twinmami01 Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 I'm so aggravated right now. At 34 years old, I'm getting to the point where I am caring less about what people think. I really try to keep my life simple. I'm at a real good place in my life and I don't feel the need to change that. Some background...I have maintained a friendship with 2 girls that I went to school with. One of them being my childhood best friend since we were 7. I love both these girls dearly and I love their families. We live about an hour from each other and see each other a couple times a year. However, here lately, I absolutely dread even the idea of meeting up. Even meeting for dinner becomes complicated. I would be happy if we just met for coffee or burgers. Keep it simple. Every thing turns into how I need to "expand my palate" or try something different. I don't want to talk about the latest $1500 handbag or vacation to Dubai. Honestly, I'd rather stay home. Both these women are hard working professionals who work outside the home. They are pretty well off. I choose to stay home and we have a modest income. I by no means am envious or anything like that. I am quite content with my life and understand we are just in different places. The one who I've been friends with since we were 7 is having her 35th bday in Miami with a group of about 7 other ladies. The thought of going to this actually causes me to get anxious. I just don't want to go. I'd rather stab myself in the eye. Really. While it may sound fun to have a girls weekend away, I want to stay home. Maybe it's selfish. A first, it was about not wanting to spend that kind of money on the trip. I figured I'd rather spend that on a trip to NY to visit family. However, the hotel is being paid for by her husband. Yet, I still don't want to go. I mentioned that the date would not work due to a conflict with my husbands schedule and I would not be able to go. It then became about me meeting with them a day later instead because...well, "I know your husband is off that day and please tell him it's important to me." Ummm...excuse me???? This was all by email because to be honest, I dread confrontation. My response was that he totally understands this is important to you. This is not about that. I left it at that. I then receive a response stating that if it was a big deal, never mind. She also asked if this was about my husband not wanting me to go because she knows that if it was upto me, I would be there. I was so upset that I even was in a position having to explain myself. I just knew this was coming. I guess the reality is, in the past, I always explained myself. In the past, my husband has had controlling issues, but this is not about that. He and I are in a good place. This is all me and not him. I am not sure how to proceed. I never responded to her last email and I don't want to deal with it. I'm trying to set boundaries with my family and friends. I want them to respect the decisions that I make without having to explain it. Maybe I'm wierd to turn down a trip to South Beach (which is a 4 hr drive)with the girls. We don't really travel much. Mainly due to my boys health issues. It is what it is. I'm ok with that and just don't want to go away. if I do, it would be with my family. That's it. Sorry this is so long.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freckles Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 I'm sorry you are feeling caught in the middle. It appears that your friend is just excited and wants you to be there. She most likely can't put herself in your shoes. If I really didn't want to go that badly, I would say something like. I'm so happy you have this opportunity, but I really can't go right now. I know you will have a better time without me. I wouldn't want to be a party pooper because I have so much on my plate right now. How about we get together for a burger when you get back, and you tell me all about it. Or something like that. If I had been friends with someone that long, I would expect a reason because I would think we knew each other long enough to be honest. I hope things work out for the best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 Tell her it's not your husband, and in, fact he's happy for you to go. It's just that right now you don't have the energy for a big shindig, and you don't want to put a damper on her big weekend. Tell her you love her and you will look forward to spending one on one time with her when she is available. Tell her (like the other poster said) that you are very excited for her, that she deserves a big blowout to celebrate, and you will want to hear all about her exciting weekend when she gets back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twinmami01 Posted February 24, 2013 Author Share Posted February 24, 2013 Thank you ladies. You guys gave me some great ideas on how to approach her about it. I know she will be disappointed, but I do love her dearly and I pray she understands. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skimomma Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 It sounds like you have it figured out. I just wanted to say that I agree with the others. I have been in this situation more than once. In one case it was my entire group of girlfriends going on a week-long trip. I was the only one who did not end up going and I felt really nervous about telling them. It was not my family or obligations or dh or money. I just was not interested in the trip. I love spending time with them but I knew I would be miserable. In the end I finally just fessed up and explained. They were disappointed but I am glad I was honest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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