My 4 year old daughter is sloooooow........

[schaiane]

My daughter who is 4 years old goes to k4 mainly because she is an only child and my husband wants her to have interaction with other children. My daughter does things well but very slowly, her teacher even puts her in the hallway so she can get her work done while the other children get to play because they finished their work. What should I do about this? :confused1:

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Bring her home, because his reason for putting her in K4 is not being answered in this school. She's being isolated from the other children. She's not interacting with them. And in the meantime, her attitude toward 'school' is becoming a sad thing.

 

It is sad to think of a little 4yo in the hallway with her schoolwork (what kind? workbooks and papers at 4?) while the other children are playing together inside. :(

[Lecka]

Or change programs. That does not sound right.

 

I would at least tell the director. That would be my second step, after telling the teacher I would prefer it not happen.

 

This is assuming you like it otherwise. If you don't like it otherwise I think it is time to stop.

 

 

[kitten18]

My daughter who is 4 years old goes to k4 mainly because she is an only child and my husband wants her to have interaction with other children. My daughter does things well but very slowly, her teacher even puts her in the hallway so she can get her work done while the other children get to play because they finished their work. What should I do about this? :confused1:

:crying: :crying: :crying: That is so sad. I'm speechless.

[schaiane]

Thanks everyone, since my daughter's class is having a valentines day party on Thursday I will let her attend it (we already bought valentines cards for the kids, she was so excited about it, and I don't want to break her little heart) so I will go to the office and remove her from school in the afternoon. Both me and my husband want the best for her, and I don't think school is it.

[J9Mommy]

Bring her home, because his reason for putting her in K4 is not being answered in this school. She's being isolated from the other children. She's not interacting with them. And in the meantime, her attitude toward 'school' is becoming a sad thing.

 

It is sad to think of a little 4yo in the hallway with her schoolwork (what kind? workbooks and papers at 4?) while the other children are playing together inside. :(

 

 

 

Exactly !

 

Happy to hear you are removing her.

[Ellie]

Bring her home, because his reason for putting her in K4 is not being answered in this school. She's being isolated from the other children. She's not interacting with them. And in the meantime, her attitude toward 'school' is becoming a sad thing.

 

:iagree:

 

It is sad to think of a little 4yo in the hallway with her schoolwork (what kind? workbooks and papers at 4?) while the other children are playing together inside. :(

 

 

:( :( :(

[Ellie]

Thanks everyone, since my daughter's class is having a valentines day party on Thursday I will let her attend it (we already bought valentines cards for the kids, she was so excited about it, and I don't want to break her little heart) so I will go to the office and remove her from school in the afternoon. Both me and my husband want the best for her, and I don't think school is it.

 

 

Well done.

 

If you and Mr. Schiane want your dd to have some time with other children, seems like some sort of class, such as dance, or an age-appropriate art or music class, would be much better than being in preschool. Your dd needs to be with you more than she does with other same-age children. Or a Mommy and Me class of some kind, where you and she interact with other mothers and children.

[Dmmetler]

Another possibility (with more freedom for interaction than a structured class) would be a MDO program-they're usually only 1-2 days a week, and tend to be much less academic, and just plain give kids a chance to play together and practice those social skills, do some crafts, and sing cute songs. My DD loved MDO when she was a preschooler. Some homeschool co-ops have preschool classes for this purpose as well-the one we do does, but I don't think kids are allowed to participate without having an older brother or sister in the elementary, middle, or high school classes.

[freeindeed]

Bring her home. :)

Join a homeschool group and let her interact with the other children there.

[PeterPan]

Wow, that's appalling that they'd take punitive measures with a *4* year old!!!!!!

 

Sure there could actually be some explanations. Low IQ, low thyroid, ADHD/inattention, low blood sugar, vision problems (can't see the work, struggling to do the paper), APD (not processing the auditory instructions correctly), low processing speed. There could be tons of reasons and NONE of them are improved by telling the child she's BAD and putting her in the HALL while the other kids have a good time.

 

Wowsers.

 

Definitely watch her when you bring her home. You might even start doing some reading like "The Mislabeled Child" by the Eides (really good overview book). You absolutely could be seeing some symptoms of things that you'd like to catch now rather than later. But the dc is not bad. Wow, just wow. Maybe that teacher needs a little vitamin D or a chill pill or something. K4 is alphabet time and kitchen time and circle time. How in the WORLD can it possibly be "you're too slow and don't keep up with the rest of the class and get those papers done like I said" time? Just wow. :eek:

 

BTW, my kids are almost 10 years apart. Don't let them throw you on the socialization thing. My dd was NEVER alone or unsocialized. You need to get connected with other homeschoolers in your area to find opportunities. We did ice skating daily, which gave her friendships with all sorts of people (interesting retirees, etc.), not just kids her own age. We've done co-op classes and camps and organized things ourselves. The key is to get out and take advantage of opportunities in your area. Homeschooling is not ALONE schooling. :)

[violamama]

My son had a terrible experience in a preschool at age 4. Honestly, we probably should have made a bigger stink about the whole thing but I couldn't deal with it at the time and just wanted out. It was one of the things that led to us even considering homeschooling. I honestly can't imagine what the teachers & policy setters in some of these situations are thinking.

 

There are so many reasons she could be taking her time with assignments at her age. And what "work" should they be doing, as the others have said?!

 

We have used our community center swimming, gymnastics and art classes. We love CC. I've been told it's a great idea to join a social homeschool group for outings, and when we get a minute free, I just might!

 

You can help her find connections. Hugs to you, and good luck with the exit interview.

[Mom2OandE]

My children did 4k and I helped in their room one day a week. There were never worksheets or anything. At that age they are having fun with letters and numbers with art projects and sensory based activities. I would be furious to find out my 4 year old was being placed in the hall! Is she supervised? I'd not only pull her out but also consider filing a formal complaint.

[Ellie]

 

There are so many reasons she could be taking her time with assignments at her age. And what "work" should they be doing, as the others have said?!

 

 

 

I'm stunned that there are even such things as "assignments" for 4yo children. :blink:

[Arcadia]

 

I'm stunned that there are even such things as "assignments" for 4yo children. :blink:

 

The academic preschools here have assignments for 3 and 4 years old. However undone/incomplete work is just sent home. Kids do not get punished for being slow.

It is sad and inappropiate in OP's case :(

[Parrothead]

I have a 13-year old only, and have to say there are much better ways to get play time than preschool. Dd has always had friends and play dates. She has been in dance since she was 3. She has added to other extra curriculars as she has gotten older. She has also added more friends.

[Tracy]

I know that some children have difficulty transitioning from one activity to another. Is she doing her work in the hallway because she does not want to move on to the next activity? Or is the teacher imposing this on her? There is no way I would leave a 4yo in a situation like this if it is not self-imposed. (Even then, I would address it in some way.)

 

My dd has always been very slow, but when she was that age, I did not understand that a child could be bright but also be a slow processer. I did a lot of pushing her to go faster (in everything from academics to hygiene), and now she is very sensitive about it. It has sorely affected her self esteem, and it is largely my fault :crying: . Even now that I understand it, I still have a hard time holding back and not rushing her.

[schaiane]

Thanks everyone for the replies. My daughter is very bright, even the teacher told me that she knows more things than any kid there. I am scared of keeping her in school because I do not want them to "diagnose" her with some kind of disorder because she does things slow, but she gives 100% of herself into all she does, for example: all of her artwork is super detailed, even when she went to her checkup at the doctor's they asked her to draw a person, and the doctor was stunned at how she drew with a lot of detail, the doctor told me that most kids just draw a stick figure. If I homeschool her I am scared of her not having any sense of responsibility towards time management. What should I do?

[PeterPan]

You know that's something I hear a lot when I talk with people. They think certain things are overdiagnosed and therefore don't exist for anyone (or at least hopefully not themselves). They think labels are bad and make kids feel defective. But, as you're finding, avoiding finding out the problem doesn't change that it's there. And calling the problem by it's real name doesn't make somebody feel defective. Most kids I know have been GLAD when they finally got their label, because it meant somebody finally GOT it and was putting it into words. It EMPOWERS the parents to make good decisions and the kids to be treated properly for who they are. It let's people interact with them on fair terms rather than going through the bias of the disability. Think about this. If she is (insert word: slow processor, perfectionist, whatever turns out to be the case) and you DON'T get the right words for it, the right label, what you DON'T have at that point is the key that opens the doors for accommodations. And being really bright but with a disability or other issue means you need those accommodations to let your strengths come out. For instance she may qualify for time and a half on standardized testing. This will apply her whole life long, and it can mean the difference between passing certification tests for a career she wants and NOT passing. It can be HUGE.

 

(extra time does not change test scores of the NT=neurotypical, btw, but it can make a huge difference for those with low processing speed and is a common, common accommodation that she may qualify for all the way through high school and college)

 

BTW, there's a really interesting label: 2E. It means the dc is twice-exceptional, as in gifted with a learning disability. This CAN HAPPEN. If you come over to the SN board, you can talk with people in that boat. It happens a LOT more than you think.

 

The eval process is about learning what's going on. In a way the label becomes peripheral, because they're giving you so much MORE information about processing speed and how the dc thinks and motor control and leads to pursue some things you didn't realize were going on. Ours talked with us for 2 hours about STRENGTHS and things we didn't realize were strong on her that we ought to make room for. This is GOOD help. If I could say, the only thing I regret is not doing it SOONER. If you're seeing it now, come to the SN board and see what people say about evals. With my ds I'm waiting, but I've been through this before, know what the signs are, and know what I'm seeing. In your shoes, with that much that obvious, I'd probably want one sooner. Like I said, your only regret a few years from now is going to be that you didn't do it sooner. If you get a GOOD neuropsych or psych, they are just gems. There may be some things going on you don't realize, things you could actually do something about if you identified them.

[Tracy]

If I homeschool her I am scared of her not having any sense of responsibility towards time management. What should I do?

 

 

Start with reading the book Smart but Scattered. Some kids, though smart, are delayed in certain executive skills. If your dd is naturally slow, she may have a slower processing speed and may not have a good sense of time. The book shows you where the average child is at certain ages so you can gauge how behind in those skills your child is. It also gives lots of very practical ideas for how to approach teaching these executive skills. You may need to provide some support all the way through high school.

 

In our particular situation, I have come to understand that the best thing for my dd7 is routine and habit. So we are trying to build those into our days and weeks. We have a morning routine and a bedtime routine. We have created habits of putting dirty laundry in the hamper and putting dirty dishes in the sink. I also see my role as educating my dd about these coping strategies so that when she is grown, she will be able to implement them on her own.

 

I also am learning to just be patient while she processing things. It is so hard for me to wait for minutes for an answer to a question. But she does need that time, and if I am patient, she generally gets to an answer. I have gotten better, but I still have a long way to go. It has helped also that her father is the same way. I have been able to glean understanding because he has been willing to share his own experiences, painful though they may be.

 

As she gets older, you may want to consider having her tested. We have not taken that plunge, because I think I know what is going on, and I don't want to spend oodles of money for simple confirmation. But I will be discussing it with her pediatrician just to stay informed.

[venusmom]

Thanks everyone for the replies. My daughter is very bright, even the teacher told me that she knows more things than any kid there. I am scared of keeping her in school because I do not want them to "diagnose" her with some kind of disorder because she does things slow, but she gives 100% of herself into all she does, for example: all of her artwork is super detailed, even when she went to her checkup at the doctor's they asked her to draw a person, and the doctor was stunned at how she drew with a lot of detail, the doctor told me that most kids just draw a stick figure. If I homeschool her I am scared of her not having any sense of responsibility towards time management. What should I do?

 

Hugs to you - I understand your being concerned. My 12 year old was very slow about doing things too at 4. He was also very stuck to a routine & hated it being upset. I was concerned often & felt like something wasn't being addressed. He had certain things that he devoted most of his time too - still does - but speed & coordination just are not what he's good at! His little sister has motor skills like crazy - she can tie shoes, fold some clothes, paint a picture, organize a kitchen shelf, cut up an apple, and make herself a cup of cocoa while carrying on a conversation with two people! My head is spinning trying to keep up with her - and she puts my son into sensory overload!

 

I talked with my doctor often about some possibities for him because I was concerned at what seemed to be developmental delays - though language & reading skills were very ahead - other things seemed slow, very slow. My doc insisted he was doing fine. And now - he really seems to be fine. Though I'd say his motor skills never were 'leader of the pack' or anything...he reads a ton, does ok in math, spends lots of time sketching & drawing his ideas, mostly imaginary creatures he loves to draw, builds, builds, builds with legos, and can tell me, in way too much detail, almost anything to do with American history, Greek mythology, and quite a few other historical favorites. He makes friends well at co-op and still has friends he's stayed connected with from his public school years.

 

IMHO, give your daughter time to show what her true interests are; watch her & speak with your doc on any concerns, make sure she gets to make friends whether it be through activities like dance, sports, etc., co-ops, play groups, family, or church. She will be fine - but after that party - I would definitely consider why a teacher would sit a child in the hall to finish her work & if your hubby is ok with moving her or bringing her home - I would consider it. I taught pre-k for years...and if a child wanted to keep working on a project we would try to let them work on it. We would have made available to her a table with art supplies, while other children played in blocks, home center, games, puzzles, manipulatives, etc. This way she could have finished her art project or whatever activity she was working on and when she was ready, she could move into the centers for play. I watch 2, 3, & 4 year old's now - they all work at different paces - the only time I sit them out is for hitting/hurting or toy-snatching from another child's hands - and even then they are usually just sitting with me to cool off for a minute.

[AndyJoy]

Another possibility (with more freedom for interaction than a structured class) would be a MDO program-they're usually only 1-2 days a week, and tend to be much less academic, and just plain give kids a chance to play together and practice those social skills, do some crafts, and sing cute songs. My DD loved MDO when she was a preschooler. Some homeschool co-ops have preschool classes for this purpose as well-the one we do does, but I don't think kids are allowed to participate without having an older brother or sister in the elementary, middle, or high school classes.

 

Our local homeschool co-op allows preschoolers with no older siblings, so it might be worth checking out.

[J-rap]

Wow, I don't even know what K4 is! That shows how behind I am! When my kids went to nursery school at that age, it was purely to get together with other kids and do art projects and have fun. They probably worked on the alphabet and days of the week, but that's all. I have one daughter who was very slow and methodical about her work. This worked okay in homeschool because I gave her all the time she needed. (But of course I worried about how she would ever handle a "real" class!) However, I can say that as a senior year in high school, she works efficiently and is doing great. She is a good student and gets good grades. She does need to really focus because she gets distracted easily, and if something gets too overwhelming it doesn't seem to stress her out, but she becomes less able to know how to tackle it. (I'm thinking of her super messy room, but it could apply to a number of things!) I still sometimes walk her through overwhelming tasks, although she is getting better!

[schaiane]

Thanks everyone for all the support. I kept my daughter home today and sent her teacher a not-so-nice e-mail last night because I could not fall asleep. I told her that I did not agree with what she did to my daughter and also she takes the kids snack away if they misbehave (which I paid for at the beginning of the year!) so I told her I don't agree to that either. I also wrote that if my daughter does not finish her work she should send it home so she can finish it here. I do plan on permanently removing her from school after the valentines day party, but I just wanted to give her a piece of my mind!!! :smash:

[PeterPan]

You go girl! :)

[Arcadia]

..... and also she takes the kids snack away if they misbehave (which I paid for at the beginning of the year!) so I told her I don't agree to that either.

 

 

Some kids misbehave when they are hungry especially at that age. My older would be silent and upset, my younger would be disruptive. That is just worsening the situation for a preschool teacher to do that.

[PeterPan]

You know, that brings up a really good point that maybe you should be talking to the administrator and questioning the *qualifications* of this "teacher"... If it's a private preschool, who knows what their hiring standards were...

[venusmom]

Thanks everyone for all the support. I kept my daughter home today and sent her teacher a not-so-nice e-mail last night because I could not fall asleep. I told her that I did not agree with what she did to my daughter and also she takes the kids snack away if they misbehave (which I paid for at the beginning of the year!) so I told her I don't agree to that either. I also wrote that if my daughter does not finish her work she should send it home so she can finish it here. I do plan on permanently removing her from school after the valentines day party, but I just wanted to give her a piece of my mind!!! :smash:

 

Sounds like the best thing! Kids that age NEED snacks. The 2 year old I babysit is hungry 30 minutes after meals & snacks. They have tiny stomachs & lots of growing to do! Depriving a child of food is cruel - especially since I'm assuming that means she has to watch the other kids eat. Good night - I am so upset at a child being treated that way. I saw things in our public school when I visited a kinder that I babysat years ago, which were a part of my reason I began homeschooling and they were not that bad. Poor kids - I can't imaging watching other kids eat & having my food taken as punishment. Talk about creating a problem later. This mis-guided teacher is teaching kids to work fast even if it means sloppy work so they don't get put in the hall - and that food is a treat for behaving well - which sounds like a terrible habit to begin! Just my opinion - but don't let the teacher make you feel bad for protecting your child. Some of them are so good at talking around what they are doing - they can make you feel guilty when you know in your heart what is right for your child.

[Luanne]

I'm with those who say you should consider a different program. My daughter (also an only child) went to a K4 program three afternoons a week. They did group projects and took field trips all over place. She had a blast. I never would have left her in a program like the one your daughter is in. She is 4, for crying out loud!

[thebacabunch]

I think preschool should be for kids who need help because they are delayed and need early intervention of some kind (like autism or speech delay). IMO kids should be home until at least 5 or 6. Of course I homeschool so what will I likely think, lol. If your dh wants more socialization take some of the suggestions here and do ballet, a library preschool program, or go to the park. There are tons of kids there. Good for you for saying something. 4 year olds aren't going to stand up for themselves and can be seriously taken advantage of.

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

I'm so glad you took her out of that school.

 

To relate to her being slow, I know several little girls (always girls, it seems) who are EXTREMELY detail-oriented. And so while my son would race through a coloring sheet and be done with it, his little girl friends would spend 30-45 minutes at that age, coloring the ENTIRE sky, for example. If this is the way she is being "slow", then I wouldn't worry about it. If it bothers you at home because you need to get out the door or whatever, just remind her that you will set aside time for her to finish her project when you get home or whatever.

[treestarfae]

I think it's slooow to call a 4 year old sloow and stick her in a hallway. Disgusting.

[jeninok]

My mom has taught Pre-k for almost 25 years. They learn their alphabet, the letters of their name, the days of the week, and how to use scissors and create art. But mostly they just play, and listen to great stories, and have fun doing guided movement and singing.

 

The large amount of busywork type worksheets and seat lessons given to 5 and 6 year olds in kindergarten is really silly from a developmental viewpoint.

 

Having a pre-k child do assignments, much less alone in the hallway is greatly at odds with what I understand to be commonly held as age/developmentally appropriate.

[cagirlintexas]

That is horriable! My son would of been in the hallway too. He went to preschool from 3-4. He didn't get any "work" accomplished but did play a lot. When we started homeschooling in Kindergarten he didn't know numbers, letters, or shapes and now at 6 he is ahead of the game. He just wasn't ready to learn that stuff early on. Even at 4 nothing mathmatical would stick in his head. Don't stress. They change so much at that age. Some kids just aren't ready to do stuf early on. Even at 6 my son is still having a hard time with writing but just recently we are seeing progress.

[Luanne]

I am glad to here that you removed her from that program. No 4 year old should have to go through stuff like that. They are just small children. SHEESH!

[gevs4him]

Wow! I am at loss of words for the horrible environment this teacher/school brings into a child's life. I am so glad that your dh and you are good parents and caught this and have removed her from school.

 

Also, I would not think of her as slow ~ I feel a 4 yr. old needs to learn through play, songs, and hands on fun~ not workbooks and isolation.