed community. We're outsiders, so we don't get invited or included. Ever.

[Joker]

My youngest is homeschooled and has acquaintances. She plays with kids in the neighborhood, at groups, and her sister's friends. Oldest is in ps and has lots of friends. We just had no luck here with them making real connections in hs groups or classes, and oldest asked to go to ps for middle school. It's actually been good but that's because we live in a really good district. Youngest will start this fall and she can't wait. I keep thinking it would have been different if we lived somewhere with more options for groups or even if we lived near family (closest family right now is a 14 hour drive).

 

ETA: Church didn't work either when we were homeschooling. They had fun and got along while at church but no outside interaction took place. Now, oldest is in ps and goes to church with many of those kids and their close inside and out of church. It just made a big difference her being with them during the week as well.

[myfunnybunch]

I answered aquaintances and a few friends. Mine each have a few good friends. They're a mix of friends from the neighborhood, cousins, friends in different activities (choir, karate, Spanish, dance), homeschool friends, children of my friends, and siblings of friends. (Hope that makes sense--ds12 met one of his good friends because the friend is the older brother of ds 8's best friend from choir.)

 

My kids aren't invited to a ton of birthday parties either. That's a-okay with me. We don't hold a friend birthday party every year for each child, so they don't get many reciprocal invitations, though.

 

Cat

[2squared]

I guess for us, it's true. We go to maybe 3 birthday parties a year total. 2 of those are family, sometimes all the parties are only family. Not that we don't "get out there", we're in co-op, group music lessons, sports, classes, etc. But we live in a rural and very closed community. We're outsiders, so we don't get invited or included. Ever.

 

We live in a rural and closed community as well. All social activities revolve around the public school. We are the only homeschooled family in our community, at least with young kids so my kids' friends are all public school kids. We also participate in pretty much every sports activity offered in our community (all go through the school district) and PE at the elementary school. Our situation is a little different than most, though, because my dh has a high profile job in the community. When I call other parents, the school, etc, they know me. If we were a regular Joe Schmoe, I'm sure the reception would be different.

 

My 5th grader has found a couple close friends, and she also has some budding friendships with a couple kids on her sports teams. My 3rd grader and Ker have a couple good friends. All of their friendships were initiated and driven by me. I scope out the families in our community, identify which kids seem like good matches with my kids, and then I am rather aggressive about getting the kids together. Dh & I actively look for social opportunities for our kids which include ice skating, sledding, public school high school sporting events, movies, regular play dates, and anything else that looks promising. The 5th graders are much busier than when they were in elementary school, so we pursue face time on 1/2 days and holidays as well as "dead" time between activities. When I am at wrestling practice with my 6yo, my 10yo invites one of her friends to stay and hang out for an hour. My 10yo will be going from basketball practice directly to a volleyball game Friday night, and we already have her scheduled to ride with one of her friends rather than riding with me. My 5th grader texts her friends daily on her iPod.

[Greenmama2]

My homeschooled child has a few close friends and lots of good acquaintances. My child in preschool has a lot of acquaintances and two very good friends, one through hs circles and one at preschool. They made friends through all of the above except sports.

[North Coast School]

DS-HS, lots of friends. Church, co-op, friends from preschool. He has one best friend, though, that is his main social life. We have him over every Friday, the other kid's one day aaway from PS Kindy.

 

DD-PS, Lots of friends. Church, school, friends from her two years of HS co-op, cousins. She still doesn't have a best friend, and doesn't have time for many play dates.

[Mélie]

We only moved here in December, so we're still working on it. :)

 

Ds5 is in school, so he has 15 "friends", but only two I would consider real friends (as in, they've been to our house and he's been to theirs). Ds6 gets along with these two boys and one of their older brothers, but only has one good friend of his own, who also happens to be homeschooled. They met on a tour of the university's chemistry department and are adorably dorky together.

[Lily_Grace]

DS 13 has friends. 1-2 close ones, a few he hangs out with, and some acquaintances. For a kid here that's pretty darn good. The public schooled kids all live anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour from the school so there aren't many social opportunities that aren't orchestrated by parents. We live close enough that he can go off on his own to different events or bike the 5 miles to his best friend's.

[kwickimom]

My dd10 makes friends everywhere and has a lot of them. She has a best friend and 4 super close friends. She has friends from a moms group we were in when she was 2, friends from church,friends from homeschooling, friends from activites, etc. We live outside of town and dont have close neighbors.

 

My ds7 has a few friends from church and a friend that is a neighbor of my moms (shes in a different state)

 

My other ds is 4 and has some friends, mainly from church.

[NoseInABook]

They have acquaintances in church and a few groups that they are part of but they also have good friends from church (often kids of MY good friends). My oldest has bonded with a girl in a group that she's part of but I have no idea who her mom so they haven't gotten together outside of the group.

[Hoot]

DS13 made his closest friend in 1st grade at the school he went to at the time. He still keeps in touch with him frequently though they now live in another state and both boys still consider each other best friends. Besides that one kid, DS has had many acquaintances and everyone loves him, but the deeper and more meaningful "friend" relationship just isn't there. Since he's come home for school this year, he really has no friends at our co-op. There is one child that he talks to occasionally, but no one else has attempted to talk to him or make him feel welcome at all. No one is intentionally unkind, they just all seem to have their cliques already. DS also feels (as do I) that most of the boys at the co-op are incredibly juvenile for their age and the rest are punk wannabees that he wouldn't want to be friends with anyway. In our neighborhood, he has one homeschool family whose two kids he plays with outside. He likes them, and would consider them friends, though it's nowhere near a deep and lasting friendship.

[Walking-Iris]

My older son (age 9) has HFA and has made one good friend from his homeschool center thingy. He also has a couple of good friends who he has known forever. Besides those few and his cousins, he is pretty content to be on his own.

 

 

 

This is my oldest. I've found it more difficult to find friends for him based on his being on the spectrum. Kids just don't get his eccentricities. It's hard to make friends when you just don't play or respond in a way a kid expects.

 

He has a hard time playing in a way that keeps another kid's interest. And he has a hard time putting himself out there. Even surrounded by kids or visiting he seems to still keep to himself.

 

In co-op and in our community, activities center around sports and my ds has gross motor control issues that he''ll likely always have and playing sports and playing with children in a big physical way like that is difficult.

 

I started a thread like this in the special needs forum not too long ago. And from the responses I had there I have been encouraging my ds's adult friendships.

[Mom22ns]

My kiddos have plenty of acquaintances and a few friends. When they were in ps they had lots of acquaintances, but even fewer real friends.

[mommymilkies]

In co-op and in our community, activities center around sports and my ds has gross motor control issues that he''ll likely always have and playing sports and playing with children in a big physical way like that is difficult.

 

 

Ds does, too, and it's hard in such a competitive area. But even for my oldest who is really good at sports, it's no guarantee for sports. As you know, it's very cliquey. The only ones who interact with my kids are also outsiders, and they almost always move within a year of us meeting them. So frustrating.

 

I'm just intrigued by everyone having to match their kids up and do a lot of the work themselves. Am I just old? Because I don't remember my parents or anyone else's I knew doing this growing up. Usually you just ran around outside and met some random kid who became your friend. Lol.

[Tina]

Dd is just an outgoing person. If she goes out anywhere, she reaches out to others. Some become situational associates, some acquaintances and some develop into enduring relationships. One category you did not list for the last option that would be true is that she makes even more friends via friends she has already. It really is an exponential thing.

Exactly. But that's dd. The boys had just a few close friends, but they did plenty of group activities with Scouts and co-op get togethers.

 

We're just having our first neighborhood friends, now with dd. The boys never had any neighborhood friends; I did a lot of driving one way with their friends while other mom drove the other direction. I'm not so sure about having neighborhood friends--it's hard to give dd time alone or with me!

[AMJ]

My kids are currently in private school, but we will be switching to homeschooling once this school year ends. Ours is a small school and due to a service hour requirement and all classmates tending to attend birthday parties we parents do get to know each other to an extent. We have selected several families with whom we plan to stay in touch, and have been arranging play dates (for grown-ups as well as kids).

 

One of my DH's brothers and his family live close by and attend the same school, as do my DH's parents. DH's other brother and his family are half a day's drive away, but we see them every other month or so (just did over spring break). The cousins are all close, and the nearby cousins are more like siblings. We get together once or twice each week, more often during school breaks.

 

Our neighborhood is mostly teen-age boys and we have grade-school age girls. Between that and our hectic schedule when I was still working we haven't gotten to know our neighbors well, just acquaintances who look out for each other.

 

It will be interesting to see how the social aspect works out, but between farmed-out lessons (aikido, piano, science labs, etc.) and maintaining current friendships I don't think we will be isolated.

[Walking-Iris]

I didn't have playdate set-ups either. I just played with kids in the neighborhood. But then I grew up in a large city so there were plenty of kids and neighborhoods. There just isn't any kids on our street. So I can't really help that aspect.

 

The thing is my ds really *can't* play the sports. Even outside of organized activities. Like at co-op after snack kids throw the balls or play ping pong or basketball. It's not that he has a clumsy or harder time with it or just doesn't like it, he does not have the motor planning to even figure out how to begin. He can't even hold a fork correctly. Or zip a jacket. And he still fights with a shirt to get it on right. Or build with a Lego set. It just isolates him a bit when he doesn't play as expected.

 

He doesn't have a "delay" he'll likely always struggle with it. So it's hard to make friends, even outside of organized sports because so much play is physical in nature. I've had to stop a kid a few times at co-op for saying something about his lack of knowing how to do something. Just little things like trying to laugh at him when he couldn't make the paper airplane or balance a stupid egg or do a push-up.

 

That combined with the cliquishness of this area has been our main challenge.

[Ruby Rose]

What's the difference between a few vs a lot of friends. I voted both because I wasn't sure. DD and DS by association have about 4 friends on our street (all public school), 2 really good friends from our homeschool playgroup and several acquaintances there, and DD has friends/acquaintances with the 10 girls at dance. DS plays with the neighborhood and playgroup kids too. He just joined baseball so he is making friends there too. They both have cousins their same age that they love to play with. DS is just getting to the social age and DD is most definitely there now. My kids are also BEST FRIENDS with each other.

[MiniBlondes]

I'd say that both of my girls have 3 very close friends, and 25-30 acquaintances each. They met all of them through church, neighborhood, and extra curricular activities.

 

When they were in public school, they had about the same number of friends. There is not much of a difference.

[freeindeed]

My oldest went to public school and had a few friends. My middle two have only home schooled and they have a few friends. My oldest met his closest friends through school (including his wife) and my middle two met their closest friends through church, co-op, and our neighborhood.

[Koerarmoca]

We just moved and have not made any social connections just yet. They do have loads of cousins in their age group though so that makes things better. I am hoping to find a new church home soon which should help. 2 of my 4 kids are not very outgoing and are happy with just one or two good friends. My youngest is happier with just family connections but I do have 1 child who loves to have big groups of friends.

[2squared]

I'm just intrigued by everyone having to match their kids up and do a lot of the work themselves. Am I just old? Because I don't remember my parents or anyone else's I knew doing this growing up. Usually you just ran around outside and met some random kid who became your friend. Lol.

 

I'm one who does a lot of work to find friends for my kids. We live in the country with a couple neighbors within a mile or two, but none have kids. Our school district is very large - about 40 miles from one side to the other - and my kids' elementary classes only have 25 kids per grade. We have a lot of geographical space with very few kids in it. Since my 3rd grade boy has about 12-13 other boys his age at our elementary school, he has slim pickings for friends.

 

My 5th grader is luckier since the middle school is a little larger with 60 kids per grade. With my 5th grader, the kids are just busy. By the time they get home from school, practice their instruments, finish their homework, and eat dinner, it's bedtime. There's very little unstructured play time.

 

The other compounding factor for us is that families here average 4 kids/family. The families are busy just b/c everyone has so many kids. We routinely share rides and trade kids to get people where they need to be.

[meena]

My children are all pretty good at making friends wherever we go. They have friends from church, homeschool co-op classes, sports, and the neighborhood. I'm extremely thankful, but to be completely honest I'm a bit envious of how easy it is for them. :blushing: I have a hard time moving beyond acquaintance-level with most people.

[IrishMum]

My kids have very few friends, lots of acquaintances but no BFF. I think, being 4 boys with only 5 year gap between oldest and youngest, they haven't reached out to other kids like they would if they were alone. When they meet up with groups they play happily but don't make firm conections. Friends come and go, but they will always have their brothers.

[claluck]

My kids are pretty good friends with the neighbors across the street but are not great at moving beyond acquaintance with others. Partly it is me. The boys across the street are practically identical in age for each of them. We are also weird in that we allow video games but not violent ones. That has seemed to repel a few kids. And we are weird in our community in that I do not let my kids roam the streets all day. Most of their age mates literally just wander around riding bikes and walking around town all day without ever having adult supervision. This repels a few kids too. I dont really care they have each other and we are good. They seem to interact in public situations appropriately (ie at church, scouts, sports teams, etc).

Christina

[Parrothead]

Dd has four friends. Two we met through work functions and the other two we "met" before moving here. The mom and I were connected via homeschool group coordinator. The mom came to meet us the day after we moved in.