Should I resign?

[Miss Marple]

I was asked to be on a committee. It was represented to me that we would not be too important - just detail work. Imagine my surprise when I discover that the whole project is controversial! I'm an "out of the loop" type person because the "loop" is usually not my type of group, but when a project has gone on to various stages and is in a critical stage and the "loop" decides to get involved (after 4 years) I'm a little taken aback. Controversy reigns at this point. I am now serving on a committee that is making critical decisions which will cause hard feelings in various circles. It's not what I signed up for.

 

Now I'm not one to back away from controversy when there is a moral issue at the core, but in this case it's petty desires and "my input wasn't asked" kind of stuff and I don't really want any part of it. But the chairperson is taking all the heat and I feel a bit loyal to her and don't want to desert her. But she is tough and can probably handle things without me.

 

Oh, and there were hurt feelings that I was asked and not some of the other more popular people. If I resign, my position would be open to one of the more "deserving" folk.

 

Do I have a good reason to resign? Or am I deserting those in need?

[Alice]

I think it would be fine to step down. You don’t really have to give a reason (“I’m sorry but I found that I don’t have the time needed to devote to this.†is fine.) But you could cite that you feel that the responsibilities are not what you expected when you signed up.

 

I took on a neighborhood job a few years ago and then resigned because it was way more work than represented to me. I think there were a few people who felt like I was a shirker but I didn’t feel guilty. It really wasn’t what I had signed up for.

[jelbe5]

There are several things I volunteer for. My feeling is this: I may put up with unpleasantries if I am getting paid, but I draw the line when it is for free. I derive great satisfaction from my volunteer positions. If that ends it will be time to step down. Don't feel guilty, especially if it is not what you initially thought it would be.

[swimmermom3]

I am with the previous posters on this one. Life is too short for this kind of stuff, if you don't think you will get much satisfaction out of doing the job.

[*Lulu*]

>snip<

Now I'm not one to back away from controversy when there is a moral issue at the core, but in this case it's petty desires and "my input wasn't asked" kind of stuff and I don't really want any part of it. But the chairperson is taking all the heat and I feel a bit loyal to her and don't want to desert her. But she is tough and can probably handle things without me.

 

Oh, and there were hurt feelings that I was asked and not some of the other more popular people. If I resign, my position would be open to one of the more "deserving" folk.

 

Do I have a good reason to resign? Or am I deserting those in need?

 

 

I think you have every right to resign. You are volunteering your time, not fufilling some contractual obligation.

 

If I am being totally honest though, I have to admit I wouldn't quit. I hate, hate, hate drama; especially the kind you detailed above. What I hate worse though is when people get their knickers in a twist and stomp thier little precious foot because they believe themselves to be one of the "deserving". Knowing this about myself I would probably stay just to tick off the darlings who would want to fill my place.

 

Whatever you choose to do, just be consistent with who you are and what you believe is right. That is really the best any of us can do.

[gardenmom5]

would resign - and let those who wanted me to do it know that the job was misrepresented and that's why I am resigning.

[Dandelion]

I think resigning would be fine based on what you've described. If this project were something really important, and things got controversial or heated, that would be one thing. But it doesn't sound like that's the case here.

 

Since your main hesitation seems to come from not wanting to desert the chairperson and leave her in a bind, I would just have an honest conversation with her. Tell her exactly what you've shared here. Don't let her talk you out of resigning (if that's truly what you want to do), but be open to working with her on the timing of your resignation so that she can line up a replacement before you leave, etc.

[LaxMom]

 

 

I think you have every right to resign. You are volunteering your time, not fufilling some contractual obligation.

 

If I am being totally honest though, I have to admit I wouldn't quit. I hate, hate, hate drama; especially the kind you detailed above. What I hate worse though is when people get their knickers in a twist and stomp thier little precious foot because they believe themselves to be one of the "deserving". Knowing this about myself I would probably stay just to tick off the darlings who would want to fill my place.

 

Whatever you choose to do, just be consistent with who you are and what you believe is right. That is really the best any of us can do.

 

Totally agree. Of course you can resign. I would stay just to not accidentally "reward" a foot stomper with the input she seems to think she so naturally deserves. Because I just have no patience for nonsense.

[LibraryLover]

I love to take on difficult causes...or I did. Yet all I am getting from your post are terrible flashbacks. A therapist friend swears I have PTSD from the experience.

 

My hurting self says, "Get out." And especially if it has to do with what is supposed to be your safe/happy place. (Church, yoga group, hs group, mahjong-- whatever it is, run if you can, unless it's something incredibly personal & important to you.)

[Miss Marple]

Thanks for all the advice and encouragement. And, LibraryLover, I laughed at your description because that's how I felt after I left our co-op a couple of years ago. It has taken me a couple of years to get over it all :p

 

I think I will talk with the person who asked me to be on the committee (not the chairperson) and see if he had a reason he chose me other than that he knows that I'm reasonable, not demanding, and my panties don't tend to twist :D . If he, indeed, wants me there for support of the chairperson, then I'll stay. But it is in a place that is one of my "safe/happy places" ala LibraryLover. Frankly, when these things happen, I get to know more about people and find I like them less. And, honestly, I would rather be naive about it all!

[Danestress]

I personally make it a rule in life that if I say I will do something, I will do it to completion. If it turns out to be harder, less fun, more demanding then I anticipated, too bad. I do what I say I will do and I don't cop out when they going gets tough.

 

But because I have this rule, I don't volunteer for much, lol. I hate leadership positions that require dealing with "hurt feelings" "not feeling listened too" etc. Hate it. And my personal time is precious to me.