Do your children know how to play??

[Walking-Iris]

My older kids, two boys, seem to be chronically bored. I never have a moment when I am doing other things (around the house for example) that they are not aimlessly following me about.

 

I have lost count how many times over months (years?) I have asked them to go play or find something to do!!!

 

They have two rooms full of toys. Not too many. So advice to cull toys to a few favorites or essentials won't be any good. But they gather dust. My oldest will ask for a Lego set, and has a rubbermaid tub full of lego sets of various kinds, and will seriously be interested in it for a few days and NEVER build it. I eventually sit down and go through the instructions with him and something gets built, but as it starts to come apart he just lets it go and never attempts it again. My 10 year old and 5 year seriously seem clueless what to do with a bin of legos, lincoln logs, or any other building type set they have.

 

They have bins of trains and track---never do I see a track being built. They have cars and trucks and dinos and wooden Melissa and Doug type sets etc etc etc. But they will be interested in something one or two days and then it gathers dust. they have stuffed toys and kits----nothing doing. A friend gave us a Chaos kit and they barely glanced at it. It's as if they have no natural curiosity at all in how to DO anything with kid's stuff.

 

My ds wanted a Perplexus ball for his 9th birthday and he's never attempted to solve it. A year later!

 

They just sort of flop about, climb on the furniture, roll around on an exercise ball, run around the house until they get close to adult aggravation, and somersault on the beds----all.the.time. Or they follow me around. I can entertain my 5 year old with a dino dig or gemstone dig. But once that's over. It's over. My oldest has zero interest in sports. They don't play spontaneous games, or pretend things. We have been video game and tv free for 8 months. That, embarrassingly enough, is the ONLY things they want to do. Computer games, video games, or Netflix. That was the chief reason we took them all away to begin with.

 

I'm tired of constantly being the activity or game suggester. I think of crafts for them to start, I think of pretend things to play, I think of games like tag etc, I pull out the board games....half the time they sya no and don't want to DO ANYTHING. Just flop about like a rag doll( oldest son) or run about crazily and purposelessly (2nd son)

 

Honestly, when I was a kid, adults did their stuff and kids played. The two rarely met and certainly adults weren't constant playmates. I was raised an only child and I had no trouble entertaining myself. My boys just stay under foot all the time or they look and act so painfully bored. I can't help but get frustrated. My ds is losing teeth and is so excited to save money for a Hobbit set...why???? I can't help but think why? He won't build it!!!!

 

It's the same thing no matter what the season. They like to climb and play at parks well enough, but they cannot figure out how or what to do with toys or downtime for anything.

 

Any kind of hands on activity for school is okay. Some are meant with resistance. But I need a break. I don't think it''s too much to expect that kids of this age can entertain themselves without adult input. This is why we fasted for 8 months from screens. I hate it that they seem screen addicted. We don't even have that many tech devices in the home. And they only have a whopping number of 2 DS games and 1 Wii game!!!!

 

I don't get it. My 2 year old plays. And the boys did too until about 4 years of age. I could seriously empty out their room of all possessions and make it like a monk's cell as much as they would care or notice.

 

I pester my oldest ds to get on his bike. Left to his own devices he has never attempted to ride it on his own. They will randomly dig and throw sand about but never actually build or play anything in the sand box in the yard.

 

I just don't get it!!!! All I do realize is I am tired of it.

 

ETA: and this bugs me most of all. They will play with other kid sat their houses with teh same exact toys they own. Dress up like a pirate for example, but at home never touch the dress up clothes and do the same with each other at home. It's as if the toys in another kid's house is better than theirs...the SAME toy!!!!!

[JessReplanted]

Yes, my kids know how to play. If they follow me around the house like you described, it drives me crazy.

I deal with it by telling them that chores are always an option. It usually works. ;)

 

ETA: I'm also not above telling them what to do: (read, play outside, draw). For the most part though, I think they've learned that if they come complaining to mom about being bored, it's just not going to go well for them.

[Ottakee]

Would it help at times to have a friend over to help them get involved in playing?

[Mergath]

I know you said you don't think they have too many toys, but it sounds like they really do. I read about this in a book- I think it was Simplicity Parenting- where the more toys children have, the less they play with them. The book is a great read, and I highly recommend it. If it was my kid, I'd box up a good chunk of the toys, leave them just a handful of stuff to play with, and see how it goes.

[Walking-Iris]

I have seen my ds multiple times just ignore a visitor. I don't mind suggesting things for them to do. But it seems chronic! If I don't suggest it, they don't do anything. If I do tell them to go find something to do, I'll usually find them like I've described above. Just doing NOTHING.

 

It's the lack of curiosity that bothers me. My ds wanted the Perplexus puzzle ball. Actually he did have a friend over who zeroed right in on the thing and figured it out. My d swas happy to se eit when he got it, rolled it about for 15 minutes and it's been sitting in the toy bin ever since. I've even suggested it to him. I've even pulled it out and showed him. Zero interest!!! For one example.

[Walking-Iris]

I know you said you don't think they have too many toys, but it sounds like they really do. I read about this in a book- I think it was Simplicity Parenting- where the more toys children have, the less they play with them. The book is a great read, and I highly recommend it. If it was my kid, I'd box up a good chunk of the toys, leave them just a handful of stuff to play with, and see how it goes.

 

 

I'll ponder this. I don't buy crap mass produced toys. Think plastic stuff that lines the shelves of WalMart. I don't buy junk like that.

 

They really don't have very much in their rooms. I stopped buying toys ages and ages ago because they didn't play with them.

 

My 2 year old is the only one who has too many toys. But she plays with them. I've heard that theory. I just don'y know how it works in this case. I don't think they would care if I took all of it away.

 

 

It's the doing nothing that bothers me.

[KungFuPanda]

My parents dealt with this by giving chores to kids who complained of boredom. We quickly learned to find something to do or at least go be bored elsewhere without annoying people.

 

Learning not to badger people to get what you want is an IMPORTANT life skill. Learning to make your own happiness is too. My own kids seem able to find things to do. The child that doesn't really 'play' as much was an avid reader.

 

I won't pretend to know the perfect answer, but this does seem to be a side effect of a child-centered lifestyle. I fully admit that we embrace that lifestyle and it has its pluses AND minuses.

[jillian]

Yep dd knows how to play. She can take a wedge of cardboard or a plastic bag and play for hours.

[Walking-Iris]

My parents dealt with this by giving chores to kids who complained of boredom. We quickly learned to find something to do or at least go be bored elsewhere without annoying people.

 

Learning not to badger people to get what you want is an IMPORTANT life skill. My own kids seem able to find things to do. The child that doesn't really 'play' as much was an avid reader.

 

I won't pretend to know the perfect answer, but this does seem to a a side effect of a child-centered lifestyle. I fully admit that we embrace that lifestyle and it has it's pluses AND minuses.

 

 

I would say that the only way we're child centered is the fact that we homeschool. I'm an AP parent when they are little, nursing, cosleeping etc. I like Waldorf and Montessori type philosophy and try really hard to think about what playthings they do have, wanting quality and beauty or educational creativity values over just plastic junk. I limit screens. We have the house rule of no Wii game during the week. I watch a movie with them in the evening. We haven't had any of that though for 8 months. We have been tv free. This was a problem before that fast though and even with strict screen rules they seem to still be addicted to it.

 

My oldest reads and draws. I don't know. Is it okay that some kids just don't play?????

[Parrothead]

Yes, it is okay that they don't play as long as they are otherwise occupied with good pursuits - chores, reading, drawing, imagination, writing, playing music

[2squared]

My older kids play differently now. They still pretend, but they have to have material to draw from. As an example, we've been watching a reality show about surviving in Alaska. During our snowstorm today, they went outside and pretended they were trying to survive in Alaska. They spent about 3 hours out in the snowing with this game.

 

My 10yo prefers to make videos, style her hair, read, make crafts, sing, cook, etc rather than play with toys. She has passed most of her toys down to her little sister.

[freesia]

Sometimes one or more of mine will get in the follow Mommy around and be bored/fuss mode. It drives me crazy, too. They can, however, play.

 

Sometimes I will engage said child in what I'm doing.

 

Many, many times I start assigning chores (not just threatening but really making sure they do them). This works really well.

 

Sometimes I tell them that Mom is "working" and they need to find something to do. If they continue, they are disciplined.

 

Having these types of boundaries works well. They are not enjoying themselves, they are stuck. You don't do any of you any favors allowing this to continue. If they used to be able to play, they should be able to figure it out again. Or to read a book. Or to draw.

 

I would not reintroduce screen time until they do.

 

Also, I recommend they have an hour of quiet time to themselves in a room by themselves each day.

[lovemykids]

Yes, it is okay that they don't play as long as they are otherwise occupied with good pursuits - chores, reading, drawing, imagination, writing, playing music

 

 

 

I agree, those can be forms of playing..but it seems like your younger children should be involved in some sort of imaginative play. When all of my kids were little they never had a problem with playing and being creative with it. Now that they are older, I have been known to bribe the older kids to get some imaginative play going with the youngest one. Money works just fine here. :leaving: Hahaha! :laugh:

 

Hey, they are learning babysitting skills as well. It works for me. ;)

[Jenny in Florida]

Yep dd knows how to play. She can take a wedge of cardboard or a plastic bag and play for hours.

 

Both of mine are/were like this, too.

 

When they were younger and complained of being bored, I would explain to them that I believed boredom was good for them, because it encouraged them to be creative. I didn't suggest things to do. I didn't get involved. Only as a last resort, if they were really driving me crazy would I promise them I could find a chore for them to do if they were really at loose ends. That usually solved the problem.

[Ellie]

I don't play with children.

 

Children who follow me around because they cannot figure out how to entertain themselves will be put to work. Or they'll be told to lie on their beds or sit on the back porch until they can figure out how to entertain themselves.

[lovemykids]

I don't play with children.

 

Children who follow me around because they cannot figure out how to entertain themselves will be put to work. Or they'll be told to lie on their beds or sit on the back porch until they can figure out how to entertain themselves.

 

 

Yeah, this works too. It's funny how quickly they become self- entertained when there are chores involved. But the two year old and five year old can only do so much...they need to play. That is their job at this age, IMHO. :)

 

But a bored ten year old? Put him to work! LOL.

[kitten18]

My kids do play and entertain themselves. I don't really have any advice.

 

You do have my sympathies though, what you are describing would drive me NUTS!!! :willy_nilly:

[Rosie_0801]

I don't think they would care if I took all of it away.

 

So sell it and use the money for a road trip!

[Farrar]

Sometimes I wish they would stop playing. It's very messy - all the strewn toys and bizarre impromptu cardboard crafts.

 

But the grass is always greener on the other side of the parenting fence.

[Ellie]

Yeah, this works too. It's funny how quickly they become self- entertained when there are chores involved. But the two year old and five year old can only do so much...they need to play. That is their job at this age, IMHO. :)

 

ITA. But I don't play with them, either, so they still have to learn to entertain themselves, lol.

 

But a bored ten year old? Put him to work! LOL.

 

Right on.

[merry gardens]

At first I read through this thread in amazement, because I have such a hard time imagining a child not playing, especially when screen time has been taken away. Then I hit the post about how one likes to read and draw. So I re-read the thread. It sounds like they enjoy playing at the park and running around, reading and drawing, but they don't like building toys or stuffed animals.

 

It sounds like they do play, but they play differently than you expect. Until I got used to my eldest boy, I was amazed at how much running around he could do and how much fun he could have doing it! He was never really got into stuffed animals, but some of mine have. None of them like puppets as well as I did as a child. All my kids love building toys, but they have engineering genes and a strong aptitude for building. Not all kids are into building legos and trains. Most children like art, but some like doing art projects for longer periods of time than others. Most of mine didn't like puzzles much but one absolutely loves them! My 7 yo thinks dusting, sweeping and cooking are fun activities. (For that matter, I generally like cooking too.) Different board games appeal to different children, but I'm usually the one who tells my children to get out the board games and play them together. My point is, don't expect every child to play the same way you played. Their play may look different, but if they enjoy it, it's play.

 

So...if you son likes art, let him play with art materials. Put away the building toys and get out more art and craft supplies. Ifthey like running, send the outside and take them to the park more often. You may find that you need to direct them and get more involved with them in order to have them play with them the way you want them to play--but then they may get their fill of whatever you did with them and they may want to go back to doing some more running on their own without you.

[SKL]

My kids play. One plays a lot more than the other (they are both 6). My eldest was a pretty late bloomer in this department, but recently she has started to come up with her own ideas for creative play. My youngest is a natural.

 

I did have to teach my kids how to play as tots. They came from a very restrictive environment and really didn't know what to do with toys. I had to get down and play with them initially. I was prepared for this based on adoption lit I'd read. Thankfully I have not had to actually play "with" them for years, except on those occasions when they want to dress me up to be the bride of Mr. Gorilla or some such. ;)

 

I would suggest rotating their toys and moving them around from time to time. A toy discovered in a new place can be as good as a new toy. I do it with books as well. And don't be too militant about them keeping the play area neat. They may be demotivated from pulling out a toy if it will cause them extra work or nagging or they won't have enough time to really apply their imagination.

 

Another idea is to tell them you are going to donate A, B, and C since they do not ever use them. Suddenly at least one of those toys will become the child's favorite. LOL.

 

If that doesn't work, your kids must be ready to work full-time, so hand out the chores. ;)

[sewingmama]

Honestly - some kids just don't play with toys. My 5yo is like that - he asks for things and hardly uses them. He does play but only if someone else instigates the play. He will play for hours with DD but she comes up with all the ideas -he just follows along. My 3yo is good at playing by himself and loves his toys. Sometimes DS will join him for a game of cars or something but he rarely gets out toys of his own to play with.

 

If the other two are not around he follows me around asking what we can do or if he can help me. He actually loves doing housework or helping me cook.

 

Interestingly enough - even though he doesn't seem to be able to play creatively on his own he is my most creative child when it comes to writing stories and such. I think he is just a follower - he is very laid back and just happy to do what others are doing. I've accepted that he just doesn't play with toys.

 

I would just go with their interests. I used to read 24/7 as a kid -hardly ever played. I turned out ok.

[Donna]

Mine never complain of boredom...comes from years of me giving them things to un-bore them when they were little. My boys would occasionally complain of being bored when they were little but they had each other and usually did something to keep themselves busy. Nasty days when they couldn't go outside were the only times they might have complained of being bored and then I'd go read with them or give them chores. They didn't play with toys very often especially once they got to around 10yo or so but they always found things to do outside. We lived on a lake at the time so there were always woods to explore or frogs to catch or bikes to ride. My dd is never bored. She has always been wonderful at playing or crafting by herself. She is constantly busy.

[GSOchristie]

Yes, but they play differently. My six year old will build for hours, with Legos, Hero Factory, Erector set, Lincoln logs, marble run, Geotrax, but he rarely "plays" with what he builds, the building is the fun. My three year old doesn't care to build, but he will play with the Lego minifigs for hours, he makes up these elaborate dialogues and scenarios, he also loves superheroes (, and loves to push the trains around on the track Asher built. These 2 will play independently for at least an hour or two, then with each other. My almost two year old likes to set up tea parties, dollhouse, babies, etc, and have me play with her, I have played with her the most, but at her prompting. When my kids are bored, they get a chore, or Asher gets a math or phonics worksheet (which he doesn't mind doing if he's really bored). I also send them outside to ride bikes or jump on the trampoline. I have found when they say they are bored, they need to exert some energy.

[GSOchristie]

Asher also loves to draw, that is a new thing that is occupying loads of time. I just bought him pads of drawing paper, and he fills page after page with pencil drawings.

 

[Walking-Iris]

Thank you. I 've been mulling over these posts and thanks to the Simplicity post I've given their room a critical look over. I'm planning a organization project there. I'm not too uptight about keeping their areas clean. So that's not the problem.

 

I think my 10 year old would rather draw, write or read. And that's fine with me, honestly. It's when he's tired of that that the boredom starts. Mainly it's the asking for and wanting things he won't use that is bothersome as well. He got books, art supplies and the DS for Xmas. i do limit their screen time very strictly. Before our screen fast and effective now there is no TV or vid games during the week. We watch a movie together as a family. During the week the only TV is educational that goes with what we are studying. He didn't even have a DS until this Xmas (and honestly he doesn't really play with that over much, that doesn't worry me, the wanting to play the Wii is too much IMO)

 

I talked with DH about it for some time last night. He says that I'm too uptight and "Waldorfy hippie" and I stress about his computer time too much. My oldest loves any sort of computer game/website or program that is artsy---paintbox/photoshop type stuff. He also likes to edit Wiki articles even though I won't let him save them. :) He wants to be an artist when he's older and computer stuff (especially Pixar style computer animation) is his passion.

 

DH says that's what he likes. Computer stuff. And I want him to be some Waldorf screen free child.

 

I can see his point. There seems to be a clash between my parenting ideas and my ds's interests. He's bored I want him to go "play' and pretend etc etc. He wants to mouse around on the computer. So how do I find and embrace that balance?

 

My 5 year old just seems to be tagging along after big bro in that regard. Separated from being interested in whatever big brother is doing , my 5 year old would much rather have something real to do. He loves "work", his boredom starts when there isn't work to be done. The weather is getting better and the yard will need cleaning up so he should get happy soon. I think this is why he tags along. He wants to do whatever we adults are doing. I got rid of a lot of play tool sets because he was disgusted with them. They didn't really do anything. He doesn't want to pretend the work. But I think I may try to find a way to let him have some woodworking real tools that he can use on his own safely. Usually a project like that requires adult involvement. But if that's the only thing a kid wants to do? He's happy when painting a fence or wiring an electrical outlet. So I need to find ways that he can "play" at doing that stuff when there isn't any of that real stuff to do with us adults at the moment.