Do you allow your daughter(s) to wear bikinis? (Poll)

[KungFuPanda]

Ladies, blindfold your husbands and sons. They won't be able to resist!

 

 

I may be one of the most visual people I know . . .male or female. This might be why I feel compelled to assault you all with photos on a regular basis.

[Mrs Mungo]

Ladies, blindfold your husbands and sons. They won't be able to resist!

 

 

 

The pandas at our zoo are NAKED. It's quite shocking. They have to peel men off the glass.

[*Lulu*]

Ladies, blindfold your husbands and sons. They won't be able to resist!

 

 

 

Well, that bear in the pink is pretty hot.

[KungFuPanda]

 

 

The pandas at our zoo are NAKED. It's quite shocking. They have to peel men off the glass.

 

 

I'm sad that your pandas have so little self esteem.

[I.Dup.]

Exactly how was I supposed to take this???? I was not the only poster insulted by this. Maybe we don't get your meaning. The meaning seems to be pretty obvious...our husbands lust after other women.

 

 

You truly believe your husband and sons are immune from ever thinking sexual thoughts about women? I thought that was determined as a natural part of being human.

 

YOU are the only one who has said anything about being DAMAGED. You are putting words in my mouth. Everyone has emotional baggage, everyone. It is part of being human.

 

Okay, whew!~

 

Have you ever heard of teen girls wearing a particular suit because it is comfortable, it is the normal thing to do, it works for the sports she engages in? Why does it have to be "asking for attention and ogling?"

 

Sure, and it doesn't.

 

You brought EVERYONE into it when you said it was "asking for attention and ogling" *and* when you said it was putting them on display for pedophiles.

 

Still don't see how this is bringing everyone into it, but okay. I'll take your word for it. I've apologized two or three times now, even though I still don't agree with what you are accusing me of. What else would you like me to do?

[I.Dup.]

 

Not what I said. What I said was that you were projecting your own past onto all girls and women by saying that it was asking for ogling and staring while remembering enjoying that sort of attention yourself.

 

 

You said "emotional baggage." I thought that was a normal part of being a teen. Of course not EVERY teen feels that way, just like not EVERYONE is a pedophile. I didn't know that would be considered "emotional baggage" and deserve a spank and a dismissal from the conversation.

[Mrs Mungo]

 

You said "emotional baggage." I thought that was a normal part of being a teen. Of course not EVERY teen feels that way, just like not EVERYONE is a pedophile. I didn't know that would be considered "emotional baggage" and deserve a spank and a dismissal from the conversation.

 

?!?

 

Honestly, this whole statement is so far removed from my own thought process that I have zero idea how to respond.

[I.Dup.]

 

?!?

 

Honestly, this whole statement is so far removed from my own thought process that I have zero idea how to respond.

 

 

What?? What part is hard to understand. This is getting ridiculous but I just can't seem to walk away. LOL

[albeto]

Apparently it's emotionally damaged.

 

This doesn't make sense in light of your earlier comment:

 

Do they care about looking at mostly naked children? I don't know, but I'd rather not experiment with my kids, kwim? Teen bodies are gorgeous, who can resist looking at a toned teen when they are barely covered? No man I know. It's just asking for attention and ogling, IMO.

 

What's wrong for "just asking for attention"?

 

That's not to say I didn't wear a bikini and want/like that attention. ;) I just don't like thinking of men looking at my daughter in a sexual way.

 

You do know that's going to happen, right? And you know what else? Some women will be looking at her in a sexual way, too. ;)

[KungFuPanda]

We need a WTM pool meet-up so that I have an excuse to wear this suit!

 

 

 

I'm getting the shorts in case I'm too lazy to shave!

 

[albeto]

My husband looks at me in a sexual way even when I look absolutely disgusting. I'm not convinced it takes a bikini.

 

snort

 

I think your husband and my husband might have the same gene.

[*Lulu*]

Don't you think faces on the butt is taking things too far?

 

Next you will be writing "hey you, look at my booty" across the back.

[KungFuPanda]

But it's PRACTICAL. My booty can stare right back at them!

 

Does this face make my butt look big?

 

[Free]

I do not want any man looking at her, ever.

 

For me this is at the heart of the issue being discussed. How should a parent react if she found that her daughter was being ogled at? Should she try to make the child wear even more modest clothing or otherwise increase the restrictions on the child? Because I believe this teaches the child to feel shame and guilt for something she did not do. Or are there other, more empowering ways that can be taught to deal with unwanted attention?

[swellmomma]

No I do not allow it. I feel that a bikini is not designed to be swimwear but to look sexy while laying on the beach. It encourages oogling that a 1 pce does not as it draws the attention to the booKs in particular with the barely there coverage. Last summer while my dd13 was staying with auntie, auntie let her get a bikini and I was ticked right off. I knew gramma was headed out to see them the next day and put her in charge of making sure dd had a t-shirt covering up the whole time. DD13 complied but didn't get it until recently. She is in dance and spends most of her time this year in a leotard either at the studio or at home practicing, a leotard is like a 1 pce. She has no problem wearing this around the house, to the grocery store etc. It has ample coverage etc. So to prove my point I asked her if she would walk around the house in her bra and panties, or head to the grocery store like that, or sit around with friends or her siblings like that etc. Right away she said no, she wouldn't want them to see her like that. Well her bra and panties cover more than the bikini did last summer. No one needs to see my daughters in a sexualized manner, and while pervs can see someone in grubby sweats and a t-shirt that way, the fact is the bikini is designed specifically for that purpose. If you wouldn't go to the beach or swimming pool in just your bra and panties because it wouldn't be appropriate than how exactly is wearing something that has even less coverage acceptable? I like my daughters to be able to go to the beach or the pool etc to have fun, not to be stared at, or worry about tops riding up while playing in the water etc.

[Mrs Mungo]

What is hard to understand?

 

You said "emotional baggage."

 

Right. You seem to feel ashamed of wanting that sort of attention from men in the past. You said that wearing anything like that is asking for attention and ogling. You are projecting those motives onto other people. You are bringing your emotional baggage of feeling ashamed of your past into how you feel about what other people do. Having baggage (which we all do) doesn't make one emotionally damaged. Yet, you drug that phrase through several posts.

 

I thought that was a normal part of being a teen.

 

It wasn't (and still isn't) my experience that even *most* teens desire attention and ogling from all men or that they will go out of their way to receive it.

 

Of course not EVERY teen feels that way,

 

Then, why do you think it's a normal part of being a teen?

 

just like not EVERYONE is a pedophile.

 

What does this mean? Seriously? I have no idea what you are trying to say here?

 

I didn't know that would be considered "emotional baggage" and deserve a spank and a dismissal from the conversation.

 

You didn't know *what* would be considered emotional baggage? What, exactly, made you feel dismissed? I saw people explaining to you why they were insulted by your posts.

[nukeswife]

I voted other, because my dd has had tankinis but never asked for a itty bitty bikini or anything like it. I agree with Mrs. Mungo that there is a difference between a bikini and an itty bitty, teeny weeny bikini. My dd has had the bikini bottoms with a rash guard top. It's hard to find something for her that is well fitting in a one piece without paying through the nose for it because she has a long torso, so it's either fitting in the bottoms without sag, but pulling because it's too short or it's the right length and then saggy in the crotch/butt. We did manage to find a few speedo one piece suits for swim team that fit her ok, but they were $$$.

[Mrs Mungo]

You do know that's going to happen, right? And you know what else? Some women will be looking at her in a sexual way, too. ;)

 

 

Let me tell you how oblivious my dh can be. We were at the beach with my sister and my cousin. DH is playing with the kids in the water while I am talking on the beach with my relatives. DH comes out of the water and says (in a funny, banter-ish manner, we have that kind of relationship), "I'm surprised you let me stay in the water alone with those other young ladies nearby." I said, "you mean the lesbians?" DH looked stunned and said, "the wha?" My sister and cousin say, "yeah, they were making out and stuff." DH looked so *disappointed* to have entirely missed out on these antics, that it was hilarious!!!!! So, that's how oblivious some men are to the young ladies around them, LOL!!!!!

 

We need a WTM pool meet-up so that I have an excuse to wear this suit!

 

 

I'm getting the shorts in case I'm too lazy to shave!

 

 

 

 

LOL!!!!

 

My husband looks at me in a sexual way even when I look absolutely disgusting. I'm not convinced it takes a bikini.

 

 

Agreed!!

 

For me this is at the heart of the issue being discussed. How should a parent react if she found that her daughter was being ogled at? Should she try to make the child wear even more modest clothing or otherwise increase the restrictions on the child? Because I believe this teaches the child to feel shame and guilt for something she did not do. Or are there other, more empowering ways that can be taught to deal with unwanted attention?

 

 

Exactly.

[I.Dup.]

For me this is at the heart of the issue being discussed. How should a parent react if she found that her daughter was being ogled at? Should she try to make the child wear even more modest clothing or otherwise increase the restrictions on the child? Because I believe this teaches the child to feel shame and guilt for something she did not do. Or are there other, more empowering ways that can be taught to deal with unwanted attention?

 

 

You could be right. But I can assure you my daughter does not feel "shamed" for her body. We teach her normal standards of modesty and keep her covered in normal ways. I don't let her go out in really short shorts, or short skirts, or wear bikinis. I think it invites unwanted attention. That has nothing to do with her, just using my own judgment about her clothing. I don't require her to wear burkas or yell at her if she walks to the bathroom in a towel, or some other ridiculous such thing. It really isn't even an issue in our daily lives at all. I thought helping to choose clothing and setting standards was a normal part of being a parent, at least at this age.

[jenangelcat]

Isn't it time for everyone to start lusting over Johnny Depp and cupcakes?

[justamouse]

For me this is at the heart of the issue being discussed. How should a parent react if she found that her daughter was being ogled at? Should she try to make the child wear even more modest clothing or otherwise increase the restrictions on the child? Because I believe this teaches the child to feel shame and guilt for something she did not do. Or are there other, more empowering ways that can be taught to deal with unwanted attention?

 

 

My daughter has been looked at by older men since she was about 13. Fully clothed, I might add.

 

She won the genetic roulette, she is beautiful. I've taught her to not pay them any attention, and to hold herself in such a way that shows she is off limits. It works.

[FaithManor]

Isn't it time for everyone to start lusting over Johnny Depp and cupcakes?

 

Cupcakes yes!

 

It's 26 degrees outside and there is a 19 mph wind. I wore jeans with long johns and sweat pants to the barn today and a flannel shirt with a sweatshirt over that plus my coat and a very frumpy looking hat. I would prefer to be here:

 

(Hope the pic uploads okay. I am not tech savvy!)

 

Faith

 

Oh bummer, there was an error. They were very, cute beach themed cupcakes.

[I.Dup.]

What does this mean? Seriously? I have no idea what you are trying to say here?

 

You quoted a post of mine upthread about being ogled and inviting attention from pedophiles. Then said I was bringing EVERYONE into the conversation with that comment. I was simply remarking that I don't see how that is bringing everyone into the conversation. Not everyone is a pedophile, just like not every teen girl necessarily wants attention when they wear a bikini (I guess).

 

You didn't know *what* would be considered emotional baggage? What, exactly, made you feel dismissed?

 

Could we stop with the body shame? Your emotional baggage (mentioned in your other post) has nothing to do with anyone else.

 

Body shame? And bringing up my own (what you term as) emotional baggage is personally insulting me and felt dismissive. I don't know what is hard to understand about that.

 

But clearly it's time for us to agree to disagree since we are not making sense to each other at all.

[-M-]

I should have realized before I posted that this was a -- erm, heated thread. But since I did vote, and I voted other, here is my brief (no pun intended) explanation: My daughters, 17 and 15, are both competitive swimmers. They are also lifeguards (well, the youngest, almost) and swim instructors. More, they have fair, gorgeous skin. Bikinis are impractical for them.

[Mrs Mungo]

I should have realized before I posted that this was a -- erm, heated thread. But since I did vote, and I voted other, here is my brief (no pun intended) explanation: My daughters, 17 and 15, are both competitive swimmers. They are also lifeguards (well, the youngest, almost) and swim instructors. More, they have fair, gorgeous skin. Bikinis are impractical for them.

 

I didn't ever wear a bikini while working as a lifeguard or swim instructor, lol.

 

But, I wore (and wear) two pieces at the lake, beach or whatever. They are usually something that looks more like this:

http://www.modcloth....o-piece-in-teal

 

or like this:

http://athleta.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=84221&vid=1&pid=224337012

 

than like this:

http://www.lingerien...p?idProduct=195

 

I wouldn't wear something I could not swim/surf/sail/ski in. My dds tend the same way.

[Word Nerd]

I suddenly feel like I should add a bunch of qualifiers to my answers to make it clear that my "tankini but not bikini" answer does not mean I am an uptight, tongue-clucking, body-shaming member of the modesty police. But I don't care enough about bikinis one way or the other to spend any more time explaining my position. Wear them. Don't wear them. Let your girls wear them or not. Why does this decision have to be so contentious?

[CyndiLJ]

Mine never, ever want to wear a bikini and find it offensive. This was a huge relief to me, as adopting them from Kazakhstan there is a heavy Russian skimpy fashion influence there. I worried big time before bringing home our daughters at ages 10 and 11 what sort of conversations and battles we might have over modesty after seeing the majority of young ladies there wearing tiny mini skirts and the like. Fortunately, my fears never came to fruition and they don't even like slightly low necked shirts, mini anything, etc. They were mortified when they arrived and saw how young girls dress here, and I discovered later when they had enough English that they were worried about offending me because they didn't want to wear any of the styles they saw in JCPenny, etc.

 

Both wear a one piece with shorts, and my older daughter eventually grew to enjoy a one piece triathlon swim suit because it offered even more coverage but still looked "cool" and sort of athletic. The one piece triathlon suits are a very good option for those who are not really girlie and wouldn't want to wear the swim dresses (which I'd never be able to get mine in). They won't even wear a one piece without shorts, and not the short swim shorts but longer swim shorts.

[Mrs Mungo]

Why does this decision have to be so contentious?

 

It's a great question. But, it seems to be at least an annual contentious discussion here.

 

There are some good articles out there on some of these issues:

http://www.christianitytoday.com/women/2013/march/can-you-teach-modesty-without-body-shaming.html?start=1

 

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/nolongerquivering/2012/02/how-the-modesty-doctrine-hurts-men-too/

[Joker]

My husband looks at me in a sexual way even when I look absolutely disgusting. I'm not convinced it takes a bikini.

 

 

My dh apparently thinks my best look is being sweaty standing over the stove. Seriously, he's had some crazy moments coming home and seeing me in the kitchen. If I want him to keep his hands to himself we have to eat out. And, no, I don't cook in a bikini. :tongue_smilie:

[nono]

 

I know my husband looks. I don't feel like he "lusts" after them though. And really he isn't that hung up over bodies.

 

 

FTR, I think it is a WTM record...I believe it took 171 posts before the LUST word was mentioned.

 

Heck, I look at the adults. I point them out to my dh -- he's a little slow on the uptake. Pretty people are pretty. Better than some of the stuff I see hanging out here in Wildwood. Ooooofa!

 

And yeah, I don't think he's lusting. Look does not equal lust. A luster needs a frying pan upside the head.

[FaithManor]

 

My dh apparently thinks my best look is being sweaty standing over the stove. Seriously, he's had some crazy moments coming home and seeing me in the kitchen. If I want him to keep his hands to himself we have to eat out. And, no, I don't cook in a bikini. :tongue_smilie:

 

Snort! Mine gets all mushy in the kitchen too! Maybe this proves the adage, "A way to a man's heart is through his stomach."

 

Faith

[sparrow]

You quoted a post of mine upthread about being ogled and inviting attention from pedophiles. Then said I was bringing EVERYONE into the conversation with that comment. I was simply remarking that I don't see how that is bringing everyone into the conversation. Not everyone is a pedophile, just like not every teen girl necessarily wants attention when they wear a bikini (I guess).

 

 

 

Could we stop with the body shame? Your emotional baggage (mentioned in your other post) has nothing to do with anyone else.

 

Body shame? And bringing up my own (what you term as) emotional baggage is personally insulting me and felt dismissive. I don't know what is hard to understand about that.

 

But clearly it's time for us to agree to disagree since we are not making sense to each other at all.

 

I think the issue here is that we can't "un-read" what you've written in the past. I can't say whether you have over shared, or not, but your input on this thread is colored by past posts you've made on topics regarding men and what you perceive to be common and normal.

 

I get where you're coming from. I was engaged to someone before I married my husband. His views regarding some of these same issues led me to believe that was just how men were. My husband, and all of his friends, showed me that was not the case. Dh and I have been together for 20 years now. It's hard for me to believe now that ONE man caused me to think poorly of the behavior of most men, but I was living it at the time.

[cajunrose]

I'm in the absolutely not category and I'm not super modest by any means. I just do not see the need for a child to wear one...even as old as 16. I have seen WAY too many boys oogling at a 13ish year old girl that has developed quickly and appears older...or even a girl younger than that. Men looking at 16 year olds because they look older and are much more revealing in a bikini. If I lived in Hawaii or something, I might feel differently.

 

My 9 year old's swim suit has to be a tankini unfortunately. She has an EXTREMELY long torso and we can't find one piece's to fit her. I'm ok with her belly showing a bit in the tankini because unfortunately with her long torso, that's all we can find.

 

She keeps asking me when she can wear a bikini. I tell her "When you are 18" She get's all excited b/c that means she WILL get to wear one some day. She has just started understanding what I mean by that...lol

 

Stephenie

[I.Dup.]

I think the issue here is that we can't "un-read" what you've written in the past. I can't say whether you have over shared, or not, but your input on this thread is colored by past posts you've made on topics regarding men and what you perceive to be common and normal.

 

I get where you're coming from. I was engaged to someone before I married my husband. His views regarding some of these same issues led me to believe that was just how men were. My husband, and all of his friends, showed me that was not the case. Dh and I have been together for 20 years now. It's hard for me to believe now that ONE man caused me to think poorly of the behavior of most men, but I was living it at the time.

 

Okay. I understand. And "oversharing" definitely would not be out of the realm of possibility for me!!

[albeto]

Let me tell you how oblivious my dh can be. We were at the beach with my sister and my cousin. DH is playing with the kids in the water while I am talking on the beach with my relatives. DH comes out of the water and says (in a funny, banter-ish manner, we have that kind of relationship), "I'm surprised you let me stay in the water alone with those other young ladies nearby." I said, "you mean the lesbians?" DH looked stunned and said, "the wha?" My sister and cousin say, "yeah, they were making out and stuff." DH looked so *disappointed* to have entirely missed out on these antics, that it was hilarious!!!!! So, that's how oblivious some men are to the young ladies around them, LOL!!!!!

 

 

Hahaha, sounds a little like my husband. Years ago we went to Brazil for him to do some research work. We spent the weekend in Rio, enjoying Ipanema Beach. Dh, looking forward to work, paced up and down the beach, never turning his head at any of the umpteen young women wearing what would later be known as thongs.

 

:laugh:

[mommaduck]

I'm with nono....*I* am the one to point out fashions and pretty people of either gender. Dh doesn't care about looks and really won't pay attentionunless someone had as awesome a beard or goatee as he does...his only vanity ;)

[ChristineW]

Living in LA bikinis are utterly normal and not considered immodest. Wearing a tankini, in contrast, would be about as strange as wearing a burka.

 

Just saying.

 

Bill

 

 

I do miss LA. Here in the Bay Area, a day at the beach means rash guards and board shorts even in the height of summer. The beach and water are COLD.

 

I have no philosophical problems with bikinis and my girls each own at least 2 pairs. Lots of moms wear cute tankinis to the pool but I don't ever see anyone between the ages of 12 and 29 in a tankini.

[Retired]

I didn't vote because I have boys. My parents woundn't let me wear bikini as a teen. I've worn one all of my adult life except when pregnant. My guys are young adult and teen now and I don't wear my swimsuit around them. They don't want to see their mom half naked LOL My dh loves me in a bikini and buys me one every spring LOL. I'm 43 wondering when he will think i'm to old for one LOL. We have a great relationship and early on my boys when they hit their teen would tell me how difficult it was not to have lustful toughts about the girls. I know many teen girls just don't get whats going on in guys minds. I don't have a daughter so its just hypothetical but I would talk to her and let her know how guys think. I would bet she would make the right decision to wear something more modest. THe girls want the guys attention thats the reason for the small suits LOL. I just know as a teen I just wanted to be sexy and pretty but was the only one in the modest suit. I didn't get it and thought my parents were mean. WHen these issues come up it just makes me so glad God gave me boys to raise. You never hear conversations or debate about boys clothe choices

[ChristineW]

Cupcakes yes!

 

It's 26 degrees outside and there is a 19 mph wind. I wore jeans with long johns and sweat pants to the barn today and a flannel shirt with a sweatshirt over that plus my coat and a very frumpy looking hat. I would prefer to be here:

 

(Hope the pic uploads okay. I am not tech savvy!)

 

Faith

 

Oh bummer, there was an error. They were very, cute beach themed cupcakes.

 

 

Not to make you hate me but it will be pushing into the 80s here today. The kids will probably be pushing for me to get out the kiddie pool soon; they already want to go swimming at our gym pool (outdoors but heated). So in some places this thread is relevant.

[somo_chickenlady]

Sure my husband looks...that certainly doesn't mean there is anything malicious or lustfull about it. I look too. We have eyeballs and use them, it is as simple as that. I wouldn't prevent my daughter from wearing something she is comfortable wearing just b/c someone might *gasp* LOOK at her. Nothing like teaching her to be ashamed of her body b/c of other peoples' actions. People would most likely still look at her, even fully clothed. I get looks at the grocery store in my sweats!! As a PP pointed out, if someone is looking in a malicious way, it really wouldn't matter what the person they are looking at is wearing.

[Galatea]

All of this talk of pedophiles and men looking at teenage girls and girls looking for attention is exciting and polarizing and that's why it gets all of the posts and talk. But you can't control the thoughts and actions of the people around you. You can't stop people who want to think about s*x from thinking about it, even with kids. The kids who get kidnapped by pedophiles aren't the ones walking around in bikinis at the beach, they are kids walking home from school in regular clothes, they are the kids walking around their neighborhood or playing in their front yard. If pedophiles and perverts are your fear, you are better off watching your children closely, talking to them about how to deal with strangers, and being involved in their lives, not worrying about what they wear.

 

Skimpy clothes (and a bikini is skimpy, no matter how you look at it) lead to self-objectification and body shame. I posted about this earlier in the thread and it was ignored by pretty much all because arguing about s*x and how all of us women have to protect men from themselves is more thrilling. But self-objectification and body shame is a real issue for women, and young women too. Why do girls become anorexic? Why do girls go around wearing baggy clothing to hide every line of their bodies? Why do girls think they need to walk around in short skirts and low-cut tops? Because they have a skewed sense of their own self worth, caused by society and ourselves. Yes, women's bodies are overly-sexualized. And as parents we encourage that by buying skimpy clothing for them. That is us telling them from a young age that they should think about how their body parts are displayed. When their bodies are bare or nearly-bare they are constantly examining them for flaws and comparing them to others, including airbrushed and perfect media images. And they often, very often, find themselves lacking.

 

I'm sure there are any number of people who will disagree with what I say or who would rather discuss sensationalized s*xual situations. But this is a real, quantifiable issue. If you are interested at all about this issue, simply google "body shame and objectification" or read articles like this one: http://link.springer...?LI=true#page-1. There are scholarly, academic studies and articles on self-objectification and body shame that discuss the link to the wearing of revealing clothing.

 

I'm not even religious. For me modesty is about helping my daughter value herself more and, hopefully, not fall as prey to the objectification of our culture. It's bad enough that other people objectify girls, I'm not going to give her any help with self-objectification and body shame by dressing her in clothes that draw attention to her possible strengths and flaws before she is psychologically and developmentally ready to understand it all.

 

Please note that I am not accusing other parents of purposely objectifying their children, I think all of this is just something that people aren't aware of how much it affects our children, and that is why I am posting about it. It is only through awareness that we can make fully-informed decisions for our children.

[ErinD]

I answered "yes, but with reservations". I did not allow it until this year when she turned 12 and it became very hard to find one-piece swimsuits to fit her new curves. Even so, she is only allowed to wear it with a tshirt or wetsuit top over it in public, although at the cottage it's just us so no problem then.

 

I have issues with little kids in string bikinis especially, which seems to be the social norm where we live. I don't understand why anyone would want to sexualize a 2 year old in that way.

[Tap]

DD14 is 5'8" and weighs 112 lbs. She has long legs and looks older than she is. I prefer for her to wear a tankini (tummy showing is fine) and boy shorts. With her body style, she looks more sexy than athletic in a bikini. Up until last year, she prefered to only wear those too, usually favoring a sporty style. At the end of last summer, she moved on to wanting bikini style suits. We have compromised and while I do allow bikinis I don't allow itty bitty string, or ultra low cut, buns showing, strapless.... basically it needs to cover what it is supposed to cover from all angles and be firmly anchored to the body.

 

We are active water people and I don't want it coming off all together if the kayak flips or she dives in wrong. If she is walking around with it on (not actually going swimming) then there needs to be some kind of coverup in place. A thin t-shirt is fiine, just something. I still prefer boy shorts on her but as long as it isn't too high cut I am okay with a regular bottom.

 

 

 

Very similar cuts....just an inch or two more fabric

Not okay Holister

 

Okay Landsend

[goldberry]

I have to say I didn't take IDup's post the way everyone else did.

 

I thought she was just pointing out the a majority (not all) but a majority of men tend to be extremely visual and easily aroused by the opposite sex. That doesn't mean it's my DD's responsiblity to cover up so she doesn't arouse them, but at the same time it is the reality, and I would be remiss as a parent if I didn't discuss those issues with her. Not as a body shaming thing, or making it her fault...but it is the reality and she will have to decide how much of that she is willing to deal with and how much she would rather just avoid.

 

FTR, I have an amazing DH who I have been happily married to for 27 years. Sure he notices, so do I. He doesn't take it to ogling extent, or lusting extent. But do alot of men? Yep. That's just the reality.

 

Are there teens out there who wear bikinis because they are more comfy and convenient? Sure. But there are also plenty that like the attention, which doesn't have to be bad, but they better be aware what kind of attention it can be or turn in to, and think about if that is what they want.

 

To me, it wasn't about criticizing other people's husbands or kids, but mainly just about what is most common and what our girls will be facing/dealing with.

 

That's the way I read it anyway!

[TranquilMind]

Opening statement: I realize that this may be a sensitive topic for some and I promise that it's not my intent to offend anyone. I am coming here and seeking the input of you ladies because my daughter is beginning to question my 'no bikinis' rule and it's making me doubt myself and wonder if I am being too strict.

 

So, now I'm honestly curious to see if I'm the only one with a 'no bikinis' rule.

 

My daughter is more modest than I am, and is quite...developed! So while she wears them sometimes, she prefers a more covered look.

 

So, no rules.

[Dory]

I'm gonna carefully poke my head in here and just say the reason for my vote. We allow our daughter to wear a tankini if it covers. She had a one piece last year and when my dh brought her home from swimming lessons he informed me that it was horrible quality and terribly immodest and he wanted me to find her something better. In other words, one piece swimsuits can still be immodest.

I own a bikini, but frankly, it's not for swimming because it just isn't practical. It's for days that I'm alone on the river beach with my dh. He loves it. My kids spend half their summer in the river, so we use swimsuits a lot.

On another note, yes, pedophiles do enjoy a little more skin. I'm not going to bubble wrap my kids in an effort to protect them from the creeps in the world, but neither do I want to teach them to encourage it.

My boys both wear rash guards as well, but it's simply practical.

[Sukale]

I am a plus size girl with lots of stretch marks from being pregnant, so no bikini for my. My oldest is 14 and wears bikinis, tankinis and one pieces. I like tankinis best for the little one, easier to go potty. As long as the suite fits well I don't mind what the girls wear. We are at the beach most weekends in May and June than again in September. I worry about sun burns to much in July and August.

[Running the race]

Right now my daughter prefers to wear one-piece suits or swim shirts with shorts. She is only 11yo, so we may revisit the bikini issue when she gets older. We don't allow them right now.

[jamijoy]

I voted for takinis because that is what I wear most of the time and also what I buy my girls, ages 3 and 4, probably because that's what I wear. Their bellies can show; mine can not. I'm not sure what I'll think when they get older, but I'm thinking we'll try to stay with takinis. I grew up in south Florida and I remember being in middle school, trying to impress guys by walking around in my bikini. My experiences shape the way I parent and I was not a very good girl growing up so I tend to overcompensate with my parenting in the opposite way I was parented. (Yes, I know my children will be exposed to 'real' life one day, but it's a good thing if it's not as young as I was.)

 

Anyways, we live in Florida, just minutes from the gulf beach, plus we have a pool, so from April until November-ish, my kids are in swim suits nearly everyday.

 

Since we are on the gulf, the waves aren't as bad as the Atlantic coast in my experience. My boys wear swim shirts sometimes (it's up to them and it cuts down on sun screening time and cost) and they don't have a problem with swimming in them even though they are not tight. If they didn't hang them up to dry, they'll go without the next time. And my general rule is if the waves are big enough for surfing, we won't be going to that beach. Luckily, there is a barrier island here so we can swim at the sound beach which has virtually no waves even when the "big" beach does. I wear a takini with a skirted bottom and don't normally have a problem with it staying in place.

 

Water parks are another issue...if I don't wear a one piece, there's no telling what I'll be showing off to onlookers when I've gone down some of those fast water slides. My boys also wear swim shirts (rash guards) for three reasons...we're there all day usually and it's better sun protection, it's skin protection on the water slides without tubes (they hurt sometimes!), and they all have bright turquoise swim shirts so I can spot them easily.

 

I don't mind seeing others at the beach in bikinis...if I did, it'd be a big problem since we're there so much.

 

What I do mind is a group of young women/older teens having a booty shaking contest in their skimpy bikinis as I'm walking by with my three sons and father in law last summer. Yuck and embarrassing.

[awisha.]

Excuse me??

 

The men I am around are not primates, nor do I see them ogling. They are smarter than that. But if I notice a beautiful teen body, being a 30-year-old woman who is not all that visual, I'm sure the more visual of our species notices.

 

Good grief. Any other personal attacks you all would like to make? Are we still in middle school here?

 

If that is the case, how do you explain this earlier post...

 

 

Do they care about looking at mostly naked children? I don't know, but I'd rather not experiment with my kids, kwim? Teen bodies are gorgeous, who can resist looking at a toned teen when they are barely covered? No man I know. It's just asking for attention and ogling, IMO.

 

That's not to say I didn't wear a bikini and want/like that attention. ;) I just don't like thinking of men looking at my daughter in a sexual way.