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I feel awful - was I wrong?


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Here's the scenario. I got an inquiry asking if a book I had listed on another site was still available. I responded that it was still available, and gave the pertinent information. Over a day later there was no response and another person e-mailed about the same book. I waited till morning, still no response from person #1, so I e-mailed person #2 that it was still available. Person #2 immediately purchased it. I e-mailed person #1 and told her I was sorry but the book had since sold and I hoped she would be able to find another copy. A day later (today) I received an e-mail saying she was posting payment, and the next post was her payment! I e-mailed my apologies, a copy of the e-mail saying it had sold, told her what happened, and refunded her money. Now I feel awful, almost to the point of being sick.

 

I keep wondering if I should have e-mailed person #1 back and told her someone else was interested - but that seems pushy. I have, in fact, in the past e-mailed people back whose original inquiry said, "I want to buy ..." Then I never heard from them again, even if I sent a follow-up. I generally put something in my responses about letting me know either way what their decision is. Some people honor that request, most don't.

 

I completely understand that we cannot live on our computers and that life happens and you might not be able to get a timely response out. (We have a situation here that, truly, I understand not being able to respond in any reasonable length of time). But how does the seller know what is going on with the potential buyer?! They may have illness, an accident, unexpected company, some tragedy that's come upon them. Or they may have simply forgotten, or changed their minds, or found a better deal.

 

My family thinks I should just let this go - that this was a business transaction and the one who pays is the one who gets the item. In theory, I agree. In heart, I feel miserable. Maybe I should have been pushy and sent an e-mail that someone else was buying it (but I did that!!) or maybe I should have told person #2 that I had an inquiry over a day before...?

 

AARRGGHH!! What have you done in situations like this? What do you think? Was I wrong?

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I agree with your family -- let it go and I think you did an acceptable thing, handling it the way you did. It's not your job as a seller to go after a potential buyer. It's the buyer's job to BUY. If they haven't, and haven't shown any commitment to buy, then they have lost the opportunity if another buyer who DOES buy comes along, IMHO.

 

I think you handled it just fine!!

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I think you handled it well.

 

I'll admit that sometimes I need that kick of "Yoohoo, someone is interested, are you buying this or not?" but I certainly don't expect to get the extra email. And I don't blame a seller for not babysitting me.

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I agree with your family -- let it go and I think you did an acceptable thing, handling it the way you did. It's not your job as a seller to go after a potential buyer. It's the buyer's job to BUY. If they haven't, and haven't shown any commitment to buy, then they have lost the opportunity if another buyer who DOES buy comes along, IMHO.

 

I think you handled it just fine!!

:iagree:

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I think you handled it fine. I generally will tell person #2, I have someone else interested, if I don't hear back from them by ______(set time) this it is yours. Then I would e-mail person#1 back and have a set time to hear from them. "I can hold it for ____ (set time) and if I don't hear back I have an alternate buyer".

 

I've had someone do that to me in the purchase process, I was buyer #2, and I was fine with waiting.

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I agree with the others, let it go. But in the future when you sell books why not add a line to the listing that gives a time limit on receiving payment? You could even add that failure to pay within the time limit cancels the sale. Put that up front so there is no question, and then you won't 't have the stress and worry you are feeling right now.

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

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I agree with the others, let it go. But in the future when you sell books why not add a line to the listing that gives a time limit on receiving payment? You could even add that failure to pay within the time limit cancels the sale. Put that up front so there is no question, and then you won't 't have the stress and worry you are feeling right now.

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

 

This is excellent advice, but you still did the right thing given the situation. I cannot tell you how many times I've received an inquiry asking if the book is still available and then never heard another word. People leave themselves open for disappointment when they handle transactions in this way. You answered her question. If she wanted the book she should have said, "I want to purchase this book if it is still available. Please let me know how to pay, etc." Even when folks have sent emails like this, they have emailed back to say, "Sorry, I changed my mind." AAARRRGGGHHH!! This will definitely be a lesson for the lady you had to disappoint - she will know not to do that again.

 

This reminds me of Jane in Pride and Prejudice not making her love for Mr. Bingley more obvious. Charlotte was right. She needed to make her desire for him clear. Your original "buyer" should have been much more clear than, "Is this book still available?"

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This reminds me of Jane in Pride and Prejudice not making her love for Mr. Bingley more obvious. Charlotte was right. She needed to make her desire for him clear. Your original "buyer" should have been much more clear than, "Is this book still available?"

 

Great analogy and I totally agree. "is it available?" is simply asking the status of the item. "I would like to purchase it if it is still available" is something different altogether.

 

To the OP, just agreeing that you did nothing wrong. If I'm "hot" on an item for sale, I let the seller know. If I'm away from the computer for a day or so, it's not the seller's fault! :)

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I agree with the others, let it go. But in the future when you sell books why not add a line to the listing that gives a time limit on receiving payment? You could even add that failure to pay within the time limit cancels the sale. Put that up front so there is no question, and then you won't 't have the stress and worry you are feeling right now.

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

 

The seller stated that payment would be due immediately if we were interested in buying it. At first I thought it was pretty strict, but then I wondered if the person was just tired of buyers committing to something and then changing their minds or never completing the transaction?

 

Anyway, you handled it just fine. Lucinda's idea is good too, put your "rules" out there for the buyer to see. But you don't need to feel guilty.

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I think you handled it fine. I generally will tell person #2, I have someone else interested, if I don't hear back from them by ______(set time) this it is yours. Then I would e-mail person#1 back and have a set time to hear from them. "I can hold it for ____ (set time) and if I don't hear back I have an alternate buyer".

 

I've had someone do that to me in the purchase process, I was buyer #2, and I was fine with waiting.

:iagree: I've seen this done as well, and I have done that twice with things I've sold. That way everyone is clear.

 

I also agree with the statement that her inquiry was whether the book was available, and she never let you know that she did want to purchase it. You shouldn't feel guilty about that at all! Let it go! :001_smile:

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The seller stated that payment would be due immediately if we were interested in buying it. At first I thought it was pretty strict, but then I wondered if the person was just tired of buyers committing to something and then changing their minds or never completing the transaction?

 

Anyway, you handled it just fine. Lucinda's idea is good too, put your "rules" out there for the buyer to see. But you don't need to feel guilty.

 

:iagree:

 

I also saw on one seller's listing that, "Inquiries do not hold an item." I am going to borrow this line too.

 

I have also, as a buyer sent a pm to a seller requesting to purchase their items only never to get a pm back. :001_huh: Even if the seller was in the process of selling it to someone else (but in this situation, she updated her post saying some of the items I requested to buy were still available), I thought a courtesy pm would have been thoughtful. Am I way out of line to have expected some type of response?

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:iagree:

 

I also saw on one seller's listing that, "Inquiries do not hold an item." I am going to borrow this line too.

 

I have also, as a buyer sent a pm to a seller requesting to purchase their items only never to get a pm back. :001_huh: Even if the seller was in the process of selling it to someone else (but in this situation, she updated her post saying some of the items I requested to buy were still available), I thought a courtesy pm would have been thoughtful. Am I way out of line to have expected some type of response?

I would have pm'd her back just to make sure she got the pm. There are glitches, and weird things happen sometimes. If I've tried to pm 2 or 3 times and SITLL get no response, then I figure there is something wrong. I'd probably go to the place she's selling and updating the items and say I have pm'd you about these items, have you gotten those pm's?
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I would have pm'd her back just to make sure she got the pm. There are glitches, and weird things happen sometimes. If I've tried to pm 2 or 3 times and SITLL get no response, then I figure there is something wrong. I'd probably go to the place she's selling and updating the items and say I have pm'd you about these items, have you gotten those pm's?

 

That is good advice. It happened here. Maybe her box was full of pms. (Curious to know if one would get a return message saying the pm was undeliverable.) By the time I saw she had re-posted saying the item was still available, several others responded and the item was sold. How long do you wait before pming a second time?

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I personally think it's rude to inquire about it and then wait over 24 hours to respond back-and I feel that from a buyer's and a seller's pov. I won't even ask unless I'm seriously interested.

 

If I want something I know to check it that day and get it paid for asap. If you dink around you lose it. Seller's don't have time to wait for people.

 

If something came up that kept the buyer from responding that she couldn't help, I try and be empathetic to that, but again, it might be something a buyer just risks losing.

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I've had concern about getting in that same situation. I've had folks even from this board say they will pay me the next day and....well.....I never heard from them again. So, if a few days go by and no email, it goes to the first serious person! For all I know, the first person changed their mind and I'm trying to make some cash. I do take the time to email first person back, but after that, I'm free and clear.

 

So, I wouldn't think another thing about it!

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Just wanted to follow-up and say a big Thank You to everyone who responded! Your responses helped me to just "get over it." You also had some good advice that I will heed! It has also helped that person #1 e-mailed me back and, while she was disappointed at being too slow getting back to it as she said, she was not upset with me. Whew! God is good!

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