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Do you allow your daughter(s) to wear bikinis? (Poll)


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Bikinis  

579 members have voted

  1. 1. Do you allow your daughter(s) to wear a bikini?

    • Yes, why wouldn't I?
      96
    • Yes, but with reservations. (explain)
      52
    • No, definitely not. (explain)
      148
    • Depends on where we are. (explain)
      13
    • We allow the 'tankini' but no bikinis.
      270
    • We don't believe in swimming.
      1
    • The obligatory 'other'. (explain)
      25


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I have a question for people who will not let their kids wear bikinis..

 

Do you live by a body of water/have a pool?

 

We're in the pool every day it's sunny, and when I didn't have a pool, we were at the lake every sunny day. It's normal for us to get 5 swim suits per kid every summer. We also go to the shore all the time.

 

I think if I lived at the shore (that's NJ for beach) it'd be different, but in a better way. :D

 

Yes, we live not far from the lake, on the river actually. The kids are at the Y, three or more days a week for the competition pool year round. Two train with a coach. We enjoy swimming, boating, fishing, and water sports whenever the weather allows. My kids also love the beach. We are all blonde with blue eyes, and everyone in the family wears rash guards unless swimming for team. The suits underneath vary by child, but none are bikinis. :)

 

How do you manage anything but sunbathing in a bikini? I don't think you could get one that would stay on any of my girls and be comfortable.

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If that is the case, how do you explain this earlier post...

 

Teen bodies are gorgeous, who can resist looking at a toned teen when they are barely covered? No man I know.

 

 

I stand by my comment that most men will notice a toned, attractive teen in a skimpy bikini. Period. I did not say they will all excuse themselves to the bathroom or be unable to control themselves, I said they will notice ("look" is the word I used) and I meant that most men will most likely find them sexually attractive. That is human nature. Women with curves, especially young, fertile women who are showing much of their bodies, are sexually attractive to most men. That is how biology designed it. To think that only pigs or perverts will notice and most likely be sexually attracted to a young, fit, attractive woman with most of her naked body showing is naive.

 

I think I've explained myself quite enough, thank you. :confused1: Do I really need to keep further clarifying?

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All of this talk of pedophiles and men looking at teenage girls and girls looking for attention is exciting and polarizing and that's why it gets all of the posts and talk. But you can't control the thoughts and actions of the people around you. You can't stop people who want to think about s*x from thinking about it, even with kids. The kids who get kidnapped by pedophiles aren't the ones walking around in bikinis at the beach, they are kids walking home from school in regular clothes, they are the kids walking around their neighborhood or playing in their front yard. If pedophiles and perverts are your fear, you are better off watching your children closely, talking to them about how to deal with strangers, and being involved in their lives, not worrying about what they wear.

 

Skimpy clothes (and a bikini is skimpy, no matter how you look at it) lead to self-objectification and body shame. I posted about this earlier in the thread and it was ignored by pretty much all because arguing about s*x and how all of us women have to protect men from themselves is more thrilling. But self-objectification and body shame is a real issue for women, and young women too. Why do girls become anorexic? Why do girls go around wearing baggy clothing to hide every line of their bodies? Why do girls think they need to walk around in short skirts and low-cut tops? Because they have a skewed sense of their own self worth, caused by society and ourselves. Yes, women's bodies are overly-sexualized. And as parents we encourage that by buying skimpy clothing for them. That is us telling them from a young age that they should think about how their body parts are displayed. When their bodies are bare or nearly-bare they are constantly examining them for flaws and comparing them to others, including airbrushed and perfect media images. And they often, very often, find themselves lacking.

 

I'm sure there are any number of people who will disagree with what I say or who would rather discuss sensationalized s*xual situations. But this is a real, quantifiable issue. If you are interested at all about this issue, simply google "body shame and objectification" or read articles like this one: http://link.springer...?LI=true#page-1. There are scholarly, academic studies and articles on self-objectification and body shame that discuss the link to the wearing of revealing clothing.

 

I'm not even religious. For me modesty is about helping my daughter value herself more and, hopefully, not fall as prey to the objectification of our culture. It's bad enough that other people objectify girls, I'm not going to give her any help with self-objectification and body shame by dressing her in clothes that draw attention to her possible strengths and flaws before she is psychologically and developmentally ready to understand it all.

 

Please note that I am not accusing other parents of purposely objectifying their children, I think all of this is just something that people aren't aware of how much it affects our children, and that is why I am posting about it. It is only through awareness that we can make fully-informed decisions for our children.

 

I totally agree with all of this. I made a mistake (big, huge mistake) on focusing how others (MAY) perceive attractive young women in bikinis (big, huge, huge mistake on my part) when in reality, I totally agree with you that the issue is so much bigger and more complex than just that.

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Yeah I am guessing my husband looks, but he is not super obvious about it. I look probably more than he does. I'm a definite people watcher. Not because I am lusting over everyone either.

 

I will have to raise my hand on this one and say paint me guilty too. I am most guilty of looking at other woman. the other day at the beach I saw a woman in the cutest bikini. It was the first time I saw a bikini on a supper skinny person that was flattering and I was examining the bikini closely imagining myself wearing it. I nearly went over and asked her where she bought it, but realised I Had been staring at her for a full minute and without intending to. :o Honestly was looking at the bikini not her body.

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I voted yes with reservations. It depends on the style. Right now dd has a strawberry shortcake 1 piece and a Winnie the Pooh tankini, if they still fit she will be wearing them again. Seen a swimsuit at kmart a few days ago that made my stomach churn (said suit is for toddlers) it was a "one piece" as in like the top and bottom are connected with a lady bug patch. The back was down way too far (like hiney hanging low). Also seen some string bikinis for toddlers too, wondering if/ when I will see toddler thongs.

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Opening statement: I realize that this may be a sensitive topic for some and I promise that it's not my intent to offend anyone. I am coming here and seeking the input of you ladies because my daughter is beginning to question my 'no bikinis' rule and it's making me doubt myself and wonder if I am being too strict.

 

So, now I'm honestly curious to see if I'm the only one with a 'no bikinis' rule.

 

 

My daughter is more modest than I am, and is quite...developed! So while she wears them sometimes, she prefers a more covered look.

 

So, no rules.

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I'm curious. If you make a rule that your dd cannot expose her stomach, do you have a similar rule for you ds? Or does modesty only apply to girls.

 

My dd prefers to wear a rash guard mostly for sun protection, but also because of her own views on modesty. Younger ds wears a rash guard for sun protection too.

 

 

Yes. Our son wears rashguards and board shorts while swimming or a think t-shirt.

 

 

I have a question for people who will not let their kids wear bikinis..

 

Do you live by a body of water/have a pool?

 

We're in the pool every day it's sunny, and when I didn't have a pool, we were at the lake every sunny day. It's normal for us to get 5 swim suits per kid every summer. We also go to the shore all the time.

 

I think if I lived at the shore (that's NJ for beach) it'd be different, but in a better way. :D

 

 

Yes, we frequently go swimming at a local lake or at the local pool.

 

 

I suddenly feel like I should add a bunch of qualifiers to my answers to make it clear that my "tankini but not bikini" answer does not mean I am an uptight, tongue-clucking, body-shaming member of the modesty police. But I don't care enough about bikinis one way or the other to spend any more time explaining my position. Wear them. Don't wear them. Let your girls wear them or not. Why does this decision have to be so contentious?

 

 

So because some don't approve of bikinis, we are uptight and ashamed of bodies? Wow, way to wave that broad brush.

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Yes, we live not far from the lake, on the river actually. The kids are at the Y, three or more days a week for the competition pool year round. Two train with a coach. We enjoy swimming, boating, fishing, and water sports whenever the weather allows. My kids also love the beach. We are all blonde with blue eyes, and everyone in the family wears rash guards unless swimming for team. The suits underneath vary by child, but none are bikinis. :)

 

How do you manage anything but sunbathing in a bikini? I don't think you could get one that would stay on any of my girls and be comfortable.

 

 

Because the question was do I allow my girls to wear them.

 

Yes.

 

Do they wear them all the time?No

Do they wear string bikinis? No

Do they wear the skimpiest bikinis ever? No

 

but when you talk bikinis, people just automatically assume that you mean something by Victoria's Secret.

 

And funny about the modesty, is that *I* was the person getting slammed over what a person should wear to church, that you should dress modestly.

 

Wear a bikini swimming? You're setting your girls up to be oogled and have self loathing issues.

 

There is a time and place for everything.

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Here's my issue. I have always purchased Speedo tankinis at Costco. They were cheap and in my opinion modest. When she grew from a size 6x to a size 7, the side of the bottoms shrunk from three inches to one inch. Why in the world would that be necessary? There's no reason a seven year old needs to show more hip skin. So we went back to one pieces. She is long in the torso but we've been able to find seven or eight suits that fit (she's on the swim team and swims at our family's pond all summer).

 

For the record, a one piece can be just as provocative as a bikini. Like this one.

 

I know lots of men who wouldn't dream of ogling a teen in a bikini. But there are lots of men who see a girl in a bikini and think she's dressing in that way to get attention. And lets be honest, a lot of women who dress in teeny tiny bikinis do just want the attention. I did when I was a teenager.

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Because the question was do I allow my girls to wear them.

 

Yes.

 

Do they wear them all the time?No

Do they wear string bikinis? No

Do they wear the skimpiest bikinis ever? No

 

but when you talk bikinis, people just automatically assume that you mean something by Victoria's Secret.

 

And funny about the modesty, is that *I* was the person getting slammed over what a person should wear to church, that you should dress modestly.

 

Wear a bikini swimming? You're setting your girls up to be oogled and have self loathing issues.

 

There is a time and place for everything.

 

Thank you for clarifying your comments for me. It isn't so much a modest issue here, more a practical application type thing. ;)

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Yes, we live not far from the lake, on the river actually. The kids are at the Y, three or more days a week for the competition pool year round. Two train with a coach. We enjoy swimming, boating, fishing, and water sports whenever the weather allows. My kids also love the beach. We are all blonde with blue eyes, and everyone in the family wears rash guards unless swimming for team. The suits underneath vary by child, but none are bikinis. :)

 

How do you manage anything but sunbathing in a bikini? I don't think you could get one that would stay on any of my girls and be comfortable.

 

 

We live at the lake in the summer. My girls wear bikinis. They mostly are just sunbathing and relaxing in the water. For tubing they usually put on a long sleeved rash guard to help protect their skin from rubbing off. We ski a good deal. There has never been a problem with a suit staying on. They dive off the dock a good deal too, and it hasn't been a problem.

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Here almost all girls and women wear bikinis (not me). There's a belief that we will get sick/chilled if we're lounging in a wet one piece. We change swimsuits after every dip in the sea (especially bottoms, for sanitary reasons). Bikinis are just plain easier. DD has at least three or four suits a season.

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We allow full coverage bikinis, meaning that they must completely cover the rear and require little to no maintence of the bikini line. The top must be one that provide full support, more like a bra than a tiny tiangle piece of cloth. Anytime they have to wear a swimsuit where bikinis are not allowed they were t-shirts over their suits. As a matter of fact, they do this most of the time anyway.

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I stand by my comment that most men will notice a toned, attractive teen in a skimpy bikini. Period. I did not say they will all excuse themselves to the bathroom or be unable to control themselves, I said they will notice ("look" is the word I used) and I meant that most men will most likely find them sexually attractive. That is human nature. Women with curves, especially young, fertile women who are showing much of their bodies, are sexually attractive to most men. That is how biology designed it. To think that only pigs or perverts will notice and most likely be sexually attracted to a young, fit, attractive woman with most of her naked body showing is naive.

 

I think I've explained myself quite enough, thank you. :confused1: Do I really need to keep further clarifying?

 

 

Well said. I completely agree. And no, you do not! Sheesh.

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Sure my husband looks...that certainly doesn't mean there is anything malicious or lustfull about it. I look too. We have eyeballs and use them, it is as simple as that. I wouldn't prevent my daughter from wearing something she is comfortable wearing just b/c someone might *gasp* LOOK at her. Nothing like teaching her to be ashamed of her body b/c of other peoples' actions. People would most likely still look at her, even fully clothed. I get looks at the grocery store in my sweats!! As a PP pointed out, if someone is looking in a malicious way, it really wouldn't matter what the person they are looking at is wearing.

 

 

Hey! I have eyeballs too! What a coincidence we should meet here. :)

 

A pedophile is a pedophile. A bikini isn't going to accelerate him in any way.

 

We do rash guard here as much as possible because the sublocks that are the most effective for us are horrible for the water system. And my kids hate sublock. At home in our pool, they are usually naked. I didn't see that option in the poll.

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I voted "It depends on where we are.". My dd is 11 but has developed really early. I am much more concerned about covering her chest than her stomach at this point. We have a pool, and she prefers bikinis. I allow bikinis at home when we are alone, with girlfriends, and with family. I require a one piece or tankini when we are at a church function or mixed party with boys and girls that are preteens/teens. I am not at all concerned about the grown men that she will be around. Most of these men would be family or her friends' fathers who are not at all concerned with what she is wearing. I am more cautious around teens because I have an 11 year old in a 16 year old's body. Most of my friends follow the same guidelines, so it works well. She doesn't like tht she can't wear her bikini, but no one else is wearing one either.

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Well, I voted before reading the thread....but thought I should answer anyways. We wear board shorts and rash guards when outside for a mixture of modesty and safety. I have a history of skin cancer and would like to protect my children as much as possible from that, as well as limit the amount of sunscreen I have to put on them. Also, my grandparents had a pool, and no bikinis were allowed. I never really thought of it until my children were a few years old, but I don't like the way bikinis look on children. During the winter when swimming at the indoor pool they wear tankinis. Both DDs have a longer torso, so I usually buy them seperately, so I can buy a larger size for the top than bottom.

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I voted tankinis only, but one year when we oldest DD was 3 1/2 we were on vacation towards the end of the summer and I needed to replace her suit on very short notice. The only thing I could find in her size after checking several stores was a Strawberry Shortcake bikini. It was a little girl style (tank top with wide straps & a ruffled skirt) and not at all provocative. I wasn't thrilled about how it showed her tummy, but I wasn't about to forbid her from swimming during the rest of our trip on account of that.

 

Now that she is 10 and going through puberty, I would choose no swimming if I couldn't find a suitably modest suit.

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No, we don't allow it, but it's because of the Queensland sun. We all wear rashguards- longsleeved or short, whatever I can find that's affordable and has broad spectrum UV protection and either regular bikini bottoms or boardies. Our wimpy American skin cant take a UV Index of 15 otherwise and we would all fry in anything less. Plus, we have family history of skin cancer. So it's a health thing, not a modesty thing.

 

Although, I will say that I generally think little girls in any kind of swimsuit that is cut for breasts before they actually have them, making the fabric hang weird, just look silly to me.

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Guest inoubliable

 

 

A pedophile is a pedophile. A bikini isn't going to accelerate him in any way.

 

 

 

That's a whole lotta sense you're talking there...

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I didn't vote because I have boys. My parents woundn't let me wear bikini as a teen. I've worn one all of my adult life except when pregnant. My guys are young adult and teen now and I don't wear my swimsuit around them. They don't want to see their mom half naked LOL My dh loves me in a bikini and buys me one every spring LOL. I'm 43 wondering when he will think i'm to old for one LOL. We have a great relationship and early on my boys when they hit their teen would tell me how difficult it was not to have lustful toughts about the girls. I know many teen girls just don't get whats going on in guys minds. I don't have a daughter so its just hypothetical but I would talk to her and let her know how guys think. I would bet she would make the right decision to wear something more modest. THe girls want the guys attention thats the reason for the small suits LOL. I just know as a teen I just wanted to be sexy and pretty but was the only one in the modest suit. I didn't get it and thought my parents were mean. WHen these issues come up it just makes me so glad God gave me boys to raise. You never hear conversations or debate about boys clothe choices

 

This reminds me of the women I saw at the pool when vacationing last spring. They were 65, if they were a day and heavier than pudgy - if you get my drift. Both in bikinis. One had a white button-up shirt (open) for a coverup and the other had shirts. I thought they were great.

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How do you manage anything but sunbathing in a bikini? I don't think you could get one that would stay on any of my girls and be comfortable.

 

Must be the cuts. I've never worn anything but a bikini (even being slightly pudgy now) and never had a problem swimming, diving, jumping in one. But I tend to wear the types that Mrs. Mungo linked a page or two back. The ones with full coverage of both bum and boob.

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I stand by my comment that most men will notice a toned, attractive teen in a skimpy bikini. Period. I did not say they will all excuse themselves to the bathroom or be unable to control themselves, I said they will notice ("look" is the word I used) and I meant that most men will most likely find them sexually attractive. That is human nature. Women with curves, especially young, fertile women who are showing much of their bodies, are sexually attractive to most men. That is how biology designed it. To think that only pigs or perverts will notice and most likely be sexually attracted to a young, fit, attractive woman with most of her naked body showing is naive.

 

I think I've explained myself quite enough, thank you. :confused1: Do I really need to keep further clarifying?

 

To be quite honest, working more than half my adult life with a quite a number of men, single and married, most men will notice anything with a pulse. It doesn't matter what she is wearing. And no, it doesn't mean they are all perverts. But it looks like jail-bait, they don't notice for long. Mostly though, after about age 25 or so they mostly look within their age group. It was always the rookies looking at the younger girls.

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Skipping over the discussion about pedophiles and normal men. I'm just explaining my answer.

 

We have a pool in our backyard and swim in it daily. When we are swimming as a family, the girls can wear bikinis. When we have friends over, the girls wear their tankini.

 

I grew up in a very uptight family and I was very uptight about my body after we got married. I want them to understand that when the time is right it's ok to show it off.

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I'm brown and from the islands - bikinis are the norm for our family and circle of friends.

 

Not all bikinis are created skimpy, and we do bikinis but not skimpy :)

 

We've lived on the mainland and found that even our every day wear tends to appear immodest to the locals.

 

Different geography, different cultures = different ideas of modesty, I guess!

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  • 3 weeks later...

I voted other. That is because the girls never wanted to wear bikinis. We have lived twice so far in a house with a pool, including our house now. One of those times, we lived on an island between the Atlantic Ocean and an estuary river. They also walked to the ocean beach. WHen we were living there is when they decided to get rash guards and board shorts. It was for sun protection, mostly, Then we moved to an area where they both started diving for a dive team and the younger also joined a swim team. At that point they got speedos but still mostly wore the rash guards and board shorts. They helped protect their skin from the water when they were diving. OLder dd is grown and still doesn't want to wear bikinies. Younger also has no desire. She did get a tankini last year for a youth beach trip but normally prefers to wear her Speedos along with the rash guards and board shorts. She even wears them in the indoor pool where she dives during the school year because it provides better protection from getting hurt with diving.

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My daughters are currently 14 and 18, and neither of them will even wear sleeveless tops, and definitely no bathing suits at all, even though I have never forbidden it. Actually, I wear sleeveless tops myself, and have offered to buy them bathing suits, so they didn't get it from me. They say they would "feel naked." :-)

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I voted no bikinis for two reasons. My youngest dds would be very uncomfortable showing that much skin -- they are 8 and 9 and are quite a bit more modesty-minded than I am. They often don't even like to wear sleeveless shirts and shorts and I won't encourage them to wear something they're not comfortable with. Reason #2: my teenage boys are uncomfortable with other girls showing too much skin. We're about to move to a house with an in-ground pool and there will be a dress code for anyone who wants to come and swim.

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My dds never wanted to wear one, so no question has arisen over the teeny bikini. We actually like tankinis, though, because they're easier at bathroom break time. Rash guards, definitely, for long sun days and canoeing, where it's easy to forget you need sun protection if the waterway seems shady.

 

I have a fb friend who often posts pics of her teen dds in their teeny bikinis, posed shots. Kinda gives me the willies. The girls are beautiful, but so..... exposed, kwim?

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I have three daughters...right now, they all pretty much wear one-pieces. We tried the tankini with our oldest, but it really does not suit her body type... tried one that had the cute boy-shorts, but those just look awful on a girl with any type of curve. Middle dd looks adorable in a tankini, but one-pieces tend to be too big...until they are too small (she's tall and extremely thin). My 4yo is wearing whatever we have available. My oldest dd has no interest in wearing a teeny-tiny bikini, and she's pretty self-conscious, so I don't think she ever would. She wants to wear something she can swim comfortably (and fast) in.

 

IMO, a girl can look more "immodest" in a suit that doesn't fit her body-type well than in a properly-fitted two-piece.

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Both of my daughters wear bikinis and both will continue to wear whatever THEY feel comfortable in. My only rule about clothing in general was "no obvious private areas exposed". Bikinis, when worn properly and fit properly, do not expose.

 

And, all I'm going to say on the issue of men oogling women? You do realize there is not a single shred of evidence that proves a girl in a bikini is getting eyeballed more than a girl in a tankini right? In fact, the evidence suggests that the "element of surprise" is higher in people who cover up than those that don't. Bad people will find any way to look at or get what they want. This is the same whether your girl is in a bikini or a one piece. It's irrational to believe you are protecting your daughter from being eyeballed simply because she is wearing a one piece or a rash guard or something like that.

 

Wearing modestly designed clothing because you feel convicted to do so? Perfectly fine.

Wearing modestly designed clothing because of a history of cancer in your family (due to the sun)? Perfectly fine.

Wearing modestly designed clothing because you just do not feel like having all your flab hanging out (like me)? Perfectly fine.

 

Blaming your wearing modestly designed clothing because you fear your daughter being eyeballed by a pedophile? No scientific fact to back that up, no truth to it, and absolutely reactionary and fearful when none need be placed.

 

This article sums up what I feel and backs up everything I've said and it's written by a Christian: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/christandpopculture/2013/01/this-should-go-without-saying-stop-blaming-rape-on-women/

 

(yes, it talks about rape, but it also talks about modesty and "stumbling")

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I grew up with bikinis and nobody thought anything of it. I was super skinny so one piece suits didn't fit right. We had a pool in our back yard. My parents had standards of behavior. Some of the less modestly behaved girls I knew wore one piece suits when others were wearing bikinis.

 

With dd, she wore tankinis for many years due to being too tall and thin for most 1 piece suits. I did let her get a two piece suit that showed her middle - it was a Speedo so it was more like a sports 1 piece - the top looked like an exercise bra and the bottoms had decent coverage. It looked cute and stylish without being in your face. She really doesn't want the skimpy bikini, which makes her father really happy.

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I have step daughters and don't get a say in it. Their mom is very into popularity, looks and trends so regardless of my own beliefs they would get overruled anyway. I am ok with bikinis past a certain age but uncomfortable with them before that point as they are specifically made to show off the body and be sexy which I think is ridiculous for a younger girl.

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  • 6 months later...
Guest michel2522

I remember growing up in southern california, going to the beach was all us kids wanted to do. When I was really little i remember running around bare to the wind. The sumer i turned 6 I started  just wearing board shorts (surfer shorts), and no top. I think most people thought I was just another boy in the group. when i was about 10 and my chest started showing my Dad said I had to wear a top. So from then on I wore board shorts and a tee shirt, but I would pull it off when I jumped in the water and put it back on when I got out. Nobody seemed to care-it seemed pretty natural to me. by 12 i was supposed to wear a training bra, so if I peeled off my tee at the beach people started to notice. So thats when I started wearing a bikini top-when I had something to go inside it! seems realy silly to me to dress little girls up in bikinis and fancy swimsuits...its just the corporate world trying to sell us more stuff. We spent a summer in France when i was 13-there most of the girls went topless on the beach, so for one summer I got to go back to board shorts and no top, nobody made a big deal about- I think we are really crazy here in the US. I think sexy little bikinis are a waste of time and money. I have my own kids now and when my oldest daughter wanted a bikini I sat her down and tried to explain about the fashion industry trying to manipulate us. IN the end I asked her if the beach wasn't a fashion show and you were there alone, what would you wear? Her answer? Well, mom, I don't want to shock you but I would just wear some old boards shorts and go topless. So, in the end: Keep it simple, dont make it a fashion show, and when the boobs start showing, time to cover up.

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My problem with bikinis has never been the stomach showing, it's the bottoms. They're basically just panties. So I don't think tankinis are much of an improvement, and neither are one pieces. My daughter can wear whatever she wants because it's her body, that's just how I feel when I wear bathing suits.

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We are ok with tankinis, based on the cut. We prefer our daughters to wear swim shirts and shorts though.....not only for the sun coverage, but also so that modesty can be maintained while active in the water. The tankini rule is that belly must remain covered when arms are raised, and nothing is showing when bent over. ;)

this is us 100%....my daughter didn't want to wear swim shorts and shirts until she saw one of her good friends wearing one...so that is what we are getting for her next year...I am thrilled. 

 

on a side note, my daughter prefers to wear bottoms that are more like shorts not underwear...so we were half way there to begin with...and it was getting harder and harder to buy tops that didn't plunge down the front...what young teenager needs that anyway, really?  just my opinion.

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