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how do you get your kids to think beyond themselves??


ProudGrandma
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We have some dear, dear friends who are right now leaving China with their newly adopted daughter. For 2 and a half weeks they have all been anxiously watching for their daily blog posts, with pitures and information about their adventure. We talk often about them and the fact that we can't wait to meet their daughter.

 

While they have been gone, I have secretly gathering freezer meals for them to stash in their freezer for when they arrive home. Today we needed to travel 45 minutes one way to their home to deliever the meals and all 3 of my kids (ages 12, 11 and 8) crabbed about the time wasted driving to their home "and we don't even get to play with them"...I was sort of shocked and disappointed by their response. After we talked about it, I was able to make them realize that this is the right thing to do and our attitude is just as important as the thing we are doing. They finally got it.

 

But it made me realize we need to do more things to help others in order to help my kids not always think about themselves.

 

So...if you have any suggestions, I would love to know what you might have done with your kids.

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Just do what you're doing and add a few more things, perhaps. Or point out when you naturally do things to help people and have them get involved in the process. Picking out a birthday card? Let them pick it. Calling someone because you know they're down? Make a point of telling the kids why you're making the call, so they see you acting out caring for others.

 

And keep talking to them about it over and over. It can take years for this stuff to sink in.

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I enjoy taking my kids with me to deliver Meals on Wheels. It takes about an hour and a half to two hours a week. The kids have made some sweet friendships with some of our clients. They don't always want to go, and getting in and out of the car a bunch of times really stinks esp. in bad weather, but they are able to see the need and they know that our clients depend on THEM to meet that need. Maybe some kind of ongoing service like this would help.

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Volunteer work in the community. With others in more difficult circumstances, if possible - nursing homes, food pantries etc. It won't fix it overnight, but I have found these are mind-broadening experiences that help expose children to worlds that might be very different from - and less privileged than - their own.

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Do lots.

 

For the last ten years, I have been doing regular volunteer work and dragging my kids along. Long hours schlepping thousands of pounds of groceries for a food bank. At various times, every one of my kids has griped about the work and the time. But they all "get it" for why we do it. That there are people out there who need our help.

 

Make volunteering a regular practice and they will catch on.

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I think they are young yet. The behavior you described sounds lots like my oldest. Now at 12 he is happy to help me most of the time. The change in him came around within the last year.

 

I didn't do anything in particular. I just led by example with short explanations as to why it was important.

 

Community service never hurts though.

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at the age my kids are, I would have expected their reaction if what we were doing was for strangers, but it was for dear, dear friends, who we have been keeping track of for 2 weeks...who we see at least weekly for school stuff, who we have been waiting with them for over 8 years for their daughter (although my kids haven't waited that long...I understand that)...but they know our friends have...for as long as my youngest has been alive....their reaction just sort of took me by surprise.

 

But, like you all said...they did get it after we talked about it....guess that is the most important thing, right? thanks.

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yea, I am certain it was "normal"...but it would be nice for them to learn that the whole world doesn't ALWAYS revolve around them....but thanks for your post.

 

My kids are similar ages, and I think they are still in the training stage. If I prepared a bunch of freezer meals for our friends, I would have approached it from the beginning as a family thing. Before I started, I would have told them that "we" were going to make meals for this family. Then I would have asked them which meals we should take. Then we would have gone shopping for the ingredients, and then "we" would have cooked the meals. No, they probably wouldn't have truly helped, but I would have tried to draw them in through the process. Since I have to schlep them around anyway, I might as well include them and it makes the process more fun for me to have partners in crime. I figure I'll be training them until they leave the house, so I just assume "we" are a team when we do most anything.

 

Even when I'm working (which I do very part-time), I tell them that I have to do xyz right now so they need to do abc. Or....when dh is away for the weekend working, then we do xyz to help him.

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I think their behavior was normal; it's still a work in progress! I wonder if you had had them do something hands-on in that particular project if it would have helped... such as making a "Welcome Home" sign or cards.

 

Other than that, community projects that you can do as a family is a good place to start: working at a special activity at a nursing home, putting bags of food together at "Feed Our Starving Children," etc.

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I think their behavior was normal; it's still a work in progress! I wonder if you had had them do something hands-on in that particular project if it would have helped... such as making a "Welcome Home" sign or cards.

 

 

 

This way they'd feel that they're a part of the "event" rather than just passengers.

 

It is hard to move past self-centeredness for everyone - adults and kids alike. Daily (hourly?) encouragement to look to the needs of others (especially within your own family) will help them grow in that area.

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