Luanne Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 ... who has half a brain? Other than my daughter (who is my best friend), I only have one in person friend that I do things with. It isn't that we never enjoy being around him, it is just that you have to explain even the simplest stuff sometimes two or three times before he understands what you are talking about. He isn't mentally handicapped (that I know of), although he was held back in school twice. Should it be this hard to find friends? I have other friends I email with due to their moving away, but they are too far away to get together with very often. One of them is in the south of France. Does anyone else have this problem? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 I will be your friend!! (Perhaps I should take a test to qualify first?) I think we live near enough to get together sometimes. PM me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Where are you meeting people? Maybe you could try a more intellectual place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny_Weatherwax Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 I hope you can find a friend who meets your needs. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luanne Posted February 19, 2013 Author Share Posted February 19, 2013 Where are you meeting people? Maybe you could try a more intellectual place. Where would that be? I'm currently looking for work so don't have any outlet there for finding friends right now. The church my daughter and I attend ... well, she likes it, but I haven't really felt connected there and don't know where else to go to church. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 What are your hobbies/interests? Are there any groups in your area based on those interests? That's where I'd start. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elinor Everywhere Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 Meetup groups? There's one for every interest/hobby it seems. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 Meetup groups? There's one for every interest/hobby it seems. :iagree: http://www.meetup.com is great. I almost suggested them, but I feel like I've promoted Meetup so much on this board already that people might think I work for them. :tongue_smilie: It really is a fantastic resource though, and I've met many wonderful people through the Meetup groups I've belonged to over the years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 You are not a bad person for wanting to enjoy good conversation with an intelligent person or two. You are a bad person if you think someone who is "not intellectual" is "less-than" others in the scheme of humanity. Nobody has 'half a brain' -- we are all fearfully and wonderfully made, in all the ways that we are best able to be ourselves. Being a friend is a good thing, even if not all your skills and aptitudes line up... sometimes that's a part of the heart of being befriended... to be welcomed into another world through another person's eyes, who offers you love and respect, a sense of unconditionality -- relationships that are undeserved and gifted on the 'unqualified'. For me, the 'unqualified' one is me, because I'm a smart cookie, but I'm sure I get more warmth and support out of my friendships than I put into them. I'm not great at the 'warmth and support' stuff. It's like if you were really great at soccer. It would be great to actually play soccer with people who could play with you -- but it doesn't mean you can't have real, true friends that don't know how to play. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 ... who has half a brain? Other than my daughter (who is my best friend), I only have one in person friend that I do things with. It isn't that we never enjoy being around him, it is just that you have to explain even the simplest stuff sometimes two or three times before he understands what you are talking about. He isn't mentally handicapped (that I know of), although he was held back in school twice. Should it be this hard to find friends? I have other friends I email with due to their moving away, but they are too far away to get together with very often. One of them is in the south of France. Does anyone else have this problem? Who is the he you're referring to? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luanne Posted February 19, 2013 Author Share Posted February 19, 2013 You are not a bad person for wanting to enjoy good conversation with an intelligent person or two. You are a bad person if you think someone who is "not intellectual" is "less-than" others in the scheme of humanity. Nobody has 'half a brain' -- we are all fearfully and wonderfully made, in all the ways that we are best able to be ourselves. Being a friend is a good thing, even if not all your skills and aptitudes line up... sometimes that's a part of the heart of being befriended... to be welcomed into another world through another person's eyes, who offers you love and respect, a sense of unconditionality -- relationships that are undeserved and gifted on the 'unqualified'. For me, the 'unqualified' one is me, because I'm a smart cookie, but I'm sure I get more warmth and support out of my friendships than I put into them. I'm not great at the 'warmth and support' stuff. It's like if you were really great at soccer. It would be great to actually play soccer with people who could play with you -- but it doesn't mean you can't have real, true friends that don't know how to play. I don't think people who are not intellectuals, are less than. The only thing is that I only have one person whom I do anything with in person right now. I met him at work and we (he, my daughter, and I) do things together occassionally. I have family members that I really enjoy being around that aren't smart cookies, but are just enjoyable people. I think that is part of the problem with my friend. It isn't just that he isn't smart, but that sometimes he isn't even enjoyable to be around. He has issues with anyone having a different opinion than his and trying to explain to him why you feel the way you do doesn't work. I don't know if it is because he just doesn't understand or if he is like some other people I knew in the past who just didn't want to. I tend to think with him, it is more he just can't. I know I am rambling here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvasMom Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 We found that problem when we moved from the east coast to Kentucky. We solved it by joining an Episcopal church. :-) Honestly, were it not for our church I'm not sure I could survive living here. :-/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 I do not think it is wrong to crave friends who share your interests and with whom you can have stimulating intellectual exchange - I do not see this as condescending, or dismissive of people with other abilities. It is a need you have and that is fine to acknowledge. Try: Interest based groups, maybe affiliated with museums or institutions Book club associated with local college/university Take a class and meet people there Form a group that attends theatre productions in the next city Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyS Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 I do not think it is wrong to crave friends who share your interests and with whom you can have stimulating intellectual exchange - I do not see this as condescending, or dismissive of people with other abilities. It is a need you have and that is fine to acknowledge. Try: Interest based groups, maybe affiliated with museums or institutions Book club associated with local college/university Take a class and meet people there Form a group that attends theatre productions in the next city I agree with all of this and would only add that is can sometimes be helpful (if slightly annoying) to modify your vocabulary a LITTLE BIT to be less intimidating to some people. Some people who are perfectly intelligent are often just intimidated by things that are new. Ex: a few years ago at our church's moms group I wanted to do a book on the philosophy of Christian friendship. I brought the book, showed it around, it wasn't big at all or anything. No one wanted anything to do with it. Come forward a few years. Another mom brings a book, the SAME book, and suggests it and they read it and like it. What was the difference? I said "philosophy". Seriously. I was told by a few moms when I asked that they just thought it was more than they could handle because they didn't have a philosophy background (some of these women are more educated than I am, BTW). They were just intimated, but NOT incapable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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