Tell me that it's okay to change my cell phone number. Please.

[Guest inoubliable]

So the word was that my sister was going home, surgery postponed, sure. Okay. I've been going on with my day.

 

About an hour ago I get a picture message from my mom. I'm not paying to download that. So I text her back and ask her what the text was. It was a simple "She's home!!" text. K. And then a few more texts about home care and a procedure for Monday (really? thought it was Saturday?) and how she's doing much better. So I text back that I'm glad to hear it and to let me know what happens on Monday.

 

A few minutes ago, I get a text from an odd number. Local number. I don't know anyone local who has my number. I can see, though, that it's a reply to my Mom's picture message earlier. So I call her to find out how someone I don't know now has my number. (I'm pretty sure it works like an email sent out to multiple people, but I don't have a smart phone so I don't know how it would show up. Does this person now have my number??) My mom loses. her. mind. The mystery number is my uncle. She did send out a text to four people at once. Well, great. Does he now have my number?? Does it show up with my name in this message? I don't know. My mom goes ballistic that I'm even asking this. Because it's not like she "put the number out there". The man is my uncle and I should have no issue with him having my number. GAAHOIDUFOWIEWEF!

 

I have never wanted a cigarette more in my life.

 

She tells me that she's had a bad day and "goodbye". Hangs up.

 

Oh, no. We are not done. I call back and she pushes me to voicemail. Oh hell no. I call again and she answers. Innocently.

 

"Hello?"

"You hung up on me. Why?"

"I thought the conversation was over."

"Did I say "goodbye"?

 

She then launches into how *I'm* crazy for being concerned about my number "being out there". How she's having a bad day.

I tell her not to take it out on me.

She says she's not.

I say to stop yelling.

She says she's not.

DH says, "Eff this. I'll be back. Pouring us some wine."

She says.... I acted inappropriately when she let me in on the news about my sister.

 

I KNEW IT!

I knew it, I knew it, I knew it.

 

I flat out told her that I wasn't willing to cross that boundary with her tonight or ever. I said that I am the last to know about pretty much anything of importance with all of them and so when I heard the news, I assumed it wasn't urgent. I told her that of course I was concerned. And then I asked her just how in the hell I *should* act when she calls so I can know for future reference. Then she starts yelling again about how I would rather school my children than talk to her about my sister's "condition".

 

I told her that I thought she was insane to be this angry with me.

She said she wasn't angry.

I said to stop taking out her bad day on me, then.

She said she wasn't.

 

I said, "then you're a nutter. You're barking mad (a phrase I admit that I stole from a British friend and have always wanted to use) and I'm done."

I hung up.

 

I want a cigarette. It's been almost five months since I quit. I want one. Badly. So I'm posting here instead of breaking down and asking DH to go get a pack. I have two other cell phones in this house that they don't know about. I think I'll be turning this phone off for a while and she can email me from now on.

 

Talk me back from the cigarette ledge and tell me that it's in my best interest to change my number.

[applethyme]

I changed my number to escape from crazy family phone calls. The peace and quiet is lovely. I wish I had done it sooner.

[Starr]

We're here, we're here, you don't want the cigarettes! It's still miserable even if you know what's coming. I'm so sorry.

[Mrs Mungo]

I this a JAWM post?

 

I have had *acquaintances* send out mass texts. I don't think they realized each person's number would show up on each phone as people replied. I never really thought twice about it. I definitely would never freak out because a relative got my number that way. Obviously, my world and friend/family dynamics are different than yours. I cannot tell you what you should/should not so.

[Orthodox6]

I give my cell phone number out selectively. We deliberately maintain a landline for "mass usage." A problem from our living in a very large metro area is the turnover of cell phone numbers. When I first got my phone, for nearly three years I received collection calls for some deadbeat on the lam for her bills.

 

Voting "Yes" for changing your number. Hope there won't be burdensome fees for doing so.

[Abeille]

You know that if you give in and have a smoke, you'll regret it later and you'll have to go through even worse cravings all over again. So don't. Besides, chocolate and wine both taste better. I recommend a hearty medicinal dose of each. :grouphug:

 

I think changing your number, or just leaving that phone off for the foreseeable future is a perfectly valid option. Your conversation with your mom sounds like one I could have with my own mom. Our poor relationship pains me, but at this point I am just done dealing with the drama and stress. I honor her as my mother, and love her, but it's not healthy for me to have a close relationship with her anymore. Maybe a break will let you both cool down and let you maintain some kind of relationship. Good luck!

[Guest inoubliable]

I this a JAWM post?

 

I have had *acquaintances* send out mass texts. I don't think they realized each person's number would show up on each phone as people replied. I never really thought twice about it. I definitely would never freak out because a relative got my number that way. Obviously, my world and friend/family dynamics are different than yours. I cannot tell you what you should/should not so.

 

Oh no. Not a JAWM post. LOL. I honestly would like to know how that works. I didn't even really freak out over it, but I was concerned over who might have my number. I grew up in this town (and the number is a local cell phone number) and I try to fly under the radar. My mother knows this. I didn't even think it would be my uncle. Not that I want them to have my number,either, tbh. I cut ties with them years ago when I caught them stealing things out of my house and they launched a nasty thing against me on MySpace when I called them on it. (Honestly, I'm not holding a grudge, but people who steal? Yeah. I don't want to have anything to do with them, family or not.) Anyway, I don't know how mass texts work on a smartphone, so I was honestly just asking her how that worked and if the person would now know my number and would it show up with my name on it since it was *her* contact. That's when SHE lost her mind over it. I still don't know how it works.

[somo_chickenlady]

We just moved back to Nebraska from Missouri. We have yet to change our phone numbers b/c we need to change providers. My parents have our old phone numbers, but they will not be getting our new ones. You completely have my permission to change your number. ;) Sorry you are dealing with this! :grouphug:

[Mrs Mungo]

The number shows up with no name attached. So, unless you answered with identifying information, they wouldn't be able to attach that number with you.

[LucyStoner]

Mistake number one was calling her back after she hung up on you. Do not engage with the crazy.

 

Mistake number two would be not changing your number and not taking a break from these people. Change your phone number. Like yesterday. It is more than ok to do so, it is the best choice.

 

I have had unlisted numbers since I was 17 and got my first apartment. Whenever my not-grandmother gets it somehow, I change it. You gotta do what you gotta do.

[Coffeetime]

Your number will show up but not your name. HTH.

[Remudamom]

Change the phone if you want but no damn cigarettes for you. You want to get lung cancer?

[laundrycrisis]

Hugs. Don't smoke. It's terrible for you and you'll probably feel awful if you do. Eat some chocolate, drink some wine, hang out with your husband. If shutting off that phone for a while helps you, do it. Maintain whatever boundaries you need to maintain with your family to feel secure and healthy.

[Catwoman]

Change the number. Just contact your carrier and tell them you need to change it. If the carrier has a store near you, sometimes it's easier to just walk in and have take care of things for you.

 

And don't have a cigarette. Your mom's craziness isn't worth your health.

[Kathryn]

If it makes you feel better, my mom mass-texted me once and I just looked at it and the people I didn't know just showed as phone numbers. Unlike the mass email my grandpa sent which showed names. It went out to my violent schizophrenic newly-out-of-prison-for-the-first-time-in-his-adult-life cousin who has involved

me in his delusions. I had been very careful to hide myself. So, yeah, I get the panic.

[Guest inoubliable]

The number shows up with no name attached. So, unless you answered with identifying information, they wouldn't be able to attach that number with you.

 

Thank you! I was trying to google for the answer. I don't know her cell phone provider or his, though. Thank you so much. I feel some relief.

[I talk to the trees]

1- Change the number if you have to. Give the new # to the folks who are important to you, and no one else! But more importantly-

2- NO SMOKING! Consider this a non-smoking thread. As long as you're reading it, you may not light up. We'll hang out here and talk you down. Just don't let the crazy woman ruin your 5-month streak!!!

[Heatherwith4]

No cigarettes!!!! :grouphug:

[Guest inoubliable]

Mistake number one was calling her back after she hung up on you. Do not engage with the crazy.

 

 

Change the phone if you want but no damn cigarettes for you. You want to get lung cancer?

 

 

Eat some chocolate, drink some wine, hang out with your husband.

 

 

Change the number.

 

 

I'm taking notes. 1) Stop responding to crazy. 2) No damn cigarettes. 3) Eat chocolate, drink wine, cuddle with DH. 4) Change number.

 

I'm putting these on a post-it and putting in next to my alarm clock. Seriously. Because I already started on the wine and I'll want the reminders tomorrow.

[Guest submarines]

Since you said it wasn't a JAWM post. Your mother is stressed over a sick daughter, and assumes you'd want to know about your sister's condition. You freaking out over your *uncle* knowing your number, does seem kind of inappropriate under the circumstances. If you don't like your family (I get it, my mother doesn't know my number, hasn't for years ) change your number, stop smoking, and don't engage / create drama.

[Guest inoubliable]

DH is falling asleep. I think I'll be okay on the cigarette craving. There's no way I'm braving the icy roads tonight for a pack of cigarettes.

 

That craving hit me out of nowhere. I didn't expect a response like that to my family's crazy. Five months! :crying:

[Corraleno]

Then she starts yelling again about how I would rather school my children than talk to her about my sister's "condition"

 

 

I'm sorry, but this line made me lol —gee, why in the world would you think I'd prefer to school my kids versus talking to a crazy person about a hypothetical, super dramatic, possibly-made-up "condition"??? :lol:

 

If it makes you feel any better, when my brother (who was estranged from the rest of the family and who really hated my mother) was dying of cancer, my mother not only flew out unannounced to "surprise" him (and then complained bitterly for months that he was less than welcoming), she called him almost every day, including getting his hospital room phone number and calling him at all hours, usually waking him up. He would hang up the instant he heard her voice, so she started calling his girlfriend's cell phone every day (not sure how she tracked that down), and she would leave messages on my machine saying that she had "news" and to call her to get the latest update. (I never called back, but it didn't stop her from trying.) The last 2 days of his life, she was literally calling his girlfriend every half hour asking "if there was any news yet" — i.e., is he dead yet? She was like a Drama Vulture, just waiting for him to die so she could go into Super Grieving Mother mode. She'd have made the Royal Shakespeare Company proud, once she finally got word that he was gone — oh, the sobbing, the unbearable grief of losing her "favorite" son (who she hadn't seen in about 20 years before she decided to "surprise" him on his deathbed), the constant messages on my machine insisting that "we have to talk <gasp, sob, hiccup>." She also showed up at his funeral, uninvited, and made sure she was the center of attention. :ack2:

 

So look on the bright side... it could be worse!

 

Jackie

[Guest inoubliable]

Yikes! Yes, it could be worse!! :( I'm appreciating the 180 mile buffer I have more and more.

[4kidlets4me]

I'm estranged from my family- I haven't talked to my mother in 26 years. Can you change her ringtone to silent? That's what I did to my sisters number. I didn't change my number because it would have been a huge hassle for me.

[AK_Mom4]

Change the phone if you want but no damn cigarettes for you. You want to get lung cancer?

 

 

Yep - takes 10 minutes on a good day with the cell phone company and POOF! your number is changed.

 

Go forth and change the number. All will be well. The nice thing about email conversations is that you can think carefully about how to phrase your response before hitting send. No more being put on the spot and trying to come up with an answer. And emails sometimes get *lost*, dontcha know?

 

:grouphug: sounds like a no good, very bad day!

[tex-bex]

I HATE mass texts. I never seem to realize until I start getting random replies from strangers. There's no bcc: for texting. A little courtesy, people!

 

Sorry they're still stressing you out. Do what you've gotta do.

 

[ZeeMommy]

Change your number. If your mom "must" have your cell phone number (assuming you don't have a land line with voice mail), attach an ringtone to it that you will recognize so you know NOT to answer the phone. Heck, I have a specific ringtone for my parents on my cell phone so I know when they're calling, and my relationship with them is pretty okay. No need to expose yourself to extra unnecessary drama, and if you absolutely had to call her back, at least you could brace yourself before you make that call.

[Marylou]

I learned a long time ago never to call back on someone who hangs up on me. They will always deny doing it, too!

 

Stay away from the cigs. Lung cancer is so very ugly.

[lllll]

..

[Desert Rat]

I get mass texts from our soccer coach all the time. When someone replies to the entire list not just to sender (there's an option on my phone) it just comes up as a number. I have no idea who it is unless they mention their child's name. I wouldn't worry too much on it. Now, if your uncle calls you, then I'd change it.

 

KK, I haven't had a single cigarette in 8.5 years. You've made it so far, don't turn back. And don't tell yourself, "I'm totally stressed! I want a cigarette!" That's just your pat response from days gone by. Train yourself to respond differently. Just my experience. I always say that as soon as they make smoking healthy or I'm 85, I'm off the wagon! LOL

[jhschool]

Do stay away from the cigarrettes.

My MIL died from lung cancer almost two years ago (the date

will be on March 14th), and DC misses her

terribly.

We are here.

Hugs.

[Guest inoubliable]

Thank you, everyone. My real panic and upset was that my response was "cigarettes". The family drama is old news, and I did something stupid in calling my mother in the first place. I should have just let it go. Hell, I shouldn't have slipped up last summer and let her know that I had a cell phone in the first place! The phone is turned off, my backup phone is turned on, and my mother knows one of my email addresses if there is an actual emergency.

 

The craving for a cigarette is gone now, and I'm looking online for suggestions on what to do if that craving ever comes back. If anyone here has suggestions, I'm all ears. I just read something online that said you can still experience random cravings (especially if subjected to stress) for years after quitting! :ohmy:

[Celia]

If the craving hits me, I eat a carrot while standing out in the cold and holding it like a cigarette. It's stupid. I don't let people see me do it, and wouldn't admit this to anyone I know IRL. But while I'm standing there feeling stupid, I realize that smoking would be more stupid.

[gardenmom5]

I just read something online that said you can still experience random cravings (especially if subjected to stress) for years after quitting! :ohmy:

 

 

My grandfather quit smoking his pipe in his 60's. smelling cigarette smoke could trigger a craving many years later. But he lived twenty+ more healthy years before dying in his mid 80s.

[TraceyS/FL]

I just read something online that said you can still experience random cravings (especially if subjected to stress) for years after quitting! :ohmy:

 

My Dad told me once that not a day goes buy that he doesn't still crave a cigarette - and it has been almost 30 years now? I gather a person that is truly addicted to the nicotine has a much harder time than someone isn't. Like my mom stopped and started on a whim - no issues quitting, no cravings.

 

You can do it though - chocolate is the answer! Although, I liked the standing outside with the carrot thing!

 

As for the family drama.... I get it. There are some family that no way I want having ways to get ahold of me. I couldn't change my number though, that would be a disaster for me on the kid stuff side. UGH.

[unsinkable]

I'm sorry!

 

Can you chew gum?

 

Sounds lame but it's something for your mouth to do. Now, THAT sounds worse...

 

Leaving...

[Guest inoubliable]

I'm sorry!

 

Can you chew gum?

 

Sounds lame but it's something for your mouth to do. Now, THAT sounds worse...

 

Leaving...

 

 

Hahahaha. Thank you, my friend, for the laugh. :) Great minds must think alike - I had DH pick up a pack of gum this morning in case I got another craving.

 

Today has actually been a 900% improvement over the last week. I have no idea if anyone tried to contact me because I turned off the phone! I've turned it off, and put it in a drawer, and I'm not touching it for a very very long time. No stress today, no cravings today. The next time I get a craving (and I do hope that I don't!) I'm going to stand outside in the freezing temperature. Out front so anyone can see me looking ridiculous. I'll hold my carrot and chew my gum and let myself feel/look so stupid that there's no way I'd do it all over again with a lit cigarette.

[stripe]

You can set up different ring tones for different people, or have it only ring when certain people call, if that's easier.

[Lanny]

Yes. Change your cell phone number.

 

If your phone has GSM technology, all you need to do is get a new "SIM" card, from a celular provider. I can buy those in the market where we shop, in drug stores, etc., etc. Take out the old "SIM" card and insert the new "SIM" card and you are ready to roll.

 

If your GSM phone is locked to the provider you bought it from, you will need to stay with that provider, or get it "unlocked". If your GSM phone is ünlocked¨, you can use it with any provider, if their service uses the same GSM bands that your phone can use. Most, but not all, GSM cell phones in the Americas use the 850 and 1900 GSM bands.

 

If your phone uses CDMA technology, you will need to take it to your provider, to have them change your phone number and I assume they will charge you for this change.

 

CDMA technology has the advantage that you can have a conversation, with very low signal strength, which is a big plus, if you are in an area where the cell phone coverage is weak.