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Do you allow your daughter(s) to wear bikinis? (Poll)


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579 members have voted

  1. 1. Do you allow your daughter(s) to wear a bikini?

    • Yes, why wouldn't I?
      96
    • Yes, but with reservations. (explain)
      52
    • No, definitely not. (explain)
      148
    • Depends on where we are. (explain)
      13
    • We allow the 'tankini' but no bikinis.
      270
    • We don't believe in swimming.
      1
    • The obligatory 'other'. (explain)
      25


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I don't agree that modesty is purely cultural, but then again, I also wear a head covering. ;) I can see how someone might arrive at your conclusion, however.

 

I don't know why a head covering would make a difference. You're saying that what is acceptable for you is what is acceptable for all times and all places on earth-always has been and always will be? Because that what you're saying if your claim is that it is not cultural.

 

I'm sure there are countries in which you would actually have to dress MORE modestly than you do now because you probably show your face and hands. That's why it's cultural because not everyone has the same standard. It doesn't matter if a particular religion is the "culture" that you are adhering to, it's still cultural.

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For men who truly view women in this way, there is no amount of fabric that can cover enough.

yes and no. yes, they will treat all women like objects. no, because they're more interested looking at the women who are putting themselves on display so they aren't learing at women who are modest. (unless she's the only female around.)

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Not sure how to vote... I never buy our girls bikinis for swimwear, but after age 14 I let them choose. I encourage them to wear a tankini or one-piece (prefer tankinis), but the choice is theirs. They just don't choose bikinis.

 

My dd17 says that she doesn't want her mindset to be about how little or small a bathing suit can she wear? (Or how small a size? How low can my shirt be in front before I look like I'm trying to show something off? LOL How tight can I get away with wearing these jeans?, etc.) or to have an "if you got it, flaunt it" attitude when it comes to fashion. There *are* different standards for the beach, but we still can't justify wearing a bra and panties out in public, even if the material is different. lol

 

Love your dd17's attitude.

I am fascinated by the number of parents who let their kids choose over X age (14, 16, 17, whatever). My stance is: my house, my rules, period. That is the expectation and they know it from an early age.

This extends to more than a dress code, so now I'm wondering what else people allow kids to choose that is outside of my comfort zone at those ages. Just out of pure curiosity. Another thread idea, though.

My kids have zero interest in bikinis and even remark that they do not like them...I'm sure because in our religious culture, it is just not really done. Their peers don't do it, and our religious leaders advice against it. It wouldn't matter how many were doing it at the beach or pool, it would fall into the "in the world but not OF it" category.

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I don't know why a head covering would make a difference. You're saying that what is acceptable for you is what is acceptable for all times and all places on earth-always has been and always will be? Because that what you're saying if your claim is that it is not cultural.

 

I'm sure there are countries in which you would actually have to dress MORE modestly than you do now because you probably show your face and hands. That's why it's cultural because not everyone has the same standard. It doesn't matter if a particular religion is the "culture" that you are adhering to, it's still cultural.

 

I think we may just have two different trains of thought going on here. I'm not running on very much sleep, so I ask you to extend me grace. I grant that every culture does indeed have a different idea of what constitutes modesty, and those ideas change over time. I don't think anyone would dispute that.

 

However, my point was simply that just as I don't believe the Biblical commandment regarding head coverings is culturally dependent (that is, not just for the Corinthian church in the 1st century), I likewise don't believe that the commandments regarding modesty are *significantly* changeable based on one's culture. Obviously, the exact form that modesty will take will vary somewhat, but I believe there are some minimum standards that God expects, standards that transcend culture. I think this is true in many areas of life. It's not a popular opinion, I grant, and I really don't want to get into it more here. We'd be diving into some major issues of morality and religion that go beyond the intent of this thread.

 

If anyone is truly interested in the head covering issue, they are welcome to PM me.

 

Peace!

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The interesting thing about every modesty discussion I've ever been a part of is the total lack of discussion of male modesty. Seriously, it's been discussed to death and in general, the boys get off scot free.

 

The thing is to be honest, I've had FAR more experiences in which teenage girls are leering at boys then vice versa. An awful lot of dads in our area to talk to their sons about respecting women, exercising self-control, s*xual harrassment, etc. most of the men I know are absolutely terrified to even pay a woman any kind of compliment and some hardly even want to make eye contact because they don't want to be accused of anything improper. Dh is so ridiculously stiff at work around the women it's almost comical, but the one thing he knows is he can't be accused of any wrong doing. But, the girls....OH.MY.WORD. the teenage and college girls are horrible....pecs, butts, biceps, butts, height, eye color, hair, butts, triceps, butts, abs, butts....see a running theme here. Some of you moms might want to listen in on some teen girl conversations.

 

Mututal respect for men is apparently NOT a topic of discussion in many households. So, should the boys be wearing ultra-long swim trunks, long sleeved rash guards, and hiding their curly, red hair??? The principle is the same. Girls can be VERY visual and it's a total misconception about women to assume that men aren't being leered at...you don't want to know how the cheerleaders at the high school talk about the boys on the basketball team. Frankly, I'm not certain the coach could stop it short of making his team compete in burkas! Should the boys have to play in burkas because the girls refuse to exercise self-control????

 

This is what always amazes me about modesty threads. Men are demonized as all slimey, all creepy, all.the.time. and every glance, every instance of eye contact is interpretted as "he must be thinking sicko thoughts right now" and meanwhile the 15 year old females drooling in the corner staring directly below the belt get a complete pass, because well, they are girls they must therefore be saints in this department or something.

 

I've had my own two, good looking boys ogled BIG TIME by teenage girls and more than one college girl. They don't appreciate it either! It makes them every bit as uncomfortable as females and they get ogled A LOT when wearing suits. Short of covering them head to toe, I wouldn't know how to stop it and frankly, probably the girls would still stare and wonder what was under their robe! Therefore, I have no intention of making them cover up every part of themselves in some misguided attempt to make them responsible for another person's twisted thought life.

 

And by the way, more than one boy at the beach has lost his trunks in a big wave. Yet, I've seen very little movement to make boys wear a speedo or underwear under their trunks just in case. I wonder how this is less immodest than the girl's bikini that actually stays where it belongs?

 

I'm just asking because it really baffles me, this obsession with letting girls off on harassment and s*xual thoughts and then assuming the worst of every male.

 

Faith

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No bikinis here; I feel like putting a bikini top on a girl without breasts is like putting up a sign saying ''We're sorry, this exhibit is still under construction. Please look again in ten years.'' I'd have no problem with my daughter wearing just bottoms, but since I don't want her stared at, either, I've settled on one-pieces. We'll revisit this topic when she's a teenager.

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As my dd9 says, "We're all naked under our cloths, so what's the big deal?"

I think it really depends on where you live and your lifestyle. In the summer our daughter lives in bikinis at the beach, and so don't I. On vacation, we always see plenty of Europeans that go topless (women & girls). It's only an issue if you make it one.

I've seen many a man dressed in much less than the women at the beach.

 

For those that are pro-bikini, my dd9 found an adorable one that I'm planning on sneaking into her Easter basket... http://www.garnethill.com/pom-pom-bandeau-bikini-by-pilyq---baby-girls-26-girls/girls-clothing/girls-swimwear/bikinis/285272?defattrib=&defattribvalue=&listIndex=7

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Tankinis are so much more comfortable than one-pieces. I'm a tall girl, and I wish they had been around more when I was a teen!

A little bit of tummy (not too much) is ok with us.

 

I agree with the poster who said that most bikinis are like going out in a bra and panties. Just too much skin.

 

DD has a rather low cut tankini right now, I don't mind too much since she is still pretty flat chested. She keeps saying she dreads getting big on top because she doesn't want to have to change her bathing suit.

 

 

Your Dd might have a point. My Dd and I are comfortable in bikinis, but we don't really have significant bOOks to worry about. Also, when you're thin, one piece suits that are long enough are often made too wide. They can gap and be less modest than a well fitting bikini that covers your bits. I mall about keeping bOOks and bits covered, I just don't view the stomach as a naughty area.

 

 

 

Love your dd17's attitude.

I am fascinated by the number of parents who let their kids choose over X age (14, 16, 17, whatever). My stance is: my house, my rules, period. That is the expectation and they know it from an early age.

This extends to more than a dress code, so now I'm wondering what else people allow kids to choose that is outside of my comfort zone at those ages. Just out of pure curiosity. Another thread idea, though.

My kids have zero interest in bikinis and even remark that they do not like them...I'm sure because in our religious culture, it is just not really done. Their peers don't do it, and our religious leaders advice against it. It wouldn't matter how many were doing it at the beach or pool, it would fall into the "in the world but not OF it" category.

 

Some people raise their children to obey their rules unquestioningly. Some people focus more on turning out adults with decision-making abilities and experience. You'll produce level-headed adults AND folks who make dubious, impulsive decisions either way. There are just different parenting styles out there and a situation you view as giving up control others may use as a learning opportunity. My opinion is that nobody learns to drive by watching their parents do it.

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I prefer tankinis on my girls but they are still very young. I'm not comfortable in a bikini myself and if tankinis had been popular when I was a teen, that's what I would have bought. I'm not making my decisions based on what is modest and what is not but based on what will stay on their bodies when they play hard. ;)

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A one piece swimsuit would not prevent such a person from ogling a child...any child, no matter how they are dressed. Could we stop with the body shame? Your emotional baggage (mentioned in your other post) has nothing to do with anyone else.

 

 

Excuse me??

 

The men I am around are not primates, nor do I see them ogling. They are smarter than that. But if I notice a beautiful teen body, being a 30-year-old woman who is not all that visual, I'm sure the more visual of our species notices.

 

Good grief. Any other personal attacks you all would like to make? Are we still in middle school here?

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I don't have any girls.

 

Personally I don't feel comfortable in a bikini. My boobs are large, and one side is bigger then the other. I have never found one I felt comfortable in. (depending on the make I will need a 32 d on one side and a e on the other. )

 

Someome compared wearing a bikin to bra and underwear. I would be comfortable wearing one of my nice sport bras. That would be even better than a swimsuit. If I go to a water park with slides then that is what I do. I find it holds me in place even better than any other swimsuit I own.

 

As for my boys being modest. I'm fine with whatever they are fine with. Eldest wears a speedo. I'm just making him get a new one since his favorite is getting old and saggy. When at the beach of lake then simple smarts about covering up related to sun burns comes into play.

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I'm baffled by the male thing too faith. I don't have any ds but dh gets the looks often. He is 31, not bad looking but good God does a fifteen year old have the right to stare at him like she wants to eat him????

 

 

 

So, your hubby has experienced it too! Makes me see red. My dh is pretty good looking for a 48 year old guy...has kind of a Harrison Ford look, and gack...I am so tired of him being leered at and it's really leering. I caught a married woman staring, all out fixed gaze, totally immersed in, staring at his bum the other day. Yah, I get that's he handsome in a suit and when he bent over to help our grand niece (a toddler) who had tripped, she may have been glancing our way quite innocently - that's normal. But, seriously! Get.a.grip.and.look.at.something.else. I almost walked over and asked her if she needed a hankie to wipe the drool off her lips.

 

Of course, we here at the hive are not saints by any stretch. Kilt threads! They may be fun, but we are ogling, aren't we? Course, I don't care if Johnny Depp goes past me in a kilt and no shirt, I'm not going to make him uncomfortable and ogle him. I was raised better than that! I can choose what I dwell on.

 

I think the pendulum has swung too far the other way and the over emphasis on dirty boys as lead to no training for the girls and then they grow into women with no respect for men.

 

I sure would like to live in a culture that exhibited more mutual respect between the genders and did not have to hyper-s**ualize everything.

 

Faith

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Well, since head covering has come up, I also cover. My girls wear one pieces or tankinis. This is our preference for our family. Has nothing to do with anyone else and, no, I don't assume that anyone is an immodest hussy if they wear a bikini. Okay, I will admit I thought that once, when the bikini was itty bitty triangles that barely covered one gals nips, yes, she popped out once even...but even then, I think she was going for looking "hot" and she realized just how that can backfire in a horrible way...ended up feeling sorry for her.

Though I don't believe a head covering, in practice, is entirely cultural, but cross cultural, it is on how it is practiced. Same with modesty. In fact, American women have been considered immodest for covering their breasts but not their legs elsewhere.

The "I don't believe in swimming" is more accurate for those that don't believe in coed swimming...I used to be there and know others that are there. So laugh, but know that it's a legitimate option.

I have lived in Guam, been to the Jersey shore, and live near the Carolina coastline.

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No. I don't see the point. :confused1: Like "hey pedophiles, look at all my SKIN!!" There are plenty of cute one-pieces.

 

 

You accuse people of putting their children on display for pedophiles in this post...

 

Excuse me??

 

The men I am around are not primates, nor do I see them ogling. They are smarter than that. But if I notice a beautiful teen body, being a 30-year-old woman who is not all that visual, I'm sure the more visual of our species notices.

 

Good grief. Any other personal attacks you all would like to make? Are we still in middle school here?

 

 

And then accuse ME of personal attacks for asking that we stop with the body shaming?

 

Look at all the comments about girls and their (obvious) attraction to men. We have kilt threads here because women are in no way visual and/or attracted to the male form?

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But if I notice a beautiful teen body, being a 30-year-old woman who is not all that visual, I'm sure the more visual of our species notices.

 

Yes, I notice too. But I consider it to be my problem, and not the fault of the other person.

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You accuse people of putting their children on display for pedophiles in this post...

 

 

Please. I accused no one of anything. I was sharing MY OPINION, not bringing any other poster into it, and I was not the only poster to mention men thinking sexual thoughts about women in bikinis. I don't think I was even the only one to use the word "ogle" and yet all the men I hang around with are primates and I am somehow emotionally damaged? Bite me.

 

And then accuse ME of personal attacks for asking that we stop with the body shaming?

 

 

Uhh, yeah, because you were personally addressing and insulting me and what I have shared in other posts. WTH??

 

I also never said women don't ogle. Of course they do. This post is talking about whether or not we allow our children or teens to wear bikinis. If you do, great for you. Put them in string bikinis or send them out topless for all I care, I'm too busy to be out judging what teens and children are wearing at the beach.

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[/size]

 

Yes, I notice too. But I consider it to be my problem, and not the fault of the other person.

 

 

Of course. But I don't want to subject my daughter to that if I can help it. Of course it wouldn't be her fault. Did I say it's the woman's fault??

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I think we may just have two different trains of thought going on here. I'm not running on very much sleep, so I ask you to extend me grace. I grant that every culture does indeed have a different idea of what constitutes modesty, and those ideas change over time. I don't think anyone would dispute that.

 

I just have to say, Mercy, that although I do not share your beliefs on these issues, I have great respect for the poise and grace with which you have handled this discussion. It's such a pleasure to read your clear, polite, thoughtful comments. Thank you for sharing them with us!

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Please. I accused no one of anything. I was sharing MY OPINION, not bringing any other poster into it, and I was not the only poster to mention men thinking sexual thoughts about women in bikinis. I don't think I was even the only one to use the word "ogle" and yet all the men I hang around with are primates and I am somehow emotionally damaged? Bite me.

 

I'm not even the one who said most of that (FaithManor is the one who mentioned primates, for example). You are confusing my posts with the posts of other people.

 

Uhh, yeah, because you were personally addressing and insulting me and what I have shared in other posts. WTH??

 

It isn't insulting to ask that we not shame other women (and girls) because of how you feel about your own past. And, yes, it is legitimate to mention that when you bring it up in the thread. Your motives are not necessarily the same motives that they hold.

 

I also never said women don't ogle. Of course they do. This post is talking about whether or not we allow our children or teens to wear bikinis. If you do, great for you. Put them in string bikinis or send them out topless for all I care, I'm too busy to be out judging what teens and children are wearing at the beach.

 

 

Really? Because that is not how you came across at all. In fact, accusing people of putting their children on display for pedophiles is judging both the girls/young women *and* their parents.

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And for those of you who think that YOUR precious, civilized husbands never lust after women or notice teens in bikinis who look like Victoria's Secret models (I think all of us here are pretty past that).....okay.

 

 

Yo? :huh: Umm that's insulting.

 

My Dh has had to go to work at conventions where he was surrounded by women in heels and bikinis. THREE of the guys who later talked to me said he didn't even look. He doesn't. It's not him, he has immense self control, and he's raising our sons the same way.

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I'm not even the one who said most of that. You are confusing my posts with the posts of other people.

 

I know what you said. Faith is the one who said that I hang out with primate men and she feels sorry for me. (nice).

 

 

 

It isn't insulting to ask that we not shame other women (and girls) because of how you feel about your own past.

 

That isn't the tone I got from your post. I got more of the "enough with the shaming because of your own damaged past." That is a personal insult, that I am purposefully shaming others because I am somehow damaged.

 

Really? Because that is not how you came across at all. In fact, accusing people of putting their children on display for pedophiles is judging both the girls/young women *and* their parents.

 

 

I sincerely apologize.

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yes and no. yes, they will treat all women like objects. no, because they're more interested looking at the women who are putting themselves on display so they aren't learing at women who are modest. (unless she's the only female around.)

 

 

Would you then agree that if I am at the beach with 20 other women all decked out in tankinis and a women walks down the beach topless she is putting herself on display and has asked for the leering, but if it is just us tankini clad gals any leering is on the men alone?

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Really? Because that is not how you came across at all. In fact, accusing people of putting their children on display for pedophiles is judging both the girls/young women *and* their parents.

 

 

:iagree:

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My Dh has had to go to work at conventions where he was surrounded by women in heels and bikinis. THREE of the guys who later talked to me said he didn't even look. He doesn't. It's not him, he has immense self control, and he's raising our sons the same way.

 

I believe you.

 

I think men (in general, I never said anything about specific husbands or men) think sexual thoughts about women in bikinis, more quickly than they would women completely dressed. I thought that was obvious since much of the naked body is showing in a bikini (??), but apparently I am from another planet and somehow damaged or only hang around with animals.

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Yeah, um, that last was insulting. I'm more visual than my husband. My husband doesn't care to look. Just as women shouldn't be broadbrushed, neither are all men bumbling idiots that can only think with what's in their pants when women are around. I'll be honest, that type of thinking less to dysfunction. The churches that have had the most sex issues have been, in my experience, those that have treated the issue this way. In another though, I did have one porn addicted father throw a fit with the fact that we were more modest than the rest of the church...so it can happen in both extremes.

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Would you the agree that if I am at the beach with 20 other women all decked out in tankinis and a women walks down the beach topless she is putting herself on display and has asked for the leering, but if it is just us tankini clad gals any leering is on the men alone?

 

I still say men who are like that will stare no matter what. I've been to the beach in Hawaii with a LOT of different men-single and married. I've only ever been with ONE who ogled and stared and acted disgusting, and it really didn't matter what the women were wearing. I've NEVER been so glad NOT to be married to someone, YUCK!

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Do they care about looking at mostly naked children? I don't know, but I'd rather not experiment with my kids, kwim? Teen bodies are gorgeous, who can resist looking at a toned teen when they are barely covered? No man I know. It's just asking for attention and ogling, IMO.

 

That's not to say I didn't wear a bikini and want/like that attention. ;) I just don't like thinking of men looking at my daughter in a sexual way.

 

You don't find this post insulting to girls and women who wear two piece swimsuits and fraught with emotional baggage? You honestly cannot see that at all?

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I still say men who are like that will stare no matter what. I've been to the beach in Hawaii with a LOT of different men-single and married. I've only ever been with ONE who ogled and stared and acted disgusting, and it really didn't matter what the women were wearing. I've NEVER been so glad NOT to be married to someone, YUCK!

 

Oh no, I agree with you. I am tying to see if I understand what pp was saying correctly.

 

 

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You don't find this post insulting to girls and women who wear two piece swimsuits and fraught with emotional baggage? You honestly cannot see that at all?

 

FRAUGHT with emotional baggage? Dramatic much? Nope, I don't see it. I said what man can resist LOOKING. I would rather not my daughter be the one being looked at. That's all. I'm truly sorry that I came across so offensively, I will agree that my tact and tone has not been the best lately.

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I believe you.

 

I think men (in general, I never said anything about specific husbands or men) think sexual thoughts about women in bikinis, more quickly than they would women completely dressed. I thought that was obvious since much of the naked body is showing in a bikini (??), but apparently I am from another planet and somehow damaged or only hang around with animals.

 

Our best friends are also the same way. I've never seen her Dh look elsewhere. And I think it has to do with a deeply ingrained sense of loyalty. Even though their marriage has often hung on by a thread, he wouldn't even *consider* looking elsewhere. He may be guilty of many sins, but wandering eyes is not one.

 

I think you're buying what advertising has been selling you in what men think and what women think.

 

Yeah, um, that last was insulting. I'm more visual than my husband. My husband doesn't care to look. Just as women shouldn't be broadbrushed, neither are all men bumbling idiots that can only think with what's in their pants when women are around. I'll be honest, that type of thinking less to dysfunction. The churches that have had the most sex issues have been, in my experience, those that have treated the issue this way. In another though, I did have one porn addicted father throw a fit with the fact that we were more modest than the rest of the church...so it can happen in both extremes.

 

:iagree:

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Do they care about looking at mostly naked children? I don't know, but I'd rather not experiment with my kids, kwim? Teen bodies are gorgeous, who can resist looking at a toned teen when they are barely covered? No man I know. It's just asking for attention and ogling, IMO.

 

That's not to say I didn't wear a bikini and want/like that attention. ;) I just don't like thinking of men looking at my daughter in a sexual way.

 

I. Dup. YOU are the one that brought it up!

 

You posted above, "Teen bodies are gorgeous, who can resist looking at a toned teen when they are barely covered? No man I know." You said it NOT me. You said you knew NO MAN who could exercise self-control and then came on here again to insult every hive members' husband, every hive dad who posts here, and every hiver raising sons with insults about "precious, civilized husbands" and "Victoria's Secret". You did it. Not me. So since you stated you DON'T know any males that do not lewdly stare at girls or other women, then I am very sorry for you. I do have civilized males in my life.

 

Would you like it if I posted similarly about you? Seriously, I could make some pretty big assumptions based on my personal experiences. My husband and teen sons are nice looking people and they get ogled by teen girls, college girls, and even married women on a VERY regular basis and that's when wearing business suits! But, I don't assume every female is a perv.

 

Faith

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I. Dup. YOU are the one that brought it up!...So since you stated you DON'T know any males that do not lewdly stare at girls or other women, then I am very sorry for you.

 

Read my post. That is not at all what I said. Not at ALL. I also did not bring ANYONE'S husband or son into this discussion (good grief). But thanks for the blatant and very personal insult.

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I voted no bikini. They are not modest enough. I cringe when I see babies and little girls wearing them. I dont think it is cute at all. I'm not totally opposed to tankinis, but have seen too many that ride up every time the kid jumps into the water. I like the idea simply because it makes going to the restroom easier. I would love it if I could find a tankini top paired with board shorts for myself or my dd.

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FRAUGHT with emotional baggage? Dramatic much? Nope, I don't see it. I said what man can resist LOOKING. I would rather not my daughter be the one being looked at. That's all. I'm truly sorry that I came across so offensively, I will agree that my tact and tone has not been the best lately.

 

 

I was referring to this bit:

"That's not to say I didn't wear a bikini and want/like that attention..."

 

You are ascribing motives to other people that may not exist for them. As far as not wanting anyone looking at our daughters in a sexual manner, my eldest is *seventeen*, not a toddler. I've had time to come to terms with the *fact* that she is nearly an adult. It isn't dramatic not to want people shaming her as she makes decisions *for herself*.

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I have a fair Irish skinned husband and so far 2 out of 4 children are fair. We have a pool and live in sunny SC so rash guards are the only way to go. For an evening swim I allow one pieces, but it's just not practical or modest to have skin exposed.

 

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I was referring to this bit:

"That's not to say I didn't wear a bikini and want/like that attention..."

 

THIS is what you are calling emotionally damaged????? Have you not heard of teen girls enjoying attention from boys?

 

You are ascribing motives to other people that may not exist for them. As far as not wanting anyone looking at our daughters in a sexual manner, my eldest is *seventeen*, not a toddler. I've had time to come to terms with the *fact* that she is nearly an adult. It isn't dramatic not to want people shaming her as she makes decisions *for herself*.

 

 

I don't remember bringing your daughter into the conversation. :confused1: I remember sharing my opinion and my past (mistake #1). My eldest is *ELEVEN.* Maybe that has something to do with it. I do not want any man looking at her, ever. :tongue_smilie: We are all at different places in our journey.

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Oh no, I agree with you. I am tying to see if I understand what pp was saying correctly.

 

 

I know, I was just adding on. :)

 

 

Do they care about looking at mostly naked children? I don't know, but I'd rather not experiment with my kids, kwim? Teen bodies are gorgeous, who can resist looking at a toned teen when they are barely covered? No man I know. It's just asking for attention and ogling, IMO.

 

That's not to say I didn't wear a bikini and want/like that attention. ;) I just don't like thinking of men looking at my daughter in a sexual way.

 

 

Read my post. That is not at all what I said. Not at ALL. I also did not bring ANYONE'S husband or son into this discussion (good grief). But thanks for the blatant and very personal insult.

 

 

1. You say they are "nearly naked."

 

2. You say no man you know can resist looking.

 

3. You say that they are ASKING for attention and ogling.

 

4. You admit that you did it for attention as a teen.

 

How is this not insulting to the women (including young women/girls) who wear two pieces and to all men? I don't get how you don't see it, and you're accusing other people of insulting you for pointing it out?

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I believe you.

 

I think men (in general, I never said anything about specific husbands or men) think sexual thoughts about women in bikinis, more quickly than they would women completely dressed. I thought that was obvious since much of the naked body is showing in a bikini (??), but apparently I am from another planet and somehow damaged or only hang around with animals.

 

 

Adults can learn how to compartmentalize physiological reaction apart from mental/emotional attention. A man can't help feeling attracted to certain women (or men, or both), but maturity means he learns how to ignore that natural attraction when it's not appropriate. He moves on. The onus of protecting a man from inappropriate staring is not on the women and children who surround him.

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I just have to say, Mercy, that although I do not share your beliefs on these issues, I have great respect for the poise and grace with which you have handled this discussion. It's such a pleasure to read your clear, polite, thoughtful comments. Thank you for sharing them with us!

 

 

I appreciate that very much, Jenny. Thank you! :)

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And for those of you who think that YOUR precious, civilized husbands never lust after women or notice teens in bikinis who look like Victoria's Secret models (I think all of us here are pretty past that).....okay.

 

 

Exactly how was I supposed to take this???? I was not the only poster insulted by this. Maybe we don't get your meaning. The meaning seems to be pretty obvious...our husbands lust after other women.

 

As for the other post, I quoted you in it's entirety. I hit quote directly from that post. So, I don't see how in that one, I left anything out.

 

So, yes, I'm insulted on behalf of the very precious, very civilized men in my life. If you don't want me to take it that way, then you'll need to explain the intent of the above post. It has not been my experience.

 

Faith

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How is this not insulting to the women who wear two pieces and to all men? I don't get how you don't see it, and you're accusing other people of insulting you for pointing it out?

 

 

I still see it as a big stretch to say I was insulting ALL women and ALL men, everywhere.

 

But again, I apologize if I came across that way.

 

And I didn't accuse others for insulting me who "pointed it out." I accused them of insulting me when I was personally insulted. Saying people feel sorry for me because I must hang out with primates and telling me to shove it because I am emotionally damaged are personal insults in my book. But apparently we've established that I am from another planet and clearly out of touch and damaged, so maybe those were actually compliments or helpful tips instead of blatant insults? lol

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THIS is what you are calling emotionally damaged????? Have you not heard of teen girls enjoying attention from boys?

 

YOU are the only one who has said anything about being DAMAGED. You are putting words in my mouth. Everyone has emotional baggage, everyone. It is part of being human.

 

Have you ever heard of teen girls wearing a particular suit because it is comfortable, it is the normal thing to do, it works for the sports she engages in? Why does it have to be "asking for attention and ogling?"

 

 

I don't remember bringing your daughter into the conversation. :confused1:

 

You brought EVERYONE into it when you said it was "asking for attention and ogling" *and* when you said it was putting them on display for pedophiles.

 

My eldest is *ELEVEN.* Maybe that has something to do with it. I do not want any man looking at her, ever. :tongue_smilie: We are all at different places in our journey.

 

 

And this was a large part of my initial points.

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Adults can learn how to compartmentalize physiological reaction apart from mental/emotional attention. A man can't help feeling attracted to certain women (or men, or both), but maturity means he learns how to ignore that natural attraction when it's not appropriate. He moves on. The onus of protecting a man from inappropriate staring is not on the women and children who surround him.

 

 

I agree with you.

 

 

What's wrong with enjoying attention?

 

 

Apparently it's emotionally damaged.

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