Remudamom Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 My little 13 yr old niece is being bullied by the mean girls at school. I know my sister is doing her best, she's in a meeting right now with the school administrators, I just hope she's enough like me to hit them hard. I would have already hired a lawyer and documented with the police. I was visiting and made a comment to three of the bullies. Let's just say it's probably good they aren't sure exactly who I am. I wasn't bullied. I never could understand the mentality. I just don't get it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I'm so sorry. My dd had a serious dose from *nice, Christian, home schooled* girls. It really clouds how you view yourself. She's lucky to have an aunt like you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Live2Ride Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 prayers for your niece and sister...bullying should be taken extremely serious... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trlt Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 My dd is 5 and was in a ballet class for homeschoolers and was bullied by one little girl so much that it was totally crushing my dd's spirit. When I spoke with the instructor and realized it wasn't just my dd being overly sensitive (she is VERY sensitive) I ended up putting her in a different class. I was too passive to confront the situation with the girl's mom and the girl. So...I just want to say I hope that your sister gets results and you sound like a terrific Aunt! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I don't get it either. Never did. I could never tolerate it when I was in school and I would have my ds's head if I caught him being a bully. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MommaOfalotta Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Poor kid! I dont get it either. Parents in our sunday school class were talking about this last week and the horror stories of what their kids are dealing with.. Ugh.. its crazy. Death threats and everything and the school does nothing... My dd is extremely sensitive and tender hearted. Another reason I am so thankful to homeschool but at the same time my heart breaks for all of the kids out there that deal with this daily :( ETA: When I graduated (in 07) I didn't experience much bullying.. but it seems to be all over the place today. I mean we had high school "drama" started by girls all of the time. I dont know, I guess I had a tough skin? When I was in 9th grade we had a classmate kill himself. It shook up our entire class. So heartbreaking. They said it was a result of bullying.. (mind you we live in an extremely small, farm town). It makes you wish you would have known something was going on so you could have reached out to him. 9th grade! Still so young.. I wish he could have held out just a little longer, to realize that highschool is nothing compared to the rest of your life and that those people dont matter. So sad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I just don't get it. It is forming the classic "other" to unite a group. I was one. I ignored as much as I could, listened to my mother talk about what low class scum they were and how I would leave them far behind in not very many years. I look on the positive side of things, and what I learned from being the other was that I didn't have to spend my time scrabbling and kissing up to try to get into the "cool" circle. I was so far outside of the pale, and they were such horrid children, I didn't care what they thought of me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest inoubliable Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Hoping your sister does't back down! Sometimes you have to say something directly to the little sh!t who is bothering your kid/niece/nephew/neighbor. Parents of bullies don't think their kid *is* bullying. I've seen it too many times. The special snowflake generation is old enough to have kids in school and they're convinced that their special child is just as special and entitled as they were. Sometimes it takes a sane and brave adult to say something to the bully, you know? I hope the school does something for your niece. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted February 7, 2013 Author Share Posted February 7, 2013 I DID say something and the girls beat a hasty retreat. But these were the neighborhood bullies, and the school bullies are worse. PLUS, the father of one is the football coach. By all accounts he's a nice guy, not so the mother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I DID say something and the girls beat a hasty retreat. But these were the neighborhood bullies, and the school bullies are worse. PLUS, the father of one is the football coach. By all accounts he's a nice guy, not so the mother. The WORST girls were the daughters of the local university football and basketball coaches. I had both of them in my class. Ugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest inoubliable Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I DID say something and the girls beat a hasty retreat. But these were the neighborhood bullies, and the school bullies are worse. PLUS, the father of one is the football coach. By all accounts he's a nice guy, not so the mother. I think most school bullies are worse because schools routinely do nothing to stop them. :( Good on you for standing up! Hoping this all ends well and quickly for your poor niece. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I think most school bullies are worse because schools routinely do nothing to stop them. :( Good on you for standing up! Hoping this all ends well and quickly for your poor niece. I have not found parents that would do anything either. The girl bullying thing is quite amazing. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I don't have any advice, just an observation. I've noticed that the girls who seem to bully at the public school in our town are children of not mean, abusive parents but parents who are educated, middle or upper middle class, and well-meaning, but who want the very best so much for their children -- including being in the "popular" groups -- that they treat them like princesses no matter what they do. They can pretty much do no wrong. It's hard to deal with people like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted February 7, 2013 Author Share Posted February 7, 2013 I don't have any advice, just an observation. I've noticed that the girls who seem to bully at the public school in our town are children of not mean, abusive parents but parents who are educated, middle or upper middle class, and well-meaning, but who want the very best so much for their children -- including being in the "popular" groups -- that they treat them like princesses no matter what they do. They can pretty much do no wrong. It's hard to deal with people like that. That is these girls. But without trying to sound egotistical or whatever, my family is in the top social circles in this town. We started this private school, we are well known in the town. Complete strangers have said to me "oh, you must be a (last name)." My parents would never have put up with this type of behavior from us. I was never bullied. Both my sisters were. My niece has 11 cousins in this school who have been called into this game, and the oldest boys ( very popular, on all the sports teams, straight A types) have told us that they will put a stop to this. The next time one of these little divas comes gushing up to them they are going to get a surprise. Granted, one cousin who could help probably won't. She'd be more the other type. Her mother tries to make her feel ultra special because of the bullying SHE went through when in school. I'm beyond spitting mad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I was bullied. Parents did nothing. glad your niece has a mom and aunt who are willing to speak up for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JBJones Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Due to bullying/social problems, we became homeschoolers. I hate bullies, too. They have altered my DD's childhood and she is not the same child that she was five years ago. I've had to restrain myself many times over the last three years pertaining to these "mean girls." Good luck to your niece. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pdalley Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I hate bullies too. I was bullied. Boys are pretty direct with it but some girls have it down to an art form. (not all art is pretty or to be admired - IMO) I think, as a result, I became pretty forthright and brash as an adult and I tend to speak up when I see it happening now - among kids or adults. Your niece will probably always remember that she had people to take up for her. I sometimes wonder if I had one person who would take up for me if that would have made a difference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MBM Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 All freshmen at my son's high school -- a little more than 1,000 students -- participate in an anti-bullying program called the Names Can Really Hurt Us Program. I think it was created by the Anti-defamation League. Not sure. Anyway, students who were bullied or felt unprotected by teachers during their younger years speak before their classmates to talk about their experiences and how it affected them. (They are allowed to mention teachers' names which I think is interesting.) Many (most) of the kids in the audience break down crying when they hear what happened -- the program wants others to understand the victims' pain. It seems to have had a very good affect because if someone dares to bully a classmate, the fellow students will support the kid who's getting bullied. I saw someone in my son's class who was targeted on Facebook and the response from fellow classmates was tremendous -- hundreds of students rallied behind the bullied boy and the bullies backed down right away. I think for anti-bullying program to work, students need to hear how difficult other students' lives have been and then the students, teachers and administrators need to support those who are bullied. It's incredibly uncool to be a bully at my son's high school. It's the equivalent of being an *ss. Well, good luck to your sister and niece. Kids shouldn't have to put up with bullying at school. More info here: http://regions.adl.org/upper-midwest/programs/names-can-really-hurt-us.html http://www.adl.org/education-outreach/anti-bias-education/c/names-can-really-hurt-us.html#.URPqkqX3DJw http://www.chicagonow.com/portrait-of-an-adoption/2012/10/names-can-really-hurt-us-program-brings-bullying-into-the-light/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lavender's green Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I have some relatives who were the "mean girls" in high school, who made life a living hell for others. Everyone now knows their characters and they no longer have any friends. Sometimes the tables eventually turn and they get a taste of their own medicine. (I don't say this gloatingly; it's actually very sad, especially since their parents could have stepped in and moderated their mean adolescent behavior.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Poor kid! I dont get it either. Parents in our sunday school class were talking about this last week and the horror stories of what their kids are dealing with.. Ugh.. its crazy. Death threats and everything and the school does nothing... My dd is extremely sensitive and tender hearted. Another reason I am so thankful to homeschool but at the same time my heart breaks for all of the kids out there that deal with this daily :( ETA: When I graduated (in 07) I didn't experience much bullying.. but it seems to be all over the place today. I mean we had high school "drama" started by girls all of the time. I dont know, I guess I had a tough skin? When I was in 9th grade we had a classmate kill himself. It shook up our entire class. So heartbreaking. They said it was a result of bullying.. (mind you we live in an extremely small, farm town). It makes you wish you would have known something was going on so you could have reached out to him. 9th grade! Still so young.. I wish he could have held out just a little longer, to realize that highschool is nothing compared to the rest of your life and that those people dont matter. So sad. Happened not far from where I live just recently. 14 yo killed himself at school. Kids say he was bullied. I think he had lots of problems in his home life....maybe if he had it easier at home he could have dealt with the bullying, but why should ANY kid have to 'deal' with it. Makes me fighting mad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
musicianmom Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 What makes me mad is this attitude (especially among older people, it seems) that being bullied is some sort of character-building rite of passage that kids need to experience. Life is not the Andy Griffith show! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MooCow Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I'm so sorry. My dd had a serious dose from *nice, Christian, home schooled* girls. It really clouds how you view yourself. She's lucky to have an aunt like you. change out girl for boy, and yup. My youngest has been there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Are there HIB (harassment, intimidation, bullying) laws in your state? More states are enacting these, and it might be worthwhile to check. Another thing to look out for is cyber bullying that your niece may not have told her parents. Every time I hear about this I flash back to a lecture I heard from a man whose son committed suicide. http://www.ryanpatrickhalligan.org It sounds as though there is pretty good communication in your family, but it might be worth double checking to see if there is anything more going on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Your niece will probably always remember that she had people to take up for her. I sometimes wonder if I had one person who would take up for me if that would have made a difference. :iagree: I think it's wonderful that the family is stepping up to help. I hope the meeting with the school administrators goes well, and that they don't try to minimize what is going on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 In fact, her bratty little bully said once when I was monitoring the boy's dressing room, "Santa Claus totally doesn't care if you are good or bad because last year I was very bad and still got a ton of presents." He sounds like a real charmer. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I was just thinking about this, and one of the worst things about it is that so many parents seem to view their child's bullying as almost a positive thing. I know at least one mom whose kid is an absolute nightmare, yet she views his bullying as being "strong leadership qualities." She actually brags to people about how her ds can decide that he doesn't like another kid, and then no one else in the entire class will talk to that kid any more. Apparently, he does this sort of thing for fun, just to be sure the other kids will do what he says. :glare: Horrible!!! :angry: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skimomma Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 What makes me mad is this attitude (especially among older people, it seems) that being bullied is some sort of character-building rite of passage that kids need to experience. Life is not the Andy Griffith show! This is my BIL. He will go on and on about how my dd will never be "strong" because she is being "deprived" of either being a bully or being bullied. You just cannot have a rational discussion with anyone who can believe this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skimomma Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Cat...I just read an article not long ago and I can't remember where. But it said that middle school is one of the toughest ages with bullying and they said one of the reasons is because middle schoolers often identify the "cool kids" and the "bullies" as the same people. Seriously. They did a study where they asked kids to answer autonomously which kids in the school were cool and which were bullies and in many instances it was the same kids. That's pretty weird and sad. I wonder if they know if individual kids identified the "cool" and the "bullies" as the same people. Bullying was awful in my middle school and it was most definitely the "cool kids" who were the worst offenders. But looking back, I am not sure how I associated them as "cool." I did not think they were cool nor did I look up to them. However, I would have probably called them "cool" because they were usually members of the "highest ranking" clique. They typically came from families with money and weight in the community. It makes me wonder if bullying is some form or social ladder-climbing that can be passed down in the generations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 My little 13 yr old niece is being bullied by the mean girls at school. I know my sister is doing her best, she's in a meeting right now with the school administrators, I just hope she's enough like me to hit them hard. I would have already hired a lawyer and documented with the police. I was visiting and made a comment to three of the bullies. Let's just say it's probably good they aren't sure exactly who I am. I wasn't bullied. I never could understand the mentality. I just don't get it. Ugh. I hate bullies, too. Ds's friend is now homeschooling with us precisely because of bullying. It frustrates me to no end how school officials do nothing TANGIBLE to stop it. Everyone, even the little bully, has to be treated like extra-special little darlings. :001_rolleyes: I so want to go all Southern on their little bully a$$es, but of course, I can't do that because they're kids. I do wish that somewhere, someone was actually an authority in their lives, though. Someone who would command respect and pull them into line. I know these kids and let's just say that those apples have not fallen far from the tree. At. All. You do people no favours by overindulging them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I was just thinking about this, and one of the worst things about it is that so many parents seem to view their child's bullying as almost a positive thing. I know at least one mom whose kid is an absolute nightmare, yet she views his bullying as being "strong leadership qualities." She actually brags to people about how her ds can decide that he doesn't like another kid, and then no one else in the entire class will talk to that kid any more. Apparently, he does this sort of thing for fun, just to be sure the other kids will do what he says. :glare: Horrible!!! :angry: Umm... IMO, that makes her kid an a$$!. And she's a de facto one for sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyJoy Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 We had an 11-year-old bully at our church when I was 17. One of the things he did was purposely slam a kid's hand in a door, breaking a couple fingers! :ohmy: Fortunately, his mom started believing the stories when she witnessed an incident herself. She showed up early at the end of his football practice and saw him mocking/shoving another boy. When the boy ran away, her son chased him down with an expression that made it clear he was going to hurt him more. The boy didn't see his mom coming, but she threw out her arm and clothes-lined him! He lay on the ground looking up at her in complete shock. His teammates cheered (and their parents, secretly) That was a major turning point when she started supervising him and taking other people seriously! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted February 7, 2013 Author Share Posted February 7, 2013 I wonder if they know if individual kids identified the "cool" and the "bullies" as the same people. Bullying was awful in my middle school and it was most definitely the "cool kids" who were the worst offenders. But looking back, I am not sure how I associated them as "cool." I did not think they were cool nor did I look up to them. However, I would have probably called them "cool" because they were usually members of the "highest ranking" clique. They typically came from families with money and weight in the community. It makes me wonder if bullying is some form or social ladder-climbing that can be passed down in the generations. I'm sure that this is the case in most scenarios. But as I said before, my family belongs to the right club, attends the right schools, pledges the right sororities/fraternities, worships at the right church. We were brought up to defend the underdog. In fact the only time someone tried to bully me (didn't take) they were from a lower "clique" and had no social standing. Now the bullies after my sisters were from approximately the same circles. The bully that unfortunately took after my younger brother when I was in high school was a socially and financially in a much lower position. When I found out about it I got into the only fight I was ever in and convinced this boy that it would be in his best interests to leave my brother alone. I know that the above sounds very snobbish and cliquish but truthfully? This is how my hometown works. I was sort of an aberration in that I really didn't give much of a poop as long as I had my horse. I firmly believe bullies come from all walks of life. eta- when I say "right" I mean the places considered the snob joints. Like I said, I know how it sounds, but I don't mean it that way personally............it's just the way the town works. Does that make sense? No offense meant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyJoy Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I was just thinking about this, and one of the worst things about it is that so many parents seem to view their child's bullying as almost a positive thing. I know at least one mom whose kid is an absolute nightmare, yet she views his bullying as being "strong leadership qualities." She actually brags to people about how her ds can decide that he doesn't like another kid, and then no one else in the entire class will talk to that kid any more. Apparently, he does this sort of thing for fun, just to be sure the other kids will do what he says. :glare: Horrible!!! :angry: Sounds like the parents of one of my students, who I will call M. He was in 6th grade and a major bully. When I talked to him about it at length, I discovered his athletic, popular, charismatic 10th grade brother had bullied him since he was born. When I talked to the parents, they complained about the way other kids treated M and gave examples that "proved" they bullied him. When I told them that M reported that his brother constantly did those things (and worse) to him, they justified it and said it was "just brothers being boys and messing around." I pointed out the hypocrisy of expecting better behavior from peer classmates than from his own 15-year-old brother! Their older son was the golden child who could do no wrong and was charming, a "leader", and popular. Their younger son was awkward (got his height early), overweight, disorganized, abrupt, not charming or popular, and they let their older son abuse him and refused to see it as such. I really think M was depressed due to his home life with a bullying older brother and a lot of his school problems were related. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 You know, I spent the day thinking about it, and I cannot think of one school bully from my childhood who is now doing well. Oh, some of them have decent jobs, but I can see from facebook and the stories people tell that not one of them has a wonderful marriage, good circle of friends, prominent place in the community. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barefoot Explorer Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Bullying is sensitive topic for me...I went to a Christian school and sadly that didn't seem to make things any better. I was scarred for life, and I am terrified to risk ever putting my children in that sort of situation. People who say that they need to be socialized don't realize that all "socialized" means is beaten into conformity by the cruelty of other children and teachers. I was mocked relentlessly because I was bad at sports, and liked reading, aliens and horses. The only acceptable passion was sports. I am still trying to recover from those days honestly... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hillfarm Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Look up the bullying laws in your state and/or speak with a LE officer to verify what they are. Then speak with the parents (may be a good idea to have a 3rd party present to verify that you did not threaten their little sweeties). Inform them of the legalities. Tell them that they need to deal with this problem before it gets any bigger. Make sure they know that you will not back down and this will not go away. There are only 2 options here, either the problem is resolved and the bullying stops immediately or the whole thing escalates to a BIG DEAL level that will cause everyone to be miserable, not just the child being bullied. When this starts to inconvenience the parents, only then will they begin trying to stop it. Now is the time to be a pit bull. Don't back down, don't give up. And make sure everyone knows that is your position. I have seen many instances where people let the squeaky wheel get her way just because they didn't want to put up with her constant bombardment. Bombs Away! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Cat...I just read an article not long ago and I can't remember where. But it said that middle school is one of the toughest ages with bullying and they said one of the reasons is because middle schoolers often identify the "cool kids" and the "bullies" as the same people. Seriously. They did a study where they asked kids to answer autonomously which kids in the school were cool and which were bullies and in many instances it was the same kids. That's pretty weird and sad. I think that's so sad and misguided, but I also absolutely believe it's true. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elizabeth Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Awful. Thank goodness that little girl has people in her life that will support and defend her against cruelty. This is just ridiculous that children are dying because their parents will not step on thier fragile little egos and explain that their behaviour and speech are reprehensible. I just do not get it. But I know that responsibility and good values including having a moral compass to refuse to participate in victimizing other people starts at home. My parents would have both gone baja on us had we sat by silently to let another person be abused much less actually perpetuated the wrong. Had we done so I promise that we would have been driven over to the victim's home, apologized to the person we injured and their parents. My normally kind brother, did in fact toss blackberries against the back of another child's house who was not a 'cool kid" and had a profoundly ill sibling.Boy howdy my mother found stains all over his jeans from the berry tossing and marched his little behind over there where he spent several hours cleaning up the mess and repainting the side of the house. I recall him asking her why he had to do this since the other kids never had to and their parents probably did not know what they did. She leveled her green eyes at him and said ,"Because I am a good ******n parent , that's why." That look scared us all from testing her for many, many years. BTW he really was a good boy just a follower rather than a leader at that age. My gosh she was and still is fierce. I am 47 and mind my speech and conduct strictly around her. She used the almighty Anglican claw of death if we tangled with her in public. Like Spock but better because she could not simply use mind meld. Or maybe that was her secret and the claw of death was a distraction. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I was curious how the meeting went with the administrators. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 I was curious how the meeting went with the administrators. I'm waiting for sister to call me back. Apparently yesterday was really rough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennynd Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I was reading the news about a 6 grader was in introduced coma due to bully. I will file police charge if the girls ever physically put a hand on your niece. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I was reading the news about a 6 grader was in introduced coma due to bully. I will file police charge if the girls ever physically put a hand on your niece. I read this also. It is so sad. http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/bullying-attack-leaves-11-old-coma-213221930--abc-news-topstories.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I'm waiting for sister to call me back. Apparently yesterday was really rough. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 There was recently an incident of cyberbullying in our area. I thought you might like this very strong column -- it was the lead editorial today. (I realize your incident was not cyberbullying, but I liked the editorial response so much that I wanted to post it.) Herald News: Cyber bullying needs strong response FRIDAY FEBRUARY 8, 2013, 8:22 AM HERALD NEWS PRINT | E-MAIL THE recent cyberbullying attack on Manchester Regional High School students makes painfully clear, once again, the need for the anti-bullying law adopted two years ago. It also serves as a stark reminder that while the nation debates how best to thwart violent gunmen in schools, students are far more likely to face bullying and harmful peer pressure. Several Manchester Regional students were the target of a terrible attack last month that used Instagram, a photo-sharing website compatible with Facebook, Flickr and Twitter, as a venue to post their pictures along with disparaging remarks, or worse. Some students were called "fat" or "ugly." One girl was described as having cut herself in the past and was urged to commit suicide. A boy with autism was included in the assault. Many of the targeted children and their friends read the post. And then they had to go to school the next day. Five families complained to the North Haledon police, Staff Writer Richard Cowen reported, and they are investigating. It’s good the police are doing their job, but where is the school in all of this? Manchester Regional’s anti-bullying specialist declined to speak to The Record for its article, and said only the district superintendent is allowed to speak to the media. The superintendent is on vacation and could not be reached for comment. If ever there were a time for a swift and firm response, it’s now. The community must be reassured the school is doing everything in its power to bring the perpetrator or perpetrators to justice. Parents must be told how the high school has followed the anti-bullying law’s directives to stamp out this kind of cruel and dangerous harassment in the past, and what changes it plans to make in the future to prevent more attacks. An interim report released at the end of last month by the state’s anti-bullying task force suggested that future training for school safety teams, which are made up of the principal, a teacher, a parent and others, should emphasize the team’s role in improving a school’s "overall climate." Teams are supposed to identify and deal with harassment, intimidation, bullying and other social conflicts in a way that teaches students and creates a more benevolent environment. We would like to know that Manchester Regional intends to step up training for its school safety team and how it will go about that. An attack made by computer or cellphone either at school or after hours is considered an attack under the state’s Anti-Bullying Bill of Rights. North Haledon Detective Dave Parenta told The Record, "It’s clear that the law has been violated," and that the person or people responsible will be charged with a crime. Cyberbullying can have real and tragic consequences. The full power of the state’s anti-bullying law should be used to prosecute the offenders in the Instagram case. And the full power of Manchester Regional High School should be used to address this heinous act and make students understand that this behavior crosses every line. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I'll hope the school actually does something to stop it...other than mentioning a zero tolerance policy and happily letting it continue. Children shouldn't have to be the ones to stop bullying, the adults should do their jobs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyJoy Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 The bullies I've encountered over the years have mostly fallen into three categories: 1. The cool, popular kid whose parents think he/she can do no wrong. He/she's charismatic, verbal, and good-looking. Other kids are jealous of some aspect of his/her life and thus willing to let their normal standards of behavior slip a bit to be in this person's good graces. This kid enjoys the power that comes with being adored, and may suck up to adults too if the situation might benefit him/her (possibly while winking/snickering behind the adult's back). He/she mocks or hurts others to make himself/herself look witty or powerful and the other kid look stupid or weak in comparison. 2. The cool "bad/girl boy" who is popular with the "wrong crowd" because he/she is precociously cruel, bordering on criminal. A small-time jr. gang leader, this kid gets his/her kicks by ruling others by fear and doesn't care what adults think. His/her status is bolstered by the number of kids he/she can torment for laughs. 3. The uncool, possibly awkward or self-conscious outcast kid who has been hurt/neglected so much in his/her life (often by family) that he/she lashes out at others. He/she doesn't seem to know how to garner positive attention from other kids and so resorts to annoying, pestering, intimidation, name-calling, and even physical attacks to get SOMEONE to pay attention to him/her. He/she might even alienate the kids he/she really wants to befriend because he/she doesn't know how to initiate a healthy relationship. He/she might even bully in an attempt to get noticed by the more popular bully, but it always backfires. I'm sure there are more scenarios, but these are the 3 I've mostly encountered as a student/babysitter/teacher/youth leader. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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