if your child has/had a lovey....

[HappyLady]

Do you let them take it everywhere or are certain places off limits? My DS (2.5) is attached to two of them (they're those little blankets with the animal head). My DD was never attached to anything so this is my first experience with this. At first it was just that my DS needed his lovies when he went to bed. Now it's to the point where he has to have them the majority of the time. He even freaks out when we take them away from him when he has to have a bath.

 

Today for lunch my DH took them away from him and told our DS he would get them all dirty (we were having a dish with red sauce). My DS freaked and refused to eat until I finally put them on his lap. Of course they got all full of sauce, but to me that's no big deal. I wiped them off and they're fine. My DH wants to start breaking our DS of his need for his lovies all the time. I agree that it's frustrating that he's so attached to them sometimes, but when is the right time to take them away? And do I really need to limit when he can and cannot have them?

[bolt.]

I think a first step would not be truly limiting him from having them at-hand... But sort of gradually stretching how close the lovie needs to be, but in a kid-friendly way. Perhaps it can have its own chair at your table instead of sharing your child's lap... Within reach, in sight, not abruptly 'taken away' or firmly 'not allowed' -- just 'growing up and wants its own chair' (possibly complete with its own plate/cup).

 

As slight distances become more comfortable (through all sorts if games and playful scenarios) your son will maintain his sense if security. This is not the same as limiting him -- it's making it 'more fun' for lovey to be doing things at greater distances. Soon some distance won't be a big deal to him (as long as you cloak it in a playful reason) and you will be better able to say-so when it's not appropriate for lovie to be so close (ie 'lovie will watch your swimming lessons with me. Lovie can not come in the pool' will make sense and not be a big deal if handled gently.)

[TheApprentice]

My youngest ds had a "blankie" until he was about 8. There was absolutely nothing we could say/do to have him part with it. It was not worth the stress on either of us. But because he took it everywhere, he would occasionally drop it, ergo, it got lost. Nothing would replace it, and that was the end of his "blankie" days. To this day, he is 10, he speaks fondly of his "blankie" and how he misses it. But boy, did that thing smell bad. And when we washed it (I would have to sneak it away), he was upset because it didn't have the smell he wanted. Ahhh, the good old days.

[Erica in OR]

But boy, did that thing smell bad. And when we washed it (I would have to sneak it away), he was upset because it didn't have the smell he wanted. Ahhh, the good old days.

 

This reminds me so much of the Kevin Henkes book "Owen." Love that book.

 

Erica in OR

[GSOchristie]

All three of ours have had a blanket, the same blanket, in fact, different colors, which makes me wonder about its addictive qualities :). With Jax and Piper (starting in 2 weeks), must be in the bed to have the blanket at age 2. They are welcome to have it as much as they want, P has a paci, too, but they have to sit in the bed. I found Jax needed it less and less after this rule went into effect. He was REALLY attached, so much so that they asked me to stop bringing it to MOPS because he worried about who was touching it and where it was to the point he couldn't play.

[elegantlion]

At 2.5 I wouldn't try to break him. Ds had a blankie and carried it with him for the longest time. We taught him early on that he was responsible for making sure it came and left with us, such as at a restaurant or store. Of course, we'd check too and only had to go back for it once.

 

It's a fleece blanket and even now isn't worn out. I think it's still in his dresser. I remember buying the darn thing when he was about 6 weeks old. At this point we're considering making it into a pillow case or covering, putting some patches on the holes. (it's a baby-sized blanket).

[nukeswife]

My kids all had/have them. My oldest had a crib comforter that was his blanket. About 3 years ago it was getting really threadbare so he asked me to do something my mom did for me. I placed it inside of a new blanket I made him using it like quilt batting. He still has and uses his new blanket with "Blankie" inside, but it never leaves his room. That was a choice he made on his own.

 

My dd always had a fondness for a teal blue thermal receiving blanket that she wadded up under her head at night. It came everywhere, when she was about 8 it was starting to get holes so she placed it on a shelf in her closet and that was the end of it. All she asks is that it stays on the shelf until she's ready to part with it.

 

My youngest has a blanket and a pig beanie baby that goes everywhere he does. He's 7.5 now and he's very responsible for them. If they go out with us he'll leave them in the car when we go into a restaurant or mall etc. He has asked me to do something with his blanket like I did his brothers, but it's one of those thermal receiving blankets like his sister had so it's not really a good substitute for quilt batting. I have offered to make him a small envelope style pillow case that he can fold it up and plut it inside of and he likes that idea. The pig I'm not sure. He has an identical one, but it's not the same as the ratty old one.

 

We've never restricted where they can take them, but make sure they know if it gets lost there isn't a way to replace it.

[Ellie]

My younger dd had a favorite blankie. She could take it anywhere she wanted...in the house. No blankie out of the house, ever.

 

An interesting story: When dd was about 4yo, guests stayed with us for about a week, and I allowed dd to sleep with me. During that week she didn't touch her blankie once, even though she had always taken it around the house with her, and sat on it when she watched TV, and curled up with it for naps, and so on. So after the guests left, I continued having dd sleep with me for several weeks. Although the blankie had warm fuzzie memories, she never felt the need to take it out of her bed. We just left it folded up. Apparently, the blankie fulfilled something in her little psyche that she needed and that was satisfied by sleeping with me. I would rather have had her satisfied by sleeping with me than with the blankie, KWIM?

[Cinder]

My youngest ds had a "blankie" until he was about 8. There was absolutely nothing we could say/do to have him part with it. It was not worth the stress on either of us.

 

It was like this for us with our oldest and youngest. Middle child had no such attachments. With ds1 he took his blankie everywhere. It got lost twice--left somewhere--and he had trouble sleeping until he was reunited with it. I think he was about 5yo when he didn't need it everywhere, just at home. And he was about 10yo when he gave it up. We have it stored in his room.

 

Dd stopped taking her blankie everywhere around 7yo and at one point decided she didn't need it anymore. But that only lasted a few days and she retrieved it from her storage box. She still uses it at bedtime but doesn't bring it outside the house.

[ksr5377]

2 of my 3 had one and I always made sure they stayed at home. I was worried about losing them and dealing with an irrational and completey upset 3 year old. They only time they left the house was when we were going to visit grandparents for the weekend.

[amyco]

My youngest ds had a "blankie" until he was about 8. There was absolutely nothing we could say/do to have him part with it. It was not worth the stress on either of us. But because he took it everywhere, he would occasionally drop it, ergo, it got lost. Nothing would replace it, and that was the end of his "blankie" days. To this day, he is 10, he speaks fondly of his "blankie" and how he misses it. But boy, did that thing smell bad. And when we washed it (I would have to sneak it away), he was upset because it didn't have the smell he wanted. Ahhh, the good old days.

 

 

 

This is exactly how my son was...we originally called his plain white cloth diaper a "wipey" but by the time he was 4 it became "stinky." It smelled bad, for sure, and was dingy gray. He took it everywhere, and it always involved sucking his thumb. Finally about age 5 we said he could only have it when he was in bed. He was pretty good about us leaving it in the car when we went into places. Around age 6 he finally gave it up, and stopped sucking his thumb at the same time.

[Dory]

I always told my kids that they needed to take care of their stuffies so that they wouldn't get hurt. When we eat I would let them sit it on a chair just off to the side so that they could see it and almost touch it, but it wasn't getting dirty. When we would work in the field we would 'strap' (tie) the stuffy to the quad/dune buggy so that it wouldn't fall in the dirt or mud. They weren't allowed out in the yard with them either. The toy would sit in the window sill and 'watch' them until they were done.

 

My dh tried taking them away once and I refuse to contradict what the other parent says. We made it through the day, it was a rough day, and my dh didn't think it was worth doing it again for another day.

[Chelli]

My 2 year old has one and both of my girls had one as well (which I kept when they stopped using them :001_wub: ).

 

Here are the lovey rules for my 2 year old:

 

1) When eating lovey sits between his booster seat and the back of the chair (cleanliness issue).

2) Lovey can not go in the backyard (dog chewing it up issue).

3) Lovey can go with us in the car, but can not get out of the car and go inside ANYWHERE (leaving it and not able to replace it issue).

 

My girls both stopped using theirs when they stopped using their pacifiers. Apparently the loveys and the pacifier were directly linked. My son is a thumb sucker, though, so I'm not sure when the thumb-sucking or the lovey using will stop.

[SKL]

My kids are 6 and they are still attached to their "lovies." For the most part we don't take them out with us; sometimes I will allow them in the car. Lately they have been occasionally "smuggling" them into places I wouldn't normally allow. :/ But it is not a big deal IMO. Once when we went somewhere fancy and I found a smuggled bear, I checked him with the coats :)

 

At the kitchen table, my rule is that the lovie has to be safe from food droppings, which means under the table. Our table has a glass top and a little shelf in the middle of the supporting pedestal. Perfect for bears and dolls to hang out. The girls can reach them with their feet.

 

When doing piano lessons, critters are allowed to sit and watch, but if they interfere with the lesson they are put in time out. Same for reading time etc.

 

My kids are not ready to give up their lovies, and I'm OK with that. I know that they will back off from them when they are ready. A little one's life seems to be filled with a constant procession of changes and new responsibilities, so I can understand why they'd want something soft and familiar to lean on when they get a little down time.

 

My eldest seems to think her bear has healing qualities. She's a little weird about it, but it doesn't seem to harm anything. The placebo effect and all. :)

[Hockey Mom]

DS10 is the only child I had that was attached to an item. Actually, two items. He has "Mr. Bunny" (who is actually a girl according to him), and his "yellow blanket" that he's had since he was born. They are both well-loved, well-worn, and not going anywhere.

 

He sleeps with them, and on occasion he will bring them in the car with him if we're going on a long trip, but that's it. When he was a toddler, we couldn't go anywhere without Mr. Bunny. Mr. Bunny has been to the beach, Disney World, fishing, restaurants...you name it. And she always ends up in the washer.

 

He doesn't openly discuss it with his hockey friends, but if his brother mentions it, he's not afraid to create elaborate stories starring Mr. Bunny, and he gets his friends all involved and laughing about the 'many adventures of Mr. Bunny'. So I guess he's not embarrassed by it, and his friends don't ridicule him about it (like I thought they would - maybe his stories is what keep them from thinking he's some "weird kid").

 

When the time comes that he no longer wants Mr. Bunny or his yellow blanket taking up space in his bedroom, I will put them away for him. Though he tells me that they will both be going to college with him. LOL

[HSmomof2]

My dd(7) still has her lovey, "Boey"(it's also one of the little blankets with a rabbit head). Boey isn't allowed to leave the house anymore after we lost him at Target when she was 2. My ds, then 4, walked up to the customer service desk and told the lady there, "My sister has lost her rabbit. It used to be pink, but now it's brown. It stinks, and it's name is Boey." The woman was very kind and trying not to laugh because ds was completely serious. Fortunately, Boey was recovered a few minutes later by another employee. Now that she's older, Boey stays under her pillow in her bed all the time, but she's still very much attached to it.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

At 2.5 I'd just leave it, this is completely normal. Most kids will gradually become less attached. My boys still have theirs but don't take them anywhere. They are 10 and 13 :)

[SKL]

But boy, did that thing smell bad. And when we washed it (I would have to sneak it away), he was upset because it didn't have the smell he wanted. Ahhh, the good old days.

 

 

My dd licks her bear's right hind leg and pulls the fur out. She likes to smell it and according to her, the worse it smells, the better (though I'm sure part of that is to get a reaction out of grown-ups). After I wash it, she sets to work on the intensive task of making the right hind leg nasty again. Whatever!

[tex-bex]

We never took our lovies out of the house unless we were traveling overnight. (I was terrified of losing them, and didn't need another thing to keep track of!)

At some point, we confined them to their bedrooms - partly because DD only sucked her thumb when she had it.

 

They are 9 and almost 7 now, and they love their lovies as much as ever, but they stay in their beds, unless they watch a movie. I'm not sure why they take them downstairs for that, but I don't make an issue of it. :p

[nd293]

Ds6 still has his blanket. He sleeps with it, and drags it around the house, but doesn't use it outside the house. I think he is aware on some level that it's a warm connection to his 'babyhood'. Interestingly, he started to ask to take it with in the drive to school, although he parts with it (and me) happily.

 

When we started limiting use I would keep it in my bag, and he could only use it in the car, or if he was tired or sad. We did the same with dd's pacifier. I felt that limiting use at home was unnecessary - he should be safe to need what he needs here. That said, combing the garden by torchlight for a lost blanket does get old after a while!

[KRG]

My oldest was attached to a blanket that my mom made him. I may be the odd one out here but I let him take it wherever he went. He gave it up sometime between 4-5 years old. By that time it was just a very small piece of what it had once been. I cut it in half--I kept one half and gave the other to my mom.

 

My youngest is attached to of all thing a lalaloopsy doll but he only sleeps with it. He's never even taken it out of his room.

[Heather in Neverland]

My dd had a little pink pillow that was in the basket she was in when the hospital gave her to us. She never let it out of her sight for almost 3 years. But its mate was her binkie. When we finally took the binkie away, she no longer wanted the pink pillow either and that was that.

 

My middle child is also attached to a pillow and when he is home the pillow is still always with him, but he has never taken it out of the house (except for long trips).

 

My oldest never attached to a lovey.

 

 

[Dmmetler]

DD's "Draggy" (folkmanis Loch Ness Monster small puppet-retired before she was even born) went everywhere-which meant that for awhile, I was buying every one I could find on Ebay and rotating them until she found the stash, because I had one too many times of having to rush back to church or wherever to retrieve Draggy. And I mean everywhere-when she was a flower girl in a wedding at age 2 1/2, Draggy walked down the aisle with her.

 

When my BIL questioned whether we should wean her off of it, I said that she wouldn't take him to kindergarten. As it turned out, Draggy went to K every single day-in her backpack. It was April before her teacher let me know about this ;).

 

Soon after, Draggy stopped going everywhere, only going to overnights and stressful situations. Her pediatrician and dentist both commented the first time that she went to an appointment without Draggy.

 

Draggy (all multiple incarnations of him/her-they all now have specific individual names and genders-about half are female) still are DD's favorite toys and best friends. Basically, think Calvin and Hobbes, only Hobbes is green, scaly, and breathes fire. I'm guessing that he'll go to college with her at this point.

[mytwomonkeys]

My son had a blue blanket that he took everywhere (we call it his "baby"). I did not limit it. He outgrew it over time, and began to set his own rules and limitations with it eventually. It was never a big deal to me that he took it everywhere. I thought it was sweet. It's still at the foot of his bed should he ever "need" it :).

[Stacia]

3) Lovey can go with us in the car, but can not get out of the car and go inside ANYWHERE (leaving it and not able to replace it issue).

 

 

My ds had a blankie he carried around for a long time, both at home & out. After awhile (after one blankie was lost forever & after a few trips back to places to retrieve the left-behind 2nd generation blankie), we instituted this rule.

 

We let ds make the decision as to when he was finished needing his blankie.

[thebacabunch]

My dd12 is practicing sleeping without her blankie so she can survive a week of camp without it this summer. I never limited her use of it. We have had a few crying jags when it was lost, but she still has it. WHen she feels silly I remind her that my best friend is almost 40 and still sleeps with TB (teddy bear) and she is perfectly wonderful and well adjusted.

[TranquilMind]

Do you let them take it everywhere or are certain places off limits? My DS (2.5) is attached to two of them (they're those little blankets with the animal head). My DD was never attached to anything so this is my first experience with this. At first it was just that my DS needed his lovies when he went to bed. Now it's to the point where he has to have them the majority of the time. He even freaks out when we take them away from him when he has to have a bath.

 

Today for lunch my DH took them away from him and told our DS he would get them all dirty (we were having a dish with red sauce). My DS freaked and refused to eat until I finally put them on his lap. Of course they got all full of sauce, but to me that's no big deal. I wiped them off and they're fine. My DH wants to start breaking our DS of his need for his lovies all the time. I agree that it's frustrating that he's so attached to them sometimes, but when is the right time to take them away? And do I really need to limit when he can and cannot have them?

 

Absolutely not, being the germophobe I am. I didn't want it picking up germs or having to wash it all the time.

 

The special object was limited to the crib, and later the bed. That's where the stuffed animal/blanket thing "lived". This was great, because the child was so happy to get into bed at night and be with the favorite object.

 

We let it "come out and play" a few times when the kid was not feeling well or something, but it "lived" in the bed and eagerly awaited the child's return. It got washed every time the sheets got washed.

[AndyJoy]

DS (3.5) was not attached to a single specific lovey until this Christmas when my parents got him a small stuffed Clifford the Big Red Dog. He is allowed to take it in the car, but it "takes a nap" in his car seat when we are out of the car. When he eats, Clifford sits nearby and "watches" him while "eating" his own imaginary food. He goes everywhere in the house except the bathroom--he waits outside in the hall. DS includes Clifford in nearly everything and often stops an activity to run off and get Clifford so he can enjoy it too. We just ordered a backup because Clifford is getting too good at hide-and-seek and "My can't sleep wibbout Clissord!"

[Chelli]

 

My ds had a blankie he carried around for a long time, both at home & out. After awhile (after one blankie was lost forever & after a few trips back to places to retrieve the left-behind 2nd generation blankie), we instituted this rule.

 

We let ds make the decision as to when he was finished needing his blankie.

 

 

We learned the "leave the lovey in the car" lesson when my oldest left "Bunny" in the Cracker Barrel in Branson. We realized where it was an hour down the road, turned around, drove back, and they had it! Never. again.

[Laurie4b]

My youngest ds had a "blankie" until he was about 8. There was absolutely nothing we could say/do to have him part with it. It was not worth the stress on either of us. But because he took it everywhere, he would occasionally drop it, ergo, it got lost. Nothing would replace it, and that was the end of his "blankie" days. To this day, he is 10, he speaks fondly of his "blankie" and how he misses it. But boy, did that thing smell bad. And when we washed it (I would have to sneak it away), he was upset because it didn't have the smell he wanted. Ahhh, the good old days.

 

 

Ah, yes, the smell! None of my kids had a blankie, but my baby sister (10 years younger) did and whew! That thing did stink. And the same thing happened when my mom washed it. I think I may have even stitched up the border ribbon for her where it was torn. (That was the part she kind of tickled her nose with.) Big mistake!