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Ideas for "Nearsighted" elementary boys


kajm
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I'm not talking about eyesight, but about the nearsightedness that doesn't look past the thrill to the consequences that lie ahead. I have a 9 yo DS that basically acts first and .... well, that's about it. Even when we tell him consequences that could happen or could have happened, I'm not sure it really sinks in. For example, this morning he and his younger brother went outside "to think" without our knowledge. It's 0 degrees windchill out with several inches of snow and they thought it would be a neat idea to go lie under a trailer for a while?!?!? We were terrified until we found them.

 

My husband reminded them of the "Hedge of Thorns" story and how the hedge was put there for protection, but the older brother was so curious he pushed his sister through the thorns, much to her detriment. Even after explaining hypothermia to them, I'm not sure the older really "owned it". He does know that he doesn't think of consequences, but we still haven't been able to get him to "think first".

 

I guess the long and short of it is, does anyone else have this issue, and what and how do you go about training them otherwise? I know there are stories they could listen to with character issues, which we are trying to instill. Do they need to listen to stories where less than optimal consequences are played out? If so, can you give me some titles as well as any other ideas? We discipline, but just haven't figured out how to instill responsibility and thinking ahead into him, where he internalizes it.

 

Any suggestions are so welcome!

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First off, reading about stories with poor consequences catching up with folks is a good idea, maybe. But your son may also need to experience some bad and possibly painful consequences. Your boy could have gotten someone KILLED this morning, thats just plain dumb of him. At nine years old, I think he should have a good deal more sense.

 

Clearly, his judgement can't be trusted. Maybe a two-week long exercise in loss of independence is in need. Tell him that he must ask your permission to do anything besides: breath, do his schoolwork, go to the bathroom and sleep at the appropriate times.

Want a drink of water? Ask. Hungry? Ask. Want to play with legos? Ask, Want to play with the dog? Need a nap? You'd better ask and each and everytime he asks, have a reason for why he can and cant do whatever it is that he wants to...

 

Teach your children common sense and instinctive survival stuff (I think now is an excellent time to revisit the notion of a fire drill and what to do in case of most emergencies...)

 

Does he have any diagnosis that could explain why he would do something as stupid as LAY beneath a trailer, in the freezing cold???

 

(Why do they lay beneath a trailer anyway? Is that somethhing you were aware of them doing?)

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Yes, we explained all the possible consequences we could think of.

 

They found a stray cat that is friendly and likes to spend time under the trailer. They were concerned about this cat last night to the point they wanted me to ask their Dad to check under the trailer when he came home from work.

 

Believe me, we are asking all the "Why?" questions ourselves. We're just exasperated.

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I have an 8 year old son who is much the same way. Act first...whoops.

 

One thing my husband has been doing, and you'll have to judge whether this will help or fuel your boys, is to watch youtube videos (we preview them all first - lots of chances for curse words and other profanities) with boys and men doing stupid stunts. I mean stupid. There are lots of compilations of clips. Kids jumping off of the roof (of course, they land and scream in pain), stupid skateboard stunts, stupid car tricks. stupid, stupid, stupid. 99% of these are teens and men. They all end in pain and humiliation. Lesson #1 - The first question my dh asked the boys was, "why don't we ever see any girls in this video?" They didn't know, but dh has grown wise enough to realize that males just lack some sense sometimes. He explained that it's something about growing boys to be curious and take risks, but that it is an urge that must be recognized and fought. Lesson #2 - "Boys, as you get older, you're going to be tempted to try something that will "be awesome" or you're just curious how it will turn out. Let's make a plan. If you ever hear yourself say, 'Watch this!' Stop. Think about the thing you're going to do and whether it is truly safe. None of these boys thought it would happen to them, but there are dozens of videos to prove it. If you say, 'video me while I do x.' Stop. Think about whether mom will be laughing or crying to see that video." Our boys can easily see (right now) that the actions of these teens and "grown" men are idiotic and we laugh (and cry) at how stupid they were to try such a thing. We want them to have something to harken back to when they find themselves perched on a roof about to dive into the neighbor's pool. Know what I mean?

 

Right now, our impulse control problems revolve around food and destruction of property (taking apart toys, using entire balls of twine, just to see how far it will stretch). We're trying desperately to help them see consequences. The trouble is helping them STOP before they act and think. If you find a magic currency or method, please do share!

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Ah, another thing we've had some success with is satisfying the need for adventure by participating in scouts. There's a heavy emphasis on responsibility and duty and the instruction and practice on doing adventuresome things in the right and safest ways has been a good outlet for the boys' desire to conquer the world by the age of 10. ;)

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