missmoe Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 I'm wondering if your children have close friends outside your family. My dh and I were discussing this the other day. Our kids are really close and consider each other best friends. They don't have very many close friends outside our family. They get along with others and seem to have a knack for putting others at ease. But they haven't emotionally connected with others. I'm wondering if this is a large family thing--or something else altogether. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dory Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 Out of my family of 7 kids growing up, only two of the boys had best friends outside the family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hypatia. Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 My kids are still young but they have a few other families where they consider the kids close friends. For the most part these are other families with several kids around the same age where the mom is one of my good friends and the kids have grown up together. I'm sure this dynamic will change over the next several years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milovany Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 We have seven kids between the ages of 4 and 19 and yes, they do have friends outside the family. They didn't for a long time, but when we got involved in Orthodoxy, it seems that close friendships came along at the same time. (They had buddy-type friends before this, but not close friends.) I think it's because we're at church a lot, as are the others, and so we see each other quite frequently. On Sundays, we're there for 3-4 ours after the service ends, just hanging out with everyone. It also has to do with our families all being converts, so there's an affinity that way. They are friends with each other as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmoe Posted March 7, 2013 Author Share Posted March 7, 2013 Yes, my kids did have friends when they were little. And they were the kids of my friends. :) But now that they are teens, it doesn't work the same way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Khselee Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 I only have ds, and yes, he has many friends outside of our family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 My two kids are best friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenaj Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 My younger group of five kids would consider each other to be best friends. We do have one other family with lots of kids of similar ages and those are our "family" friends for everyone. There are other kids that they know and would consider friends but they don't spend a lot of time outside of specific activities with them (soccer, basketball, baseball, church). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 Yes, but the close friends are not similar in age. My 18 year old's best friend is 38 and my 14 year old's best friend is 23. My 16 year old son has a best friend who is his age, but many older friends as well because he has been going to community college for several years now. Most of the people he meets there are adults. It poses problems when Ds wants to go to a friend's house. Dh will ask, "will an adult be there?" "Yes, absolutely." But if the question changes to "will any parents be home?" Ds says,"ummm.. Well, whose parents exactly?" Because his friends have their own apartments and don't live at home, but technically they ARE adults. I remember once when Dh was grilling Ds's friends at the front gate before letting him leave with them. Everyone in the car was over 20. Dh asked if they had any other 16 year old friends. "Ummm. No, just him" I was pretty surprised that they ever came back after that conversation, but all of my children get along well with people of all different ages and backgrounds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2squared Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 My kids are still young. They are all extremely close, but they all want/need other friends too. My oldest dd wants friends to hang out with and do tween girl things with. Her brothers and younger sister just aren't in that spot. My oldest son is extremely atheletic and competitive. His sibs aren't in his league, so he has friends who are. My 6yo alternates playing all day between his 8yo bro and 4yo sis, but his play is different when he's with his 6yo bestie. I treasure the times he gets to spend one-on-one with his bestie b/c that time fills a different need for him. So, yes, my kids are best friends. But....those sibling friendships don't fill all their needs or wants. I don't know what this will look like as teens. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 My kids are still pretty young, and they're best friends with each other, but they do enjoy hanging out with kids from other families too. They get along particularly well with a family whose kids are similar in age to ours; DD, in particular, being the only girl in our house of boys, seems to appreciate hanging out with another girl her own age. And my 4yo has a couple of 4yo boys that are particular buddies of his, and I think he really enjoys playing with them because they like the same little-boy-but-not-baby things that he likes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amyable Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 They did for awhile... kids of MY friends who were similar ages, enjoyed similar things. Now that my kids are older and life and friends have moved on, they really only have each other. They have acquaintances at things like youth group, choir, skating... but NO close friends outside each other. I'm glad to hear this is somewhat normal. I grew up as one of two kids 6 years apart. I've never been "close" to my sibling or family members, so this is all new territory for me. I've been so worried about my friends not having "friends" - not realizing they may have something better in each other. Still working on a few more friends for them though. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Dup. Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 I prefer my children be each other's best friends since friendships outside the family come and go. But my daughter does have a few close friends outside the family. My boys don't seem to have that need, they are all close in age and have each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 Each family is different. Each kid is different. I've seen equal of both in both large and small families. My kids mostly get along with people outside the family, though they pair up here and there and bicker like siblings at other times. I'm one of ten. Some of us are more paired up with a sibling where some of us do better with outside people. Sometimes the whole family is one way or the other, sometimes it's dispersed. For me, you would think that one of the twins and I were the twins, but instead she and her twin are so different you would not guess they are twins. The other twin is more likely to call our stepsister before us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 Charity begins in the home--how to function in relationships, how to love, starts at home, so yes, this is their first place of friendship. A few have close friends outside the house, but it's been slow coming and prudence in choosing friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2TheTeam Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 I have 6 kids all very close since I have 2 sets of twins in that mix. They don't have many other friends and the ones they have are really more like aquaintances because we don't see them all that often. Honestly, we aren't involved in all that much outside the house. (I have 6 kids 7 and under, including twins who are 2 and a 4 month old. It's not easy to get out.) We go to AWANA and church every week and that's about it. Sometimes we get together with friends or family with children too. But really, mine don't have a lot of opportunity. Oh, we also go to the gym every night...when we aren't sick. I suspect that at some point they will have other friends, but I'm totally fine with them just sticking with each other. Friends will come and go. They will always have each other. Plus, I know who is influencing them. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 I was from a large family with a large age gap. I had outside friends, and so did my brothers. My kids make friends outside the home, but don't have "best friends". We are rural, and there are few options here for kids to make friends unless they are part of the town clique or go to certain churches. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TN Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 I'm wondering if your children have close friends outside your family. My dh and I were discussing this the other day. Our kids are really close and consider each other best friends. They don't have very many close friends outside our family. They get along with others and seem to have a knack for putting others at ease. But they haven't emotionally connected with others. I'm wondering if this is a large family thing--or something else altogether. My 3 older girls have at least one "best friend", oldest ds has a best friend. The main issue for us is being mostly introverted and having a difficult time scheduling time to be with these friends. My youngest kids play together a lot, and with neighbor kids sometimes (when they are available - again, hard to find time with different schedules.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmoe Posted March 7, 2013 Author Share Posted March 7, 2013 I have 6 kids all very close since I have 2 sets of twins in that mix. They don't have many other friends and the ones they have are really more like aquaintances because we don't see them all that often. Honestly, we aren't involved in all that much outside the house. (I have 6 kids 7 and under, including twins who are 2 and a 4 month old. It's not easy to get out.) We go to AWANA and church every week and that's about it. Sometimes we get together with friends or family with children too. But really, mine don't have a lot of opportunity. Oh, we also go to the gym every night...when we aren't sick. I suspect that at some point they will have other friends, but I'm totally fine with them just sticking with each other. Friends will come and go. They will always have each other. Plus, I know who is influencing them. ;) I use to be you! I have five kids ages 18-13--including one set of twins. Just wanted to let you know--it gets easier. That is how I feel about my kids, but as they leave the house I worry about them connecting with others. My oldest has been at college for a year + and I still don't see a him having a huge connection with others. My kids do have friends--just not really close friends. They seem to be fine hanging out at home with their siblings. Good to know their are other families in the same position. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmoe Posted March 7, 2013 Author Share Posted March 7, 2013 Charity begins in the home--how to function in relationships, how to love, starts at home, so yes, this is their first place of friendship. A few have close friends outside the house, but it's been slow coming and prudence in choosing friends. How about your older children? I see that you have adult children. Have they made close friends as adults? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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