TheAutumnOak Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 Have you decided to homeschool to the end no matter what, or do you have specifics things you look for to determine whether you should continue?...Have you said to yourself, "I know I should stop when..."...I guess what I am asking is do you have any warning signs that you look for to let you know that this may not be for you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I guess for me: If my kids were miserable, if I were truly miserable, if my kids got so far behind in their work and it didn't seem likely I could catch them up. I can't think of many other reasons, but that's the gist of it for me. I am in this for the long haul. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbmamaz Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 i'm an 'accidental' homeschooler - i'm homeschooling because the kids were just so miserable and not learning in school - in GOOD schools. I started the older one in 8th grade, and made it clear to my husband the next year that it was all or nothing for high school - its very hard to transfer back in in my state. the younger one i really hope to put back in soon - its just hard because he's a very out-of-the-box kid. I just really need to get back to earning money!! I'm hoping to get him in to the math and science specialty center. if not, well, i guess it would be up to him to work independently and be responsible, or go back to regular school. i need to get back to work - we dont have any retirement to speak of Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amyco Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 When my relationship with my children becomes so contentious/filled with strife/etc and there looks like no end of it, I have to consider stopping homeschooling--basically, when it's in all of our best interest to stop. There are other teachers, but there aren't other moms for my kids. Also, when another educational environment can provide things we both (children and parents) want but can't provide at home, either because we're burnt out, don't know how to access the resources, or plain just don't feel like it. When the kids are old enough to provide a thoughtful opinion of why they might like to try something else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sahamamama Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 What I say to myself is, "I know I should stop homeschooling this child if and when something else (that we can afford) would really be better for this child and would work for our whole family." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElizabethB Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 :grouphug: Well, you should never decide in February!! :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speedmom4 Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 For us it would mean the cons outweigh the pros. We have been through rough times homeschooling but always there were more pros than cons. I decided a long time ago that I felt that homeschooling was best for my children (not all children) and I wasn't going to ride the roller coaster of my emotions, which I am not saying that you are doing. I determined that I would view homeschooling like a marriage and we were in it for better or for worse. That decision kept me going when I would have otherwise quit. The other thing that I did to help keep me going was to consider what I wanted long term. I couldn't just look at today. Determining if your homeschool is going through a phase or is there something much more permanent going on would be my first step in evaluating whether or not to quit. What are your long term goals and would they be better achieved at home or elsewhere? These are the kinds of questions I would be asking myself. God Bless, Elise in NC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I agree with Elise, homeschooling is just part of who we are. We made an initial commitment of 3 years, way back in first grade. That would give us time to get in a better financial position to re-enroll in private school. In the middle of the 3rd year we realized it wasn't just about lack of money, this was going pretty good. I looked at where he was educationally, all over the board, abilities that spanned 5 grades at that point. I didn't want to squeeze him back into a traditional grade. So we made another 3 year commitment. After that we realized this child would never do well in a traditional classroom due to abilities, interests, and personality. So we're committed to graduate him. However, I like to think I would have evaluated each child separately had I more children. Ds loves homeschooling for the perks, we don't butt heads much, and it works for our lifestyle. The public school bus picks up right outside our door, I imagine we'd have let another child try school had they insisted, and had it been that or damage our relationship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 When we decided it was working well for us, my DH and I agreed that our sons would get to go back to PS in 8th grade if they wanted to. i have one that did and one that didn't. Both seem to be doing very well :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily_Grace Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 This is our last year homeschooling. We started out doing it year by year. If it fit us better for that year, then yes. If not, then he'd go to school. We have no religious conviction to homeschool, but we did want him to be able to tap the benefits that went along with our lifestyle, as well as continue to progress academically. This year we'll move to our final home. Our child will have the opportunity to go to a school for longer than 3 years, to take part in a class and reap the benefits of a multitude of teachers - and we're struggling with that right now. We want him to experience high school and everything that goes with. It doesn't mean that homeschooling is forever off the books, but that we've reached the point of two paths: public high school, or community college + coursera. There's nothing more I can teach him better or more effectively than a specialized teacher. Sure, I can use video courses or textbooks that assume I know nothing. That won't take the place of a teacher who is passionate and cares. So we're done. And it's bittersweet. But it's for the best, for our family and what we want our child to experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saddlemomma Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 When I got pregnant at 38 with dd2, I felt God telling me to hs. In fact He was very insistent about it; adamant. The reason I know this is another long story which I won't go into now. However, I was just as insistent that I would NOT hs. I felt I didn't have the knowledge or ability to do so well. Plus, I worried about all the stereotypical things: socialization, isolation, peer pressure, etc. Then there was the money aspect. How in the world were we going to afford losing my income? Well, here I am, in my 5th year of hsing. I don't regret a thing! In fact, I'm loving it and have become totally obsessed by it. I'm now worrying about withdrawals after my dd graduates! The initial plan was to hs through 6th grade and then place dd in ps. Those plans have changed. Reading the news, seeing everything that's going on in ps has definitely cemented in my mind that we are in for the long haul. Another component is my dd. She attends PE & Music classes at the local elementary school every Tuesday. She has done this since K. Just this year, she begged me not to ever put her in ps full-time. She hates the total disrespect from the students towards the teachers; she feels she doesn't learn too much because of the constant disruptions from the students; she can't stand the bickering and bullying of the students (not towards her but towards others). I asked her if she wanted to stop going to Music & PE, but she loves learning to play an instrument and learning all the sports through PE. That is, when the class actually pays attention and isn't being punished! So, we are planning to hs through high school, and I can, therefore, put off the hs withdrawals for a few more years! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melenie Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 We plan to do it until the end, but if it no longer works for us I have no problem giving it up. If my relationship with a child was suffering or if the child was not getting the academic challenge or help that she needed I would consider an alternative to homeschooling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C_l_e_0..Q_c Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 Every year, I find it harder and harder to motivate myself to homeschool. Last year, I even had a part time job that I loved. But the homeschooling suffered. I had to choose between the job and the kids. At the same time, DD was accepted in an awesome private school. So the transition would have been easy. So I sat back, and tried to imagine how my kids would have evolved if I had sent them to school. And homeschooling won. Big time. I quit the paying job. For me, it's really about how the kids will grow into adults. Which path will lead to the most balanced adulthood possible. Each of my kids benefit from homeschooling for different reasons, and I can totally see how some kids would be better in school (especially high school, with many teachers, fantastic labs, and activities). And how some other kids would just be miserable (bully-able traits in my son - he would definitely be bullied; a myriad of non-standard interests in my daughter - not much marine biology done in schools). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sillymommy Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 We take it year by year. This year, it became too much for me. I wasn't in control of my home, the school work, or behavior of my 7 & 5 yr olds. My husband & I decided to put them into our local public school in Jan. I still hs my oldest & have the toddler at home, but I've been able to get a plan in place to bring the others back home when we start the new yr in July. My main problems were lack of structure & a toddler who was too busy! With my new plan & consistent discipline, I think I've got solutions in place to manage both issues & bring some peace back into our homeschool. I honestly believe my kids receive a far better academic education at home. I'm confident in homeschooling, WTM in particular, and I want to make it work. I want my kids to be well educated. Not just part of the "conveyor belt" education we see in so many schools. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walking-Iris Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 It would have to be really severe financial or health reasons that couldn't coexist with homeschooling for me to quit. I have not made a commitment to homeschool high school, however. Neither my dh or I had a terrible high school experience, so we feel we don't want our kids to miss that experience. But on the other hand, there are elements in high school that I wouldn't want my kids to have to deal with. I can see my oldest struggling in high school, but my two younger kids could likely thrive there. Also my dh is an educator and I have many friends who work at our local high school, and I'm not really opposed to it. But I do plan on homeschooling through middle school and then I'll cross that high school bridge when we get there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgiana Daniels Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 Have you decided to homeschool to the end no matter what, or do you have specifics things you look for to determine whether you should continue?...Have you said to yourself, "I know I should stop when..."...I guess what I am asking is do you have any warning signs that you look for to let you know that this may not be for you? We will stop homeschooling when I feel that someone else (public, charter, affordable private school) can do better than we're doing at home. For our oldest, that time came when she hit 9th grade. I couldn't give her a better education at that point because I had two small babies. Not really sure when that will happen with the kids--maybe it never will. But if the time comes, I'm sure I will strongly sense it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheAutumnOak Posted February 28, 2013 Author Share Posted February 28, 2013 When my relationship with my children becomes so contentious/filled with strife/etc and there looks like no end of it, I have to consider stopping homeschooling--basically, when it's in all of our best interest to stop. There are other teachers, but there aren't other moms for my kids. Also, when another educational environment can provide things we both (children and parents) want but can't provide at home, either because we're burnt out, don't know how to access the resources, or plain just don't feel like it. When the kids are old enough to provide a thoughtful opinion of why they might like to try something else. The statement in bold makes a lot of sense... For us it would mean the cons outweigh the pros. We have been through rough times homeschooling but always there were more pros than cons. I decided a long time ago that I felt that homeschooling was best for my children (not all children) and I wasn't going to ride the roller coaster of my emotions, which I am not saying that you are doing. I determined that I would view homeschooling like a marriage and we were in it for better or for worse. That decision kept me going when I would have otherwise quit. The other thing that I did to help keep me going was to consider what I wanted long term. I couldn't just look at today. Determining if your homeschool is going through a phase or is there something much more permanent going on would be my first step in evaluating whether or not to quit. What are your long term goals and would they be better achieved at home or elsewhere? These are the kinds of questions I would be asking myself. God Bless, Elise in NC Every year, I find it harder and harder to motivate myself to homeschool. Last year, I even had a part time job that I loved. But the homeschooling suffered. I had to choose between the job and the kids. At the same time, DD was accepted in an awesome private school. So the transition would have been easy. So I sat back, and tried to imagine how my kids would have evolved if I had sent them to school. And homeschooling won. Big time. I quit the paying job. For me, it's really about how the kids will grow into adults. Which path will lead to the most balanced adulthood possible. Each of my kids benefit from homeschooling for different reasons, and I can totally see how some kids would be better in school (especially high school, with many teachers, fantastic labs, and activities). And how some other kids would just be miserable (bully-able traits in my son - he would definitely be bullied; a myriad of non-standard interests in my daughter - not much marine biology done in schools). The above bolded statements are pretty much how I feel...We are in this for the long haul, but sometimes I wonder if I am being foolish for thinking that way...We have had some issues over the years (and still have some), and I really wanted others perspective on whether no longer homeschooling is even an option for them...It can be difficult to know whether you are being emotional, or if a change is needed...I pretty much decided years ago that we will work out what ever comes our way, but I also don't want to be a fool that overlooks the obvious - knowing the boat is sinking and stay aboard anyway and drown the family... I don't think our boat is sinking yet (at least not beyond what we can repair and deal with), I am just not so sure that I should continue on with the mindset that nothing would stop me from homeschooling...I just want to have a realistic view of things... But no, we are not on the verge of stopping :) ...But we do have to come up with a plan to help our boys deal with some character issues (that going to school won't solve), and I need to make sure the boys are getting the best education they can here...I don't think my standard is high enough for my oldest...I would like to challenge him more... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen in CO Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I am very passionate about the education of my children. It isn't the same thing as being dedicated to homeschooling. When my kids are at home for school, I try to give them the best education I can. If there is a better choice for a particular time, I help them to succeed at that. I want them to be well-educated and grow to be fully developed people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nscribe Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 When we started, I said we would take it year to year but that after 9th grade there would be no returning to school. In our area, trying to enter the public schools after 9th grade is a huge risk because they need not take mommy transcripts. What is completely flexible is how we homeschool after 9th grade. It may or may not look like school at home, include cc, involve AP's, be all outsourced or all homegrown. Dd considered attending school when the wave of her homeschool friends transitioned from 8th to 9th this year and a great number chose to go to school. I left the choice to her, she hesitated. As she has heard their experiences, she decided she will homeschool to the end. She heard both good and bad. That is the key for me. I am not willing to try to homeschool a teenager who doesn't want it. It would be like tying "home" to much into something they don't want and home is our first priority. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 For us, it was when Calvin needed a wider variety of input that home education could provide. There were no local co-ops or college classes; he needed more teachers and other students to bounce ideas off. Hobbes would have been miserable on his own at home. So that was that. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Marple Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I only know a few homeschoolers who really should not have continued. The common theme for their story is that they were so embarrassed at how "far behind" their kids were that they could not put them in public school because they were ashamed. I counseled one of those families to put their kids in school but was promptly reprimanded by their extended family that they just needed some help. After "helping" for several more years, the mom finally decided to swallow her pride and put them in school. They did very well once they were remediated. These moms preferred to do anything other than school and school was, therefore, not a priority. This is why I like the idea of testing kids. It's one of those devices that allows us to see where our children are and whether or not they are progressing. If they aren't progressing and if I know that I'm not being responsible to teach (IOW, finding excuses to get out of schooling, allowing other things to take precedence, etc.) then I should stop homeschooling. I would recommend, though, that the mom contemplating this get some counsel from veteran homeschool moms first. And above anything else, I think mom should WANT to homeschool. If she doesn't want to do it, she will be miserable and make everyone else miserable as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobbeym Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 We started homeschooling DS14 midway through 8th grade knowing we were in it through graduation. Putting him back in ps would force us to send him to the local alternative school, which is filled with all the deliquent and violent kids, against our will and without any say in what happens to him there. All because of a foolish decision made at 13yo that didn't harm anyone, but was the result of a new school principal wanting to prove herself and using him as an example. He already dealt with the consequences of his actions through the judicial system; we won't make him do so through the educational one as well. Thankfully, homeschooling is working for us, even though we still hit plenty of snags while we try to figure it all out. With DD18 living with us now, she's also homeschooling in order to make up missed credits and earn a diploma, but between both their experiences in ps, both kids have said that without a doubt they'll homeschool their own kids someday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 Well for one thing, I wouldn't rethink ANYTHING in February. February is the WORST month for homeschooling. JW and SWB say so, so that's your expert opinion to cite. Don't decide anything in February, mercy. Wait until April or May. Next, if things are going badly, sometimes that's your cue that it's time to get some outside help. SWB and JW talk about this in their "Homeschooling the 2nd Time" convention talk. Do they have it as a download through PHP? You should check. It's particularly good and might give you some ideas. Sometimes we think homeschooling means LoneSchooling, and we try to solve all our problems ourselves. Sometimes we need help. Could be a trip to the doc and getting those D vitamins checked. Could be a psych eval for someone that we're having a hard time teaching and can't nail WHY. Could be some personal reasons or family reasons you need help for. Whatever. I certainly wouldn't stop homeschooling if you're having trouble teaching until you've gotten the dc eval'd to see if there's a REASON for the problems. Sometimes it's eyes or something you're not expecting. I do think it's logical to have that openness to other options. It's just that you can't stay that way all the time. At some point, at least for that year, you have to make a decision and be stalwart. I'm rereading your comments about character. You know, over the years some of my worst doubts have come after dd had a GROWTH SPURT. When they grow physically, they also have these mental and emotional growth spurts. They may need more discipline at that point, more attention, because suddenly they have these new *capacities* and need to be taught how to use them. So that's not bad, that's normal. It's normal for it to get harder, not easier. ;) Be strong. I'm sure you're doing a good job. Try to go to a convention and hear some Sonya Shafer talks (the SCM lady). She has some awesome talks on character, and conventions always leave me pepped anyway. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Marple Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I'm rereading your comments about character. You know, over the years some of my worst doubts have come after dd had a GROWTH SPURT. When they grow physically, they also have these mental and emotional growth spurts. They may need more discipline at that point, more attention, because suddenly they have these new *capacities* and need to be taught how to use them. So that's not bad, that's normal. It's normal for it to get harder, not easier. ;) Agree! It's just part of growing up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
claluck Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I'm rereading your comments about character. You know, over the years some of my worst doubts have come after dd had a GROWTH SPURT. When they grow physically, they also have these mental and emotional growth spurts. They may need more discipline at that point, more attention, because suddenly they have these new *capacities* and need to be taught how to use them. So that's not bad, that's normal. It's normal for it to get harder, not easier. ;) Oh my heck, Lightbulb moment... I cannot believe I never thought of this. It makes total sense and totally explains some recent behaviors... ALL 6 of my kids have grown in the last month or two. My DH and I were joking that we couldn't hack buying them all new clothes halfway through winter, they were just going to look like orphan children til summer when we will get them all clothes, it just seems silly to invest in all those little pants for 2 months. We have decided to homeschool for the long haul. I am only on my second year Hsing... we pulled mine out in 3rd and 4th grade and they love it. They even know we do far more than they would in school. The ONLY thing they miss is class parties and recess. And they agree its not worth it. They probably learn 2 times as much and cover many more subjects homeschool than their peers and still get done 2 hours before them. And yes we do have bad days/weeks/months lol. One of mine is a bully magnet too even still, so I would REALLY hesitate sending him back. Every time I have doubted myself something has happened to remind me another reason we are happy this way. Like last summer I was debating and then a couple kids in my DS's class from school walked by the house (summer between 4th and 5th grade) and they were talking about going to so and sos class to huff paint. We live in a small town with only one class per grade. Yeah I am not sending him to be exposed to that so young. Call it sheltering or whatever but I call it what is best for my kid. If we hit serious enough circumstances I would quit. For example a serious illness or becoming incapable as a teacher to actually homeschool. I actually feel confident in my ability to teach even difficult subjects so that doesn't worry me. And for us highschool is all or nothing as well. The public High school will not accept highschool homeschool credits. Regardless I LOVE homeschooling. I have always loved learning and this is just a continuation of learning. So maybe it's selfish lol Christina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom22ns Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 My kids started homeschooling for different reasons, and I would stop homeschooling them for different reasons too. I was an accidental homeschooler forced into it when a supposedly great school district was totally failing my oldest. He is almost done and would never go back. I would never force him to. I'm pretty sure he could finish through online and dual enrollment if something happened to me. He could actually graduate a year early if he wanted to and move on too. Dd is SO different. I actually tried to convince her to go to public or private high school, but she wants to finish at home. She is strongly social and would love all the dances, sports, clubs, etc. However, she is also a competitive gymnast working out 20 hours/week and there just aren't enough hours in the day to do everything! If our relationship was being too adversely affected, if I thought I was hurting her chances of accomplishing her goals I might insist. As it is, it remains her choice. If either of my kids hated homeschooling or if I did, I would have stopped, but that didn't happen and we are close enough to the end now to feel confident it won't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weederberries Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 We started homeschooling because we believe it is our duty to provide our children with the best education available. Right now, I am available to provide an education superior to any other school or group in our area. If that ever stops being the case, we'll decide, for each student, where the best education is available. If, for some reason, I am no longer available - illness, widowed and forced to work, etc - the next best place will be sought out. If I am no longer capable of educating at their level - I suffer brain damage or it turns out that one of my children is a genius and they surpass my abilities in guidance, etc - we'll find the best place for that child or children. Perhaps, the gods of education smile on our state and the public schools reform and become perfect, well-equipt environments for individualized learning. Then, I'd happily enroll them in the superior school. I try not to fall victim to my failures as a parent (discipline issues, anger management, laziness) that make me want to quit rather than become better at my job . It takes daily, sometimes minute by minute, reaffirmation of my convictions. We committed to homeschooling on a year-by-year basis with the mind of continuing through the end. Each year we assess whether our children (individually) are progressing, whether they might progress further elsewhere, whether we are meeting our goals as a family to serve and honor the Lord, to become students of the Word, to inspire a love of learning in one another, and to be a positive example to our community in our words and deeds. If those goals are being met, then I am doing a superior job and there is no need to look for a better environment for their learning. The answers to your questions lie in your reasons for homeschooling in the first place. If your goal is to remove the negative peer influence in school, you'll have to assess your success in that at home compared with your local schools. If your goal is to meet individual needs, you'll have to assess your success compared to the available success at school. Whether something is working for you can only be measured by your priorities. Every educational option will have its pros and cons. You will assign your own weight to them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.