Lizzie in Ma Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Here is one of my favorites. You've heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves. My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else’s thighs. It was just that quick. The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans. And then the thieves struck again. My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear-end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new butt was attached at least three inches lower than my original! I realized I’d have to give up my jeans in favor of long skirts. Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arm swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary - my body was being replaced one section at a time. What could they do to me next? When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell my story. Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee! Those 'plastic' surgeons are using REAL replacement body parts -stolen from you and me! The next time someone you know has something 'lifted', look again - was it lifted from you? THIS IS NOT A HOAX. This is happening to women everywhere every night. WARN YOUR FRIENDS! P.S. Last year I thought some one had stolen my B**bs. I was lying in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 :lol: OMG they've been to my house too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brindee Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 :lol: :lol: Too funny! Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DIY-DY Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 P.S. Last year I thought some one had stolen my B**bs. I was lying in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband. I almost dropped the baby from my lap! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brigitte Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 :lol::lol: Now I know what's happening! I was blaming it on turning 40 last fall and dh's schedule not allowing me to run anymore. Glad to know it has all been out of my control the whole time. No more guilt! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GreenKitty Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 LOL..aw Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickenpatty Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 ROFL!! That last part was the best! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickenpatty Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 GreenKitty, you're going to have to change your avatar, or else I'll have to block posts written by you. I am really craving ice cream right now, thanks to you. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kimber Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Today was one of those days where I could have wept. You pushed me over the edge, but it was the right kind of tears. I laughed till I cried. Thank you soooooooo much! Kimberly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 That's killing me!!!:lol::lol::lol: I am emailing this to my friends!! They have to be warned...:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetTN Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 :lol::lol::lol: Here I sit laughing with tears running down my face and dh thinking I have totally lost it. :lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted August 1, 2008 Author Share Posted August 1, 2008 :lol: OMG they've been to my house too! Scary isn't it?:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laughing lioness Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Didn't Irma Bombeck write this? Comic genius! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 :lol::lol: This explains so much! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sdWTMer Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Oh.My.Word. That is soooooo funny! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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