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UPDATED AGAIN: UPDATED: What would you think if you read this on your 15yo son's phone?


Kinsa

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M: Heyy!

 

M: Hello Prince Charming, I hope you had a fantastic day and that everything is going good for you. I'm guessing we aren't going to talk today and that's okay. But I want you to know that you were in my mind all day. I hope you have a beautiful night that you have sweet dreams. I will stay up until 12 for you. And if you wake up at all or if you need me. Feel free to text me, I am right here for you always. I love you boo bear. <heart>

 

M: <son's name>!!! <broken heart> I'm not coming to Texas... cry.gif My mom ripped up my ticket and is mad at me because I had c's and because I stayed after Monday and Tuesday to reaise my grades and now I have all a's. I am soooo upset and I am staying home tomorrow. My heart is broken. <broken heart> I really just wanted to be with you! And she took that away. I do love you boo bear with all my heart and I will find a way to see you!!!!!!!!!!

 

M: I am having the worse week ever. Something bad has happened each day so far. frown.gif

 

M: This is M's older sister. M really likes you and I'm sure you've heard that she's in the hospital so yeah I'm just here to tell you that she's out of surgery.

 

**************

 

I have NO CLUE who this girl is. I have never heard him talk about her, I don't recognize her name AT ALL. I asked my 13yo son about her, and he said that she lives in North Dakota, but she didn't live there when we lived there. Who the heck is this girl, and why is she trying to come to Texas to see my son?!? What the heck?!?

 

***************

UPDATE:

 

Well, I talked with my son. He said that he's 80% sure it's a real person. (whatever that means - LOL) He thinks he remembers her from roller skating from when we lived up there, but he's not totally sure. He said that she was going to fly to SATX to visit some family friends from when they lived in Italy and see him while she was here. I asked him if she was his girlfriend, and he rolled his eyes and said no. Then I asked if she knew that. (LOL) I had to discuss with him how he needs to be careful with his words with girls so they don't get the wrong impression of his intentions.

 

I also had the whole "catfishing" discussion with him, explaining the inconsistencies in her story and how it sounds very likely that she's lying to him. (Thank you for telling me what that is. I'd never heard of it, and never in my wildest dreams would have thought it existed.) If she is a real person (which I'm still not totally convinced of), then it sounds likely that she's messing with him, leading him on, playing a prank. In which case, he needs to let her go completely.

 

The discussion went very well. He was (surprisingly) receptive to what I was saying, although I think he was embarrassed and ashamed. His cheeks and ears went red. I was able to remain calm and factual with him, not pass judgment, and be supportive.

 

DH and I talked about this morning, and he is going to go to work tomorrow and look up her parents in the "global" (you military people know what I'm talking about). If they are in the global (meaning, she's a real person), then he's going to send them an email asking if they were aware that she was coming to see our son, and asking how the surgery went. We'll see if/how they respond.

 

If they the parents aren't in the global, then we are going to report it to the police as a predator situation.

 

Incidentally, we also took my 13yo's phone this morning and scanned through it. While there wasn't anything as nefarious as the scenario with my 15yo, there were still several things to be concerned about as far as security risks. We explained a few things to him, and he is cleaning up his phone and snapchat/instagram/facebook/whatever accounts as I type.

 

Thank you, everyone, for being so supportive in this. I always thought this was the kind of thing that happened to "other people's children", kwim? I still can't believe I'm wrestling with this, but it is what it is. We'll get to the bottom of this soon.

 

******************

 

UPDATED AGAIN:

 

DH located the dad on the global at work. It's such an unusual last name, and the location has such few personnel, I'm fairly confident that this is the girl's father. Therefore, we won't contact the police. I'm 99.99% certain that this is just some silliness from a girl. *phew* I don't know if we'll contact the dad or not. We'll discuss it this evening.

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I, being I, would act first and talk later. Hasty, sure. But protective of a minor. I would have the service provider cripple text-messaging on his cellphone then I would investigate carefully (so as to maintain truthful, open communication). I also would set the Internet security software to ban all chat and social websites. You can get around it (to keep posting here!) because you would know the password.

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My first question would (after a rather pointed discussion) is if the girl is real at all. Seriously, who makes plans for their dd to go to Texas and rips up the ticket. Then she has surgery? It sounds kind of spammy. Then again, she could be real and making it all up. Either way, I'd be in charge of his phone while dh and I figured out how to handle it.

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I'd think he had a girl friend. Although, there's a lot of drama there, so she might be a troll. I think either you or your dh will have to talk to him to learn more about the situation and let him know if you think she's just making this stuff up.

 

Good luck!

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My first question would (after a rather pointed discussion) is if the girl is real at all. Seriously, who makes plans for their dd to go to Texas and rips up the ticket. Then she has surgery? It sounds kind of spammy. Then again, she could be real and making it all up. Either way, I'd be in charge of his phone while dh and I figured out how to handle it.

 

After I stopped freaking out (as much as I was before now - LOL), this was my thought. I'm fairly certain that she's a real person, but I'm wondering if this is all just made-up teen drama and angst, kwim? Even though it was a long time ago, I still remember being a teen girl, and playing the stupid head games with the boys. (hanging my head in shame)

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I would be very concerned.

 

It sounds like someone is trying to lure your son.

 

I mean seriously, first she can't come to visit, and then she's in the hospital having surgery???

 

Ummm.... NO.

 

Someone is trying to worry your ds so much that he feels the need to sneak off to be with this "girl."

 

Maybe I'm just paranoid, but red flags are flying all over the place here.

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Well, my son and I would be having the talk first about "real people" to determine if this is someone he has EVER met in real life. If the answer is "no", we would then be having the talk about how this could well be a 40yo guy pretending to be a young girl or some such nastiness.

 

If this was an actual person he had met, we would be talking about "drama" and how all airline tickets are electronic these days and sudden "surgery" drama and appropriate relationships. It would be a fun discussion.

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Have you asked the 15 year old about it?

 

Not yet. He's out of the house at a job interview. I just found all this stuff this morning. His phone was confiscated for other reasons, and I stumbled upon this.

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Sounds like someone (whether a gaggle of teen girls, or a 45 year old male perv) is playing games with your son. Find out more then take the appropriate action. Which may include reporting it to the authorities.....or at least texting that number back and inform them that they've been reported to the authorities. Then block that number.

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Sounds like someone (whether a gaggle of teen girls, or a 45 year old male perv) is playing games with your son. Find out more then take the appropriate action. Which may include reporting it to the authorities.....or at least texting that number back and inform them that they've been reported to the authorities. Then block that number.

 

I agree completely.

 

I would absolutely not be taking this casually, nor would I assume that there was even a real "girlfriend" involved here.

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Not yet. He's out of the house at a job interview. I just found all this stuff this morning. His phone was confiscated for other reasons, and I stumbled upon this.

 

Well I hope his job interview goes well, because it sounds like the rest of his afternoon is going to be going downhill. Rightly so.

 

 

I'm old, I remember getting a wrong number phone call when I was a teen. My parents were home and we had the phone with the long cord in the hallway. The caller was a boy, obviously young. I strung him on and lied to him about all kinds of stuff for about an hour until my parents figured out I didn't know this guy and made me hang up. I don't think I got a lecture, but it sounded funny then. At to be 15, no, I wouldn't want to go back.

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:grouphug: Not much advice. My 18 yo finally ended a sorta-relationship with a very dramatic young lady. She texted very similar things to my son. It's amazing how much control a young lady like that can exert on a fella. Thankfully I have my normal son back :). Check the texting on your account (we can see online who my kids text and how often). I finally set ground rules - no texting after 10 pm or before 7 am. I thought that would just have been good manners, but apparently good manners are not taught anymore in some families.

 

Definitely talk to your son. He may be trying to "end" it with her but she is still hanging on (as was the case with my son). Help him through it. It is a learning experience.

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There is an online relationship pointless scam thing going on called "catfishing". Apparently, the spammer makes a connection with someone through a wholly made up but very detailed online profile and starts an online romance that ends up with texts and phone calls and even video chats (with the spammer claiming their webcam is messed up). Repeated plans are made to meet IRL but the spammer never being able to actually meet the target. Then the target is contacted by the spammer's friend or relative and updated on some bogus medical drama, like the fake girlfriend has died of cancer. Frankly, I would be about 60-80% certain this "girl" is fake.

 

There doesn't seem to be a financial motive for this little "trend". The spammers just like messing with people's emotions.

 

I think a review of online safety is in order and I would report it to authorities if you can't verify this girl exists.

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. . . as with that football player?

 

 

There is an online relationship pointless scam thing going on called "catfishing". Apparently, the spammer makes a connection with someone through a wholly made up but very detailed online profile and starts an online romance that ends up with texts and phone calls and even video chats (with the spammer claiming their webcam is messed up). Repeated plans are made to meet IRL but the spammer never being able to actually meet the target. Then the target is contacted by the spammer's friend or relative and updated on some bogus medical drama, like the fake girlfriend has died of cancer. Frankly, I would be about 60% certain this "girl" is fake.

 

There doesn't seem to be a financial motive for this little "trend". The spammers just like messing with people's emotions.

 

I think a review of online safety is in order and I would report it to authorities if you can't verify this girl exists.

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Bearing in mind 90% of the my "knowledge" of this comes from flipping through People Magazine at the orthodontist's office, yeah like the football player. The article had a little box about a regular joe who fell for this so hard that when he learned the woman was dead, he got a commemorative tattoo.

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I'd talk with my child, and I wouldn't have posted verbatim his private communications in a public internet forum.

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I'd talk with my child, and I wouldn't have posted verbatim his private communications in a public internet forum.

 

Really? Well right now I don't really give a flip about proper internet protocol. Sorry.

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There is an online relationship pointless scam thing going on called "catfishing". Apparently, the spammer makes a connection with someone through a wholly made up but very detailed online profile and starts an online romance that ends up with texts and phone calls and even video chats (with the spammer claiming their webcam is messed up). Repeated plans are made to meet IRL but the spammer never being able to actually meet the target. Then the target is contacted by the spammer's friend or relative and updated on some bogus medical drama, like the fake girlfriend has died of cancer. Frankly, I would be about 60-80% certain this "girl" is fake.

 

There doesn't seem to be a financial motive for this little "trend". The spammers just like messing with people's emotions.

 

I think a review of online safety is in order and I would report it to authorities if you can't verify this girl exists.

 

Egad.

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Really? Well right now I don't really give a flip about proper internet protocol. Sorry.

 

Not about protocol, but rather out of respect for my child.

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she could be a wackjob girl, or she could be someone out to scam him. (if not a pedophile pretending to be a girl) I'd take away phone priviledges and give him some education about people he meets online.

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Sounds a bit fake, but if a grown up football player can fall for stuff like this and not become suspicious for two entire years, I would not blame a 15 y/o boy. Just have a talk.

 

 

And depending on ds's side of the story, it could be very humiliating for him.

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And depending on ds's side of the story, it could be very humiliating for him.

 

 

Yes, that is an important thoguht. Kinsa, if it is a hoax, your son will probably be very embarrassed and act defensive. He will be deeply hurt, both by the felt betrayal, and also by having fallen for it. I could see a boy refusing to talk about it when confronted with the facts, and I would give him space to deal with his feelings.

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This might be extreme, but should you contact your local police department? What if this is an adult trying to arrange a meeting with a minor? I think I would not respond to the texts or make a call back to the "girl", but ask the police in case they want to become involved and catch whomever this is. Just a thought!

 

I also agree with the others....do not give him his phone back until this is straightened out.

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I would be very concerned.

 

It sounds like someone is trying to lure your son.

 

I mean seriously, first she can't come to visit, and then she's in the hospital having surgery???

 

Ummm.... NO.

 

Someone is trying to worry your ds so much that he feels the need to sneak off to be with this "girl."

 

Maybe I'm just paranoid, but red flags are flying all over the place here.

 

This was my thought as well.

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Our first priority is to keep our kids safe, I'm sure you would agree. This conversation has too many red flags to ignore. IMO, I'm glad she is asking how to handle this, rather than ignore and have a bad outcome.

 

Esp. since what she quoted had no identifying information other than a first initial.

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Our first priority is to keep our kids safe, I'm sure you would agree. This conversation has too many red flags to ignore. IMO, I'm glad she is asking how to handle this, rather than ignore and have a bad outcome.

 

Who said ignore?

 

Respect issue aside, I think one has a better chance of effectively discussing a potentially embarrassing and painful issue with a 15 yo if the likelihood of his finding out his private messages were posted online without his permission or knowledge is zero.

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Who said ignore?

 

Respect issue aside, I think one has a better chance of effectively discussing a potentially embarrassing and painful issue with a 15 yo if the likelihood of his finding out his private messages were posted online without his permission or knowledge is zero.

 

Sorry, shouldn't have said ignore. Someone kindly explained 'catfishing' which it sounds like she hadn't heard about prior to posting, and therefore might handle it differently. She also didn't post any of his responses.

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My crazy sister pulled this exact sort of thing all the time as a teenager. She probably still does, but I wouldn't know because we're estranged.

 

My advice: Run. And maybe get the authorities involved. One of the boys my sister did this to wound up dealing with false rape charges. Take this seriously. She/he/them might be sick and twisted. Hopefully it's just a bored, attention-seeking girl, but it could be way worse.

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I think she's handling this very well. She didn't post anything her son said, and she only posted enough of the girl's messages to let us know why she was concerned.

 

Most of us have posted FAR more personal things about our own children. I'm very grateful for that, both to read about how other people would react to issues that affect our family, and to get a sense of connection with other homeschool moms.

 

When this 15 year old boy reaches his 30s, he may well look back on this and bless his mother for her quick action and carefulness. Don't you worry your head one bit about his 15 year old feelings. Feelings are transitory; his safety is what's important.

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I just thought of something else.

 

Supposedly, this "girl" is around your ds's age, right?

 

Yet her mom bought her a plane ticket to travel alone to another state to visit your son, whom neither of them had ever met?

 

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

 

Sure she did.

 

What mom wouldn't do that? :glare:

 

And then, conveniently, the mom "tore up the ticket" because the kid's grades were too low, and her punishment was not being able to get on a plane and visit a complete stranger.

 

Oh yeah. And then the girl needed surgery, which is so incredibly common among teens who had just been perfectly healthy.

 

This story is totally true. :rolleyes:

 

My biggest concern is that the "girl" is really a pedophile, and the next thing "she" will do is say how sick and sad and lonely she is, and try to get your ds come and visit "her."

 

Maybe I'm just paranoid, but stuff like this scares me.

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I just thought of something else.

 

Supposedly, this "girl" is around your ds's age, right?

 

Yet her mom bought her a plane ticket to travel alone to another state to visit your son, whom neither of them had ever met?

 

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

 

Sure she did.

 

What mom wouldn't do that? :glare:

 

And then, conveniently, the mom "tore up the ticket" because the kid's grades were too low, and her punishment was not being able to get on a plane and visit a complete stranger.

 

Oh yeah. This story is totally true. :rolleyes:

 

 

"I will only pay for you to go halfway across the country unescorted to meet a complete stranger if you make an "A" in trig."

 

Nothing about that sounds fishy to me. :laugh:

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My biggest concern is that the "girl" is really a pedophile, and the next thing "she" will do is say how sick and sad and lonely she is, and try to get your ds come and visit "her."

 

Maybe I'm just paranoid, but stuff like this scares me.

 

 

 

Yep- first thing I was thinking was pedophile, second was pshing and someone trying to get $$ ( oh my medical bills are so much, please send me money, honey boo-kins), third was nutcase drama girl.

 

 

I seriously SERIOUSLY doubt it's a girl at all. It is following a scammer pattern so hard right now.

 

And I don't blame you for posting that. I bet you could google that and find it somewhere else word for word because they probably have more than one bait stringing along.

 

When it comes to teens and getting scammed, I think being on attack mode is spot on.

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