What do you do with a child who can not follow directions?

[plain jane]

My dd11 can read really well. She's read books like The Lord of the Rings (trilogy) and Moby Dick. She does CLE Reading (this is her third year of it) as well as Lightening Literature 7. In the past we have done novel studies a couple of times per year (using Progeny Press).

 

Here's the thing:

 

THIS CHILD CAN NOT FOLLOW DIRECTIONS. :banghead: :cursing: :banghead: :cursing:

 

I'm sorry. I needed to get that out. :glare:

 

Examples:

 

In math (and this happens a lot in math) it'll say to express your answer as a decimal. She'll use a fraction. :glare: It will ask her to draw a table to show her work. She'll just do her work and move on. No table. :glare: It asks for the sum of the value of two points on a line. She writes down both values. :glare: It will say to write a problem using these numbers and then solve it. She'll write the problem but won't work it out. This goes on and on and on and on. So, of course, she gets many problems wrong each and every day due to her not being able to follow directions.

 

In WWS, it says you don't need to cite sources if you only use scientific facts. Plain as day. In the instructions. What's the first thing she does? Cites all her sources. It also says to write your notes in two columns. What does she do? She types them out on the computer and uses no columns. Her reasoning for that one? She doesn't know how to use columns on our word processor. Apparently she forgot how to use regular paper too. Or how to ask her mother what she should do. Grrrrrrrr.

 

I know this child can read English and that she can read well. She scores very high on CLE Reading. She's doing great in LL7. She reads tough books and discusses them with me.

 

But she just can't follow directions and I'm going to blow a fuse.

 

How do I fix this?? I'm going insane. I'm doing my weekly marking tonight and I'm about to have an aneurism. :willy_nilly:

 

 

ETA: I should add that she does this with CLE Reading sometimes too. If the text says to circle something, and she's used to underlining, she'll underline. Or it will ask her to fill in the blank and underline the verb (or whatever the actual details are) and she'll fill in the blank but not bother to do the underlining. Or she'll miss a step in a simple problem because she didn't follow the directions. It's never because she didn't understand what she read or even that she didn't understand the directions. It's just that she can't seem to follow them. Or won't. But I have strict consequences in place. LOL I'm not sure why not following them is benefitting her somehow??

 

Ack. If fact, now that I think of it. She does this a lot with R&S grammar too. If it's a two step problem, odds are good that she'll only do the first part that she's asked to do. Hmmmm. Maybe it's just that she won't in some cases. But when I go back and ask her why she didn't do it, I get a really blank stare. Really annoying.

 

If it's just the case that she won't do it- how do I fix this? I make her do all her corrections. She hates corrections but maybe that isn't punishment enough? I'm thinking of pulling her out of all outside activities until her grades pull up but that might be a bit harsh. Mommy is in a bit of a bad mood ATM. :wacko:

[Arcadia]

Books hold her attention. Math and WWS does not attract her that much and so she does not pay as detailed an attention on the instructions.

 

How does she react if you return her all the work that is not done right and than let her figure out how to correct it?

 

For math, maybe let her use a highlighter to highlight the key words in the questions. Key words like "decimal", "draw a table","sum". Some children just work better with visual prompts.

 

How about instructions for chores or other non academic work? Is she able to follow those? Has she always has trouble following instructions or is it puberty blues?

[misty.warden]

Doesn't sound like can't to me, sounds like won't. Have you talked to her about reading the directions completely before starting any work to make sure she's putting out what the text is asking for? I've had many a college professor be sneaky with exams (last line of directions saying something like "don't work any problems, just hand this in") or requiring papers to be done in very specific ways and refusing to accept work done differently.

[plain jane]

Books hold her attention. Math and WWS does not attract her that much and so she does not pay as detailed an attention on the instructions.

 

How does she react if you return her all the work that is not done right and than let her figure out how to correct it?

 

For math, maybe let her use a highlighter to highlight the key words in the questions. Key words like "decimal", "draw a table","sum". Some children just work better with visual prompts.

 

How about instructions for chores or other non academic work? Is she able to follow those? Has she always has trouble following instructions or is it puberty blues?

 

 

For one, she LOVES WWS. Seriously. She does it every single day, sometimes a couple lessons per day. It's not that it doesn't hold her attention, although I do get what you are saying. :) Math- yes, that could very well be the problem.

 

I do make her redo everything she doesn't do correctly. In fact, I made her redo all her notes that she didn't have in columns. I could have made columns up on the computer for her and fixed it all but I chose to have her write them all down again the way she should have the first time. For math, if she gets more than 5 questions wrong in a lesson she has to redo the entire lesson. Let's just say she's seeing a lot of double this year. :willy_nilly:

 

She's not really that great about instructions in general. I always thought it was an oral thing so dh and I started making her repeat back everything we tell her to do. That helped a lot. She's always been a bit of a "space cadet" and while she thinks she hears what we are saying, it's actually not at all what we told her. Really, really, REALLY annoying. I could ask her to please pass me the fork on the table, she'll smile, say "sure" and go close the pantry door. :blink: :blink:

[plain jane]

Doesn't sound like can't to me, sounds like won't. Have you talked to her about reading the directions completely before starting any work to make sure she's putting out what the text is asking for? I've had many a college professor be sneaky with exams (last line of directions saying something like "don't work any problems, just hand this in") or requiring papers to be done in very specific ways and refusing to accept work done differently.

 

Oh yes. LOL We have talked and talked and talked some more about reading all the directions. If she doesn't follow the directions in math she gets it wrong, no matter if the answer is correct. 5 or more wrong per lesson and she redoes the lesson. She knows the consequences.

 

Sometimes she reads ahead and tries to be sneaky and do two things at once (which she tried to pull this week in WWS) and that is really annoying as well so I don't always encourage her to read absolutely everything before starting. Yes, absolutely everything for that LESSON for the DAY but not ahead to the next step, if that makes sense.

 

I don't think she is doing it on purpose. I mean there's probably some laziness in there too, but I doubt any child would want to do every lesson of math over twice all because they won't follow a direction on a problem, kwim? She's not exceptionally stubborn. I have others who are, but not this one. :)

[Arcadia]

She's not really that great about instructions in general. I always thought it was an oral thing so dh and I started making her repeat back everything we tell her to do. That helped a lot. She's always been a bit of a "space cadet" and while she thinks she hears what we are saying, it's actually not at all what we told her. Really, really, REALLY annoying. I could ask her to please pass me the fork on the table, she'll smile, say "sure" and go close the pantry door. :blink: :blink:

 

In that case, it could really be a can't rather than a wouldn't. My kids had that issue and we had to talk to them face to face until they are okay with instructions even when we are telling them from across the room. My brother however tend to repeat instructions like a broken telephone. For him verbal instructions don't work well (he miss some) but written instructions are okay because he could refer to them.

 

Honestly, I would work on following instructions on non-academic stuff and guide her in following instructions for school work.

 

ETA: Lori's post below explains it much clearer what I was trying to say about keywords and stuff.

[Lori D.]

I know it would be more convenient and less annoying for us as parents, but, gently, that sounds pretty typical developmentally to me for an 11yo. And it sounds like you are addressing it through repeating the steps out loud, encouraging coming to you with questions, and having her redo. :)

 

 

One last idea is to have her practice a type of annotation that will be handy later in high school and college for studying -- have her underline the key steps in the directions and put a star, or a #1, #2 and #2 in the margin next to the steps of the directions. Be kind of hovering in the background while this is going on, and when she moves from reading directions to start the actually assignment, "just happen" to walk by and ask what the directions are for the assignment, or ask how she marked the steps for herself to remember them -- in other words, in some way draw her attention back to the directions to encourage her to double check that she knows what ALL of the steps are. ;)

 

 

Remember, moving into independent working is a *process*. Be gentle with DD. And with yourself! :) Warmest regards, Lori D.

[ElizabethB]

:grouphug:

 

I personally think that some of the WWS instructions are not always clear and are hidden in reams of text, especially if you are 10 or 11 or 40+ and haven't had enough coffee...

 

Math, I'm with you, but my daughter will often do the same thing. She likes to work independently if possible, but I do "happen" to peek over and make sure she's answering correctly. Today, she was answering in cm³ when she was supposed to answer in liters, I "happened" to notice early on and asked her what units they were asking for. In this case, no big deal, but sometimes it is a pain if you don't catch it early. She likes to follow instructions and usually does so I don't penalize too much or too often, but I do sometimes require extra work or re-work depending on the reason for the mistake. (She sometimes gets mad if I let her deviate from the instructions, she is more of a rule follower than me!)

[mom2att]

She sounds very bright, but obviously this is an area of weakness for her. From your post she seems to be doing a lot of work independently. I think I'd take a step back and go back to hand-holding, even if she doesn't like it. Doing the work and then having to go back and make all of the (many) corrections because she didn't follow the directions is a lot for eleven, especially in an area where she is struggling across the board. So take a few weeks (or longer if necessary) to sit with her for lessons. Read through those math problems and ask her to tell you what the problem is asking. Show her how to break it down into steps if necessary. Sit with her for a number of problems, then walk away and have her work on the same number on her own. Have her call you back when she is done, and stop and review what she's done. It seems like that would be less painful and more instructive than working a whole page of problems and then having to go back after and correct them all. Hopefully you will get to that point eventually, but for now perhaps baby steps is the way to go.

 

Your comment about closing the pantry door when asked to pass a fork really stood out. She's not purposely trying to annoy you, she's really having difficultly with following directions. Though some it may be just working quickly to get done and not taking the time (which is what I do all of the time), it may be that more time and more instruction is what she needs. And she's eleven. They're all space cadets at eleven, anyway. But if she's struggling with this at eleven, you've got to help her through it so that she won't still be struggling with it at sixteen. She may always be a space cadet, but if she knows that following directions are difficult for her and has a strategy in place to help her through that, it won't always be a struggle.

 

My son is twelve and has processing and working memory issues. My oldest was quite independent at the same age, but my son needs me to work with him all of the time. Some kids just need more direct instruction for longer than the rest of the world says they should. Of course my son will work independently some day, but for now he needs me to help him find the tools to be able to do so.

[VaKim]

My youngest went through a stage where she did that. We use CLE for math and language arts, and it would usually happen if there were more than one step to something ( like, underline the subject and circle the adjectives ). She would do the one thing, but not the other. As a matter of fact, she still very occasionally does that. I started going through and underlining in color any directions like that, and she did do better most of the time. Otherwise, I would just highlight whatever she had skipped or missed while I was checking her work, and hand it back to her to fix. It really seems to have been a "stage" of some sort that she has mostly outgrown. Or perhaps been nagged enough, lol.

[Faithr]

I second WendyK. Actually, I wouldn't assume my 11 yo could just independently read directions all the school day long and get them all correct. I personally am bad at reading directions and often have to read them aloud to someone else to make sure I've got it right. I would go over the directions with her before she begins the lessons.

 

I do believe this is developmental with math though. It is A LOT of attention to detail. I think you see building the skill of doing something that requires such close attention as part of doing math. She is learning. So as with any learning you need to instruct on how to tackle stuff beforehand instead of reprimanding afterwards. That's so disheartening. Whereas if you just look through each problem beforehand you could build good habits and decrease frustration.

[Plateau Mama]

She's not really that great about instructions in general. I always thought it was an oral thing so dh and I started making her repeat back everything we tell her to do. That helped a lot. She's always been a bit of a "space cadet" and while she thinks she hears what we are saying, it's actually not at all what we told her. Really, really, REALLY annoying. I could ask her to please pass me the fork on the table, she'll smile, say "sure" and go close the pantry door. :blink: :blink:

 

Do a search for Auditory Processing Disorder. The pass the fork close the pantry screams of this. My son (10) cannot follow more than one direction at a time. He just cannot do it, his audiologist says it it something he just can't do. He is very good at math, but if it tells him to estimate then solve I will get one or the other but never both. I say fee the dog, he'll hear go eat a marshmallow.

 

If I he has to follow a series of instructions, I tell him, have him repeat, then if its important I write it on a whiteboard. But usually it works best to tell him the first step and have him see me hen its done, then give the second ste, etc.

[Ellie]

ITA with those who suggest working more closely with her. Rather than checking her work once a week, check it at least daily, even every few minutes on some things.

 

I'd avoid blaming it on her age, though. I don't believe in blaming anything on someone's age. It gives us too much leeway in thinking that some behaviors are acceptable, and then we won't work as diligently to make adjustments/corrections, KWIM? Neither of my dc were spacey at that age, nor was I, nor were any of the children that age that I taught in Sunday school or in my little one-room school. Just sayin'...:-)

 

You could check out Nadeau Educational Center. Some of what you describe sounds like a learning issue. Maybe you'll find some helpful information here. I have a couple of friends whose dc were tested there, and the therapies they did at home with their dc were very helpful.

[myfunnybunch]

My oldest was like this at that age. It was awful. It was part of the reason we pulled her from school, as she wasn't able to complete her work properly. The directions she was given and the work she did were.....loosely related, at best.

 

We read Mel Levine's A Mind at a Time and tried to pinpoint some of the issues she was having. We decided together that she and my husband! have difficulty processing a lot of language at once. (Dd also had some short term memory issues, which didn't help.) Because they are bright, they have developed some amazing coping skills, but both tend to "catch" key words and concepts, then their brains just fill in the rest for them. So I might say to my husband, "We have too much cheese. Please do not buy cheese. NO CHEESE." He'll hear " no cheese" and "buy" and get cheese the next time he goes to the grocery store. Dd would read directions to underline certain words in an exercise and know that she was supposed to mark the words somehow, but she might circle them or cross them out, depending on what she'd done in the past and how she had unconsciously filled in the language blanks.

 

When I brought her home as a 7th grader, we tried our best to pinpoint the underlying issues, then we worked specifically and directly on those issues. We did listening/direction following exercises--she did beautifully IF that was the sole point of the exercise. But ask her to follow directions and do "academic" thinking at the same time, and she was genuinely lost. So we did explicit instruction and practice on reading and following directions in the context of schoolwork: She'd read the directions to me, I'd read them to her, she'd underline and sometimes number the actions she needed to perform, I'd have her tell me what she was supposed to do, she'd rewrite the directions on a separate piece of paper, we'd both write notes on the directions as we understood them and compare. Not all at one time, but I'd usually choose 2-3 ways to review the directions before she'd start an exercise.

 

I also explicitly taught periodically reviewing the directions as she worked. Sometimes she struggled to hold the directions in her head while she did the work, so I marked spots in the exercises or readings to remind her to re-read the directions and do a check to see if she was still on track.

 

Ages 11-13 were the worst. As her adolescent brain reorganized itself and matured, she was able to concentrate her energy more effectively and to understand which direction-following strategies were effective for her. She returned to public school as a freshman and excelled. She still struggles with processing directions, even as a university student, but I think the strategies we worked on in her middle school years helped her to identify where she needs to focus some extra time and energy.

 

Since she enjoys WWS, you might want to work on processing written directions WWS-style: Underline key words, identify supporting details, etc.

 

Cat

[PeterPan]

This is the age, 5th grade, where you start getting evals when things aren't going away. And how do you know if it's enough to warrant getting evals? Well my personal opinion is that when you're coming on a board with thousands of total strangers and telling us about it, it's time. Also, when you're at the point where you're BANGING YOUR HEAD that much, it's time. You've got both. ;)

 

Yes, space cadet plus difficulty following directions plus ... would make me thing auditory processing too. You have to find a pretty good audiologist to get a full, proper screening. From what others have said, you get a screening eval with the audiologist, then you go get a neuropsych eval (to look for adhd or LDs that might complicate), then you go back for a full CAPD eval. Seems pretty prudent to me at least to make some steps in that direction. This age is when it all hits, because their *strengths* can no longer MASK their weaknesses. She's probably been this way all alone, but she was so smart she could guess and cover it. The requirements get harder and it gets really hard.

 

So just take some little steps. There are good books like The Mislabeled Child by the Eides. Just start somewhere and make some moves. A screening never hurts anyone.

[Plateau Mama]

This is the age, 5th grade, where you start getting evals when things aren't going away. And how do you know if it's enough to warrant getting evals? Well my personal opinion is that when you're coming on a board with thousands of total strangers and telling us about it, it's time. Also, when you're at the point where you're BANGING YOUR HEAD that much, it's time. You've got both. ;)

 

Yes, space cadet plus difficulty following directions plus ... would make me thing auditory processing too. You have to find a pretty good audiologist to get a full, proper screening. From what others have said, you get a screening eval with the audiologist, then you go get a neuropsych eval (to look for adhd or LDs that might complicate), then you go back for a full CAPD eval. Seems pretty prudent to me at least to make some steps in that direction. This age is when it all hits, because their *strengths* can no longer MASK their weaknesses. She's probably been this way all alone, but she was so smart she could guess and cover it. The requirements get harder and it gets really hard.

 

So just take some little steps. There are good books like The Mislabeled Child by the Eides. Just start somewhere and make some moves. A screening never hurts anyone.

 

 

The Mislabeled Child is one of he best books I've ever read. This book is how I figured out my son had Auditory issues (APD) and Sensory Issues and NOT ADD that everyone kept telling me. READ THIS BOOK.

 

Like my pediatrician says if you treat for ADD but they really have SPD then you will do more harm than good.