Mindfulness

[moonlight]

What does mindfulness mean to you?

 

How does it translate into your kids lives? How would you practice mindfulness with them? What does it/should it look like in your children?

 

We have a pretty good family life, but would like to bring all of us together purposefully to grow together...not sure if I am explaining myself correctly.

[Element]

Mindfulness around here mostly appears in form of keeping things tidy and simple. Extra "stuff," be it activities, schoolwork, clothing, gadgetry, or whatever, has a huge effect on our interpersonal relationships and even our physical well-being. I don't know if that is the case for every family, but it seems to be the case for our family. Encouraging our children to let go of things that could clutter our family's physical or emotional well-being (or the well-being of the individual) is probably the most common way our family embraces mindfulness.

[Orthodox6]

When was this word coined? I never heard it before. Thanks!

[Parrothead]

Mindfulness is being in the present. Not daydreaming or over thinking.

 

This article may be helpful to you

[Parrothead]

When was this word coined? I never heard it before. Thanks!

 

It is an eastern philosophy. You'll find it quite often in Taoism and Buddhism.

 

Wiki article

[Orthodox6]

Thank you for the article link. I had figured it was a recent "thing." The underpinnings remove it from my interest. . . . So I have no answer for OP.

[Parrothead]

Thank you for the article link. I had figured it was a recent "thing." The underpinnings remove it from my interest. . . . So I have no answer for OP.

 

 

Mindfulness is as old as the Buddha. ;)

[Orthodox6]

 

Mindfulness is as old as the Buddha. ;)

 

 

What I meant was "recent" as in recent fad for Americans to adopt.

[Pawz4me]

Mindfulness = Living life in the "right now" w/o worrying about the "what ifs" of the future or rehashing the "should have and could haves" of the past. I think almost all young children do it naturally. We unlearn it as we get older and experience the trials and tribulations of life. I'm working hard on relearning it.

[Wildiris]

You might want to check out this: UCLA Mindfulness Awareness Research Center.

[Ewe Mama]

Would this be along the same idea as Attentiveness?

[tex-bex]

I've been wanting to address this with my kids, as well. Exercises that will help them with a certain self-awareness and self-regulation.

 

My kids are so fidgety. It drives ME nuts. If I mimic them while they are trying to concentrate, it drives THEM nuts!

 

It's all foreign to me because I spent my childhood trying to blend into the walls unnoticed. :~\

[Little Nyssa]

Well, yes, the current fad for 'mindfulness' is perhaps from Eastern religions-- but the idea is in Christianity too.

 

In Beginning to Pray, Metropolitan Anthony Bloom talks about a time when he was helping with the French Resistance and he was caught by the Gestapo. In an instant, his future disappeared, because he could have been killed any second. The past also disappeared, because he could not talk about it at all lest he betray his friends. There was only the present, just this moment, on the brink of life & death, and the present took on such an enormous importance. He uses this incredible focus on this moment that you are in right now as a beginning of prayer. It's only in this moment that you can find communion with God, not in your fears for tomorrow or your regrets of the past. Now. He is with you Now. And that is awe- and fear-inspiring.

Here is a link to this book: http://www.amazon.com/Beginning-Pray-Anthony-Bloom/dp/0809115093/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1361310187&sr=8-1&keywords=beginning+to+pray

 

In the Scriptures: "Do not worry about tomorrow"

"as long as it is called Today"

"Now is the acceptable day, Now is the day of salvation"

 

From the Church Fathers: "to love God, without hope of heaven or fear of hell" (I am sorry, I can not recall whether this was first said by St Basil or St Gregory of Nyssa or St Gregory the Theologian. This was repeated by Rabia the Sufi mystic about 400 years later)

St Seraphim of Sarov: "Let us resolve from this very hour, from this instant, to love God above all"

 

and Jim Elliot "wherever you are, be all the way there."

 

Simone Weil-- attentiveness on school studies is a precursor to learning attentiveness in prayer.

 

I'm not sure I can make our family more mindful, if you want to use that term. But it helps not to overschedule or be too busy with things that don't matter or things that are not really my job even though they are valuable in themselves. And I try to stop and smell the roses, as in when we are taking a walk, pause to notice the little beauties of nature and point them out to the kids, to make a comment like 'look how nice it is to have us all here, having fun together!' when we are playing a game.

[Joanne]

Thank you for the article link. I had figured it was a recent "thing." The underpinnings remove it from my interest. . . . So I have no answer for OP.

 

 

Mindfulness is an ancient spiritual and "life skill" practice. It's a spiritual discipline.

[laundrycrisis]

MIndfulness seems to come to our children quite naturally, when it's not interfered wtih. I want to focus more on my own practice of it, and do my best not to influence them away from it by them learning from my non-mindful habits.

[Element]

Mindfulness = Living life in the "right now" w/o worrying about the "what ifs" of the future or rehashing the "should have and could haves" of the past. I think almost all young children do it naturally. We unlearn it as we get older and experience the trials and tribulations of life. I'm working hard on relearning it.

 

 

I totally agree.

[Dandelion]

I agree with the "living in the now" definition.

 

It's something I'm working on as well. Just to be present in each moment, and enjoy it for what it is. When I'm not mindful, my thoughts tend to migrate towards the future (I don't dwell on the past at all - but I'm constantly thinking ahead). If I don't bring myself back to the present, I tend to miss what's happening right now as I think about what I want to (or should) be doing next. Some steps I've been taking to become more mindful are: turning away from whatever I'm doing and fully focusing on my kids' faces when they want to talk to me; consciously turning off my thoughts when I'm playing with the kids so I can just enjoy what we're doing; not multi-tasking as much (multi-tasking seems to be the antithesis of mindfulness). It's a process.

 

I agree with the previous poster who said that kids are more naturally mindful, so I haven't really focused on this with them. With my kids, I focus more on attentiveness (which mainly requires specific emphasis when we're doing something that's not of their choosing - if it's an activity they've chosen themselves, they're pretty attentive).

[Orthodox6]

Mindfulness is an ancient spiritual and "life skill" practice. It's a spiritual discipline.

 

Understood. Just not one compatible with my religion, despite the superficial similarities.

[Trish]

I was not aware of the large philosophical underpinnings it apparently has.

 

I think of it in terms strictly of family life: paying attention to who you are with and what you're supposed to be doing, i.e. if an adult walks into our house from outside, the kids are supposed to LOOK UP from their (screen, book, game, project, whatever) and acknowledge that adult with a greeting. Also mindfulness extends to doing your chores, getting your schoolwork done, knowing that it's time to get ready for baseball practice, etc. And, "MIND you manners."

 

That is how I've always viewed it.

[Joanne]

Understood. Just not one compatible with my religion, despite the superficial similarities.

 

 

I am not sure what "orthodox" you refer to in terms of religion. But the concept of mindfulness, like the concepts of karma, compassion, lovingkindness (and others) appears in every major world religion.

Edited February 20, 2013 by Moderator
Removed unnecessarily hostile tone

[MBM]

Mindfulness is often associated with Buddhism; however, it has been practiced in virtually all religions and it can be a secular practice as well.

 

I like Dan Siegel's definition and explanation from his book Mindsight. Siegel is a professor of psychiatry at UCLA and a practicing psychiatrist.

 

Being mindful, having mindful awareness, is often defined as a way of intentionally paying attention to the present moment without being swept up by [self] judgments. Practiced in the East and the West, in ancient times and in modern societies, mindful awareness techniques help people move toward well-being by training the mind to focus on moment-to-moment experience. People sometimes hear the word mindfulness and think "religion." But the reality is that focusing our attention in this way is a biological process that promotes health--a form of brain hygiene--not a religion. Various religions may encourage this health-promoting practice, but learning the skill of mindful awareness is simply a way of cultivating what we have defined as the integration of consciousness.

 

My husband and I practice both compassion and focus meditations. I'm a fairly religious person as well but use mindfulness purely to keep my mind in a healthy state, which is always a work in progress! My son, who is 15, practices 10" of focus meditation to help mostly with studies. He uses a CD put out by Dan Goleman.

 

Richard Davidson is a neuroscientist who has studied for 30+ years how the brain physically changes in response to different forms of meditation. He has done hundreds of studies involving thousands of fMRI scans of the brain coupled with psychological testing that proves the brain does change. (His results have been replicated throughout the world.) He is also the neuroscientist who works with the Dalai Lama and Buddhist monks. Davidson's work is fascinating and incredibly hopeful. If you want to learn more about his studies and what specifically happens, I'd highly suggest reading his book The Emotional Life of Your Brain: How Its Unique Patterns Affect the Way You Think, Feel, and Live--and How You Can Change Them.

 

Besides the two books listed above, I'd suggest looking through some of Jon Kabat-Zinn's books as well as the Teaching Company's thorough lecture series by Mark Muesse. All of the people I've mentioned are well-trained scientists from either MIT or Harvard, except Muesse who had a PhD from Harvard in Religion.

 

I understand the idea of mindfulness doesn't sit well with many people, and if that is the case but you'd still like to try it, use it in a secular manner. If you want a quick lesson in either focus of compassion meditation, you can find many guided videos online. I can also tell you what I do. The hardest part for me is making the time.

 

:)

[KungFuPanda]

 

 

Understood. Just not one compatible with my religion, despite the superficial similarities.

 

I don't think any religion is philosophically opposed to focusing on the task at hand.

[moonlight]

Thank you for the helpful responses...

 

I would like to harness my kids energy in positive directions with meditation and just being in the present. I have always viewed this sort of thing as not really "my thing" KWIM? But I would like it to be..we did some yoga today which was new for us. I just need a very gentle approach to see where it will take us..

 

I would like to respond to each individual response, but I am exhausted at the moment.

[moonlight]

]

 

I understand the idea of mindfulness doesn't sit well with many people, and if that is the case but you'd still like to try it, use it in a secular manner. If you want a quick lesson in either focus of compassion meditation, you can find many guided videos online. I can also tell you what I do. The hardest part for me is making the time.

 

:)

 

I would love to find out what you do.

 

Do you know of any particular meditations that are online that I can look up?

 

Thanks!

[milovany]

 

Understood. Just not one compatible with my religion, despite the superficial similarities.

 

Although the concept of watchfulness (nepsis), which I think of as much the same, is very compatible with Orthodoxy. Being present in the present. In other words, being aware in the present moment, minding our beings in the present, not living in the past or future as described, repenting as necessary in the moment through the day, etc. It's a skill that requires a great struggle to develop I think. We tend to live in an somewhere-other-than-here-and-now frame of mind. Father Stephen Freeman had a wonderful blog post called "Wake Up" about this recently: http://glory2godforallthings.com/2013/02/15/wake-up/

[Catwoman]

Mindfulness sounds like a lot of work.

 

I think I'll stick with my usual Mindlessness.

[lovemykids]

Mindfulness sounds like a lot of work.

 

I think I'll stick with my usual Mindlessness.

 

 

 

 

 

LOL!! Me too..do you think we will benefit from it at all? Kind of like “Huh?â€, “Innocence is blissâ€, “what we don’t know (or remember) won’t hurt us?†or “la, la, la, la..I can’t hear you!â€â€”Mindlessness, ahhh….

Peace out! :laugh:

[Dandelion]

Mindfulness sounds like a lot of work.

 

I think I'll stick with my usual Mindlessness.

LOL!! Me too..do you think we will benefit from it at all? Kind of like “Huh?â€, “Innocence is blissâ€, “what we don’t know (or remember) won’t hurt us?†or “la, la, la, la..I can’t hear you!â€â€”Mindlessness, ahhh….

Peace out! :laugh:

 

LOL. I actually think mindfulness is both important and beneficial (as you can tell from my very serious post above - that I put a lot of thought into, thankyouverymuch!). But you girls are cracking me up. :tongue_smilie:

[Erica in OR]

Leo Babauta, who blogs at zenhabits.net talks about mindfulness in his posts on and off. One article that seemed to hit some practical aspects that could be integrated either into an individual's life or could be worked on as a family is "9 Mindfulness Rituals to Make Your Day Better."

 

Erica in OR

[Dandelion]

Leo Babauta, who blogs at zenhabits.net talks about mindfulness in his posts on and off. One article that seemed to hit some practical aspects that could be integrated either into an individual's life or could be worked on as a family is "9 Mindfulness Rituals to Make Your Day Better."

 

Erica in OR

 

 

Love Zen Habits. It's the only blog I've followed consistently (for many years now). I rarely read one of his blog posts without coming away with something really insightful or useful.

[Parrothead]

 

 

Love Zen Habits. It's the only blog I've followed consistently (for many years now). I rarely read one of his blog posts without coming away with something really insightful or useful.

 

I'm going to have to check it out again. The one time I visited, he must have been having a bad day. I didn't get much from it.

[Dandelion]

I'm going to have to check it out again. The one time I visited, he must have been having a bad day. I didn't get much from it.

 

I've been following his blog for about 5 years. Now and then he'll post something that doesn't really resonate with me, but for the most part I really enjoy his posts. Sometimes I get new ideas, and sometimes I just get a much-needed reminder (about something I already know but haven't followed through on). I like his style - he's very honest, very unassuming, and just shares what he's learning with his readers.

[MBM]

I would love to find out what you do.

 

Do you know of any particular meditations that are online that I can look up?

 

Thanks!

 

My son uses one of the guided focus meditations from the CD that goes along with the following book. You might be able to find it at your library. Dan Goleman narrates and has a calm, reassuring tone. Focus meditation is good for kids because it helps them to focus and thicken up the left-side of their prefrontal cortex and dampen signals from the amygdalae and other parts of the brain's limbic system. For a child who is depressed, anxious, not liking him- or herself, compassion meditation would also be good. As hokey as it might seem, keeping a gratitude journal can be helpful, too.

 

http://www.amazon.co...e/dp/1591797896

 

A little history -- Dan Goleman was Richard Davidson's graduate studies mentor at Harvard. Davidson did not choose Harvard (grad school) because of the professors; he went there to study with Dan Goleman who was doing post-doc work there at the time.

 

Another source for kids that you might want to check out is Goldie Hawn's 10 Mindful Minutes and her MindUP curriculum. She wrote it with a group of neuroscientists including Dan Siegel.

 

You can also go to YouTube and type in focus meditation or compassion meditation, watch a few videos, and then use the ones that you like.

 

My method of compassion meditation is very simple. I sit in a quiet area and repeat silently:

 

May I be safe / May I be healthy / May I be happy / May I be at peace

Second, I move on to someone I care about a great deal -- my husband or my kids substituting their name for mine while trying to imagine them.

Third, I think of a person I see often and don't know -- usually a grocery store clerk

Fourth, the world

Fifth, someone I dislike very much -- one of my contentious neighbors!

 

If my mind wanders -- as it always does -- I just bring it back to the meditation.

 

Now, I know people will laugh at this (I did at first myself!) but it has an incredible affect on the brain as demonstrated by numerous scans and psychological testing. Davidson includes compassion meditation in his daily sessions.

 

The absolute must-reads if you want to learn more about what the brain scans show are the books written by Davidson and Siegel. Really interesting.

 

I'd write more but I have to go to class and then run into the city (Chicago), but I hope this is helpful. :)

[DyslexicParent]

Studies have shown that mindfulness is beneficial including for ADHD, e.g., The Effectiveness of Mindfulness Training for Children with ADHD and Mindful Parenting for their Parents. I tried to listen to Goldie Hawn's 10 Mindful Minutes, but she spends too much time justifying the approach and lingering on personal reflections; I don't remember hearing any actual meditation exercise that a child can do while listening. Does anybody know something easy for an 11 year-old to do a mindfulness exercise while in bed, e.g., YouTube link or CD?

Another source for kids that you might want to check out is Goldie Hawn's 10 Mindful Minutes

 

[pehp]

I am not sure how to teach mindfulness to children except via modeling it.

 

I find it perfectly aligned with my own faith (Christianity) & a great way to live joyfully. DIFFICULT....as an adult in this distraction -filled age....but quite like what Christ encouraged in Mary while Martha was running around trying to organize supper! :)

[Mom0012]

This is a great thread. I spent a bit of time on the blog that was mentioned and felt a lot of the posts on it were really helpful to me. I even did a mindfulness meditation with my kids this morning.

[MBM]

Studies have shown that mindfulness is beneficial including for ADHD, e.g., The Effectiveness of Mindfulness Training for Children with ADHD and Mindful Parenting for their Parents. I tried to listen to Goldie Hawn's 10 Mindful Minutes, but she spends too much time justifying the approach and lingering on personal reflections; I don't remember hearing any actual meditation exercise that a child can do while listening. Does anybody know something easy for an 11 year-old to do a mindfulness exercise while in bed, e.g., YouTube link or CD?

 

Try using Dan Goleman's CD that comes with the book I linked in one of the posts above. He has a track on the CD that teaches focus meditation as the listener does it. His voice is also uplifting and reassuring. My son likes it. It's about 10" long.

[Ipsey]

I love mindfulness.

It's made my life so much better.

I used to rush through a day and not even be able to remember what I did. Seriously! My husband refers to it as being "unaware." Sometimes, I didn't even know what was going on around me. I'd be so intent on "getting it done" I never payed attention to WHAT I was doing.

 

For me, mindfulness is just taking time to realize what I'm doing.

 

When I'm driving and the kids are driving me crazy, I breathe. I feel the steering wheel in my hand. I try to remember that I am with my children and they will not be young and with me forever. I try to really take the moment and feel what I am feeling.

 

There's nothing particularly religious about it. It's just "paying attention."

 

When I feel myself getting out of control or depressed or anxious, I use it to help me be in the moment.

 

Just tonight at dinner, instead of bolting my food, I let myself taste what was in my stir fry. Sounds silly, right?

But sometimes I can get through a meal hardly tasting it.

 

Really allowing myself to feel what I'm feeling and realize who/what I am, it's made my life calmer and happier.

[Ipsey]

Studies have shown that mindfulness is beneficial including for ADHD, e.g., The Effectiveness of Mindfulness Training for Children with ADHD and Mindful Parenting for their Parents. I tried to listen to Goldie Hawn's 10 Mindful Minutes, but she spends too much time justifying the approach and lingering on personal reflections; I don't remember hearing any actual meditation exercise that a child can do while listening. Does anybody know something easy for an 11 year-old to do a mindfulness exercise while in bed, e.g., YouTube link or CD?

 

I downloaded this for my 11-year-old daughter. I even used it. I encourage her to listen to it before bed; she says she likes it, and it helps her get rid of her worry so she can sleep.

http://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Meditations-Teens-Bodhipaksa/dp/0972441476/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1362356517&sr=8-1&keywords=bodhipaksa+teens

[Ipsey]

Leo Babauta, who blogs at zenhabits.net talks about mindfulness in his posts on and off. One article that seemed to hit some practical aspects that could be integrated either into an individual's life or could be worked on as a family is "9 Mindfulness Rituals to Make Your Day Better."

 

Erica in OR

 

Oh, wow! These are terrific! :)

[chiguirre]

Thank you for introducing me to Zen Habits Erica and Dandelion! I've been trying to be more mindful and that was very helpful. On his main page he talked about committing to just 2 minutes a day. That was so encouraging. I have been able to do a couple minutes here and there and thought that was pretty dismal. I'm glad to know it's a decent start. I love the mindful tooth brushing advice on the 9 Habits List. That's brilliant and very doable for me.