Abbeygurl4 Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 I have a granddaughter who is 11, my daughter is 10 and my grandson is 9. I have a really hard time balancing being a mom of a young child and also a grandma. DD is the youngest of 6. My others are 14, 22, 25, 28, and 30. I was never in a position to spoil my older 4 but the younger 2, especially my youngest, I've been able to do a little more for. Things were tough for a long time but the past few years have been a little better financially and we've had a little more discretionary funds. My problem is that my granddaughter is constantly jealous of my daughter. Emma (my dd) is to the point where she hides things that she gets even if she pays for them herself because my grand dd gets so jealous. I just can't buy 3 of everything ( I can't get something for grand dd and not grand ds too) that I get for Emma because I can't afford that. Emma never brags about her stuff and she always shares but grand dd ends up upset. It's never big things either. I do pick up stuff for grand dd and grand ds occasionally, but it doesn't seem to matter she wants what Emma gets. Emma is to the point that she feels guilty when she gets anything from anyone. I don't know what to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 this isn't about "stuff". Your dgd is unhappy within herself and who she is and is looking for "stuff" to make her happy. eta: it might not be emma's "stuff" she's jealous of, but parents who have time to bestow upon her. (and she is equating that with "stuff".) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 What are your granddaughter's parents doing to help her understand that this is not acceptable behavior? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athena1277 Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 What are your granddaughter's parents doing to help her understand that this is not acceptable behavior? That's my question, too. What is their take on the situation? Granddaughter sounds like she is struggling to find/understand her place in the family since her aunt is the same age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abbeygurl4 Posted March 7, 2013 Author Share Posted March 7, 2013 What are your granddaughter's parents doing to help her understand that this is not acceptable behavior? My dd, K, is divorced from the father. He isn't in the picture at all. K is aware of gdd's jealousy to some degree, but I don't think she understands how bad it is. She doesn't see it like I do because it happens when dd isn't there. My 22 yo dd (her aunt) has been talking to gdd trying to talk to her to understand that she's loved a lot and that it hurts Emma when she gets jealous and angry. It's just a tough situation. I love gdd, but I still have my own kids that I need to take care of. K is overly sensitive to criticism so I hate having to tell her anything negative about her kids. They are good kids and gdd and Emma are best friends, but when that jealousy strikes she just lashes out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abbeygurl4 Posted March 7, 2013 Author Share Posted March 7, 2013 this isn't about "stuff". Your dgd is unhappy within herself and who she is and is looking for "stuff" to make her happy. eta: it might not be emma's "stuff" she's jealous of, but parents who have time to bestow upon her. (and she is equating that with "stuff".) I never thought of it that way. You may be right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarreymere Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 I'm in a similar position to you. I have dd age 9 and ds age six at home, and I have eight older kids (bio and adopted) and at last count fifteen grandchildren. My oldest grandchild is also 9 and is a girl. She is fine, but my 7 year old granddaughter with a different mom is a like you describe. My dh and I discussed this issue for some time, but the only 'solution' we could come up with to protect our child and our sanity is to limit our time with that granddaughter. Her mom won't address her behavior and in fact tends to take the easier path of ignoring it. The behavior had progressed to doing something to ruin whatever the item was that she was upset about. We were open with dd (the mom) about why we were not spending as much time with her dd. The mom was upset with us for a while, but she did step up a bit and has made an effort to spend more time with her dd and work with her on her behavior. We aren't as close with the family as we had been, but I think that it has been the right choice for our own younger kids. Good luck with this. It can be so hard to deal with these kinds of issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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