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If your spouse belongs to Masons/Oddfellows, etc....


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Does your spouse keep secrets from YOU about what goes on (e.g. at the initiation, etc.) My DH told me everything that went on at the Odd Fellows initiations and I was pretty appalled. Now, in fairness to him, it's all just one google search away anyway. But, still. I'm appalled that there is the expectation that he would keep secrets from ME and well, the whole treating a human skeleton as a prop in your junior high creep-out initiation ceremony is, at the very least, disrespectful to the person that died. Even though the club is just a group of middle age and older guys doing nice things for people, the promise to keep secrets has me wishing he'd join the Lions Club or something like that instead. This is REALLY bothering me.

 

If I ask him not to be in the group, he'll resign. I just don't want to be "that wife," kwim? He's a big boy and can make his own choices. But, really, is an organization that encourages secrets (even stupid ones) between spouses a good thing? I did point out that since that, by virtue of being married, we're one flesh Biblically, telling me is pretty much like talking to himself :)

 

So, what do you think?

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It's one of the reasons that our religious view is against such fraternities and secret societies. Whenever I tell a spouse something that I want kept confidential, I make it clear that their spouse is the exception to the rule. Ditto with my spouse...I hide NOTHING from him and he hides NOTHING from me. If either of us did, there would be issues.

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Secret societies are not allowed in our faith either - Methodist. Now, I'm not saying that everyone refrains. It's entirely possible someone would join and keep that a secret. But, officially, these are considered taboo because of the secrecy.

 

I think many Christian denominations are against joining secret societies.

 

Faith

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I admit that I think all those sorts of organizations for adults with bizarre initiation rituals are just...well... bizarre.

 

My friend talked me into joining a sorority in college and I was giggling through the whole initiation thing because I thought it was so silly and pointless. And we were "sworn to secrecy" about the ritual and handshake and I think there was even a secret phrase or something? Give me a break.

 

Can't your organization do charitable things without all that foolishness?

 

No, my dh would not be joining a group that forced him to keep secrets from me or engaged in weird rituals or both.

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Which religion do you follow?

 

I am Eastern Orthodox. But the Anabaptists (Mennonites, Brethren, several types of non-denom), Messianic, Independent Fundamental Baptists, and conservative Presbyterian groups all hold the same view. In the Southern Baptist Church, though there is a long history of men that are members of the Masons, my generation has had more teaching against such (my husband was raised SBC, much of my paternal family is SBC, and I was SBC in highschool....my grandfather and my husband's grandfathers were all Masons...husband's uncle was a Mason and left the Masons or at least became inactive).

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Well, dh keeps secrets from me all the time. They are all work related. Of course I find out later anyway because it seems he is the only one who can keep his mouth shut. I don't know how he does it. I find out because someone told his wife and the wife blabs to the next person and it becomes an open secret. Most of the time it isn't a matter of national security but more of a disciplinary action.

 

As for the secret brotherhood yeah, dh has two of those. He is an Elk and a Knight of Columbus. I don't think anything of their silly ceremonies. I have my own secrets that I'd rather not share so if he wants to keep his silliness to himself so be it. I so don't care that it never occurred to me to google it.

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It sounds like my college boyfriend's frat rituals. He was so secretive about them, and with good reason. The chapter would lose its charter if authorities found out the nature of the hazing (and at one point after I graduated, it did). I get the point of hazing and initiation rituals, it's to make membership in an organization seem worthwhile.

 

But that was college, and I was more tolerant of silliness then. Now that I'm an adult with real responsibilities I'd be a little more concerned that the adult I'm married to still felt the need to be in an organization like that. But if it just seemed like a fun outlet for him and he didn't neglect his family and work responsibilities, I think it'd be fine.

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Well, dh keeps secrets from me all the time. They are all work related. Of course I find out later anyway because it seems he is the only one who can keep his mouth shut. I don't know how he does it. I find out because someone told his wife and the wife blabs to the next person and it becomes an open secret. Most of the time it isn't a matter of national security but more of a disciplinary action.

 

As for the secret brotherhood yeah, dh has two of those. He is an Elk and a Knight of Columbus. I don't think anything of their silly ceremonies. I have my own secrets that I'd rather not share so if he wants to keep his silliness to himself so be it. I so don't care that it never occurred to me to google it.

 

 

You bring up an important distinction. DH deals with a LOT of confidential information at work, and it doesn't bother me in the least that he doesn't share the gory details with me. Honestly, it never occurs to me to ask.

 

But this whole Odd Fellows thing is rubbing me the wrong way. I can't totally figure out WHY it's bugging me *so much,* but it is. It's too bad, because they give a lot of money to charities and do good. But the secrecy thing just casts a pall over it, at least from my perspective.

 

I guess a large part of me can't figure out WHY they make members take secrecy oaths. What purpose does it serve??

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From what I know about the Masons, I would run fast in the other direction. (My dad told me this, and his dad (or granddad?) was a Mason, as is my uncle.) I don't know about that other group you mentioned, but if it's similar, yuck.

 

I don't see the point. We're adults. Secret societies are for kids and criminals IMO. The only reason I could see to hide something from people you trust with your body, house, and kids would be that there's a lack of integrity or worse going on.

 

ETA: Professional confidentiality is a different matter, of course. This is not that.

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I think any group with secretive and strange rituals is bizarre, and a group that requires you to keep secrets from your spouse would not be acceptable to me. On the other hand, probably most people who join those groups are just doing it to be in a club where they do nice things for the community, and they don't even give the "secretive" part a second thought.

 

My husband did have to keep information private (secret from me) when he was an attorney (client confidentiality), but that I can understand.

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Years ago my husband was curious about the Masons and had a friend whose FIL was in it. He and his friend joined and went through those first 3 levels. He told me absolutely everything. He had the same thoughts you did; he and I have no intentions of keeping actual secrets from each other unless it were of national security status. :)

 

Honestly he was just curious about what the hubbub was about. Once he finished those first 3 levels he faded out.

 

In my opinion, the stuff they said and did to do this was incredibly, painfully silly. To each their own, I guess. :)

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You bring up an important distinction. DH deals with a LOT of confidential information at work, and it doesn't bother me in the least that he doesn't share the gory details with me. Honestly, it never occurs to me to ask.

 

But this whole Odd Fellows thing is rubbing me the wrong way. I can't totally figure out WHY it's bugging me *so much,* but it is. It's too bad, because they give a lot of money to charities and do good. But the secrecy thing just casts a pall over it, at least from my perspective.

 

I guess a large part of me can't figure out WHY they make members take secrecy oaths. What purpose does it serve??

 

 

Haven't you read The Da Vinci Code or watched National Treasure? All of these secret societies are protecting important state secrets. :p

 

In all seriousness though, I think it's just a way of indulging the kid in all of us. Yes, they could just function as a charitable organization, but it's much more fun to have a secret handshake and rituals, too. Makes the group more cohesive and gives the members more of a sense of group identity.

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In my opinion, the stuff they said and did to do this was incredibly, painfully silly. To each their own, I guess. :)

 

Yes, the things done are painfully silly. ThatĂ¢â‚¬â„¢s the point. If it wasnĂ¢â‚¬â„¢t painful it wouldnĂ¢â‚¬â„¢t serve as a bonding exercise.

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Dh has never wanted to join a secret society and neither have I. When we were both working, I had some security things I didn't discuss with him and he always has his he doesn't discuss with me. Doesn't mean that I can't turn on the tv, though so when DH was called in at 4am one day, I turned on the tv and found out that China had just exploded a nuke. Since dh was in threat detection at that time, I knew exactly why he had gone in to work, though he never told me.

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You bring up an important distinction. DH deals with a LOT of confidential information at work, and it doesn't bother me in the least that he doesn't share the gory details with me. Honestly, it never occurs to me to ask.

 

But this whole Odd Fellows thing is rubbing me the wrong way. I can't totally figure out WHY it's bugging me *so much,* but it is. It's too bad, because they give a lot of money to charities and do good. But the secrecy thing just casts a pall over it, at least from my perspective.

 

I guess a large part of me can't figure out WHY they make members take secrecy oaths. What purpose does it serve??

 

There's a reason it's bothering you, even if you don't know what it is. Discernment :) Listen to what you're feeling.

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You bring up an important distinction. DH deals with a LOT of confidential information at work, and it doesn't bother me in the least that he doesn't share the gory details with me. Honestly, it never occurs to me to ask.

 

But this whole Odd Fellows thing is rubbing me the wrong way. I can't totally figure out WHY it's bugging me *so much,* but it is. It's too bad, because they give a lot of money to charities and do good. But the secrecy thing just casts a pall over it, at least from my perspective.

 

I guess a large part of me can't figure out WHY they make members take secrecy oaths. What purpose does it serve??

 

The secrecy serves to bind the members together.

 

Are you upset at the secrecy because your curiosity has been thwarted? I wonder if I'm not bothered by the secrecy because I just don't care enough to be bothered. Dh and I don't have a marriage where we tell each other every single thing. So if someone tells me something in confidence they can be sure it stays with me. If he has some silly ritual that he can't talk about so be it.

 

So I wonder if your upset is because your curiosity can't be easily satisfied.

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No, it's not thwarted curiosity, because he already told me everything,. I wish I could put myfinger on WHY this is bothering me so much. They're a charitable. organization, nothing inappropriate afaik.

 

 

The secrecy serves to bind the members together.

 

Are you upset at the secrecy because your curiosity has been thwarted? I wonder if I'm not bothered by the secrecy because I just don't care enough to be bothered. Dh and I don't have a marriage where we tell each other every single thing. So if someone tells me something in confidence they can be sure it stays with me. If he has some silly ritual that he can't talk about so be it.

 

So I wonder if your upset is because your curiosity can't be easily satisfied.

 

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Does your spouse keep secrets from YOU about what goes on (e.g. at the initiation, etc.) My DH told me everything that went on at the Odd Fellows initiations and I was pretty appalled. Now, in fairness to him, it's all just one google search away anyway. But, still. I'm appalled that there is the expectation that he would keep secrets from ME and well, the whole treating a human skeleton as a prop in your junior high creep-out initiation ceremony is, at the very least, disrespectful to the person that died. Even though the club is just a group of middle age and older guys doing nice things for people, the promise to keep secrets has me wishing he'd join the Lions Club or something like that instead. This is REALLY bothering me.

 

If I ask him not to be in the group, he'll resign. I just don't want to be "that wife," kwim? He's a big boy and can make his own choices. But, really, is an organization that encourages secrets (even stupid ones) between spouses a good thing? I did point out that since that, by virtue of being married, we're one flesh Biblically, telling me is pretty much like talking to himself :)

 

So, what do you think?

 

 

I have always had a problem with organizations with secret rites. It's one thing to be in the CIA, where you have to keep secrets for national security reasons. It's another to do quasi-religious rituals that must be secret. As a Christian, I find this problematic. No, encouraging secrets between spouses is never a good thing.

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No, it's not thwarted curiosity, because he already told me everything,. I wish I could put myfinger on WHY this is bothering me so much. They're a charitable. organization, nothing inappropriate afaik.

 

 

Okay.

 

It could just be that it flies in the face of what you consider good spousal communication.

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I have always had a problem with organizations with secret rites. It's one thing to be in the CIA, where you have to keep secrets for national security reasons. It's another to do quasi-religious rituals that must be secret. As a Christian, I find this problematic. No, encouraging secrets between spouses is never a good thing.

 

i agree

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I'm surprised this thread hasn't gone over to the *quasi-religious* rites. So are these organizations really compatible with Christianity? :leaving:

That is up to each sect and up for debate within some. Then you have those that have their own rites. Some would also say that a religious sect IS already such (if you read some of the EO statements and know that they used to have Catechumens stand outside during certain sacraments, you would think the same). The fraternities themselves might insist that they are compatible with all faiths (Masons), but their universalism is not compatible with those churches that do not agree.

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My entire United Methodist family was a part of either the Masons or Eastern Star. I suppose since everyone in the community was a member that there wasnt really a lot of secrets. I had no idea that some denominations, especially the Methodists, had a problem with it.

 

There are silly rituals, for sure, but I know my great grandparents enjoyed it and found it worthwhile. My mom still sings at some of the Eastern Star meetings. Honestly, my understanding is that they are religious organizations anyway, at least the Masons.

 

DH would never be interested, but I wouldn't care. We don't tell each other everything and it wouldn't occur to me to ask.

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Masons and their ilk are decidedly not Christian organizations. Based on their oaths and rituals, they actually practice forms of the black arts. People used to be killed for trying to leave these organizations so their secrets would not be revealed.

 

Every member of my maternal family was involved in some form of the Masons, Eastern Star, De Molay, Rainbow Girls, etc for many generations. It stopped with my brother and me. My great grandfather was a very high level Mason. I did not know any of the things they did or practiced until I went to a healing service at my church eight years ago. I was struggling with infertility and had just recently been diagnosed with stage IV endometriosis and was told I would never, ever be able to get pregnant. This information was given to be by my ob/gyn and confirmed by a reproductive endocrinologist who was at the top of his field.

 

When I went up for prayer, I was asked if any members of my family had been involved in the Masons, etc. I said yes and was told that the higher rituals in these organizations involved "generational curses" that would be incurred by the progeny of their members, usually involving some form of infertility. I was like, "Yov've got to be kidding me."

 

Anyhow I was prayed over for healing and release from these curses. I thought the whole experience was pretty strange, but when I got home, I googled generational curses and found a wealth of information. I prayed some more about it and went to bed.

 

Exactly one week later, with no medical intervention, drugs, or anything else, our son Alvin was conceived.

 

Take from my experiences what you will. Your gut is telling you it is not right for a reason.

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My entire United Methodist family was a part of either the Masons or Eastern Star. I suppose since everyone in the community was a member that there wasnt really a lot of secrets. I had no idea that some denominations, especially the Methodists, had a problem with it.

 

I had no idea the Methodists had a problem with the Masons. I wonder what others do.

 

I know Catholics are "forbidden" from joining the Masons.

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In all seriousness though, I think it's just a way of indulging the kid in all of us. Yes, they could just function as a charitable organization, but it's much more fun to have a secret handshake and rituals, too. Makes the group more cohesive and gives the members more of a sense of group identity.

 

I've noticed it's mostly all-male groups that have this kind of silliness. My dh is in Knights of Columbus, and I tease him about their secret clubhouse & stuff - it's their chance to act like a bunch of nine year olds pretending they're spies or something, totally harmless as long as no one takes it too seriously (and with those fluffy hats, no one can take it too seriously). Before he joined, though, he talked to some of the guys to make sure that the promises of secrecy didn't include not telling his wife; they don't, so he could tell me, if I cared or was worried about it. He was not willing to join if there wasn't an exception about that.

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Well, I had to keep most of what happened in my job confidential. I had to sign papers and promises and everything. Sometimes I knew everything about a situation that was in the papers and I had to keep my mouth shut. My husband would never have thought to ask me what I knew or what was happening. He would know I was involved, that much would be fairly obvious due to phone calls or having to leave late at night etc. But he knew I couldn't say anything.

 

I guess having to keep actually important things a secret makes things like secret societies seem sort of silly and cute. I wouldn't think twice about the masons or some such. And my dh does deal with some confidential information at his job, and I would never, ever ask him to betray that. I might be his partner, but there are some things that are none of my business. If he has knowledge of someone's personal health information, or getting reasons for getting fired etc I would never ask that. That is not something I need to know other than to satisfy my own curiosity.

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Masons and their ilk are decidedly not Christian organizations. Based on their oaths and rituals, they actually practice forms of the black arts. People used to be killed for trying to leave these organizations so their secrets would not be revealed.

 

Every member of my maternal family was involved in some form of the Masons, Eastern Star, De Molay, Rainbow Girls, etc for many generations. It stopped with my brother and me. My great grandfather was a very high level Mason. I did not know any of the things they did or practiced until I went to a healing service at my church eight years ago. I was struggling with infertility and had just recently been diagnosed with stage IV endometriosis and was told I would never, ever be able to get pregnant. This information was given to be by my ob/gyn and confirmed by a reproductive endocrinologist who was at the top of his field.

 

When I went up for prayer, I was asked if any members of my family had been involved in the Masons, etc. I said yes and was told that the higher rituals in these organizations involved "generational curses" that would be incurred by the progeny of their members, usually involving some form of infertility. I was like, "Yov've got to be kidding me."

 

Anyhow I was prayed over for healing and release from these curses. I thought the whole experience was pretty strange, but when I got home, I googled generational curses and found a wealth of information. I prayed some more about it and went to bed.

 

Exactly one week later, with no medical intervention, drugs, or anything else, our son Alvin was conceived.

 

Take from my experiences what you will. Your gut is telling you it is not right for a reason.

 

 

That's pretty interesting.

 

I never went to the doctor about it, but now that I think about it, not only is this history also in my family, but I didn't get pregnant with my first until after 35 - and after a similar sort of service, and renouncing everything in my family's past, just because it seemed like a good idea after reading about these things.

 

Hmmm.

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I'm like Sheep Lady Mama with my family backround. My dad met my mom thru DeMoley and Rainbow, the "youth" masonic orgs. I am very against masonery, to the point that I believe it can interfere with salvation. Not a popular view, I know.

Most of the hinky-dinky stuff comes when you are really high up in the organization, like my dad. There is doubt/fear/oaths bondage.

I feel I was divinely protected from this in my own life.

I don't mean to offend, I've just done the research and it totally conflicts with my Christianity. I believe it is a deception that has wreaked havoc with my family. And I can't talk to them about it, because they won't listen.

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Does it bother you at all that he is required to keep the information secret but is violating that rule by telling you everything? That would bother me. It seems like a matter of integrity that if the groups rules are that you not tell you spouse, he would do it anyway. I would tell my DH that if he doesn't want to follow the group's rules, he shouldn't join. I'm not saying you DH lacks integrity - he probably hasn't thought about it this way, and probably thinks that telling his wife things shows trust and a different type of integrity - which I think is true. But unfortunately, the group doesn't operate that way, so maybe he doesn't really fit the group.

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It sounds like my college boyfriend's frat rituals. He was so secretive about them, and with good reason. The chapter would lose its charter if authorities found out the nature of the hazing (and at one point after I graduated, it did). I get the point of hazing and initiation rituals, it's to make membership in an organization seem worthwhile.

 

But that was college, and I was more tolerant of silliness then. Now that I'm an adult with real responsibilities I'd be a little more concerned that the adult I'm married to still felt the need to be in an organization like that. But if it just seemed like a fun outlet for him and he didn't neglect his family and work responsibilities, I think it'd be fine.

 

I don't think hazing is a good idea. I think it's stupid and unnecessary. When I was younger, I remember hearing about some humiliating stuff happening under the guise of "hazing," and I'm not so sure that it's all in fun, or to make membership in the organization seem worthwhile. Often, it seems more like a group of people getting off on having control over others and being able to make them do whatever they tell them to do. There are plenty of ways to make membership in an organization seem desirable that don't involve stupid secret oaths or hazing rituals. (It's different when it's silly, harmless stuff, and everyone is just joking around and having fun with it -- including the pledges -- but that's not always the case.)

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Masons and their ilk are decidedly not Christian organizations. Based on their oaths and rituals, they actually practice forms of the black arts. People used to be killed for trying to leave these organizations so their secrets would not be revealed.

 

 

Erm... no. Just because something is ritualistic and non-Christian doesn't mean it is automatically a part of the "black arts," and saying so sounds, well, a bit ridiculous.

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Erm... no. Just because something is ritualistic and non-Christian doesn't mean it is automatically a part of the "black arts," and saying so sounds, well, a bit ridiculous.

 

 

After reading about their oaths and rituals, nothing will convince me that my original statement was incorrect.

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After reading about their oaths and rituals, nothing will convince me that my original statement was incorrect.

 

 

I'm sure you'd probably say the same thing if you read about or watched a Wiccan/Pagan ritual. We use pentacles. Candles. Chanting. Knives, even! (And sometimes there are naked people... sssh.) Still not practicing the "black arts," though.

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I'm sure you'd probably say the same thing if you read about or watched a Wiccan/Pagan ritual. We use pentacles. Candles. Chanting. Knives, even! (And sometimes there are naked people... sssh.) Still not practicing the "black arts," though.

 

Though she probably would, to be fair to her, there are people that go around to various Christian groups, claiming to have been 32nd degree and up Masons and they tell stories of Satan worship, human sacrifice, demons, etc.

 

I'm not making an opinion one way or another. I have reservations about the Masons regardless, so it's neither here nor there ;)

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Secret societies are not allowed in our faith either - Methodist. Now, I'm not saying that everyone refrains. It's entirely possible someone would join and keep that a secret. But, officially, these are considered taboo because of the secrecy.

 

I think many Christian denominations are against joining secret societies.

 

Faith

 

I've never heard that, and we're Methodist (UMC). I'm not in a secret society but I haven't heard this. Is it in the Book of Discipline? I know some people feel Emmaus is like a secret society (it's not, I've gone on the walk).

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I've never heard that, and we're Methodist (UMC). I'm not in a secret society but I haven't heard this. Is it in the Book of Discipline? I know some people feel Emmaus is like a secret society (it's not, I've gone on the walk).

 

 

I hadn't heard that either and we attend a UMC church. Dh is a Mason and a couple of the ushers at our church are Masons.

 

Dh was a Mason before we married. I asked a few questions when we first go together, he answered them and his mother actually loaned me a book all about them (written/published by Masons). They are not a Christian organization but they aren't anti-Christian either. Members are supposed to believe in some form of a higher power.

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i am not comfortable with the masons either. my husband and i aren't even full-on "tell each other every little thing". he has privacy issues at work that are frankly none of my business in regard to other people's lives and business, and honestly, i'm not one to tell my husband everything that my friends or sisters confide in me. i'm not worried about not knowing something and trust my husband fully and vice versa. but the the masons are more like a fraternity with lots of secrets that i don't quite get the point of.

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I looked it up. The prohibition against secret societies is "Free Methodist" - the current church we attend is FM. We were lead to believe this was a direct leftover from the United Methodist Church. Apparently, this is not true..the UM does not have the prohibition. My dad was a UM elder back in the 60's and he said at that time, it was frowned upon though there was no official stance against it.

 

Sorry about the confusion. I tend to think of us as "Methodist" and forget there can be some subtle differences there.

 

Faith

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Though she probably would, to be fair to her, there are people that go around to various Christian groups, claiming to have been 32nd degree and up Masons and they tell stories of Satan worship, human sacrifice, demons, etc.

 

I'm not making an opinion one way or another. I have reservations about the Masons regardless, so it's neither here nor there ;)

 

 

People go around to Christian groups saying the same things about Wiccans and Pagans, and I know for a fact their claims are false. ;) It's sort of like someone going up to a Christian and saying, "Well, you've admitted you don't worship Odin, so you MUST be a Hel-worshipper." They think that if we don't worship God, we must be off consorting with Satan or something. *sigh* Sorry, minor rant.

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I was a Rainbow Girl. My Uncle was Grand Mason of NJ. My Aunt was big into Eastern Star. My dd did Rainbow girls for a little while, so I was involved somewhat recently.

 

I think the whole thing is stupid - all of the groups, all of the rituals, all of the "stuff."

 

I think being upset about it from a "spiritual" or "religious" standpoint is stupid.

 

I don't think it's worth being upset that a spouse keeps stupid secrets secret.

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Walk to Emmaus is not at all the same thing.

 

 

That's a shame people are saying that.

I've never heard that, and we're Methodist (UMC). I'm not in a secret society but I haven't heard this. Is it in the Book of Discipline? I know some people feel Emmaus is like a secret society (it's not, I've gone on the walk).

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Walk to Emmaus is not at all the same thing.

 

 

That's a shame people are saying that.

 

I know.... Have you been? I think because parts of are meant to be special and experienced, rather than pre-conceived, people think it's "secretive". It's not, and questions will be answered for any interested parties, but we want everyone to "experience" their own special time on the walk. So hard to explain!

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My family has several Masons and I was in Rainbow. My family that is involved in the Masonic lodge do happen to be United Methodists. I have asked my dad about certain rituals and he will say yes or no that he participated, but he won't share information with me. It is more about having a private club than a sinister keep this secret from the world type thing. While most of my family is now inactive and I no longer attend any type of lodge I wouldn't call it evil. Its just not my thing.

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It is more about having a private club than a sinister keep this secret from the world type thing.

 

Well what's the fun in that?

 

This is why my DH joined the Stonecutters. Plus they had a better song.

 

Who controls the British crown?

Who keeps the metric system down?

We do, we do!

 

Who keeps Atlantis off the maps?

Who keeps the Martians under wraps?

We do, we do!

 

Who holds back the electric car?

Who makes Steve Guttenberg a star?

We do, we do!

 

Who robs cavefish of their sight?

Who rigs every Oscar night?

We do!

We do!!!

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