8circles Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 This is probably a pie-in-the-sky request but I thought I'd ask anyway. Maybe I'll be surprised. There is a certain family member (not my parents) who I've decided not to have anymore contact with. She's manipulative & mean & purposely intimidating & sets people up just to tear them down. People she claims she loves. She has behaved in ways that make me physically afraid of her although she has never been violent in my presence (not sure if that makes sense). She has not had a lot of contact with my kids - none since I decided not to have contact - almost a year ago. She has been mostly OK with them but has been mean & bullying at times. Lately she has been trying to send them things in the mail. So far I've been able to intercept it except today - they saw it but I distracted them & I'm not sure what I'll do about it now. I haven't opened any of them so I don't know what she has sent. I don't want to say anything else to her because I have already closed the communication & do not want to open it again. In this situation, how would you proceed? Please be gentle as this is a very emotional issue for me. Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Return to sender. No note. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Return them unopened. Each and every time. If she gets pissy, get a restraining order by articulating your fear for your children's safety. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plink Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Maybe box up all of her unopened packages and mail them back to her without a note? I don't even know if I like my idea, but it is the first thing that popped into my head. Sorry you are stuck in a no win situation. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misty.warden Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Is it not an option for you to explain to your dc not to open correspondence from this person? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Is it not an option for you to explain to your dc not to open correspondence from this person? That's what I was thinking. Why not just tell the kids? You don't need to get into a play-by-play of everything that has transpired, but I don't think it's a crime to let kids know that when people are toxic, it's OK to cut ties with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted February 7, 2013 Author Share Posted February 7, 2013 Is it not an option for you to explain to your dc not to open correspondence from this person? No. I've already explained to them why I'm/we're not in contact anymore & I'd like it to not be continually discussed. I don't think it would be easy for them to always have to refuse the pretty, exciting looking envelopes. I don't want to ask that of them. They are still little for that. If it were only my 9 yr-old it would be different. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted February 7, 2013 Author Share Posted February 7, 2013 That's what I was thinking. Why not just tell the kids? You don't need to get into a play-by-play of everything that has transpired, but I don't think it's a crime to let kids know that when people are toxic, it's OK to cut ties with them. I hear you. I answered just above but I agree with you. I'm not hiding the issue from them, I just don't want to make it harder for them. As it is, they were totally OK with it. Having to keep refusing mail that might contain goodies would make it much harder. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted February 7, 2013 Author Share Posted February 7, 2013 I thought of sending them back - not sure why I didn't. I'll consider that. Thanks guys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Return to sender. No note. I'd send the first one back, and trash/donate any more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carriede Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 And maybe just leave them in the mail box until the kids aren't around, if you don't want them to see the letters. Then take a pen back out the next time to write Return to Sender. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misty.warden Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I can understand not wanting it brought up or to become an issue. Keep records of the packages and return them all unopened. If it persists a restraining order sounds extreme but may be the only way to prevent this kind of passive-aggressive harassment from continuing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I hear you. I answered just above but I agree with you. I'm not hiding the issue from them, I just don't want to make it harder for them. As it is, they were totally OK with it. Having to keep refusing mail that might contain goodies would make it much harder. I understand what you mean -- I was thinking you were trying to keep the situation quiet. As it is, it's so sad to have to tell your kids that they can't have a present that arrived in the mail for them. I completely sympathize with your discomfort over the whole situation. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin M Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I did this once with my sister when we were having issues way back when. However I told her in an email not to send anything. You could always put all into an envelope with a specific request not to send anything else. If it continues after that you'll simply return to sender Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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