Jump to content

Menu

School - Helping to build character or Crushing innocence


MindfulMum
 Share

Recommended Posts

I was a little disturbed by an incident that happened yesterday at my daughters school. My 6 year old daughter (our first) attends school at one the areas best all girls private school and I afterschool on most days . We live in a suburb in Texas and hence made the decision to not go with the public school in our area. The private school is 45 minutes away from our home and the fees is high but my husband and always agreed on giving our children the best education we possibly could.

 

Okay so yesterday I picked her up at carpool and she told that an incident happened at recess that was on her mind all day after that. A bunch of girls from her class showed her a note with her name on it and it read "I hate your tiny little butt" and it was signed in the name of another girl in her class (lets call her AA). Now the bunch of girls asked my daughter to write a similar note back to the girl whose name was on the note. My daughter said she would not do that as its not the right thing to do (so proud of her).

 

So my daughter decided to not tell anyone else in her class about it and went back in after recess. But one of the girls from the bunch brought the note up in front of AA and AA denied writing it and my daughter said she believed her. Later in the day one of the girls from the bunch (lets call her BB) owned up to writing the note, said she was sorry and also that actually someone else asked her to do it.

 

Once I heard the entire episode I asked my daughter what she did with the note and if she told her teacher about it. My daughter said that she did not want anyone else to see the note and so she threw it and since BB had said sorry she did not want to do anything more about it. I still thought the matter had many concerning aspects and so I talked to the teacher about it and she said she would not take names but will discuss the matter with the class.

 

I know things like this happen and its not a big deal but when daughter was telling about the episode I could totally imagine her little face as she read and internalized the note and all the drama around it. I know she was embarrassed and sad for this to happen and also that it happened at the hands of her classmates who she trusts.

 

Learning that she cannot trust everybody is an important lesson but I felt that it took away a little bit of the child in her and that made me sad.

 

I am sorry if this is just a long vent but I wish schools and parents could truly inculcate the good values and the virtues which I think are the most important aspects of providing an education.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, hugs to you and your DD. I think that you can only do but so much for your kids and I really wonder what all goes into bullying, simply because its become so prolific and high profile now. I was bullied pretty badly as a child, but I didn't internalize it the way kids of today seem to be taking it. I am proud of your DD for behaving the way she did. Encourage her, tell her that sometimes we are tried morally by all sorts of people and in all places and that standing by her own moral code is sometimes the best thing (the only) thing that she can really do.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, I'm always mystified when people imply homeschoolers are doing our kids a disservice by failing to have them be socialized "properly" in classrooms. I was in my dd6's first grade classroom this morning, and the kids were so grabby and selfish and mean to each other during a small group activity I was running. They are nice to their friends, but really selfish and mean to their tablemates. It's really sad. Your dd did great. The nice kids at ps are nice because of how they have been taught at home, in spite of what happens in school - certainly not because of it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am so impressed with how your dd handled this situation. You should be really proud of her, (and I'm sure you are).

 

Unfortunately, this is exactly the sort of thing that happens when you put large groups of children together for long periods of time. Even under the best of supervision and with great values being constantly taught and modeled, children are going to make poor choices and bad judgments. It is one of the biggest reasons that I homeschool my children. I do think that in this particular instance, there was some character building. I sounds like your daughter taught the others a thing or two, which I am so impressed with. But we can all see how it could have ended up really, really bad, and I am not confident that my kids could get through that without being completely crushed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Kudos and hugs to your dd. My oldest has always attended a very good private school. She will graduate this year. When she was in kinder, a boy in her class stuck his hand up her skirt during a period of free time. She was pretty disturbed by it, and I addressed it with the school personnel, who did address it appropriately with the boy. But my 5 year old could not "unhave" that experience. She still remembers it and will talk about it. She is now 17 so that says something about the impact of the experience. Private schools have many of the same issues as public schools, IME.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I appreciate all of the comments, hugs, support and advice. All of the suggestions make sense and I will surely be re-reading the "have you filled your bucket" book this weekend - we read it a few months ago but this would be good time to revisit.

 

All of your comments really provide me with a good perspective on the issue as I really don't want to make too much about it but at the same time there was something about the episode that hurt so thank you for understanding.

.

These forums are my go to place (husband and friends actually come next) when I need help - thank you for your support.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ditto to PPs. You should also make sure you tell your daughter that because of the smart and grown-up way she acted, the other girls' bullying didn't work. They likely won't be doing it again if they don't get the reaction they wanted!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have a son in public school who is in 2nd grade, and have not heard of anything like this. They have got a bullying prevention program though and it seems good.

 

I would talk to the teacher tomorrow, I don't think this is acceptable.

 

Hopefully you will like the teacher's response.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well your daughter doesn't need to build character but everyone else involved does.

 

I wouldn't tell the teacher unless your daughter agrees - if it were a safety issue it would be different bit in this case maintaining your daughters trust is more important.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...