Is being able to find anything a gender-specific trait?

[RoughCollie]

Four males reside here, as do two females. The females never lose anything and are frequently called on to find everything for the males.

 

Where's the __________? On the kitchen counter, I reply. It's not here. Look again, I reply. No, it's really not here, Mom. Look more carefully. It's to the right of the stove. No it's not, Mom. (Yes it is, I found it.)

 

Where's my tie (shoes, belt, math book...) I have to have it now or we'll be late for school. (I quit biting and started letting them be late, which didn't help with finding the ties, but did help my mood. They get detention or silent lunch at school for being late.)

 

Where's my DS? Where's my Clubhouse game? Where's my pencil? Where's the remote? Where's my head? (Oops, I mean head-phones.) Mom... Mom... Mom... MooooooooooooooooooM.

 

From DH: Where is my suitcase? It's in plain view in the basement. I can't find it; it's not there. Look again, I put it there myself. It's not there; what did you do with it? The light is burned out down there, so why don't you replace the bulb and look again? That might help.

 

From DH: I left it in the middle of the bedroom floor last time I took a trip (5 months ago). Why did you move it? (I do not respond to this silly question.)

 

Next morning at the crack of dawn: Wake up, Sweetie. Yes?, I growl (I know this is about the suitcase AGAIN). I still can't find my suitcase, Sweetie. Basement, I growl. It's not there, Sweetie. Too bad. And quit calling me Sweetie!

 

I can't go back to sleep because I am irritated, so I go downstairs to sit in the den. I hear the hall closet door opening. Then silence. I call out, Sweetie, are you emptying your workout bag onto the foyer floor? Silence. If you are, I am not cleaning it up and the dog will eat your safety glasses again. Silence. There are at least 4 duffle bags in the basement in plain view that you can use -- they are already empty. The closet door closes. The basement door opens. Tromp, tromp, up and down. I hear no more so I drop the subject.

 

After DH leaves, I go to the basement. I stand at the bottom of the stairs. There's his suitcase, in plain sight! No mistaking it for a moose or a Jeep or anything else. It's definitely his suitcase.

 

So what do you do about this, besides let natural consequences fall where they may? I've given up jumping up to find every little thing, as you can tell. We've been in natural consequences mode for months.

 

Any suggestions, or is this happening because the defendants are males?

 

Thanks,

RC

[Miss Marple]

I've always told my 5 fellas that testosterone causes blindness!

CynthiaOK

[j.griff]

Nope, not gender specific, though I believe it is hereditary. :)

My 13yod can't find things, though I believe that has more to do with her head being "in the clouds" than just an inability to "see" things.

I have a hard time finding things when I am stressed/in a hurry/etc.

[Crissy]

Some time ago Miz Booshay asked on her blog which woman in history her readers identified with.

My answer was Sacagawea, because I am always finding, for the men in my life, those things they cannot locate on their own. ;)

 

I was surprised how many other commenters felt the same way. I had thought losing keys, phones, shoes, coats, etc. was unique to the T. men of the world.

[j.griff]

Okay, I know I've read about studies showing that stress impairs thinking. All I'm finding on google right now is a link to bipolar disorder :/

Feeling rushed, feeling like you HAVE to find x NOW because if you don't you'll be late and being late is bad because xyz- that is stressful. Being distracted by a million things running through your mind at once (I need to leave at x, I need to pack x y and z for a b and c activities, I need to get up at x and I need to...) can cause you to just not see something that's right in front of you. It has absolutely nothing to do with gender. :)

[Cindy in FL.]

I always love it when dh stands in front of the open fridge and asks if we have any ketchup, for example. I think it's a pretty small area to search.... I believe that he just opens the door and asks without even looking first. It's a big joke around here!

 

I'm the only female in my household of 6, so I can really relate.

 

Cindy

[Janna]

It's not gender specific in my house.

 

Dh can find anything. Anything. And he prides himself on it. To be blunt, I have stopped trying to find things for the dc when they lose something because I know dh will find it faster and easier (if he doesn't already know off the top of his head) than I. It's pathetic, really. Makes me doubt my womanhood and ability to be a good Mom, lol.

 

I will say though, that of my dc, my dd can find things much easier and faster than my ds. However, we trained her how to look, whereas we haven't really done that as well with ds.

[mcconnellboys]

I not only allow for natural consequences, I actively promote them, LOL....

 

And I'm not above forcing them to stand in front of the counter, cabinet, etc. until they CAN see the missing object. Since it's their impatience that causes the blindness, the threat that they'll be further waylaid seems to work almost every time to cure them!

 

And further, when no one knows how something got where it is (out of place), who made the mess, etc. they ALL (including dh, who is just as often the culprit) stand in front of me until they can remember who did it and take care of it..... To heck with that business of always pawning clean up off on me, I'm SO done with that.....

 

Regena

[DIY-DY]

DS7: Do you think all women have MomVision?

DS9: Nah, I think you have to be a Mom before it kicks in.

DS7: So, when I get married...?

DS9: Yep, you're going to have to wait for kids before she'll be able to help you find everything.

 

Heh. Not long after that, I let them in on a little secret that Dads have it, too. But, considering I get up in the morning to help DH find his wallet, glasses, keys, and base ID, I don't think they believed me. (It was worth a try, though.)

[Adrianne]

I am living with 4 guys here and all but my ds5, who is very good at finding things, have testosterone blindness.

 

Your post sounds soooooo familiar to me! I am glad I am not the only one who lives this life.

 

I will cook a meal before I go out, put it in a plastic container and tell hubby I made dinner for him and the kids. I come home to find out my work was in vain. He says, oh we had hot dogs (which he could find in the disorganized freezer) because we could not find the thing you made.:mad: Excuses! Excuses! (he just wanted an excuse to make hot dogs).

 

Adrianne ;)

[Paz]

At my house it seems that the women are always finding things the men have lost that are right in front of their eyes. LOL! But my dd is the very best at finding anything. When she was 6 or 7 years old we'd ask her where is ______? She say something like, "In the bedroom, behind the chair and under the red book." That specific! To this day she is our go to person. She knows where just about anything is in our house. And if you saw our house, you'd be amazed at her gift! It's not a disaster but it can get cluttered.

[Kelli in TN]

Wasn't it Roseanne who talked about this in her standup routine back in the 80's/90's? I believe the punch line was something like "The uterus is NOT a homing device!!!" or something like that!:D

 

Yes, it works out that way here too.

 

Dh "Honey, where is _____________?"

Me "Where all have you looked?"

Dh "I haven't looked, I thought you would just know."

 

Thud.

[RoughCollie]

I'm going to use that line from now on. Thanks!

 

 

Wasn't it Roseanne who talked about this in her standup routine back in the 80's/90's? I believe the punch line was something like "The uterus is NOT a homing device!!!" or something like that!:D

[unsinkable]

"Did you man-look for it or woman-look for it?"

 

That's what we (woman) say in our house when someone (male) can't find something.

 

unsinkable

[RoughCollie]

I've had that happen so often that I don't make dinner before I go out any more.

 

I will cook a meal before I go out, put it in a plastic container and tell hubby I made dinner for him and the kids. I come home to find out my work was in vain. He says, oh we had hot dogs (which he could find in the disorganized freezer) because we could not find the thing you made.:mad: Excuses! Excuses! (he just wanted an excuse to make hot dogs).

 

Adrianne ;)

[JennifersLost]

that studies show women analyze a room visually differently than men do and DO have the ability to find things faster because of that. Something about how men focus on one thing at a time while women see the "whole room."

 

But I think that was in the context of someone else's summary of studies they've seen, so who knows if it's true or not. I've heard just about every woman I know say it more than once, though.

[Lady Katherine]

I don't know. Everyone in our house are equal-opportunity airheads sometimes.

[Plaid Dad]

that studies show women analyze a room visually differently than men do and DO have the ability to find things faster because of that. Something about how men focus on one thing at a time while women see the "whole room."

 

I have heard this, too. That said, my dd can't seem to see big, honkin' obvious stuff, and I am the go-to guy in our house for finding misplaced objects. I have a very strong visual-spatial orientation, though, and I'm the person who is in charge of decluttering and organizing our stuff, while dd is in charge of making messes. :rolleyes:

 

Edited to add: It is true that what I see as (for example) "a clean bathroom" is not what my wife sees. There are details I overlook that drive her crazy - like water stains on the faucets. Go figure.

[cin]

SO not gender specific. My 6 yr old daughter can walk OVER the shoes she is looking for.

 

My favorite story about her dizzyness...I opened the windows in our bedroom and our door slammed shut. I asked her to go open the door, and put on of daddy's shoes in front of it (so it wouldn't slam....and this is NOT a new thing in our house!) She goes upstairs and comes down, wandering around the kitchen with my husband's gymshoe in her hand.:rolleyes: DH says there is NO WAY she is driving until she is at least 20, and able to pay for her own insurance.

[Cindy in FL.]

I can actually get a new piece of furniture and my husband won't even notice it. I got a rocking chair once and was actually sitting in it when he came home and he did NOT notice it. I had to point it out to him later.

 

Cindy

[Danestress]

I am terrible about losing things and my husband is not. He's also better about remember dates, appointments, names etc. Finding things and keeping track of things is not one of my strengths, and it adds a huge amount of stress to my life.

 

However, I think a certain amount of the "do we have milk" as one stares into the fridge containing 3 gallons on the bottom shelf where they always are stored, is laziness. Really. I don't care about what the research says. If you ask your wife "do we have milk" without having really looked first, it's arguably because you are lazy and want her to do the tedious "looking around" work.

 

soooooooo I refuse to indulge. My standard response for this kind of things is "Scan!" meaning ..."Scan the fridge and see for yourself if we have milk."

 

I do think my husband and sons would love it if I would become the "finder of all things." Not because they actually lose things that much - I'm the master of that! - but because they could save time not having to really look. I won't do it, and consequently I think they are reasonably good at finding things themselves. I'm sure it's true that women and men's brains perform that function differently, but I won't jump up and find things for them when I am pretty sure they haven't really really looked.

[Mom2legomaniacs]

It is in this house. I am the only female also known as the finder of lost things. Things could jump out, smack any of the males in this house in the head, and they still would have trouble finding those things! However, in my dad's house, I think it is the opposite. His wife can't find anything and dad is really anal (putting it mildly).

But then, my FIL would lose his head if it were not attached. And we swear sometimes that that isn't even a given!

[JFSinIL]

will write something on the grocery list 'We are out of mustard!" rather than walk across the dining room to open the large extra pantry where we keep huge stocks of supplies to see if there is any of the 'out of" item. This is the same man who will open a piece of mail, set it down in the middle of the dining room table (where we eat, do school, etc.) and expect to find it still there weeks later.

[JFSinIL]

things are never missing. We (us wimmun!) HIDE them!

 

"Hey, where (to a kid) did Mom hide the #$%^&*"???

[JFSinIL]

to reach 100.

[Carol in Cal.]

.nt

[RoughCollie]

We have a year's supply of mustard and catsup, thanks to the males in this family thinking we are out of both. At least once a week, I have to escort someone to the pantry to point out its function.

 

Where did your mother hide the _________ is a frequent question around here, too.

 

will write something on the grocery list 'We are out of mustard!" rather than walk across the dining room to open the large extra pantry where we keep huge stocks of supplies to see if there is any of the 'out of" item. This is the same man who will open a piece of mail, set it down in the middle of the dining room table (where we eat, do school, etc.) and expect to find it still there weeks later.